This has been a very heavy week.

[davsand]

Last Thursday a friend of ours died. He'd had a long battle with several surgeries and he finally slipped away.

JohnLee was a community activist and had been passionate in his work in civil rights, housing issues, fair education--essentially, he was a human rights organizer that made a huge difference in this world. He had a life that mattered.

We just got back from a memorial for another friend of ours who was found dead on Monday. He was also an activist locally and had organized programs that enabled poor adults and children to have access to health care and dental care. He ran a hotline for health care advocacy that had served, literally, thousands of people over the years.

When I was working on the hospital issue, trying to force the local hospitals to live up to their responsibility to provide charity care in return for the tax exemptions they enjoy, Bill was a huge resource and support for me.

Both those men worked in an office with my husband and I had worked with them as well when I kept the books for their agencies (along with a few others.) John's funeral is Saturday--our wedding anniversary.

Last night I had to speak in front of a room full of Democrats--people that I had worked to elect. I tried to convince them to remove the abuser that I used to work for. I was not met with much support last night except from the labor union because I was out there defending their people along with myself.

I found out today that most likely that abuser will be "punished" and left in place to hurt more women.

The people I trusted to do the right thing did not, and I am just about ready to walk away from my party. This has been a major part of our lives for many years and my husband is grieving for John and Bill--he can't really focus right now either.

I tell myself that any difference you can make in this world is worth the effort, but that idea is starting to get kind of slippery right now for me. I am soul sick right down to the bone.

Everything I used to believe has been absolutely eviscerated. The good guys are dying off and the assholes are left to hurt more people. Justice seems to be missing in action.

This too shall pass, and I have a wonderful husband and daughter. I know that this will all feel less "acute" on down the road. I'll get up in the morning and march back into battle.

Tonight, however, I am crying because I seriously am wondering if it is EVER going to turn out right..

I just needed to vent.



Laura

[rumpel]

1. I share with you the disappointment

I think the people of this country are so distanced from being humane nowadays, there is so much hurtful actions, so much distrust that people resort to acting in a protective mode, that nothing really functions as it should.
There are so many more people who abuse than are sincere, and this goes across all sectors of society.
Every day, I have to live telling myself: I am not a victim, I will prevail, because I am telling the truth, and I have the best interest of all.
The cold shoulder I get every day, is very hard to take.

[DemExpat]

2. When soul sick, davsand.....

I take the self-protective road and retreat to re-charge my batteries for my survival, and that of my loved ones. This is either cowardly, selfish, or just smart!

With all of the horror that is going on in the world I, too, have had to shut off some of my compassion and desire to change things, help out, prevent more suffering, because it is far too overwhelming and far too great a task for me as I am at this point in time. It feels kinda like going into a sort of hibernation.....

I would recommend this to anyone who is feeling a burn out or overwhelmed by the seeming injustice of it all, and to hunker down in quiet hope for better days.

It really is up to inidividuals to see what they are getting into, and to deal with stuff like your abusive ex-boss....sad, but (partially) true IMHO....:cry:

Hope you feel better very soon, dear, :hug:

DemEx

[I Have A Dream]

3. I'm so sorry for your loss, Laura.

As DemEx said, having gone through so much so quickly, it really sounds as though you need to recharge your battery. Please try to be kind and gentle with yourself, and try to do things that feed your soul.

Much love and light to you.

:hug:

[LaurenG]

4. Oh that is so hard!

I'm sorry. "I am soul sick right down to the bone" is such a hard place to be, in fact I feel it with you just reading this. I will send some healing love and light, just know we are here with you and have similar experiences too. Thank goodness we always help each other through them. Lean on us for awhile we'll help to get you through, just like you all have helped me.

:hug:

[NJCher]

5. I know this feeling, too

Some days I wonder why we are losing our good activists. Losing Coretta Scott King while Babs Bush continues merrily on her self-serving way, making Katrina donations that benefit herself is a classic example.

Big hug, davsand. (((((((((((((((((Hug)))))))))))))))).




Cher

[LiberalEsto]

6. Love, light, and healing to you. nt

[davsand]

7. I am sorry I didn't make it back here for a couple of days!

Life has been in a turmoil. This morning we drove two hours to the family's Memorial Service for one of our friends. Ir was painful but the family was happy to see people there who knew Bill and loved him. I can only hope that it comforted them to know how much we loved him.

Tomorrow is the funeral for john Lee, and that promises to be equally emotional. Saying good bye is so difficult, but the cycle of birth, life and death is one that we cannot ignore--no matter how painful it can be.

Tonight was the monthly Dem Social hour. I was met with a pretty cold reception by a few folks--but I needed to be there. They need to see that I am not ashamed for having spoken out about the problems with my old boss.

I refuse to hide and I refuse to back down. This is an issue I feel too strongly about to abandon. It is the right thing to do even if it takes a personal toll. I guess you can say I am back in the fighting spirit again.

On a really strange note, I was contacted Thursday by the local GOP asking me if I'd consider coming over to the "dark side." Some of my own party is pissed off at me for speaking out, and now I find out that the "other guys" have come to respect me for taking a stand. THIS feels really strange

It was all very laid back and actually rather funny given the fact that I could never pass as anything close to being a Republican. They know that, and acknowledge it, but they wanted me to know that they think I did the right thing.

I actually started laughing and asked them why I'd ever consider being a pariah in TWO parties when I haven't successfully pissed off the entire Dem party yet. He laughed and told me he figured I still had time to finish the job if I was really determined to do it...

I was rather touched by the gesture, in an odd sort of way. The guy that called me was very direct in telling me that there were quite a few folks on that side of the aisle that wish me well, and that does mean a lot to me.

Political life can get pretty strange sometimes. I know this, but times like these still catch me flat footed. In truth, I am so far out in no-man's land right now that just about anything that happens catches me by surprise, so I guess I really shouldn't be surprised (if ANY of that makes sense!) by being taken aback.

Anyhow, we are coping. It is still day-to-day, but we are hanging in there. Tomorrow we celebrate our anniversary and John Lee's life, and Material Girl is away for the weekend. I'm hoping that Kev and I can spend some time with each other after the funeral, maybe have dinner out, see a movie, and get some of it sorted out.

Thanks all for the support. Honestly, aside from my family, one of the saner aspects of my life is right here with my DU family. Bless you all!


Laura

[NMDemDist2]

8. keep on trucking and make sure to be nice to yourself on your anniversary

:hug: