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I have two ex husbands who were mentally and emotionally cruel to me, in different ways.
I caught up with the first one at his brother's memorial service last year. Hadn't seen him in thirty years. We had a really bad quickie marriage in college. He was a Reform Jew. Became a Christian, is getting a Master's degree to become a Methodist minister, and is actually helping people. It does my heart good to know he's not a selfish kid anymore. When I saw him and talked to him a while, it felt like two invisible hands pulled my ribs open and a whole lot of pain was released from my heart chakra. It was amazing. I felt that way for a couple of hours.
The second one is a narcissist, and he has not changed. Everything is somebody else's fault, usually mine. He tried to nag me to death and he nagged me into the hospital and chronic pneumonia and a much weakened immune system. Then he said he was embarrassed at work because of my hospital bills and all the insurance money that was paid. He also alleged that I faked it to get sympathy and bribed my doctor to put me in the hospital, all just to make him look bad, because it's all about him and his paranoia. He believes his own BS.
He also tried to bankrupt me during the divorce, and tried to get my father disbarred, during my divorce. My father was nearly 80 years old at the time. I really don't know what he gets out of his negative attitude. It cost him many thousands of dollars for him to file cross-actions in the divorce. In fact, he was specifically told that our daughter's college fund would be destroyed if he went after my parents and they had to spend that money on legal fees. He was warned, and my parents had to liquidate that trust money to fight him. So he got to pay for her college. I did not contribute because I had enough trouble paying him child support. (Yes, women DO pay child support sometimes.) I guess it was more important for him to go after a couple of elderly people than be assured that money would be there for his daughter's college. He did a lot of amazingly horrible things.
We were divorced about twenty years ago.
He is now married to our daughter's kindergarten teacher and bought a house in the next block on my street. I wonder about people like that and their karma.
Fortunately, I met the right guy in 1994 and we've been together ever since. We don't hassle each other just for existing. We don't try to mold the other one into some ideal. I think that's the secret to a good relationship.
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