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Eight Rules for a Brilliant Campaign
The Logan Family--every one of whom has been called a racist by one or more of Barack Obama's followers--salute his brilliant primary campaign. Here's how he did it:
1. Prattle about "Unity" and...somehow split the party into two equal sections in a matter of months.
Sounds impossible, doesn't it? That's the true meaning of "brilliant." If half the people leave the party, the party is unified. To hell with the GE.
2. Get those negatives up!
Think about this: it has taken only months for The Obameister to virtually match Hillary's negatives! He accomplished in months what it took Hillary over fifteen years to do—with the entire press corps and millions of tax dollars pitching in. The world "phenomenal" springs to mind...
...then slowly fades from view.
And, speaking of negatives--don't forget Barack's charming wife, Michelle! (Shh! I think I hear Republicans laughing for the first time in years.)
3. Talk like a sexist while accusing your opponents of racism.
This clever gambit (used by Bobby Fischer in his 1992 rematch with Boris Spassky) always brings people together. It also weeds out the people in the Party who might have excessively high self-esteem. High self-esteem is detrimental to Unity.
4. Get the backing of all the Democrats who f*cked up a Presidential campaign against the Republicans.
(And make no mistake about it—I love those guys.)
5. Turn on the old charm!
This is where Obama's amazing fans step in (see item #7 below). Never underestimate how much words like "bitch," "whore," "corporate shill," and "neocon," not to mention the head-turning "racist" can do in winning over the opposition. Who hasn't changed their vote because someone called their mother a racist?
If they continue to resist, throw in a whole lotta bullshit accusations, some ugly photos, and a heapin helpin of flat-out lies. If they still resist, hit them with the Supreme Court Justice thing. Those Hillarites will be eating out of your hand in no time.
If they STILL tell you to take a flying leap, you should cuss at them and give up trying to convert these people. They may not be open to rational political discussion.
6. Bring in the whole family
Nowadays, it's not enough to hate just one person. You've got to hate the whole damn family! Your people need to repeat Republican smears against Hillary, her husband, her family, her friends, anyone who likes them, anyone who talks to them—anyone. If you can get the future First Lady to joke about tearing a past Democratic President's eyes out, so much the better.
You can NOT overestimate the unifying power of a Democrat using violent language about a fellow Democrat during a Democratic primary.
7. Get your fans to act like total sh*theads!
Total sh*theads build unity and esprit de corps. Who has not changed his vote for love of a sh*thead?
Lastly--and by far most important to our sundered party:
8. Keep lots of damaging secrets about yourself from the public...
...so they can come out during the campaign!
You can imagine how this increases the drama of the election, i.e., the feeling of "What the f*ck are we going to find out about this guy next?" that has won so many elections throughout history.
The Rev. Wright alone is easily the best news the Republicans have received since they got reamed in 2006. Obama has given the Republicans new hope with his clever Wright stratagem. And any political strategist worth his or her salt will tell you: you want your opponent to be happy during a tough election..
But the list of Obama's secrets goes far beyond Rev. Wright, as we all know. In an election where we thought we had it made, it appears we're going to nominate a veritable pig in a poke.
Who knows what we'll find out about our candidate once the election begins? Brilliant won't even be the word for it.
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