My Grand Cardinal Cross July and August

[northernlights]

I wanted to share this because for me the experience was quite significant and quite unlike what I expected based on everything I'd read. Totally NONintense.

My summer term ended the Friday before July 4. I don't even remember any more what day that was. But there was a huge sigh of relief at having just the night job and mornings and early afternoons to myself, no studying, just being with my animals and farm. I had a list of must do stuff that kept me busy the first couple weeks, and then I crashed and burned.

I had planned to add to my blog weekly, and I did in July. And then suddenly, I didn't want to write any more. Couldn't. Not there. Not here. Not anywhere. I became a kind of "closed system."

At first I was still very stressed and afraid and couldn't enjoy my time off. Each day I took the dogs to the nearby pond for swimming. They had a blast, but I just fretted as if I didn't deserve the break.

And then the Universe started dropping little gifts at my feet. I had read about the mathemetician who played the lottery regularly, and who won 4 multi-million prizes. So I decided I could do that and each week I bought a scratch ticket and a couple megabucks. Every week, all summer and into September, I won 1 $2 megabucks. Every. Week. My 3rd scratch ticket was a $30.00 winner. That same day I won $1 in a free supermarket scratch ticket.

Late July, on a Monday I saw a bundle on a boulder by the pond. Somebody had left some clothes. I picked it up, expecting it to be a little girl's dress. It was a woman's sundress. Perfect condition. Perfect fit. Favorite colors and style: batique magenta/violet with sea blue dragonflies. The sort of thing I might have bought for myself in the old days when I made good money. Abandoned, so it came home with me.

Jake was tired of his floating frisbee, although adding Luna into the mix had revived his competitive spirit. So cute when they swim back each hanging onto it, like a couple of brothers fighting over a toy. Who would get the honors of bringing it to mom?

And then one day, I noticed something teal-blue by the pond. It was a rubber dog bone. It floated. The dogs went crazy over it. Joy revived.

But there was something else, harder to put my finger on. I didn't just reconnect with spirit and earth. A whole that has been in my spirit for as long as I can remember, was plugged in. I was plugged into myself. I felt a completeness, an absence of an empty lonely longing that has plagued me since childhood.

Crap stopped bothering me at work. I just didn't care. I appeared on time, did what I needed to, left. Didn't matter how the customers were. (Last week I had somebody screaming at me re: a mutual fund policy. I picked up my microbiology notes and quietly reviewed them while she was screaming!)

And then it all started to recede. Maybe being back in school, more to do, less time to just hang out. I don't know. Suddenly I stopped winning any lottery tickets. Then I stopped buying them. The closed unto myself feeling dissipated, but the lonely longing hasn't returned. Maybe the hole is plugged, but the feeling is no longer new, so not noticeable. Just the way it is.

But it was a very magical time. I hope it returns, and suspect it will. Last week while walking the dogs, the universe dropped a couple gifts on me again -- literally 2 sealed cans of beer by the side of the road!

Message received.

[OneGrassRoot]

1. What a wonderful read....

Loved, loved, loved hearing about your summer, NL. Gifts here and there, for you and the babies.

I especially love the two sealed cans of beer placed there just for you.

:toast:

Awesome! Thanks for sharing. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Celebration]

2. Wow, that is awesome

I love it!!

:thumbsup:

Thanks for sharing.

[MorningGlow]

3. Solitude

Sometimes it's essential. "Alone but not lonely" helps you reconnect with your Self.

Your wonderful experience reminds me of the summer I spent alone after my one-year career teaching high school English imploded. I quit at the end of the school year. My parents wanted me to move back home immediately (I was about an hour and a half away), but I still held my lease on my apartment through the summer, so I told them I was staying till my lease was up. This was COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE in my parents' eyes (they were always eager to drag me back home from my adventures), but for once I held firm, and they gave in, most likely because they couldn't bear to think I'd lose my security deposit if I broke my lease early.

In any case, it was one of the oddest summers (or any season) I'd ever spent. I was alone, but I remained friends with the other young teachers at the school, so I could go out with them whenever I felt like it. I found myself embroiled in several very strange romantic relationships (and a third never-was), but they taught me a lot about life and about myself, even if none of the guys was a "keeper".

For the first time in many years I wrote like a woman possessed--and in a way, I was. I had the time to allow Spirit to speak to me and give free reign to any inspiration that came along. I'm still proud of the fiction I produced that summer.

Most important, I started reading everything I could get my hands on about Native Americans (historic and modern) and NA spirituality, and before I knew it I was receiving a personal initiation into shamanism that was more meaningful than any "formal" teaching, in any tradition, I have had since.

I hated that town, I had hated that job, but I loved the gifts I received that summer--so many gifts (including magical bits of serendipity like you described).

So glad that you had these experiences, NL, and that you recognized them as steps forward in your spiritual growth as well as a gift of some peace of mind that you can now carry with you and recall even when life gets stressful again. :hug:

[rosesaylavee]

4. Wonderful post

I am glad you had that as you have had a pretty tough go of it the past couple of years.

:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

5. northernlights, I also had a period of time this summer...

that felt magical. I didn't receive the kinds of gifts that you received, but I felt completely blissful. I have never felt that way before in my life. It lasted for several weeks, and it's a memory that I will cherish. I now know what is possible.

I'm so happy that you have also been blessed with a period of time like this. :)

[liberalmuse]

6. That does sound magical.

Things are a little strange now. This has been an incredible year - probably the most amazing in my life so far. And difficult. I don't know what it is. Things I'd dreamed of doing for many years I did or am in the process of doing this year. Everything is either purging or manifesting - I can't tell which.

I do love your gifts story. How absolutely delightful!

[PhillyGurl]

7. Poetic post

glad nice things happened to you. I had a pretty good summer too, for the most part, although late August brought some speed bumps that are just starting to dissipate (perhaps) once again. I feel like I was living in a dream world while I was in school, now that my certificate program is over, all the shit has hit the fan. Trying to realize that I actually have a new career at my fingertips (ha! great irony for this newly minted massage therapist) but daunted by periods of anxiety ($$$) and loneliness without my daily routine and structure.

I SO need a job, but it ain't gonna fall outta thin air. Anybody do tarot readings?

[northernlights]

8. I forgot one other special gift the universe dropped...

All through July, Jake went *crazy* at the pond over "noodles." To the point that I started looking for a Noodle for him, but it was too late in the season.

The same day one of the beers turned up the other week, there was a clean, new-looking but broken in half Noodle by the side of the road. Which naturally came home. Now Jake and Luna will each start the next swimming season with their own Noodle. :D

I felt kind of like an idiot returning from our walk with 2 leashes, a can of beer and a broken Noodle in my hands...but don't care any more.

[I Have A Dream]

9. It was sort of like a treasure hunt...

except you weren't even hunting. :)

:thumbsup: