Ok NOW it's official, we can all rally around a general election candidate....

[Wetzelbill]

Yup, me. It seems the Wetzelbill/Kurovski juggernaut cannot be stopped. My performance in West Virginia was so dominant yesterday that they even named a country after me. (Wetzel County, I'm a legend.) The people have spoken. I think we've known all along that I was the only candidate who could bring this country together. I am multiracial (member of the Blackfeet tribe and... Merckan), I short, but I get along well with tall people, I am chubby but I have appeal to well-conditioned voters because I once was one, I also have a great love of sports and beer, but also books and wine. I don't fit into one stereotypical group, I am purple. I am a boozehound womanizer, yet I have a liberal gay man for my running mate.

Yeah sure Edwards endorsed Obama, however I fully expect to get Al Gore's endorsement soon enough, even though he has no clue who I am. But as I'm sure some Hillary supporters would say, the Edwards endorsement means nothing, it's irrelevant, and I agree.

In fact, the choice is so clear, that I now will call on both Obama and Clinton to get out of the race so I can focus on the general election. In fact, I will also call for John McCain to get out of the race as well.

That's right, Bob Barr. I'm gunning, for you pal.

So let's all rally around the presumptive nominee now, me. It's been a good fight, I applaud my opponents, you all done good, but it's over.

Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08
Balls You Can Trust
(or Every Chicken Will Smoke Pot)