Hello, some sorta morbid talk and Thanks!

[eilen]

Hi, I just wanted to check in with the members here. I want to say thank you for this place, it has become a refuge and a very loving place, people are very good to each other here.

Last night we went to a memorial service for a friend's father who died over the weekend. He was in his 70's and had a stroke last
Wed. night. I prayed that he would not suffer and that things would go to his greater good. Eventually, his kids understood that he would not do well off of the the ventilator and signed the DNR.

They had a Methodist minister speak and then members of the family spoke of him. There was no open casket, a picture board instead. They also had some hymns played.

I used kinesiology and discovered that he had crossed over and that he was present at this gathering and was very pleased to see everyone there. At some point later I will share this with my friend (he is actually a very close friend of my husband's and they work together). Our friend has had some very trying times in the past years and I am concerned about his depression level and his health. He and his dad were very close and spent much time together, his father worried about him and helped him out when he could. I am hoping that people can send my friend Pete some good vibes, reiki, healing light or just positive intentions.

It was a nice service and it prompted some discussion from my dh about what he would like and what he wouldn't want when it came time for him. I find it interesting that he just assumed I would outlive him.

My dh told me to play some Grateful Dead music, serve wine and beer and not to "make me religious" -- he'd rather have people get together and tell funny stories. I told him we'd make it pagan for him (even if he doesn't really know what that means). My dh is not "into" religion and tends to make little jokes about my spiritual journey and efforts but doesn't oppose them either. He is respectful about meditation as he used to study martial arts (kung fu and tai chi). He has told me before he wants to be cremated and given to the ocean (he would prefer the Caribbean--but good luck).

That has made me think of what I would want and I realize, to me --it really wouldn't matter, whatever would make the people that miss me feel better but I realize my son would probably like a little guidance in that area. We followed my father's wishes and it seemed so dumb since he wasn't there to appreciate it--we just knew what he would want based on his arrangements for his parents and comments about them.

[MorningGlow]

1. Not morbid at all, Eilen

Crossing over is a reality we all get to face, and I prefer to think of it as a joyous "going home" event instead of the "gloom and despair" standard of traditional religions.

I was just thinking about this the other day, myself. Neither Mr. MG nor I have wills, as honestly, we don't have much to give away. He goes first, I get his stuff, and vice versa. We both go, MG Jr. gets everything. (The only thing we really should put in writing is that we would like my brother to get custody of MG Jr. if Mr. MG and I both die.)

Anyway, I was thinking how even though we don't have wills, I should put in writing what kind of sendoff I would like. It's important especially because I have a VERY religious aunt who would insist upon a Catholic funeral mass and burial, which as a witch is the exact opposite of what I want.

So there's nothing wrong with specifying what you want! :hi:

[eilen]

5. We have Wills

but the Wills don't specify anything like that. Mostly they indicate who your executer/rix is, who gets your stuff, and who takes care of your kid if you both go. We also drew up Living Wills and Health Care Proxies naming proxies and stating what kind of lifesaving measures we were willing to suffer through.

I plan to have any accounts, insurances papers, stocks etc. all organized (this is a project I'm working on--simplifying everything)--so that my son or husband won't have any problem dealing with it all. I also am thinking of having something set up already at a funeral home (for cremation) and place for our remains so he is not pressured at the vulnerable time and blow all the insurance proceeds.

Even though I am a horrible Catholic and am on a spiritual path that is not well marked by any organized religion, I am not acquainted well with Wicca. If you were my sister, I would look it up and consult with your coven (if you have one). When I spoke of a "pagan" funeral for my dh, I was thinking along the lines of an Irish wake (which, I think, has roots in paganism). Therefore, if I were you, I'd set things pretty clear on what you do want before some devout catechism-hooked relative sends you before the Holy Tabernacle and has a full Mass said over you.

Just as an aside, at my father's funeral mass, my youngest nephew took his place in line and received communion (even though he has not made the sacrament and has not be raised in the church), he sat down and spit it out and said "this tastes nasty" (and how his voice carries!). Totally scandalized my uncles who were raised in Catholic schools by sadistic nuns. I honestly think I saw one nervously look up for lightening. We had a good laugh about it. I told little David that he is right, they should make them sweeter, after all, it is supposed to be Jesus.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Sufis call the passing the Wedding Night

when you are reunited with the Beloved. It is a joyous time mixed with tears--singing, dancing, remembering, and the soul who has passed is very much there. I think it is really quite common for the deceased to be present at their funeral, so I see nothing wrong with letting your wishes for it be known in advance. My mother has planned her funeral -- she started doing so in the 1960s, when she was younger than I am now! When her husband, my step-father, passed, he was very much there, and I told her that. It gave her comfort.

Like you, it wouldn't matter to me about my funeral, though if possible, I'd like to share any useful organs remaining in my body with others. And I'd like to have the send-off be as inexpensive as possible, so as not to be burden to my family.

[Why Syzygy]

3. Warm vibes to your friend.

Losing a father was the worst thing I have ever gone through. From what you say, yes, it will probably hit him very hard. One thing people told me, "it gets easier", is not true. It gets less frequent. I still have very strong feelings from time to time. If your friend is anything like me, he will change forever from the expereince. Is he spiritual at all? If he dreamed of his dad, would he tell you? I'm thinking his dad might have something for his son.

My son knows I want cremation, and since he is a pilot, he can scatter in the wild blue yonder.
My preference would be to have my bones laid to rest on a forest floor, left for the animals and elements to reclaim my dust.

[eilen]

4. I really like the forest idea

I think I would want mine (remains/ashes--whatever) in the mountains, the woods there, or maybe the mountain lake. Those are the places (woods, forest, mountains and water) that I feel closest to God and the Spirit.

I think Pete will probably share his dream if asked. He was the only son so I am sure he will be very affected. I am hoping this will be life changing in a good way, things have been negative for him for some time now. Perhaps this may inspire him to get a new lease on life and end some lifestyle habits that are not working well for him. I think I might pick up _Embraced by the Light_ or another similar type book for him. Any suggestions?

thanks for your good thoughts.

[Why Syzygy]

6. This unusual book

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Take-My-Grief-Away/dp/0060654171

was the one that meant the most to me. I wasn't able to process lofty ideas. I just had to keep going.
That's what this book is about. YMMV