Anyone been in this situation?

[hermetic]

You are clinically depressed and for some reason you blame your spouse/partner. Your spouse keeps trying to talk to you, does anything she can to try to help you. But you just turn your back and stay in your bed. I am the spouse and I am at my wits end. He's on meds and seems somewhat better, after 4 weeks now. But he will not speak civilly to me and he does all he can to avoid me.

So I got to wondering if there was anyone here who may have felt that way. Maybe I could get some insight or suggestions about what I can do to make this better. And maybe some hope for the future.

He did go to a psychologist yesterday for the first time but he will not talk to me about it.

:cry: (I don't know why they call that one a smiley)

[Droopy]

1. When people are severely depressed there can be other factors

to their experience instead of just feeling really down. When the brain is diseased there is no telling what could be going through one's mind, and since your husband won't talk to you we really have no way of knowing.

I have schizoaffective disorder and depression can be a big part of that illness. I tried to avoid as much human contact as possible. If I would have had my way, I would have been living in a shack somewhere in the mountains as far away from people as possible. I was actually afraid of people and I spent my days in a state of paranoia and anger. Anger because I had come to hate human contact and whenever I had to be around people I hated the experience and that made me hate them.

Your husband may be dealing with more than just feeling really down. I commend you for hanging in there with him, but keep in mind the road to recovery may be long and he has only just begun. Anti-depressants usually take 4-6 weeks before they start working. Hopefully you will start to see progress soon.

[hermetic]

2. Thank you

He is actually living in a shack somewhere in the mountains, far way. As am I. We're living in separate cabins right now.

I really appreciate what you said there. I see. I don't understand why, but at least I see. It's something that happens. I actually live in paranoia and anger myself, but I've always found ways to deal with it and survive in society. Thanks for helping me see that others may not be able to do that.

Here's a hug for you. He won't accept hugs, which I think is a big mistake. Hugs help.

:hug:

[hunter]

3. I can't stand to be around people when my meds are off.

Not my family, not anyone. I'll pick fights with them because they are so irritating. Somehow it's better for them be mad at me and avoiding me than to have any sort of positive interaction. It is entirely IRRATIONAL but the failure, whatever is wrong in my head, is that I truly believe they really are being exceptionally irritating. It's sort of hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I also get paranoid about doctors and other mental health care professionals, and for a long time I'd refuse to go. Now I have a sort of social network I've built around myself to alert me when I'm drifting off. When my meds are right the dark times don't make any sense to me either.

Antidepressants work for me, they keep me out of the place where I can suck the life out of any personal interaction. The peculiar thing about me is that I am very good at pretending to be human. I can be in the blackest darkest place imaginable but maintain an adequate public appearance with people who don't interact with me much. On the surface I appear to be someone who is functional. I have powerful socially acceptable obsessions that keep me from hiding out in bed. In and out of college -- it took me nine years to graduate -- there were times when I was essentially a crazy homeless person, but that was not my outward appearance. I had a P.O. Box, I showered in the college gym and kept my clothes clean, and I was mild mannered, so people left me alone. Even when my behavior was bizarre enough that the police caught me out in some very odd situation, maybe jogging through an industrial park at two in the morning carrying something I found in the trash, they'd just tell me to go home. I was sort of an amusing diversion from the uglier stuff they had to deal with.

I've put my family through hell at times.

I hope your spouse's visit to the psychologist starts him down the path to better times. The right combination of medications and therapy can work miracles, but it's a very hit-and-miss process. Once I've got something that works, I myself know it, and everyone I live with knows it.

[hermetic]

4. Dear Hunter

That is a very apt description of my guy. Wow. Thank you. Hearing other people's experience with this has been very helpful to me. You know, I was really starting to think it was something I did.

I guess I'll just keep on loving him and stay out of his way. It looks like that's about all I can do at this point. I sure do miss him though.

I wish you, and everyone else who might be reading this, a very Happy Thanksgiving. And Good Mental Health!