I said something in another post that warrants further discussion.

[hedgehog]

I compared myself as the mother of a lesbian to the hearing mother of a deaf child. I don't mean to imply that GLBT children are somehow damaged or handicapped. Try telling the students at Galaudett that they are damaged goods! I'm thinking more along the lines of having a child who is a member of a different culture. I love my daughter, want her to be happy and want to affirm her worth. Still, I worry lest I offend her or her community with my ignorance.

[Behind the Aegis]

1. I don't see it as a bad thing.

I understand what you are saying. You sound quite supportive and that is very, very important.

[boobooday]

2. My dear friend is a deaf lesbian

She wrote a great memoir, "Mean Little Deaf Queer." I have to plug it, because it is delightful. She also addresses the issue of cultures throughout.

Her name is Terry Galloway, and she is funny and brutally honest.

[imdjh]

9. Wonderful title nt

[lillypaddle]

3. Good for you, Mother

Our children need our support, and you have given yours. In some ways I'm sure this journey has been very difficult. Congrats to you and your daughter for hanging together.

[hedgehog]

5. When my daughter came out, I asked her not to go to Milwaukee.

She had no idea what i was talking about. I had a beloved cousin who moved away from his family to live in Milwaukee so he wouldn't have to come out to them. He died too young from AIDS. I know they regret every day he lived in another city because he was afraid to be open about his orientation.

[murielm99]

4. We learn daily.

My daughter has been out for eleven years.

I don't think of her as a member of another culture. Being gay is simply part of who she is.

Actually, she and I are quite similar. Are voices are nearly identical. We look alike and like the same foods. We both like music and have musical training. We have similar tastes in reading.

Of course we are different in many ways, too. I will never know what it is like to live her life.

If I do something or say something that is ignorant, she corrects me gently. Her little sister does, too. These twenty-somethings like her little sister will be our salvation. They accept their gay friends and sibling as a matter of course. They have grown up with new, improved attitudes. They will raise their children to be accepting as well.

You are on the right path.

Do you have a PFLAG chapter near you? If not, at least get on their mailing list and get a newsletter. It will help greatly.

[pnwmom]

6. Isn't the younger generation wonderful? And it is just a matter of time

till they are in charge.

[Warpy]

7. From your post, you were a safe person to come out to.

Your daughter's navigation through life will largely consist of knowing who's safe to tell and who isn't, a burden straight people don't have.

You're going to put your foot in your mouth eventually. You're human and that's just part of the package. If you say something that bugs her or her significant others, they'll let you know and you can apologize.

Good people get to say boneheaded things once in a while. The worst thing you can do is tiptoe around on eggshells. That kind of stress will ruin any relationship. Sometimes your job will be to sit and listen, a harder job than it sounds like.

Being different means having different challenges. It certainly doesn't mean damaged.

[imdjh]

8. I have no problem with anything you have said. And the comparison is apt.

You can understand what it's like to be your daughter, but you can not experience what it's like to be your daughter. Which, when you think about it is true of any parent and any child. The difference is, you can't say, "Well, when I was going through what you are going through I did this."

My own mother says things from time to time which demonstrate that try as she might, she still filters the world through an 80 year old's experience. Just the other day I was surprised to find out that my mom thinks of gay men as women trapped in men's bodies. Now, at her age I don't know if that was just a glitch, or if she has thought that all along. Some people would think that it's wonderful that she's there and that that's her understanding. I myself, often quick to challenge or correct, saw no purpose in doing either at this point. I don't talk to my mom like she's an old lady, I have specifically agreed not to treat her like one, but it really didn't matter. The little stuff doesn't.

[GodlessBiker]

10. I read your original post and thought it was an odd analogy, but didn't think you meant any harm.

Thanks for being a friend.