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because I'm straight, but I was the one who, over 25 years ago, heard the agony of a 14 year old boy as he admitted he was gay. He was one of my daughter's very best friends. His own mother was divorced, and pretty much abandoned him and his younger brother to find their own way in life, while she drank herself into a stupor before taking her own life. Years later, his younger brother took the same path.
All I could do, that summer night so long ago, was to assure this wonderful boy that being gay was part of who he was. I told him that he would face many challenges in life, from people who were ignorant, or narrow minded, or just spiteful. He became like part of our family. Today, he is in a wonderful, stable relationship with a man I've grown to love, as well. They recently adopted a little boy from the Ukraine, and are giving their son a wonderful, love filled life.
I can only imagine how badly your mother's attitude must have hurt you. As a woman, I can't imagine any circumstances which would make me kick one of my children out. I want to tell you, though, that the act of giving birth does not make us mothers saints. Some parents, and some siblings, are simply toxic. Your mother obviously felt that by being who you were both to be was enough to turn you out. No mother who has an ounce of genuine love could do such a thing.
The fault does not lie with you. It lies with your mother. It's not wrong to shut her out of your life, as painful as I think that was for you, but no woman has the right to claim that because she gave birth to a child, she can dictate her child's life. Kgfnally, there is nothing wrong with you. Live your life, and realize that you are living an honest life, and are living the life you were born to live. Just cherish the people who love and accept you, and pity your mother, because to me, having a child hurt by anything I say, or do, is the worst thing in the world.
Let your friends surround you, and enjoy their company. Live knowing that you have not lived in the dark closet, but have chosen instead to live in the light, and to have the same rights...exactly the same rights...as any of the rest of us have. Granted, our country needs in the worst way to change laws, so that you have the same rights of marriage, adoption, and inheritance that those of us who are living the lives WE were born to live do. None of us has the ability, before we are born, to decide what our sexual preference will be. We will become what we were born to become. Nobody, mother, father, sibling, or anybody else, has the right to question that.
I wish I could ease your pain. I wish you felt loved and accepted, and I realize that this forum will not make up for your day to day life. I only want you to realize, though, that you are valued as a member of the DU community, and I will hope, every day, that your life is filled with wonder, and beauty, and that you can overcome the negative attitudes you have experienced in the past.
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