A Republican Leaves the Party...Suddenly

[MrBenchley]

This is priceless! And any resemblance to pundit Andrew Sullivan is probably just a coincidence, or something...

"Oh, Republicans! Oh, Republic! Whither has flown your integrity? I can no longer support that party that denies the right of marriage to some of its country’s best-looking men and sturdiest women. I can no longer support the party that intends to funnel billions of dollars into the coffers of crappy, hypocritical churches, the offshore bank accounts of arrogant plutocrats, and private armies that fight for no one’s interests but their own. And I can no longer support the party that refers to poor people as “girlie men.” Those of us who genuinely consider ourselves girlie men take umbrage at your implication, sir!

The war in Iraq isn’t going as poorly as its critics imply. After all, not everyone is dead yet. Also, there’s no doubt that the mullahs of Iran are doing everything they can to invite devastating airstrikes on their capital. Bang, bang. You’re dead. But good lord, people. It isn’t a crime to oppose the President, even one who climbs a pile of rubble to hug an old fireman, even one who “becomes who he is” after throwing out the first pitch of a World Series game.

Writing is always hard for me, because my writing is so good, but these words that I’m about to write are very hard for me. It’s with great sorrow and greater pity that I announce that I cannot support President Bush, whose image I have masturbated to countless times, this fall. If that statement contradicts some of what I’ve said in this essay thus far or everything I’ve said or written for the past four years, well, I can’t help it if I have a complicated and fascinating mind. "

http://www.nealpollack.com/cgi-bin/blog/do.cgi/200409031057/permalink

[Mz Pip]

1. ROTF

President Bush, whose image I have masterbated to countless times...

Ohmygod, I did not need that image in my head.


MzPip
:dem:

[MrBenchley]

2. I know....

Parody done well is devastating...and that hit the mark!

[tridim]

3. "It isn’t a crime to oppose the President"

"Gitmo on the Hudson" proves it certainly is a crime to oppose Bush. Then again, he's not really the president.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

4. If ever a Bloviator Grande has earned satire...

And I mean satire sharpened on a razor strop to the finest edge, it is Captain Bareback and his Amazing Tube of Testosterone Gel.

[MrBenchley]

8. You got that right....

and Pollack let him have it with both barrels.....

[Viking12]

5. "whose image I have masturbated to countless times"

That dude needs some better porn.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

6. Oh, c'mon...

It's satire, and besides, who could not have imagined Captain Bareback "pounding the pope" while gazing upon a photoshopped photo of Chimpy in chaps, jock and a variety of ring-shaped appliances.

[MrBenchley]

Ever read Andrew Sullivan's crap?

[Name removed]

9. Deleted message

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[Philostopher]

7. Man, that's beyooteeful!

I was already laughing at the bareback drama queen's blog post when somebody posted it on here this morning, but I have to give Pollack credit. It's so hard to satirize somebody well who's already made a satire of himself, it takes exceptional finesse. Kudos -- and huzzahs, as Jon Stewart used to say -- to Pollack on this one!

[MrBenchley]

10. I know....isn't it priceless?