NFL ANNOUNCES NEW WEAPONS POLICY

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

Plan Will Curtail Players Access to WMDs, Cockfighting in Stadiums

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell today announced a major shift in league policy aimed at “limiting violence involving NFL players to the field of play and eliminating weapons from the field and locker rooms entirely.”

In the aftermath of the incident involving New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, who almost shot off his own jewels with the illegal handgun he was carrying to “protect his jewelry” and the reinstatement of Dallas Cowboys defensive back Adam ‘Don’t Call Me Pacman Or I’ll Fuck You Up’ Jones from his suspension for attacking the security guard hired to ensure he stayed out of trouble, Goodell determined it was time for the League “to assume tighter control of players and their arsenals.”

The plan includes several controversial measures, most of which insiders expect will be challenged by the NFL Players’ Association. Among the key measures proposed are:

Read Full Story: http://thedesperateblogger.wordpress.com/2008/12/04/nfl-announces-new-weapons-policy/