I love 'The Onion!'

[greiner3]

President Creates Cabinet-Level Position To Coordinate Scandals

WASHINGTON, DC—In his State of the Union address to the nation last night, President Bush announced a new cabinet-level position to coordinate all current and future scandals facing his party.
Enlarge ImagePresident Creates Cabinet-Level Position To Coordinate Scandals

"Tonight, by executive order, I am creating a permanent department with a vital mission: to ensure that the political scandals, underhanded dealings, and outright criminal activities of this administration are handled in a professional and orderly fashion," Bush said

The centerpiece of Bush's plan is the Department Of Corruption, Bribery, And Incompetence, which will centralize duties now dispersed throughout the entire D.C.-area political establishment.

The Scandal Secretary will log all wiretaps and complaints of prisoner abuse, coordinate paid-propaganda efforts, eliminate redundant payoffs and bribes, oversee the appointment of unqualified political donors to head watchdog agencies, control all leaks and other high-level security breaches, and oversee the disappearance of Iraq reconstruction funds. He will also be responsible for issuing all official denials that laws have been broken.

<snip>

A lot more of the same at;

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44892

[NanceGreggs]

1. I hear the 'new department' is already hiring!

The successful Applicant will be able to lie to the public and the press with a straight face.

Cash 'incentive' bonuses will be awarded for after-hours work (please do not inquire as to the source of these funds).

Ability to delete e-mails quickly an asset.

Expertise in the fast and efficient use of a paper-shredder a MUST."

[jazzjunkysue]

8. Repeat after me: "I cannot comment on an on-going investigation"

Very good!

[Bjornsdotter]

2. Yep, me too!

>Eighty Percent Of Al-Qaeda No. 2s Now Dead

February 1, 2006 | Issue 42•05

WASHINGTON, DC—The Pentagon announced Monday that 80 percent of Osama bin Laden's seconds-in-command have been eliminated. "Nearly 1,600 al-Qaeda leaders ranked number two have been wiped out," Lt. Col. Mark Allison said. "That leaves only 400 of Osama bin Laden's right-hand men in the organization."<


http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44900

Cheers!

[jazzjunkysue]

3. Dept. Of Corruption, Bribery, And Incompetence

"The centerpiece of Bush's plan is the Department Of Corruption, Bribery, And Incompetence, which will centralize duties now dispersed throughout the entire D.C.-area political establishment."
:rofl:

[kurth]

4. This department is currently located in the Oval Office

[jazzjunkysue]

6. No, actually, that's just the janitor.

He cleans up or covers up all messes made by the scandalous agents who work all over the world.

[firefox]

5. Nominated for Greatest Page

Great timing from the good people of TheOnion.

[jazzjunkysue]

7. There's your number four. Go in peace. Amen.

[NewJeffCT]

9. My favorite is this scarily prophetic one from January 2001

http://www.theonion.com/content/index/3701

"Our long national nightmare of peace & prosperity is finally over" - the Bush inaugeration speech.

Scary how right they were.