Has anyone ever felt that you have lost your 'power' by being overweight?

[lavenderdiva]

For a good long time now, I have felt that I have lost my 'power' in life by being significantly overweight. I feel invisible to others. They treat me differently than they treat others. I do not garner the same respect that they bestow on others. Somehow, I feel that were I a normal weight, they would look at me and treat me differently. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Its almost as if, because I am overweight, that I must have no opinions, no intellect, no feelings, be invisible, and therefore treated with no respect. Right now, I am very hurt and mad all at the same time, as friends, or those I thought of as friends, today treated me all day this way. This has been going on for some time, and not just with these friends. It seems that most everyone I run into, in the course of everyday life, treats me this way. Perhaps this is what I need to confront my weight issue: getting mad enough over the way I am treated to do something about my weight, and turn the tables on them all.

I have to believe that if I were a normal weight, I would not appear to be 'invisible' and people would listen to me. I don't know if I am making any sense, or just venting, but I am very hurt and upset right now, by what happened today. Its not just today, but today was kinda the coup de gras, as it were.

I just want to get real about my weight problem, and turn it around, make positive changes, and have people see the real me. Somehow, I feel that gaining all this weight, has made me lose some sort of power that I once had. Does anyone understand this?

[quispquake]

1. Loss of "Power" is definitely scary...

I don't know if it's an actual loss of 'power' or the loss of confidence that can occur with being significantly overweight. I think a confident person has a certain power, and I know when I've been big, I haven't had much confidence (I'm not saying this of all overweight people, just me...I've had a lot of insecurities in my life anyways, and my lack of confidence in the way I've looked created a VERY insecure person). And when I had no confidence, I felt I also had no 'power' as you put it.

The other power I felt I lost was my physical power...It's taken 18 months of exercise to get me to a point where I actually feel like I'm getting my physical power back. It's a lot of work, I'm not lying to you...but it's been worth it to me...

I understand wanting to turn the tables on people who are treating you this way...I do feel that you have to do what is right for you personally (i.e. doing this for other people as opposed to yourself), but really, whatever motivation gets you through that first couple of weeks will help a lot (and yes, things do get easier the longer you go on...). The thing that always killed me is the statistic that 90% of people will never be able to stop being overweight. For MANY years, because of that statistic, I never felt that I had a chance (hence more insecurity & lack of confidence). Last year, I decided what the heck, let's go for the 10%. So far, not bad :)

Anyways, I hope there's SOMETHING there that will help...feel free to PM or reply...I've been through a lot of the pain you're going through, and I'm finally feeling what it's like to be on the other side of it...Things WILL get better :)

[acmejack]

2. There is a gigantic difference in the way people treat you!

I lost a large (175 pounds) amount of weight and I noticed very quickly how people treated you differently. Heck, you treat yourself differently!

People see you in a new light and act accordingly, but perhaps it is just one's change of manner. When you really do like your body and bearing, it is surely projected to those around you.

But damned right, I understand you. I empathize totally and I wish you luck in weight loss.

btw, I used the program & it was great. I didn't think it would really work, but if you buy into their program and really adhere to it, you will change your life. It was the best thing I ever did for myself.

[WestHoustonDem]

3. lavenderdiva = you're a beautiful woman! Don't forget that.!

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

It was great to meet you a few weeks ago and you are very pretty! You dress beautifully and you have a serene aura about you that I envy. Anyone who doesn't see that in you is a fool. IMHO
:hug:

[lavenderdiva]

4. Thanks for that hug, WestHoustonDem!

Thank you also for your VERY kind words! I soooooo enjoyed meeting both you and PDittie recently, and spending time with you both! The pleasure was all mine. Hopefully, I can 'meet-up' with you guys again soon! My work schedule has been switched, and now I am working on Thursdays. pooh. But I WILL not let that stop me from getting to see you guys again!

my OP in this thread was made on a VERY down day for me. For a long time, my feelings on this issue have been percolating, and the events of this particular day allowed them to bubble up. Dealing with weight issues is always difficult at best, but the very kind folks in this forum help and support me tremendously. Bless each and every one of you!!!

(I'm glad you found us over here, WHD!) :hug:

[neebob]

5. I have -

though not quite to the extent you describe. As a 6-foot woman, I command attention even when I don't want to, so I can't imagine feeling invisible. I've lost 50 pounds since May, after spending 5 years at my highest weight ever, and yes, it definitely did change the way I was treated at work in particular. Some of it I think was me projecting. Realizing that, I spent a lot of emotional energy trying to get comfortable with my very overweight self. That didn't happen. I've just always been very focused on my looks.

I've observed treatment relative to weight from both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between - gained a lot of weight in my twenties, lost it all at 30, slowly gained it all back and then some, and now I'm losing again. When I lost all the weight at 30, I had a hard time with what felt like a sudden crush of sexual attention from men. It was as if I was a different person, when they'd known me for years. It made me angry. I've been wondering if I'll get that again at 45. I haven't noticed it yet, but then I'm still 80 pounds overweight. And I'm much more concerned with how I feel than how I think others feel about me.

Right now, I feel almost as good, physically and emotionally, with the 50-pound loss as I did with the bigger loss 15 years ago, even though I still have a lot to lose. It's all relative. And I've been watching, and I really haven't noticed a change in how others treat me except for a lot of compliments and encouragement.

I've also thought a lot about how I treat others based on weight and frequently catch myself passing judgments that probably translate to observable behaviors. It's just a fact of life.

[mzmolly]

6. Did anyone see Tyra Banks in People?

http://celebrity.aol.com/people/ataol/articles/0,19736,1125542,00.html

Hoping to discover how obese people are treated by others, super-svelte Tyra Banks went undercover as a 350-lb. woman for a segment that will air Monday on her syndicated The Tyra Banks Show.

The 31-year-old former supermodel called the experience – and the shocking reaction she received from others – "one of the most heartbreaking days of my life."

After having been outfitted in a fat suit, Banks told the Associated Press, "I started walking down the street and within 10 seconds, a trio of people looked at me, snickered, looked me right in my eye and started pointing and laughing in my face. ... I had no idea it was that blatant."

She said obesity "seemed like the last form of open discrimination that's okay."