Returned To Heterosexuality, Haggards Ponder Move To Iowa or Missouri

[DeSwiss]

Boy its a good thing that there aren't any homosexuals in Iowa or Missouri, because this way the het cure Ted got should stick. And by moving next to a cornfield and going into "secular work" he won't be tempted by the devil so much either. Not to mention the Fundie embarrassment. Soon, we'll forget all about Ted and Sex and Mike and Sex and Gayle and Sex and Meth and Sex and Jesus. And Sex.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070206/ap_on_re_us/haggard_sex_allegations;_ylt=AqgRQCJOL7RePmtwa7_oERGs0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3OTB1amhuBHNlYwNtdHM-
">Haggard now ''completely heterosexual''

Tue Feb 6, 9:53 AM ET

DENVER (AP) - One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition. "He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary. "If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly," he said. "We're into this thing over 90 days and it hasn't happened."

Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church that he founded years ago in his basement after Jones alleged Haggard paid him for sex and sometimes used methamphetamine when they were together. Haggard, who is married, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."

Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed. "This is a good place for Ted," Ware said. "It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed."

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.

A Photo Montage of Ted's Stay At The "Return To Normal" Het Camp:


Ted shown at his initial "het cure" assessment interview


Ted shown receiving his 3-times daily
"aversion" therapy


The Het Crusaders punish Ted's "bad
penis."


Ted's feet reprogrammed so that he'll "walk straight"


Ted (upper right) shown joking with
fellow campers about what's in the cafeteria's
"mystery meat."


Ted is fitted with a
"Heretic's Fork" to insure his eyes
don't wander after he leaves the
safety at the curing compound

[MidwestTransplant]

1. Plenty of Meth in those states.

[TheDebbieDee]

2. They should come to Missouri..........

We need more sexually repressed hypocrites here in Misery!

[Virginia Dare]

3. That explains the "open wound"...

thanks for the biggest laugh of the day DeSwiss!

:rofl: :rofl:

[DeSwiss]

10. LOL! -- I'm very happy to be of assistance. n/t

[PresidentObama]

4. GREAT another hypocrite possibly in my backyard.

We don't want him in Missouri please, we already have enough hypocrite Christian right wingers here.

:banghead: Keep him out of here!!

[More Than A Feeling]

5. LOL, they just want him out so it won't be national news when the "therapy" wears off.

What a scam, and Ted's too much of a tool to stand up and call them out. He'll probably just sit in the cafe and drink Victory Gin from now on.

[tblue]

6. Back in the closet, you demons. Poof! They're gone! Any bets on how long this'll last?

Too bad. He coulda been such a cool 'out' guy and a liberated man, free to follow what's in his heart. But now he's like what? Cured? Oh yeah, that'll work.

Oh, and that photo montage you did is SO FUNNY! Sick, but funny!

[DeSwiss]

11. Not to mention that Gayle....

...will be watching him like a hawk from now on.



Maybe he can get work at this new website: http://www.sexinchrist.com/">Sex In Christ

:rofl:

Oh. And my best "sick-funny" comes early in the week. After that it gets really dark...

[madrchsod]

7. branson missouri !!

http://www.bransonchurches.com/html/directory.html---- maybe he can find a men`s group
http://www.bransontourismcenter.com/?gclid=CMKEhpXCmooCFQa1IgodsSGqfw--
sales/promotion man at one of the many attractions

[AndyA]

8. Oh really?

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations

I think there might be a few here in Tulsa who would argue with that statement. I guess it all depends on what your definition of "is" is. :eyes:

[murielm99]

9. Nevermind the illegal

part of what he did.

They don't seem to care about the meth use at all.

It is so much worse to be gay.