What's this "Its not gays, I don't want to see ANY public affection" bullshit?

[readmoreoften]

No. Unt-uh. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hearing "I don't want to see ANYONE groping and kissing in public" as if that's anywhere near the real issue.

1) The issue is not tongue kissing or pseudo-sex in public. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen people tongue kissing in the grocery store or in the park and I've never seen gay people do it (outside of pride parades.) The issue is holding hands, leaning into one another, arms around one another, intimacy, warmth and happiness. If you have a problem with ANYONE holding hands or cuddling on a park bench, then you have a problem--and more than that, you have some fucking nerve thinking that people have to curb their warm feelings for their partner because someone like you might stumble upon them. What kind of sick fucking culture are we that we can't bear the sight of human beings holding hands. Hell, in Europe straight women hold hands and in Italy men kiss on the cheeks. No, I'm not going to resist putting my head on my girlfriend's shoulder because you're a puritanical asshole with issues.

2) When I'm saying goodbye to my partner at the airport, I'm scared shitless that its going to be the last moment I'll ever have with her. When I pick her up at the airport, I hold her close because I haven't seen her for weeks. If you have a problem with that, you can fuck off. Straight people do it all the time, so let's not act like they don't. I'll stop being affectionate towards my girlfriend at the airport, when you stop hugging your kid, your husband, or your grandma when she gets off the plane.

3) I'm sick of everything we do being hyperbolized and sexualized. If my girlfriend is holding my hand and snuggling me in the park on a nice spring day, it doesn't mean we're committing all those sins you fantasize that we commit right there on the bench. And, no, we're not going to stop snuggling because your kids might see. Maybe I had a bad week at work or maybe we're affectionate because she proposed to me and we're planning our rightsless, socially unacceptable, civil union ceremony. Straight people propose on billboards, at restaurants, and with skywriters. So listen up you hetero-exhibitionists assholes who fantasize about crowds roaring and celebrating when she says "yes"...stop throwing darts with your eyes when my girlfriend tells me she loves me, quietly, in my ear on a park bench.

4) I'm not going to pretend my girlfriend isn't my girlfriend to make you comfortable. And I'm not about to get freaky with her in public just because I have my arm around her waist. We're affectionate people. We even hug our straight friends.

The fact that this is even up for discussion is sickening.

[MrModerate]

1. It's not just you . . .

The sick fucks try to ban hugging in middle school.

I don't think it's the culture, per se -- although the educational institutions we and our children are incarcerated in are major enculturators -- I think it's because educational institutions are overrun with hysterical attorneys so terrified of parents bringing lawsuits that they shit their pants every time students make eye contact with one another.

And, as you pointed out above, that subset of humanity (been around as long as the opposable thumb) that can't be happy if anyone else might be happier than they are, and since they're miserable all the time, that means No Fun Allowed.

I'm being flippant, but I think these are real factors. As you presumably know, they get really unfunny really fast when the Mrs. Grundys of the world have real power in the community.

[readmoreoften]

2. Yeah I remember seeing a middle school girl suspended for putting her arm around the shoulder of

an upset friend on the way to the bus after school. About as absurd as this:

"School administrators in Waco, Texas, recently gave a 4-year-old pre-kindergarten student an in-school suspension for allegedly rubbing his face in the chest of a female teacher's aide while hugging her."

It's like some kind of mass hysteria, like some sort of pedophilia in reverse--pedophobia maybe--where all the adults interpret children's behavior through the lens of sexual assault. Soon mothers will be reporting their infants to the police, "I know he's just a baby, but the way he was breast-feeding... something just wasn't right about it."

[Creideiki]

10. I have a tendency to look people in the eyes

As a result, this last year, I was accused of sexual harassment against both girls and boys. The vice-principal told me that clearly I must be doing something to give the students that feeling--yeah, I was--I was expecting them to work in class and do homework and not talk during tests. I ended up quitting in part because the adminstration refused to take any control in the school and refused to allow me actual control in my classroom (including removing students from my room for fighting--I was expected to stop the fight, sort out the injured feelings of the effected, sort out the injured feelings of their friends, and conduct an algebra class where most of the students couldn't add fractions). The schools I was in were absolutely out of control, and for sub-living wages and the incredible workload, I had to come to the conclusion that the job wasn't worth it.

