Should I be offended?

[verse18]

Since some DUers have declared themselves THE EXPERT on race and all things race related, I have come to ask their advice on a situation I went through recently.

I was home in NE TN for the holidays and I attended a women's conference given by my family's church. I didn't want to go, but my little sister asked me. During lunch, me and my two younger sisters, 20 and 19 at the time, were waiting for our mother to come to our table, when an old White woman came up to us and asked if we spoke Swahili. I asked her, "What makes you think we speak Swahili?"

"Well, I saw your last names on your name tag." (My sisters' last names are African, but not Swahili.) Then she went on to tell us how she had been to Africa SO many times, blah, blah, blah, and how the people their are SO wonderful, blah, blah, blah, and how she learned to speak Swahili and wanted to speak it with us.

So I told her, "We're American. We speak English," and she walked away.

Now, this pissed me off for a couple of reasons. First, this woman assumed we were African. Why? Was it because we were Black? I'm sure. And not only did she assume we were Africans, she assumed we were Africans who spoke Swahili. Why? Because SHE knew Swahili and wanted a chance to practice on the nearest Black person.

Should I have been offended by what this woman said?

[skipos]

1. If she asked if you spoke Swahili

then she wasn't "assuming" that you spoke Swahili.

Big difference, IMO.

[verse18]

2. Why even ask if we knew Swahili?

[skipos]

24. The same reason people ask me if I am related to someone

they know who has the same last name as me. The same reason that people ask me if I know so and so who lives in the same town as me. They are politely curious.

[Clark2008]

27. Because of the last names and because she wanted to exercise

the Swahili she learned.

She probably wasn't being racist - she more than likely really wanted to speak the language or just wanted to find a way to reach out to you.

My former last name - and my son's last name - is foreign and people are all the time asking if we speak Arabic. We don't. I never did and my son never learned from his father, but people like to ask as conversation starters.

I'm also in Tennessee, btw: Knoxville. :hi:

[elehhhhna]

69. verse, I'm a six foot blonde woman and when in Holland (or Aruba)

everyone assumes I speak Dutch. I don't.

Otherwise, people ask me if I'm German and ALWAYS, no matter where I travel, including the Carribean, I'm stopped by tourists who assume I am a resident and ask for directions, etc. (still haven't figured out that one yet).

She was being friendly. You obviously appeared to be nice, approachable people who may have been African so she took a chance. No harm, imo.

[Deep13]

3. Offence is a subjective, emotional state.

If you are offended, then you are. It does not matter if you should or should not be.

[Igel]

61. One should always leave open the possibility--

when possible, of course--that one's offense is simply wrong. One should always ask one's self if offense is proper, or if one is being an idiot or narrow minded.

I've been offended for stupid reasons and have taken offense where none was intended, and have been profoundly embarrassed as a consequence. I've misheard or misunderstood what was said or done, assumed accident was intent, that innocent actions were malicious or hateful. I was offended because somebody was getting up to go to the bathroom just when I was sitting down at their table and I hadn't heard them excuse themselves, because they lost the second page in a list of names, because their secretary made a mistake, because they didn't see me in the room, because I believed a false rumor, or because somebody assumed I had information I hadn't received. I may have been offended, but I shouldn't have been. Of course, I do have the right to be an idiot and a fool, to act stupidly and be needlessly offensive, so you have a point. However, I try to avoid being an idiot, a fool, acting stupidly, and being needlessly offensive.

I can think of times when I stupidly did *not* take offense and regretted it, but have never been embarrassed because of it.

[Deep13]

66. I don't think a feeling can ever be wrong in any meaningful sense.

It may be unreasonable or an overreaction, but feeling by nature are not reasonable. I think the better question is whether or not the person in question was being bigotted by asking if the OP spoke Swahili? Was she just mistaken, or is it in the same intentionally ignorant catagory as many of the well known stereotypes?

[Igel]

117. Not reasonable, surely.

But they can be wrong. Not "incorrect" wrong, but certainly morally wrong.

My mother hates blacks and Jews. It's an emotion, irrational and therefore not subject to reason. But wrong. She's a stereotypical racist, to be honest, and takes offense if a black man acts nice to her. Unless, of course, they're servants, then she takes offense if they *don't* act cloyingly nice to her.

I think her feelings are wrong in a very meaningful sense.

[EstimatedProphet]

4. I really don't know

What if you were a white guy and your name was Sven Jorgensen? I could see someone assuming you were Swedish. Maybe that's just me though - and I didn't hear the conversation.

