An Obvious Distinction: Cindy Sheehan is a white woman from California

[hunter]

I've changed my mind a little bit about the disturbance Cindy Sheehan caused at the State of the Union Address, and the great disruption this caused here on DU between those who supported her actions, and those who rejected them.

Yes, I'm talking about the t-shirt.

Years ago, before my wife and I were married, I introduced her to one of my grandfathers. He was very cordial and charming towards her, but he was uncharacteristically awkward. Typically he was a terrible flirt towards his grandsons' girlfriends, often to the point of irritating them, but he wasn't with my wife.

Later on when I was alone with him, driving him around on his various errands, he called my wife a "cute Mexican girl."

That pretty much explained everything.

My grandfather was always very troubled by his own racism. As much as he tried, he could not erase it from his own personality. He was an aerospace engineer and he always spoke very highly of the few "colored" engineers and technicians he worked with, and they were truly his friends and respected colleagues, but there was always a line that divided them.

My grandfather did not attend our wedding. His health was fragile then, but not so fragile as the frail little old ladies in wheel chairs who did manage to attend. I'll always assume my grandfather was truly too ill that day, but sadly, I will always have doubts. Maybe it's that women wouldn't miss a family wedding unless they were dead, and men just aren't wired that way.

These sorts of doubts are especially reinforced by my wife's observations and experiences, and yes, I am getting around to Cindy's t-shirt, but I'm taking the long road, just as I used to do with my grandfather so we could talk.

When our children were young, my wife and I lived in a Midwestern city that was as progressive as most Midwestern cities go. There wasn't a lot of overt racism, instead it was mostly submerged, very much as it was within my grandfather. My wife would jokingly refer to herself as a "short woman of color" and people would laugh nervously with her.

But there were some more troubling moments.

It so happens that one of our kids ended up with every last one of my wife's recessive genes. A few times when they were out together people would assume my wife was the nanny or housekeeper, and not the mom. Sometimes it happened when I was with them.

One time, in a department store, a woman remarked to me that she wished she could afford "help."

Utterly flabbergasted, I mumbled "That's my wife," and the poor woman looked like she wanted to crawl away and die.

My wife was not so sympathetic to the woman as I was, and said to me "She should be embarrassed."

Back to Cindy now...

My wife is very aware of the double standards we have in our society. She is a professional woman and she often talks about how a white male can wear faded jeans and a t-shirt on a "casual dress Friday" and he's just being comfortable, but if she does that people consider her disrespectful.

In our society people who are not white must "earn" respect, while people who are white, especially upper class white males, can only lose it.

Many of the people who "support Cindy 100%" have never been in this situation of "earning" respect; they don't recognize the tremendous efforts minorities and women have devoted to this -- how careful they must be to maintain a certain level of respect.

I, as a privileged white male, can get wake in the morning, put on whatever clothes I have, brush my hair, and so on, without any worries. It's almost automatic that I am accepted by our society for who I am. I can wear my red Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars on a casual dress Friday and people will not dismiss me. I'm a tall white guy with some sort of "presence." Some people may even admire me for my eccentricities.

My wife can never do that, she always has to be careful. Throughout her life she has had to be careful.

Many of the people who are most upset with Cindy's actions at the State of the Union Address have more in common with my wife than they do with me. They cannot support Cindy 100% because in their experience what Cindy did rarely works.

[leftstreet]

1. If Jack Murtha had been arrested for wearing an antiwar t-shirt

we'd have been playing a different political ballgame.

Excellent post.

[AspenRose]

2. Thank you

I'm biracial and my husband is white. So I "get it," although my poor clueless husband doesn't.

I'm glad to see that YOU do. I'm going to share this with him.

Oh, and I understand about how your wife felt. My doctor is like you; short hispanic woman, married to a tall anglo. They used to live in the midwest too, and the same thing happened to her (mistaking her for the 'help'). And a friend of mine in college, whose dad served in the army, said that when she lived in the midwest people refused to believe she was Mexican American because she had dark enough skin to be considered black, and they had never seen Mexican Americans before (!). That was back in the mid 80s.

Sad, isn't it. Minorities always, always, ALWAYS have to be twice as good to be respected. There is no room for 'slipping up,' and the first time you do, it's not because you're a human being who will make mistakes...it's because you're a "fill-in-the-blank."

Again, thank you.

[Extend a Hand]

3. I guess we all filter things through our own experiences

I, like Cindy, am a middle-aged, middle-class, suburban white woman.

We were the first generation that was not constrained by biology and the social stereotypes of our mother's generation. We had the pill! We didn't have to get married and start a family.

Male occupations like engineering and medicine were, for the first time broadly open to us. We exuberantly refused to conform to the prevailing social stereotypes. We didn't wear bras, we smoked pot, we went to college and majored in engineering.

At the time, it was new for us and we stretched. We did as we pleased. I realize now that these privileges were not extended to all-- But when I hear Jim Cafferty on CNN, telling Cindy she was not dressed "appropriately" it grates. It feels like we're moving backward. I yelled at the television, "Bite me, Cafferty."

