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WASHINGTON, DC (Associated Press) - Scientists associated with the DNC constructed what they herald as the "new dawn of Democratic strategery" - a genetically engineered human hybrid they believe will guarantee a victory in the presidential race.
The person, named Barillary Clobama, will immediately assume the Democratic candidacy after Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-New York) and Sen. Barack Obama (D-Illinois) announce their withdrawals from the 2008 campaign.
Clobama, who sports a tie and pants suit, contains the best features of both candidates, according to scientists at the Project for a New Clobamic Century.
"Clobama's the best of both worlds," Dr. Mahar Gadzutiteakamaran of PNCC said. "Not only can Clobama speak effortlessly about policy, but he... shim contains charisma and positive appeal."
Clobama already has spoken before a few crowds in Indiana preceding the Indiana primary. Democratic onlookers watched in awe at their new candidate. Many were speechless.
"Shim's an amazing... person," said Edna Fowler of Terre Haute, adorning a "Vote for the Shim: Clobama 2008" button on her chest. "Clobama's grasp of what matters to us here is what really reached me. Other than the few facial ticks, I think shim's got a chance. I'm proud to support shim!"
Clobama's wincing and facial ticks occur when shim says the words "change" and "fighter." "We don't know what's causing it, but we're still working on it," Dr. Gadzutiteakamaran said.
DNC Chairman Howard Dean looked relieved when praising their solution to the 2008 Democratic primary. "I think we're looking at the nation's next president," he said. "Never again will a heated primary keep us down."
Efforts to reach Clobama for comment were refused by Clobama staffers, citing "technical glitches."
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are expected to resign on Monday.
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