From the way you described it, she sounds patronizing, with all the 'Africans are so wonderful' etc. etc. One of the things that has always bothered me is that there are people that always try to paint people of other races as being perfect, because it seems like they are overcompensating for prejudice.

Also, I'm far from being THE EXPERT on race relations. I'm sure my post backs that up too!

[demnan]

5. I think we are often somewhat sensitive

when people bring up nationality and race. But the intent of the woman was well-meaning, perhaps she thought she might impress you with her knowledge. I'm sure you know the difference between well-intentioned, maybe slightly rude and absolutely offensive.

[Nimrod2005]

6. No, don't be offended. I am brown and have black hair, people ask me everyday

If I am from Puerto Rico, Israel, Turkey, Greece...Italian, Brazilian...etc. I kind of like it actually.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

12. My Dad had jet black hair and when tanned very brown. It was remarkable how

many different groups he was mistaken for. As a furniture salesman he used it to his advantage. My you oldest son even asked him once if he was black.


My Dad was first generation American. His Mom and Dad were Polish Jews.

[Nimrod2005]

58. Same here, I must look like your dad (in the hair), starting to get some grey

Which I am very proud of too.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

79. He passed over almost a year ago, and still had some black in his hair at 87. :)

[mockmonkey]

7. Nobody

ever asks me if I speak Swahili.:shrug:

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

8. Actually, I Think What She Did Was Perfectly Fine And No Cause For Offense At All.

But that's just my take on it. If you were offended you were offended.

[trumad]

17. Do you speak idiot?

Hey--what's the difference?

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

21. Sorry, I Couldn't Understand Your Post. What Language Was That Anyway?

:rofl:

[Nederland]

131. Ummmm

Isn't the difference obvious? It's so hard to tell these days if people are being sarcastic...

[alcibiades_mystery]

33. I really don't get your stance on race

You are all over every race thread saying the most absurd things. The resentment is palpable, and it's getting to a point where I would hesitate to let my kid hang out with your kid because I wouldn't want her overhearing your nonsense in your house.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

40. You Realize I Have No Idea What You're Talking About, I Hope.

And all your daughter would learn is to be tolerant of everybody regardless of race, gender, religion or otherwise, and that we are all equal and to be judged solely on our merits while also keeping an open mind and viewing everything objectively.

If you consider that to be nonsense, then I feel for you.

[alcibiades_mystery]

41. We're all equal

The actual effects of society be damned. It's a nice fantasy world, but not one that I would want my daughter to pretend to live in. If you think you can throw out 400 years of history, then I feel for you.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

42. Oh By No Means Can You Throw It Away. Lord Knows Racism, Sexism, Bigotry And

otherwise are still very much prevalent issues every day.

But that's why we must be careful when looking at a situation to make sure we are being as objective as possible in determining purpose and intent.

In this case, I think she was just being outgoing, nice and harmless. But that doesn't mean I am simply not capable of understanding or recognizing racism. I recognize racist behavior all the time.

[treestar]

57. I hope you keep your kids out of freepish households too!

now if you want to hear some real racism, go talk to a freeper

[Madspirit]

114. Really?

**treestar...now if you want to hear some real racism, go talk to a freeper**


Really? I pretty much think racism is racism is racism and anyone who discounts how a person of color feels about it, is a racist. Being dismissive, is racist. I don't care if racism or homophobia or sexism comes from a Republican or a Democrat. In the compost, it all just looks like shit.
Madspirit

[Crazy Dave]

9. I don't think so but I'm not you and I wasn't there

There are people who go out of their way to offend others because they hate them and do it deliberately, then you have the ignorant or misinformed or that are not sensitive to others feelings which seems most likely the case in this situation.

Recently here on DU I had to point out to an individual what they thought was funny as a joke was actually racist and demeaning.

Then there are always people in this world that go looking to get offended. You can offend somebody and piss them off these days just by smiling at them and wishing them a "Merry Christmas".

[NavyDavy]

10. since she didn't come up and just started talking in

swahili(sp) I don't think she meant any offense.....its like the seinfeld episode where Jerry Seinfeld ask a postal carrier, who happened to be chinese, if he knew where a good chinese restaurant is and the postal carrier got angry because just because he was chinese he would know where all the chinese restaurants were, however Jerry asked him because he delivers mail to the local businesses, including restaurants, and thought he might know where one was located.