This isn't flippant. People are treating the schools as budget daycare.

[terrya]

3. I agree with every single word of your post. Recommended.

When I'm with my boyfriend, we hold hands in public. When we're on the streetcar in Toronto or on the subway here in Chicago, we'll hold hands, or I'll put my hand on his thigh as we're sitting there, talking...or maybe just a comfortable silence, knowing that we love each other very much.

We'll hug in public. And we'll kiss in public. Not a tongue kiss, but a kiss nevertheless. Because...that's what people in love DO.

And if anyone doesn't like that...well, tough shit.

I particularly know where you're coming from on point number 2. I've felt the same way many times.

And oh...recommended. Thank you.

[benEzra]

4. Well said. K&R. (n/t)

[Lerkfish]

5. well said.

however, I will also honestly admit, as a straight guy, that sometimes in the public mall even hetero "heavy petting" can annoy me as I walk by with my young son.

[tavalon]

6. Why?

Are you concerned that he might get the idea that it's okay for men to show affection to one another? I mean, really, think about it. One of the big things that would make our society healthier is men showing their emotional feelings.

[Lerkfish]

14. I"m just being honest. I don't know why that bothers me , but it does

many times we have feelings that are not logical or rational.

[Occulus]

11. "It is going to take weeks to erase the damage this film has done to our children!"

-Kyle's mom

[Lerkfish]

15. I apologize that I don't get the reference?

[Occulus]

21. South Park movie

Kyle's mom, Sheila Broflovski, goes on camera on a CNN-type show opposite a Canadian. The "issue" was the teddible influence of the "Terrance & Philip" film on her son and his friends.

The clear (but unspoken) irony was, she was complaining that she would now have to actually be a parent, instead of all society's nanny.

[Lerkfish]

24. ah, thanks. I don't watch southpark

I guess the implication is that I'm somehow this person.

thanks for that.
:sarcasm:

[Occulus]

25. Yes.

That is the implication I was making, because it is your exact attitude we're talking about here on this thread. You know, the attitude that makes it hard for people like me to even express simple gestures of affection in public. The same exact attitude that keeps me from getting married in my home state. The same exact attitude that keeps my home state from- unconstitutionally, but what do you care; you're "thinking of the children"- giving full faith and credit to marriages of homosexuals performed in states which do allow it. The same exact attitude that can keep me and whomever my "partner" (gah, I hate that word) from even living together. The same exact attitude that can get me and people like me fired.

You know- your attitude. The "think of what it looks like to my kid" attitude.

Here's a clue: I don't really give two wet shits in a high wind what your kid thinks about it or what s/he sees, and your opinion on the matter concerns me even less. Yet, for all of that, it does affect me, in the exact ways I described above.

Thanks for doing your own, small part to perpetuate the misery we see all too often in this forum. You're doing your noble part to keep the world free from the Homosexual Agenda.

Great job! :thumbsup:

:sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm:

[Lerkfish]

30. you're hitting the wrong target.

but that's ok, vent away. I completely support all your rights.

I'm pro-gay rights, pro marriage and have said so many times.

maybe you should reread my post you objected to. Did you misread the term "hetero" as "homo"?


maybe you should stop slinging around false accusations of homophobia to people who are actually on your side.

no apology necessary. There are assholes in every group.

[Occulus]

31. Okay, now I'm going to explain to you why I have a pea under my bed about this

Just so you know, I debated long and hard about posting this, but in the end I thought what I said to you above required some explanation, especially after rereading everything you've posted on this thread.

Lerkfish
5. well said.

however, I will also honestly admit, as a straight guy, that sometimes in the public mall even hetero "heavy petting" can annoy me as I walk by with my young son.

There ought to be no "however", given the subject matter of the OP.

