U. S. Department of Education Joining Forces with Department of Homeland Security

[teacher gal]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

U. S. Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings, joined by Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff, announced today the creation of a new strong-arm agency of the Department of Homeland Security to be charged with the task of protecting and defending the security and accuracy of the nation's standardized test data. The Test Security Operations Center will train security officers to patrol our nation's K-12 schools during the administration of standardized tests.

The agency will be headed by former drill sergeant and part-time mud wrestler Brunhilda Briarballs. "She'll serve us well," mused Spellings, noting that Briarballs is notorious among military insiders as having 'scared the crap' out of many strapping young military recruits. "They don't call her Bulldozer for nothing," quipped Spellings, "and there's no doubt we can expect her to take a hard nosed approach when addressing testing irregularities which can potentially impact the security of the tests or the accuracy of the data."

Any event which might be construed as having the potential to compromise the security or accuracy of the test data will constitute a security breach and will result in a school's failure to make Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) toward the federally mandated target of 100% proficiency of all students by the year 2014. A teacher who is involved in a compromising event, such as administering an encouraging pat on the back to a struggling student during testing, will be subject to stern disciplinary measures. Spellings explained that such a gesture, while seemingly innocent to the untrained eye, could actually be a signal to the student that they have answered an item incorrectly.

As part of her dual capabilities, Briarballs will also head the Office of Testing Emergency Preparedness. In the event of a natural disaster or terrorist attack occurring during the administration of The Tests, first responders will be dispatched to herd and guard students and teachers while the tests are being gathered and propelled to underground shelters for safekeeping.

Spellings became visibly irritated when a reporter asked if the practice of high-stakes testing itself didn't actually encourage cheating, given that educators' jobs and the survival of their schools depend on their reaching a goal that is neither mathematically nor humanly possible to achieve. She responded, "We know that the very vast majority of teachers do not cheat. However, only with the implementation of these measures can we be guaranteed that we have objective proof of whether public schools are doing their job of ensuring that all children are average or above by 2014."

(Yes, of course it's a spoof but not far from reality...could be news tomorrow!)
http://aplacetorespond.blogspot.com/

[MichiganVote]

1. Most people probably don't know that educators are required to literally

sign an oath that they have not jeopardized the integrity of the tests or testing.

[ChazII]

3. Not to mention

keeping the tests in a secured place at all times. No leaving the tests alone and my favorite for the 3rd grade -- having to buddy up when checking for those pesky stray marks. Never know when a teacher might change the answers.

[Mnemosyne]

2. Thank goodness that is a spoof, teach! I am never sure

with this regime anymore. Whew! :)

[noamnety]

4. I can't tell anymore.

Homeland security wired all our classrooms a few weeks back so the administration can silently eavesdrop on our conversations with students without our knowing it.

The people installing the equipment assured me it can't be abused because only the people in the front office have access to the equipment where they can listen in on me. :eyes:

And no, this is NOT a spoof. :(

[teacher gal]

5. !!!!

Incredible. Homeland Security did this?

Can you provide us with more details without jeapordizing your job?

Such as, what is their stated rationale for having done this? Are you teaching in a place where there are large numbers of Muslim students? Elementary? Secondary?

Can you tell us where this is occurring?

If not, I completely understand.

[noamnety]

6. I don't want to talk about where I work, exactly.

But we got grant money from the Dept of Homeland Security so we could install listening devices in all the classrooms so the administration can listen in on our classrooms.

We (staff or students) were never notified about this formally, so I can't tell you their "stated" reason. They still haven't "stated" that they installed the system.

The only reason I know is that I happened to be in my room when one of the installation guys came in to test the system - by talking into the open air, and through the PA system or his walkie talkie, I forget which, his partner responded back that he could hear him loud and clear. The PA system itself has the listening device installed in it. The administration has sent out no notification to the staff that they have the capability to eavesdrop now, which surprised me, because we had to sign a form stating we understood our internet activities could be monitored. If I were out of the room when that happened, I would not have known.

It was the installation guy who was assuring me it couldn't be abused because only the administration could eavesdrop on us.

This is in a public high school.

I'm especially ticked off because I run the GSA group at our school, and understandably people say things in that group with an expectation of privacy. It's also a concern because we're allowed to have faculty association meetings in one of the conference rooms, and the administration leaves us to talk in private when we request it - it's like a union meeting in a way, but of course they can go to their office and hear everything because the room we meet in is wired - and we would never know if they are listening in.

[madeline_con]

7. I've learned over the years to always speak and act as if

there are mikes and cameras everywhere.

It save you a lot of grief. :)