[mainegreen]

11. Hard to tell without having been there.

:shrug:
It all depends on what her demeanor was. She may just have spent the best years of her life in Africa, and on the off chance that you spoke swahili would have allowed her to relive that a little bit, or she may just be a racist colonialist. Hard to tell from your story. If you can't tell, it's probably best to give her the benefit of the doubt.

[helderheid]

13. People ask me if I speak Dutch when they see my married name - if it was totally based on your name,

I'd say no but I wasn't there so it's hard to say. I'm not sure!

And I do speak Dutch.

:hi:

[verse18]

19. But why specifically Swahili

Not any of the other of hundreds of languages and dialects spoken on the African continent. My sister's last name is African, a language called Ibo. She wanted us to be able to speak Swahili because that is the only African language she knows and SHE wanted to practice on us.

[MonkeyFunk]

26. because

it's the most widely-spoken language in sub-saharan Africa.

Besides the native speakers, it's a lingua franca for millions of others.

[helderheid]

34. Well, people are ignorant. Some people ask if I speak Danish because I lived in Holland instead of

Dutch - it could be she was just confused about your name. But again, I have NO idea as I wasn't there.

[verse18]

14. What I'm trying to point out is that we were singled out.

I was offended by the assumptions she made about me and my sisters simply because of our skin color. Would she have asked us the same question if we were White?

[helderheid]

15. See post 13 - I am singled out for my name too.

[mondo joe]

18. She may have simply thought you looked Swahili. For a few years I was regularly

stopped in the public market where I worked by people who thought I was Arabic. I'm not, but it happened, and it was clearly based ONLY on appearance.

Then when I was Italy people thought I was a native - they'd ask me for directions, though they never asked my partner who doesn't look at all Italian.

In the end, there are many things people say or do that MIGHT be racist or offensive, but aren't necessarily.

You'd have to get into the other person's head to really know.

[verse18]

22. How does one look Swahili?

It's a language.

[mondo joe]

31. Same way I look Arabic or Italian.

Swahili is a language, but one primarily spoken by the people of a particular geographic region on the coast of East Africa - mainly the coastal regions and the islands of Kenya and Tanzania.

[Madspirit]

101. You can't look it...

You can't look Swahili. It's a trade language. It was invented so different tribes could speak to each other at market.

I think it definitely was racist. I have been amazed at the racism, sexism and homophobia on this supposedly progressive site. It's everywhere and makes me want to puke. Back in the day, when I was a young radical, people questioned their own presumptions. They didn't deny their biases. They struggled with them and cared about fighting them. It used to matter. Some of these people might as well be RUSH LIMBAUGH.
Madspirit

[mondo joe]

105. But you can look like the people from the region where it is used.

http://www.glcom.com/hassan/swahili_history.html

The Swahili language, is basically of Bantu (African) origin. It has borrowed words from other languages such as Arabic probably as a result of the Swahili people using the Quran written in Arabic for spiritual guidance as Muslims.

As regards the formation of the Swahili culture and language, some scholars attribute these phenomena to the intercourse of African and Asiatic people on the coast of East Africa. The word "Swahili" was used by early Arab visitors to the coast and it means "the coast". Ultimately it came to be applied to the people and the language.

Now Swahili is spoken in many countries of Eastern Africa. For Tanzania, deliberate efforts were made by the independent nation to promote the language (thanks to the efforts of the former head of state, Julius K. Nyerere). Tanzania's special relations with countries of southern Africa was the chief reason behind the spread of Swahili to Zambia, Malawi, South Africa, and other neighbouring countries to the south. Swahili is the national as well as the official language in Tanzania - almost all Tanzanians speak Swahili proficiently and are unified by it. In Kenya, it is the national language, but official correspondence is still conducted in English. In Uganda, the national language is English but Swahili enjoys a large number of speakers especially in the military. As a matter of fact, during the Iddi Amin's rule Swahili was declared the national language of Uganda. However, the declaration has never been seriously observed nor repealed by the successive governments.

[Madspirit]

112. Mondo Joe

Thanks for all that info. It is interesting. I appreciate you taking the time to really explain it.
Madspirit

[gratefultobelib]

20. I can see why you would be offended, but really the woman was just showing her ignorance.

And no, she wouldn't have asked that if you were white.

[karlrschneider]

30. By the way, you have exposed your own stereotyping in the OP

saying your sisters have "African names"...just what does THAT mean?
jeezus...