The "even" and the "young son" parts are what truly bug me here. The "even", because it silently implies that homosexuals doing the same thing also bothers you (one could argue, bothers you more), and the "young son" because it a) confuses as to what you consider "heavy" (likely a lowered threshold of tolerance, given your son's youth) and b) seems to be asking us to 'think of the children'.

Let's explore that "even" a little bit more.

tavalon
Response to Reply #5
6. Why?

Are you concerned that he might get the idea that it's okay for men to show affection to one another? I mean, really, think about it. One of the big things that would make our society healthier is men showing their emotional feelings.

With those bolded words in mind (tavalon was talking about men specifically in that post), let's look at your reply:

Lerkfish
14. I"m just being honest. I don't know why that bothers me , but it does

many times we have feelings that are not logical or rational.

I'm just being honest, too. #14 bothers me. Really bothers me, in light of what tavalon was talking about, and in light of the subject of the OP. I mean, come on- the whole OP was a well-written STFU to people who are bothered by... well, what you in your own words say clearly you are bothered by.

You do at least understand how one would take objection to what you said, don't you?

[MNBrewer]

32. Well said, kgfnally

And, regarding Lerkfish's comment

"I'm just being honest. I don't know why that bothers me , but it does

many times we have feelings that are not logical or rational."

that should be a big wake up call that the source of the illogical, non-rational feeling needs careful examination.

[Lerkfish]

33. hey, you know what? I'm the asshole here.

I misread tavalon's post. I missed the part "okay for men" and just thought he was talking about anyone.

so, I can see how you then took what I posted after that the way you did, but it was not how I read his post the first time through

otherwise you make some valid points, but I still resent being painted as a homophobe unjustly when I have always worked for gay rights on this board and elsewhere.

so, I will leave this forum, I've learned my lesson -- a straight person coming in here has to read VERY CAREFULLY and choose words VERY CAREFULLY so as not to offend anyone.

my apologies. won't darken this door ever again.

I will still fight for gay rights, though, sorry, you haven't scared me off that at all.

[tavalon]

7. Whoever is pretending that those are the reasons they're uncomfortable is, well, pretending

I have a response that probably shows that I'm not all that either, since I think the healthiest response would be not even noticing it, which is where hets fall on my radar. When I see two women or two men or even better more than two of the same sex, showing public affection, I get warm fuzzies and have been known to have an irrepressible smile. It obviously hits my radar but it gives me extra joy. Part of me feels like if I were completely enlightened, I wouldn't even notice but part of me thinks it's okay to feel joy at homosexuals enjoying their partners, it shows how far we've come.

So what precipitated this?

[closeupready]

8. When I see heterosexual couples openly molesting each other on a subway car, or

some other place where I am a captive audience, a couple thoughts typically come to mind:

1) Unless she's a prostitute, does she have so little self-respect that she's fine with being used publicly as a kind of prop like that?

2) Young man, you doth protest too much. Stop acting and just come out of the closet.

[hulklogan]

9. Straights aren't happy unless they're enforcing some kind of behavior code on others

That's why so many of them have kids, so they can constantly dictate behavior rules to their offspring.

It's like an addiction. For some, telling their own kids how to behave isn't fulfilling enough. They turn to telling other people's kids what to do to get their next fix, then telling other adults how to behave when they're really feeling the withdrawal symptoms.

Straight people = power trip.

[hlthe2b]

17. What a hateful diatribe..... Yet not one poster counters....????

I agree to "live & let live, but since when does that allow for intolerance of your own towards those different than you?

[hulklogan]

19. I'm sorry if my post sounds hateful to you.

I don't hate straights, some of my best friends are straights. My brother is a straight.

Criticism or amateur psychoanalysis are not the same as a "hateful diatribe" or "intolerance."

When you live your whole life constantly worrying about breaking the unwritten rules dictated to you by straight people like I have, you'll see that my post was not hateful. It was a comment about the dominance of heterosexuals in our society and heteronormative standards of behavior.