[Extend a Hand]

4. Thank you for this post

I was thinking about this while the network was down. I really didn't understand why one my take the position that Cindy was wrong.

I still don't understnad why Cafferty takes that position-- but I do understand why your wife would.

I wish we had more posts that really explained alternate points of view rather than resorting to name calling flame fests.

[mattclearing]

5. Wearing a t-shirt of any kind to the SOTU is hardly dignified behavior.

I'll give you that. You'd think Cindy would dress for the occasion.

Still, you should really complain about Republicans. I'm tired of reading posts about what some progressive or Democrat did wrong.

Let's focus the attention where it belongs.

P.S.: That's really fucked up about the "wish I could afford help" comment. You both handled it extremely well, and I imagine that person felt about three inches tall.

[hunter]

6. With the corruption rampant in the House...

... it seems absurd to speak of "dignified behavior."

What's wearing a t-shirt compared to someone like Tom Delay or any of the other corrupt clowns in there? Is it okay to be a rotten egg if you wear a suit and a tie?

Yes, let's focus attention where it belongs. Let's also respect one another's opinions here... well at least those that are respectable. ;)

[mattclearing]

23. Not dressing to the occasion is a sign of disrespect, which in

Cindy's case is understandable. But she shouldn't be surprised that there are consequences for that, even if they are legally unfounded.

[leftstreet]

7. I don't see where complaining about Republicans has helped

:shrug:

The Democratic Party is fractured.
Complaining about Republicans isn't healing it.

The Party MUST examine itself.

[mattclearing]

24. True, but we're talking about Cindy Sheehan here.

I think people here are quicker to blame the Dems than they are the Republicans. That's not right.

[Raster]

8. give me a break. Congress is for sale to the highest bidder and ANYONE

wants to knit pick over attire. For the love of Pete...

[mattclearing]

25. Read beyond the subject line. Thanks. n/t

[Raster]

28. I did and that's my comment.

[sweetheart]

9. not dignified?

She paid a sacrifice for the SOTU's of past liars, that few others
in that room paid, certainly the price of a bloody t-shirt with
the truth printed on it.

I honestly don't think she should empower them. She's still playing
their game. Were I here, i would have my own SOTU to give on webcast
at Camp casey. 'The state of the union according to "Casey".' and
let the people's voice wave the grass roots. I would never go to the
SOTU, because by my presence, i would agree to their government, and i
think they are all criminals, and i don't spend time with criminals,
especially murderers and corrupt filth like those pukes.

God bless cindy for her good heartedness, like in a bad marriage,
the only point when the betraying-partner gets serious is when
the good partner walks out. I favoured a walkout of the SOTU, as every
person voted there for bush by simply standing up. That not be so
dignified indeed, to stand with nazis, like 1000 showers would not
wash it off, nuremburg warmongering, pilliaging free society for
permanent war. It has lost its power. There is no heart, and cindy
was one of a few human-sized hearts in the room, sadly they even show
up, or we would all realize nothing is worth listening to, and shut off
criminal-reality-TV.

[roguevalley]

10. I can't imagine the mind that could see you and your wife

and make a comment like that. Amazing,.

I'm 53. I grew up when you could be a mommy, a nurse or a teacher. Period. Kudoes to Cindy for what she did. Consider the guts. could you stand up against the Man like her?

[mattclearing]

26. Um, I don't know what your subject line is about...perhaps you're not

responding to me?

Regardless, I was outside the Capitol making a ruckus. Where were you?

[roguevalley]

29. I think my response got shifted down the line from where it was

supposed to be.

[bigbrother05]

22. Cindy is a focused middle class west coast mom

who is trying to honor her son's sacrifice in the best way she can. From her story, the ticket to attend was offered at some point during a busy day and she went as she was dressed.

If you want to criticize attire, how do you explain the t-shirt worn by the Congressional wife (it was supportive)? Surely such a person of means who's versed in the proprieties of DC life (one would assume) should be the subject of more scrutiny.

Come on folks, lets try to keep our perspective and priorities straight.

[mattclearing]

27. Exactly what I'm trying to say.

Let's let off the circular firing squad.

[Cleita]

11. My mother was Chilean and had many of the same problems

that your wife has, but I fail to understand what Cindy did that was wrong. She was wearing a T-shirt that wasn't offensive to anyone. It just made a statement of fact.

If in fact she had planned to do anything disruptive at the SOS, we will never know because she was removed from it before anything started, even though she had a legitimate reason to be there, a ticket. She was removed because she had dared confront our President, who is not a commandante nor a king, on another occasion that had nothing to do with this one.

Also, it was up in the gallery, which I understand isn't as formal as the rest of the seats because it's where the common people are allowed to sit. I just get the impression that our Prez, another privileged white male, had a temper tantrum and refused to go on to the podium before the women were removed.