[alcibiades_mystery]

37. Saying that a name is traditionally associated with a culture or region seems different

Yes, Africa is a HUGE "region," but that's not stereotyping. If I meet somebody named Vito Mazzarelli, I'm perfectly justified in saying that that is an Italian NAME (Vito may be Dutch for all I know, but his name is objectively Italian in origin). That's not stereotyping. That's knowledge of cultural forms. Get real.

[karlrschneider]

39. Well, duh - that is precisely my point! The OP fails to grasp it.

She is obviously conflating her sister's "African" name with being black. Van Der Beek and Mitterand are equally African (from say, S.A. or Algeria.)

edit:

By the way, Swahili is not ONLY a specific language, it is also used to identify a particular
culture:

http://www.glcom.com/hassan/swahili_history.html

[Dora]

16. It's not a matter of your offense, it's a matter of her racism.

I don't understand what this "should have been offended" stuff is about.

Yes, it was racist of her. How you choose to respond or react to that demonstration is entirely up to you, and can influence further interactions and outcome.

As you described it, it seems to me as though you responded civilly, but without reflecting your true emotional state. Which is fair - this woman probably would have freaked if you'd called her out on her racism, and she really would not have understood it. She sounds like a smug cant'-be-wrong type, and Not Every Moment is a Teachable Moment.


Next time, though, you could ask her if she speaks Dutch/German/Swedish. Or if she has a Jewish-sounding name, ask her if she speaks Yiddish. That would be giving her a dose of her own medicine.

[verse18]

46. Actually, she did have a German accent

I was tempted to ask her if she was a Nazi, because , I will admit, I have a stereotype belif that all White people from Germany are Nazis.

[Dora]

50. See, now that's a different aspect to the story.

Perhaps her question to you wasn't rooted in good ol' American racism. Perhaps she was indeed German. If that's true, then that reframes your conversation entirely.

Not everyone is as hate-filled and race-conscious as Americans are.

:shrug:

[demrabble]

54. What?

Are you suggesting that if the person who had spoken to the OP has been German, she would not be hate-filled, race-conscious, or racist?

Are you stereotyping Germans or Americans?

[Dora]

64. Wow. I'm not suggesting any such thing. Neither am I stereotyping.

I simply suggested that growing up in a different country provides a different cultural context for the the poster's concerns.

[Dorian Gray]

129. Does tthe intent of the question truly change

if from one of German origin rather than from one of American birth? Really? Why would that make a huge difference?

[Totallybushed]

136. You

must be joking.

First, your generic comment about Americans is bigoted in, and of, itself. Not all Americans are bigoted, not even all white Americans.

Second, We're talking about the Germans. OK, what happened about 60 years ago, and was it, or was it not, racist?

The most racist people I ever met were Korean. However, I've also met some Koreans who were not, insofar as I could tell, particularly racist.

What's going on in Africa, with tribal warfare, and killing of white farmers, is nothing if not racism.

Even in the United States, racism is hardly an all-white affair. Blacks and Hispanics are now joining in the fun.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/meaners-streets/2007/02/02/1169919531033.html?page=fullpage

Racism is an ugly, ugly thing, but it won't be made better by placing all the blame on one group, and ignoring the hate steaming from other groups.

I know that it is not quite the thing to quote the Bible here, but I am not trying to push a religious of moral view by quoting some common-sense advice from it.

Matthew 7:2-4 (New International Reader's Version)
New International Reader's Version (NI RV)
Copyright © 1996, 1998 by International Bible Society


2 You will be judged in the same way you judge others. You will be measured in the same way you measure others.

3 "You look at the bit of sawdust in your friend's eye. But you pay no attention to the piece of wood in your own eye. 4 How can you say to your friend, 'Let me take the bit of sawdust out of your eye'? How can you say this while there is a piece of wood in your own eye?

In other words, racism is a world-wide phenomenon that we must all fight against in our daily lives, as well as in society. One way to do so, IMO, is to let slide slights that do not seem to be informed by malice, and neither escalate the incident to conflict, nor indulge in the urge to "educate" the poor, ignorant person who made the slight. No hard feelings need be aroused.

However, not every one can do this, or wants to do this. This is just my response. Generally.

[1monster]

84. For years, I worked in the touist and retail businesses. We always

tried to be friendly. If someone had an accent (not just necessarily an accent from another country, perhaps just another part of the US) I would ask where they were originally from.

