James Dobson, and Two Other Ministers To Offer Haggard Counsel

[DeSwiss]

Now that its been decided how to "help" Brother Haggard:
http://www.gazette.com/display.php?secid=14#/">Dobson, 2 Other Ministers To Offer Haggard Counsel, I thought some might be interested in the various forms of the Christian Counseling treatment that will be offered.

Now there are a variety of "treatments" Brother Haggard will be exposed to. Here are the basics:

First, he'll go before the Dobson Counseling Court so that they can to assess the "damage" to his soul:


Then of course every "gay" demon treatment begins with this one: Homosexual Appendix and Toe Removal Treatment Program


Next comes: Tomato Staking Treatment Program


Then there's the: Cruci-Hanging-Foot Warming-Arm-Twisting-Gouging Program (CHFWATG)


This next treatment is optional depending on whether aversion is achieved, or pleasure is elicted as the outcome: Anal Pyramid Treatment Program


And everyone knows that gay demons reside in the marrow. So this method of treatment is mandatory: Brodequin Bone Marrow Removal Treatment Program


As we move on and the body can no longer stand on its own, we go to the: Deep Body Massage with Hooks Treatment Program


As an alternative to the above, this treatment is also available: The Body Enlongator


And so that the copyrighted treatment methods remain secret, this treatment is also required: The Double-Forked Silencer Treatment Program


Finally, if all else fails, this Christian counseling method is used: The Demon-Removal Skull Crusher Treatment Program (only as a last resort)


And you thought Haggard was fucked up before? Wait until Dobson gets through with him. He's supposed to look like this:


So you see, Brother Haggard is in good hands......

[joemurphy]

1. Ewww....I'd prefer the pain and itch of hemorrhoidal tissue. n/t

[Maestro]

2. Nice pictorial.

I've got something better though. Instead of going to Dobson, a freak amongst freaks, Haggard just needs to admit that he is gay and renounce his evangelicalism. Wait, but then I bet he would be found out as a fraud and tax evader, plus numerous other felonious acts. Ah hell, just stay with Dobson. The hypocritical ass deserves it.

[bahrbearian]

3. Wouldn't ,it be funny if Ted converted them ? WWJD

[itsmesgd]

4. counselling or orgy??

Ted still has a lot of meth left over and nobody to share it with since his whore outed himself.

[central scrutinizer]

5. they probably want his address book

you can never have too many "options" for meth and hookers.

[EST]

9. My thoughts, exactly!

They want to know where he gets his stuff.

[devilgrrl]

6. Is Dobson going to show him his penis?

eom

[Dr.Phool]

11. That, and give him a good spanking!

[Xeric]

7. blind leading the blind n/t

[TroglodyteScholar]

8. Do you really think it'll be so elaborate?

I figured they'd just counsel him the same way his friend Jones did.

[Hubert Flottz]

10. Jumbo Jimbo can't wait to get in the shower with Teddy!

Focus on the Phallus? Or is that Focus Pokeus?

[enid602]

12. Haggard

They need to call in some 'meth'-a-dists to help.