[last1standing]

12. It's an excuse made by the closed minded.

These people are so uptight and repressed that they can't stand to see love. I know because I grew up extremely repressed and thought the same way until I was able to break through it. Now when I see two people kissing I just think how much nicer it is to see that than two people fighting.

Unfortunately, many prefer to see the violence.

[Zuiderelle]

13. Great post!

:thumbsup:

[lightningandsnow]

16. Thank you.

That was spot-on.

Grr... I hate this "I hate all public affection" crap.

[roughsatori]

18. I admire all people who display public affection. I despise displays of PUBLIC HATRED..

Thanks for your post. I agree and recommended. I think that the "it's not gays, I don't want to see any public affection" posts are meant to degrade GLBT people.

I have never seen a DU post stating: "Tt's not HETEROSEXUALS, I don't want to see ANY public affection." That would be a great General Discussion thread. :party:

[crimsonblue]

20. I really couldn't give two shits about PDA...

the way I see it, if two people are in a close and committed relationship or even if just having physical contact makes them happy, then bully for them. Pressuring people into being less intimate with each other only pushes them apart.
Also, I think it is about time we stop talking about sexual orientation and all that. It really doesn't matter. What you do in the privacy of your bedroom (or kitchen, back yard or wherever you get it on) doesn't really affect me and I couldn't care less whether you like men, women, strap ons, bondage, role play, furries, or nipple clamps. What you do in bed does not define you as a person. It is your interactions with others that define you. As long as you treat others with kindness and respect, then big whoop what you do in bed.

[Solon]

22. We need more public affection, whether between friends or lovers...

Obviously I'm not talking about sex, but kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc. We need more of that in the world. It needs to be seen, not hidden, it shows the good in humanity, rather than the negative. We see too much negativity as it is.

[canis_lupus]

23. It says a lot about society ...

... that we're more comfortable with men holding guns than holding hands.

[closeupready]

26. Yes, indeed it does. And also with the converse, that Western society

demands that all adult men and women (gay, straight, bi, doesn't matter) are compelled to behave publicly in intimate ways with opposite gender individuals, like the open-mouthed tongue kissing, fondling breasts, gaping at bouncing flesh, and demeaning stuff like that. I'm talking about fake demonstrations of love, not innocent expressions of love between soulmates or friends.

It's almost as though there is this expectation among elites (by that I mean, those who control much of how society behaves, such as the Vatican) that society's members are no more civilized than monkeys. Pisses me off that people buy into that idea.

[Occulus]

27. !!!

:thumbsup:

Well said.

[davidinalameda]

28. I personally don't want to see anyone french kiss anywhere in public

now in private, that's an entirely different matter

[closeupready]

29. See, this is one where I'm not fair, and I admit it. lol

I enjoy seeing two men in a PDA, but I hate hetero PDA's. Sorry, folks. :D Even two women in a PDA are fine.

[Der Blaue Engel]

34. Wish I'd seen this in time to rec

:thumbsup:

[romantico]

35. Has anyone seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0IoOSKndcQ

[Der Blaue Engel]

37. I hadn't seen it...thanks for posting

I was alternately enraged and teary-eyed. Thank goddess for that woman that said "y'all or so sweet." Gives me some hope for humanity...a very small bit of hope, but hope nonetheless.

[romantico]

38. yes

The guys who are disgusted when two guys make out but are okay when two women make out made me very angry. Those ladies were too nice to him. The police officer also confused me. Why did he tell them they couldn't do "that sort of thing" there? I would have challenged him and aksed what crime I was breaking.

[Tyler Durden]

36. Father God and Sonny Jesus. That this is even an issue in this day and age baffles me.

Isn't there enough hate and vileness toward each other? When I see two people obviously celebrating their affection and relationship, I want to cheer! Thank the universe! Someone is HAPPY in our short and sometimes bleak existence! GOD DAMN, I WANT TO SHOUT FOR JOY!

What is WRONG with people? I want to establish a "Take your silly assed bullshit down the road!" movement, and "out" assholes loudly and publicly wherever they are found.