10 ways for Americans to enjoy the World Cup (humor)

[ShinPath]

I'm throwing a kickoff party for the USMNT at an Irish bar
here in Japan, and of course, there will be first timers
coming out, being newbies and all, so I wrote up these
humorous 10 points for their benefit. PM me if you want to use
this elsewhere. Enjoy.

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TEN WAYS FOR AMERICAN FANS TO ENJOY THE WORLD CUP
1) Don't question the game! Don't catch yourself suggesting
new rules to increase scoring like making the net bigger,
adding more players or using a slingshot for free kicks. It
won't happen. Accept football as it is-a game of denial, very
much like life itself.
2)Support the U.S. team. As loudly as possible, preferably
standing up with a drink in hand, even when nothing much is
happening on the field. Because something just might. Then
when it does, go totally apes**t.
3)Embrace the hatred. Accept that other countries hate us and
want us to lose as quickly as possible. Get used to whistles
during the national anthem. It was like this even before our
current President. The world liked the fact that we didn't
take an interest in soccer nor did we have a team worthy of
the Cup. Now we're here and they have to get used to it.
4)Find another team to hate. Send it right back at them.
Personally I despise Saudi Arabia, Paraguay, Iran and
Switzerland. Yes, you heard me. In my closet is a T-shirt that
reads "Nuke the Swiss, steal their gold!"
5) Adopt another team. In between US group matches there are 5
days when the other teams are playing. Adopt one or more and
watch a game with that country's supporters while wearing
their colors. You'll learn a lot. I will support Australia,
Angola and Trinidad & Tobago during this Cup. Share the
love. Offers of land, marriage, or citizenship have been know
to occur.
6)Sing. This is hard for most Americans to do because we can
never remember the same words to the same songs even in tiny
groups of three. Try some old TV theme songs. In a crowded pub
or train "The Flintstones" works as a fight song.
7) (RE points 3 and 4) Learn to taunt the opposition. This is
an important part of football. It doesn't mean you want to
fight them but that you do want to get under their skin. When
the US plays Canada in WC qualifying the line is usually
"Your dollar is only worth fifty cents, doo dah, doo
dah" ( although it is up to 90 cents now). Be imaginative
but nothing too nasty. My favorite taunt in Spanish is
"Estados Unidos, jamas sera vencidos!" "The USA
will never be defeated!" Really frosts their cojones, if
you catch my drift
8)Try to understand formations. You know, the 4-4-2, the
3-3-4, or the 3-6-1. Then give up. Completely.
9) When back home in the USA go to an MLS match, in one of our
brand spanking new soccer-specific stadiums. That league gave
us the USA team we have today. We still have tailgates, hot
cheerleaders and Frisbee catching dogs.
10) Start saving up for World Cup 2010. If you enjoy the
passion and spirit of the Cup, you'll have to go see it in
person. In beautiful South Africa. The US should qualify again
next time and we'll need intelligent, articulate supporters
such as yourself. Jambo Daktari! Anybody here speak American?