Also, something about Latino culture is the class structure. If a lower class person is in the presence of a person of better class there is a certain humility that they must show as a matter of respect. I myself reject this display of peonnage and I wish other Latinos would also do so.

[GoldenOldie]

12. Being careful, didn't get the woman's right to vote.

Those white sufferagette's marching the streets, and being stoned were called anything but "dignified."

Being "careful," doesn't answer Cindy's questions nor the millions of Americans who want answers. Cindy took her pain and grief and is using it in the memory of her son and for the benefit of one and all.... WE THE PEOPLE....who demand answers from our Employees.

[Cleita]

13. You've got that right and bowing down

to these vampires isn't going to get rid of them.

[hunter]

16. So if you were a gay rights activist, you wouldn't be wearing a suit...

Maybe you'd be with your same-sex spouse, dressed in black leather, and riding a very big motorcycle down Main Street.

:evilgrin:

[Cleita]

20. Maybe, but I'm not gay so I don't know what I would do. What I

do know is that I wouldn't hide it. Quite honestly I would love a hog if I were twenty.

[hunter]

15. We have a very strict class structure in the United States.

It is vastly more insidious than the "Latino" class structures. The glass walls and ceilings in the United States are very real.

But if you are white, and you have money, you tend not to notice them.

Your comment illustrates my point. You "fail to understand what Cindy did that was wrong." It's just a T-shirt to you.

But where I live, there's no such thing as just a t-shirt. Our schools have very strict dress codes because wearing the wrong sort of clothing can get kids into very serious trouble. A kid wearing the wrong sort of t-shirt might get shot.

Yes, it's wrong, but it seems this same sort of class consciousness extends all the way to our House of Representitives. A woman such as Cindy truly might not realize it exists until she is arrested.

Or maybe she did...

A lot of people are very uncomfortable with this situation because it directly exposes the deeply entrenched hypocrisy of our nation.

[Cleita]

18. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was raised as an American in my

father's culture, but mama made sure I knew about hers. I understand both. It's one of the reasons no one can bullshit me. I learned the vast differences and the crap from both at a very early age. I got thrown out of places like school and jobs because I called them on the crap, just like Cindy is doing now. I feel genuinely sorry for those who believe what they are told by authority figures because they trust them.

When I was young I moved between the two cultures effortlessly pretending to be one or the other depending on how convenient it was for me. It was a game for me. For instance, I was an English speaking American at the airport in Miami. The minute the plane took off and the Florida Keys were in the distance, I spoke no English and I became a Senorita the rest of the way to Chile.

Fortunately, in college I dumped the opportunism and grew into my skin, the person I would be the rest of my life. My mother, on the other hand, found a way around the Latina stigma, she told people she was Italian. She even went to night school to learn Italian.

So as you can see it is hard to be yourself in any society especially when you aren't homogenous with the prevailing gene pool, but it can be done. I always admired Dolly Parton for that. She said just be yourself and you'll be just fine even when someone calls you a tramp.

This is what Cindy is doing. She discovered that she isn't the same flag waving white American she was before her son was killed. It forced her to question things and yes act on them and yes have people disapprove of them.

I'm not criticizing your wife but I don't agree with you or her in this matter. Most of the time, "when in Rome is good advice", but there comes a time when you have to stand up for what you believe and who you are.

[samhsarah]

14. Interesting aspect. eom

[H2O Man]

17. Fannie Lou Hamer

was a black woman from Mississippi.

[SmokingJacket]

19. Sheehan didn't do anything.

She wore a shirt she often wears to an event she was given a ticket to. It wasn't an event that deserved any show of respect, frankly.

I'm not exactly sure of your point. Are you saying she wouldn't wear the shirt if she were Black or Latina? Are you sure of this? Would all Black and Latina women who lose their children in stupid wars act respectfully and be polite? You can criticize her for a lot of reasons, but criticizing her for being white is shitty and a low blow -- or dismissing her pain and integrity because she's "privileged."

In my opinion she appears "extreme" to many people for two reasons: she lost her kid and with it the will to be polite. As a mother I empathize with her. I would go mad if I lost my son -- and if I lost my son in a worthless war, I would go mad in a way that might make look Cindy Sheehan look like Miss Manners.

Secondly, she looks like a member of the extreme left because the rest of our culture has skewed so painfully, painfully right. "Image" is everything these days, too, and she's no Katie Couric. She makes people uncomfortable.

I don't agree with everything she says -- and so what? I cringed when she pointed out that more Iraqis died under Clinton than under Bush, and my first thought was, Hey, lady, whose side you on? But she's not my personal spokesperson, and we're all about free speech, right?

One things for sure: she's standing up for what she believes in. You can nit-pick her methods, but the woman isn't sitting home whining on a message board like we are.

[femrap]

21. Amen, brother.

Plus women are judged so cruelly on their physical appearance. Hell, women are known to commit suicide over their 'looks.' Ever heard of a man upset about his 'beer belly' and refusing to go out in public?