David Ortiz Terrified After Hearing About Red Sox Bats Coming Alive

[madinmaryland]

BOSTON—During last Sunday’s game against the Toronto Blue Jays, designated hitter David Ortiz was reportedly horrified by manager Terry Francona’s comment that the Red Sox’ bats were coming alive, which caused the panicked slugger to scream warnings and urge teammates to flee Fenway Park.

"If the bats are suddenly alive, we better get out of here before they start swinging really hard at us," said a visibly distressed Ortiz, who cowered on top of the bench for most of the final five innings of Boston’s 8-1 win over the Blue Jays. "I don’t want to be hit with wood."

"I hope that, if they come alive, they swing and miss like I do," Ortiz continued.

Team sources confirmed that upon hearing the Red Sox’ bats were beginning to show signs of life, Ortiz displayed his intense fear by frantically scrambling around the dugout, strapping on a catcher’s mask for protection, attempting to hide under a pile of jackets, playing dead when the batboy walked by carrying the team’s bats, and pleading with first baseman Adrian Gonzalez to save him from the bats.

Read more: http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/david-ortiz-terrified-after-hearing-about-red-sox,20171/