If they had an unsual last name, I might have asked in what the name originated.

It was never an ethnocentric exercise. It was meant as an ice breaker (and to add to my own knowledge about people and places). Most often people were delighted to answer.

I wasn't there, so I cannot judge her behavior or attitude. You think she was being racist because you have a different skin color. She may have been, but it sounds to me more like she was hungry for the the sound of a language that brought back happy memories.

My college roommate once invited me to her home for Spring Break. During my stay there, the family celebrated Passover. I was very impressed with the spiritual and meaningful ceremony and have always wished that I could be invited to celebrate Passover with a Jewish family again.

It is a sincere wish which has no racial or religious bigotry attached. And I have told other Jewish people something of the sort.

Now your post makes me wonder if the Jewish people to whom I've expressed that sentiment think that I was being patronizing or racist.

But I will probably not let that doubt keep me from expressing the very spiritual enjoyment I took from that experience in the future. I am being sincere when I talk of the experience.

I'm not sure where the racism comes in. Your skin is darker than hers, and that probably contributed to her reaching out to you, but she also stated that your sister's name sounded African to her.

If she was guilty of anything, it was probably wishful thinking.

[Marrah_G]

107. this makes no sense

Asking her is she spoke German would be tha same. Asking her if she is a nazi would not.

Unless you truly believe speaking an African language is just as horrific as being a Nazi.

[karlrschneider]

23. I have been asked thousands of time if I speak German because of my name.

I don't know more than 5 or 6 words, though - and I can't imagine being offended at an innocent question. Do you speak Navajo?...maybe you aren't a -real- 'American'...
:eyes:

[Turbineguy]

25. When I am in a place where I wear

a nametag, sometimes people ask me if I speak Dutch. I do not think they are intent on offending me. In this case this well-traveled lady might have been patronizing, but more than likely she was just looking for some common ground. The fact that she learned to speak Swahili would impress me. She was obviously confident enough to try and speak with you in that language. Taking a walk through a nearby shopping Mall you can see people from all parts of the world. It's normal these days.

And, I am no expert on race relations either.

[NoSheep]

28. I really wouldn't have been at all offended. Check this idea out:

But it just depends on whether a particular thing offends you or not. I have a strong southern accent. People automatically know I'm from the south when I talk. Now...if I feel embarrassed about my accent, or I am ashamed of being from the south, then someone's comments like "Oh, you must be from Texas, or NC" (or whatever)
might sound prejudiced, etc.

But if they automatically assumed I was STUPID, as is often the case when someone fakes a southern accent to say dumb things, THAT would offend me.

I've been in both situations many times. I used to be ashamed of my accent so it bothered me that people felt compelled to discuss my origins as soon as I spoke. So there was a time when both the above circumstances would have made me feel bad...or offended me in some way.

Now, I don't feel ashamed and it doesn't offend me. And the older/smarter/wiser I get, the less I am offended by someone assuming I'm stupid because I'm from the south. Now I just tell them to go to hell, y'know?

I really believe these things are individual for each and every person and even that person can go through phases of change that affect their responses to certain things people say.

The post above that says "I don't know, I'm not you"...that's really what I mean here. It's really individual. I think Obama may not have been offended at first, but later thought he may need to speak for those who were.

[The Flaming Red Head]

85. Always better to be under estimated

than over estimated, especially if someone is being mean.

[NoSheep]

102. That's so true. I've had to put some fancy people in their places

and I was glad for the opportunity! They thought their insults would go over my head. Imagine thier surprise when they saw how they didn't!

[Totallybushed]

29. Frankly, you're

being over sensitive, IMO.

Did she mean to offend you? If you can honestly answer, "yes", then go ahead, be offended. If you can chalk it up to her ignorance, then why not do so, and get on with your life. If you think she was patronizing you, then why bother with what she thinks. You set her straight.

No doubt, you have made similar assumptions about white people, no?

[alcibiades_mystery]

35. You think the OP would go up to two blondes and ask if they spoke Swedish?

The people of Sweden are so nice, you know?

Come on.

[MonkeyFunk]

38. If they were tall and blond

and wearing nametags that said "Inge Kjellqvist" and "Bjorn Johansson", it might not be so odd.

[Totallybushed]

116. No, but she

might think all white people were out to insult her. No? Get a grip.

