BUSH On Kerry: "Vietnam-Schmietnam! Where Was Mr. Big War Hero on 9/11"

[Placebo]

PRESIDENT DENIES AFFILIATION WITH CREDIBLE SWIFT BOAT PATRIOTS EXERCISING THEIR RIGHT TO SPEAK FREELY ABOUT JOHN KERRY'S MEGA-OVERRATED VIETNAM VACATION

"Good afternoon. Today I wanted to come on out and talk to you media folks a little about this whole business about what Senator John Kerry did or didn't do while lollygagging around Vietnam sporting tropical necklaces made from the rotting earlobes of slant-eyed teenagers.

First of all, for the record, let me state that I am a firm believer in positive advertising. And secondly, that I in NO way endorse the heroic members of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth's non-partisan onslaught on the allegedly valiant military service of John Kerry. Furthermore, now that the damage to ol' Droopy's post-convention poll bubble has already been done, I call on all 527 organizations to stop their attacks IMMEDIATELY – before MoveOn.org starts really spending its war chest!

The past few weeks, these inspiredly malicious ads have cast doubt over John Kerry's war record, which for some reason makes him think he's more qualified to wage a crusade. Well let me tell you folks something: I ain't afraid of bullets, specifically because I've never been shot at. And that lack of fear is why I've got balls of tightly wound barbed wire. It's why I can send thousands of future Wal-Mart serfs off to Iraq to get their puffy rap-hop hissing lips blown off without so much as blinking.

These Swift Boat veterans, whom I have never met, swilled beer with, given free legal advice to, or slapped on the back after a super exciting game of horseshoes, are just listening to their consciences. The way I recently listened to mine when asking myself, "Should I send all those colored grunts off to die in a vanity war dreamed up by sexless neocon brainiacs while playing Stratego and watching Saving Private Ryan ?"

Full article may be found here: http://whitehouse.org/news/2004/082704.asp

[Retrograde]

1. on a plane flying around the country??

oops - sorry, thought the headline referred to Our Beloved Leader :-)

[newscaster]

2. er.....you are aware

that the article and the "publication" are spoofs on Bush. Lets stay loose people.