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When we are angry at someone, we actually create an emotional tie, or cord, with them. Some healers even say that as long as the cord is nourished with anger and ill thoughts, we stay attached to them and may even pick up on their karma. I would say that by holding onto grudges we create our own. Letting go, through forgiveness of ourselves, the offending party, and the whole situation, is something that can be very liberating. In my experience, however, forgiveness comes in layers; you think you've taken care of the situation, but something triggers the emotional reaction in you again, and you must, once again, forgive. Be prepared to lovingly continue the process for as long as it takes. The connection will eventually cease, I think.
If I may, an example from my past:
When I was in high school, there was a girl who pretended to be my friend, yet turned on me. She became a tormentor, and did everything she could to shatter my self-esteem. And, sadly, she was the only person who had befriended me when I first attended this high school, which was out of my neighborhood. At the time, I didn't realize that I could have gone on to make other friends, and I believed her lies about myself as well. Over the years, I tried forgiving her in various ceremonies. Even thought that I had finally cut the cord when I burned my yearbook-the one in which she had written vile things about me. And then, this past week, I discovered a Paul Simon song I'd not heard, even though it was an old one. Part of the lyrics talked of a person looking back at their high school yearbook, how some of the classmates had died, some had fled from themselves, or struggled from here to get there. And it brought back the memories once again. But this time they were different. I could look upon what was done without negative emotions. And suddenly I realized what a good teacher this girl had been. If it was not for her, I would not have learned compassion, not realized how our actions can effect another, how important self esteem is. And I forgave myself, and then her--but this time with a thank you for what she had done in helping me along my spiritual path. And I felt light within.
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