atheist top ten

[Soylent Brice]

made me laugh.

found this while doing research for a theological discussion/battle with my mother-in-law.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian




10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

http://www.evilbible.com/Top_Ten_List.htm

[Arugula Latte]

1. Hah! That's great.

Pretty much sums up all the mental gymnastics, doesn't it?

[Soylent Brice]

2. absolutely

i've tried reading it a few times to try and memorize it. that would be an excellent holiday meal conversation.

[Fed_Up_Grammy]

3. A theological discussion with you mother-in-law? Are you nuts?

And I'm a mother-in -law.

[rove karl rove]

10. my money is on the mother-in-law

you'll always lose to her, always

[Fed_Up_Grammy]

14. You betcha !!!!

[Soylent Brice]

23. i always win with politics and religion

she has no argument. i know more about the bible than she could ever dream.

to boot, she has the political prowess of Failin.

[Zhade]

20. LOL

Indeed.

[Soylent Brice]

22. yes.

:)

[Zhade]

4. +1

NT!

[Cattledog]

5. Funny!

[tnlurker]

6. I am going to pass this one on.

There are a lot of fundies at work.

[BrklynLiberal]

7. Wasn't 12 Monkeys one of the best movies ever?

I found it fascinating....

[Soylent Brice]

24. yeah.

i'm a little obsessed with Gilliam movies.

[BrklynLiberal]

27. So Brazil is on your list as well? I was not too surprised to find that Tom Stoppard was involved

in writing Brazil.

[Soylent Brice]

29. absolutely

wasn't smee the pirate in that?

Mr. Hoskins, that is?

mega fan of fear and loathing, and munchausen too

[BrklynLiberal]

33. Yes Hoskins was in it...

I believe he was one of the future scientists.

[Soylent Brice]

36. there was someone else in it i couldn't remember

and then it dawned on me, friggin DeNiro was in it, wasn't he??

[BrklynLiberal]

37. Yes!!!!

EDIT: All the info is here..
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088846/

and 12 Monkeys, Munchhausen, Time Bandits..and all the other pics he directed.

[Soylent Brice]

43. awesome!!

thank you!

[Greyskye]

8. Oh so true!

:rofl:

[ColbertWatcher]

9. Number 2 is my favorite: math really was sent by the devil. k+r, n/t

[Soylent Brice]

25. my wife just spewed water on me

after reading your post.

[Mugweed]

11. Not bad

I usually give up a lot earlier. It's always been interesting to see the reaction to the paradox of the loving husband and wife:

The husband and wife have been in love and married for over 50 years. The husband does not believe in the primitive superstitions, but the wife is a devout worshiper. This never created a rift or strife in their marriage because they respected and loved each other and didn't force a single belief system on the other. One fine day a horrible accident happens and they both die. According to christianity, the wife should have a place in heaven and the husband should be damnned to eternal torment in the fires of hell. At what point during the eternity of "afterlife" in heaven is the wife supposed to consider the fact that the person she loved the most throughout her life is now being tortured forever in hell supposed to equate to eternal happiness? Would that actually be "heaven" for her? Wouldn't she reject the asshole "god" who decided that her heaven was to spend eternity knowing that her loved one was in constant agony and torture?

I arbitrarily chose a him and her role, and made it heterosexual just so the anti-realistic persons wouldn't simply damn both same-sex sinners to hell and ignore the paradox of the fable.

When do we get to kill everyone who works on Sunday? Do we still stone them, or can we make up new executions?
Is it true that for every justification of homophobia in the "testiments", there are two justifications for slavery?

[Soylent Brice]

26. "When do we get to kill everyone who works on Sunday?"

:rofl:

[pokerfan]

42. I am reminded of a Seinfeld episode

Elaine's hallway. The door opens, Puddy steps out in his bathrobe. There's a newspaper in front of the door across from Elaine's.

Puddy: Elaine, they forgot to deliver your paper today. Why don't you just grab that one.

Elaine: 'Cause that belongs to Mr. Potato Guy, that's his.

Puddy: C'mon, get it.

Elaine: Well if you want it, you get it.

Puddy: Sorry, thou shalt not steal.

Elaine: Oh, but it's ok for me?

Puddy: What do you care, you know where you're going.

Elaine: Alright, that is it! I can't live like this.

Puddy: Nah.

Elaine: C'mon.

Puddy: Alright, what did I do?

Elaine: David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I mean, what do you think about all that?

Puddy: Gonna be rough.

Elaine: Uh, you should be trying to save me!

Puddy: Don't boss me! This is why you're going to hell.

Elaine: I am not going to hell and if you think I'm going to hell, you should care that I'm going to hell even though I am not.

Puddy: You stole my Jesus fish, didn't you?

Elaine: Yeah, that's right!

Elaine places her hands beside her head, index fingers raised as 'horns' and she emits a gutteral growling sound.

[MercutioATC]

12. A link to peruse for those so inclined:

www.skepticsannotatedbible.com

Been posted here before, but still one of the best.

[Soylent Brice]

28. bookmarked and thank you!!

here's a little nugget i thought was funny from that site:

"Notice, though, that God lets "the earth bring forth" the plants, rather than creating them directly. Maybe Genesis is not so anti-evolution after all."

bwahahahaha!

[gratefultobelib]

13. Ha! My son-in-law is the fundie, and I'll argue 'til the cows come home. Thanks for the ammo!

[DonEBrook]

15. Oops! MercutioATC beat me to this one...sorry

http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com

[windoe]

16. You know you are a fundamentalist

if you believe your version of reality is the only valid one.


:hide:

Hey I believe in the freedom to think whatever you want, but not to ACT however you want. Radical extremists who use their beliefs to impose violence and deny human rights for others are breaking the law (in my book).

I do not want to insult anyones religious beliefs, but I do have a sense of humor, funny post!

[Zhade]

21. Doesn't equate when only one of the versions of reality is actually supported by evidence.

NT!

[windoe]

38. Good one!

My definition of evidence is pretty flexible, but I get your point. :)

[Soylent Brice]

30. thanks!

i thought it was amusing. felt i'd share. i'm not one for religion bashing, usually, but i felt others here would get a kick out of it.

i think religion is a crutch. human have used religion to "get by", and has limped along ever since.

shedding religion is the next inevitable step towards the evolution of humankind. if we can't laugh at our own silliness, we're doomed.

[windoe]

40. I would like to see religions evolve

(pun intended) to change with the times, to support global peace between peoples of different ideologies and lifestyles rather than an antiquated tribal mentality. Where are the religious leaders to speak against radical extremism and to encourage people to live in harmony with the planet? They need to speak louder and get more exposure,I know they are out there!! Now's the time!!
I don't think religions will completely go away any time soon unfortunately, some of them just need to stop telling lies and clean up their act.

.....Imagine No Religion.....:)

[tblue]

17. 11. You believe there's no proof of evolution but you know it's Jesus's face you see in a

slice of pizza. (How do you know it isn't the face of Jesus' next-door neighbor?)

[Soylent Brice]

31. i thought it was usually on the back of billboards...

[prostock69]

18. Oh, I love the Evil Bible website. Too funny, I have a question....

Have you ever heard of Bart Ehrman? If not, he's one of the world's most repsected and leading experts on the New Testament and Jesus. He's a Biblical Scholar and teaches at the U. of North Carolina. website: http://bartdehrman.com/

He has a few videos on Google Video where Dr. Ehrman is giving a lecture and two interviews(go to Google then search for "google video" and it will give you the direct link) that will give you all the ammo you will need to deal with your fundie mother-in-law:

Heyns Lecture Series: Misquoting Jesus (1.5 hours long
Conversatiosn with History - Bart D. Ehrman (1 hour long)
Bart Ehrman interviewed by Stacey Cochran (.5 hour long)

Here are a few quick FACTS about the bible that he discusses in these videos:

1. The gospels were written between 25+ years after Jesus alledgedly died by anonymous men who heard the story about Jesus and wrote it down. All four gospels are different in major ways. We DO NOT HAVE, or EVER HAD the ORIGINAL WRITINGS OF ANY BOOK OF THE BIBLE (NEW OR OLD). We have copies of copies of copies of copies of copies copies of copies, etc. etc. etc. The earliest copy we have is a small piece of the Book of John the size of a credit card that is approximately 120-150 years after the Book of John was originally written. A lot of the earliest copies we have of these books are hundreds and hundreds of years later. There are over 5,700 Greek language copies (bits and pieces and whole copies) of the books in the new testament and over 10,000 Latin copies and Thousands of other copies in other languages. NONE OF THESE COPIES ARE EXACTLY THE SAME. The Biggest Glaring Fact of the New Testament that most people do not know is the Trinity (Father Son and Holy Ghost)language was added MUCH LATER during the copying process because the earliest copies does not have it. The Bible was changed by scribes during the copying process many times to fit their agendas and their beliefs. These copies were what the Council of Nicaea used to decided what books went into the bible and if Jesus was Divine. This was the beginning of the Roman Catholic Church. He talks a lot more about other problems with the bible and how he came to let go of his Christian Convictions because there is no credible evidence to support them.

Anyways, you will find his lecture and interviews absolutely fascinating. Dr. Bart Ehrman was a Fundamentalist Christian when he started his pursuit of being a Biblical Scholar back in the 70's. He is now an Agnostic.

Anyways, I hope this helps

[FloridaJudy]

19. Pop quiz

What were Jesus' last words? Okay, I'll make this easy, and give you a multiple choice:

1) "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do".
2) "My Lord, my Lord, why hast thou foresaken me".
3) "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit".
4) "It is finished".

Possibly the most famous human being who ever lived, and we have four different versions of his farewell speech? Personally, I think by that point the poor guy would have been hard pressed to even summon an "Ouch!", but then I didn't write the gospels.

[Soylent Brice]

34. it is finished.

am i right?

[Soylent Brice]

35. i'd like to change my answer.

was it, "oh yeah, don't let the gays marry. it'll make things all weird. okay god, let's do this.":sarcasm:

[FloridaJudy]

41. The winners don't just get to write history

They get to write the Gospels, which are probably far more influential.

BTW, the only one who could have given us the straight poop was Mary Magdalen, who most agree most likely was there, but whatever she wrote got tossed on the scrapheap except for a few random fragments.

As soon as I finish building my Time Machine, I'll let you know.

[Soylent Brice]

44. a time machine? just be careful...

[Soylent Brice]

32. thank you for all that info

i remember something vaguely about the council of nicaea.

this is why i post shit here. 400,000 minds are better than one.

thank you for all of that!!!!!

[riderinthestorm]

39. I printed this out. Sadly, I know I'll need this in future confrontations.

It's so excellent that I'm saving it for future reference. I'm not even going to try to memorize this. I'm just going to carry it around.

K & R!

[nodster]

45. #10

"You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours."

That's my favorite. It pretty much describes every religionist, and every holier than thou, selective, hypocritical, militant agnostic I've ever encountered.

These agnostics and Christians have absolutely no problem taking the staunch, arrogant, fundamentalist atheistic stance when it comes to all those other gods. They're so special, they get to apply logic and dismiss every single one of them. But when atheists do the same with the conventional Abrahamic god, they're a bunch of intolerant, fundamentalist bigots.

Little do they know, their lack of belief in every other god is infact a belief itself. And because it's a belief, it must take faith. And since it takes faith, it must be a religion.

So I figure every Christian and holier than thou agnostic out there belongs to about 8 billion different religions. That's alot of holidays.