And if she doesn't think that, why worry about this. People are sensitive to lot's of things. Casual questions become intensive prying into people's personal lives, in their fevered imaginations.

The point is, even if she was insulted, so what? Is this woman a part of her life? Is it worth fretting over and getting her panties in a wad? Not in my opinion, not if it happened to me.

But hey, we each approach life from different perspectives. As long as she doesn't get violent about it, she can certainly be offended if she wants to. No one needs my permission.

On edit: I guess what I'm really trying to say is that all of us come from different backgrounds. We have different histories, different perspectives. Some things just don't offend us that may offend somebody else. With the best will in the world, we can't always be aware of what may offend someone from our own culture, let alone from another.

So, I think we ought to cut each other a little slack. Unless someone obviously maliciously does something, don't assume they are racist or trying to insult you if you are of the same culture. If it is repeated after a polite request, maybe you would be justified in assuming malice. But even so, wouldn't you be better off just writing that person out of your social calendar than starting a personal vendetta?

That would be my way of handling it.

Let me give you an example. Years ago, when I was in grad school, there was a graduate student, a really bright man, who was from Kenya.

One day, a group of us were together, and he had some paperwork that we had to turn into the departmental office. He asked the question, "Who is Donna _____?" One of the other students replied, "She's the black girl." Well, he sort of got sharp and said, "What do you mean by that?" The other guy replied, "There are three women in that office. Two of them are white. Donna is the black one."

Was this racist? I don't think so, and obviously neither did the student from Kenya. The two would up being buddies. Either, or both could have taken offense, but neither did.

[alcibiades_mystery]

32. I don't think it's a question of "being offended"

We've reduced systematic racism (which operates and reproduces itself through thought AND LANGUAGE) to a question of personal offense. That is a mistake. The point is not whether a person is offended, or even whether a person IS a racist. The point is locating those features of behavior, of thought, and of language that reproduce and entrench systematic racism. Not because they "offend" individuals. But because they are part of a structure that reduces the degrees of freedom and opportunity for populations of people.

The whole business about "being offended" is little more than liberal claptrap, as if politics is really a matter of personal comfort.

The woman who came up to you was practicing a particular sort of racism. That doesn't mean that she IS a racist (and that doesn't matter anyway). We she approach a dark-haired group and ask them if they spoke Greek? Of course not. That would be absurd and stupid. But she feels free to do it with black folks. Oh, and all those black folks in Africa were so nice, blah blah blah.

[SmokingJacket]

36. Not really. She saw the name tags, made kind of a silly assumption...

but it's not really insulting to be asked if you speak a language. I can imagine being vaguely amused by the woman, who sounds overbearing, but, eh.

People of all races get asked similar questions.

[npincus]

43. Nah... chalk it up to ignorance, not mean-spritedness

My hubbie is Japanese, and it's appaling how some people don't know the difference between Japan and China.

[Dorian Gray]

132. Hah...

no kidding! When I lived in Hong Kong and came home for visits, I can't tell you how many people asked me if I had learned... ahem... Japanese. I'd just respond, "No." When, at another time, I'd say a word or two of Cantonese, they'd inevitably say, "But I thought you didn't speak Japanese!"

There is a lot of ignorance out there.

[demrabble]

44. "Old White Woman"

"when an old White woman came up to us and asked if we spoke Swahili.|

What difference does it make that the person who asked you this question was:

(1) Old
(2) White
(3) A Woman

Would you have been less offended if the person had been:

(1) Young
(2) Non-white or
(3) Male

I'm also a trifle surprised that you told her, "We're Americans. We speak English" SUrely you know that there are a great number of Americans (and by that I assume you mean residents/citizens of the United States of America) who do not speak Englsh.

[verse18]

55. No, it doesn't make a difference. I was just describing the woman.

I don't appreciate being approached by anyone who has made faulty assumptions about me because of my skin color.


'I'm also a trifle surprised that you told her, "We're Americans. We speak English" SUrely you know that there are a great number of Americans (and by that I assume you mean residents/citizens of the United States of America) who do not speak English.'

This is so transparent I not going to waste my time addressing it.

[treestar]

62. Hey I once gained weight quickly due to medication

and someone who had not seen me in the meantime made an assumption I was pregnant. I said no, I had just gained weight quickly. He said he was very sorry. He looked crushed.

I mean, it depends on the person, doesn't it?

This lady sounds interested. I'm not sure our own personal happiness doesn't involve some willingness to be talked to in less than perfect ways. It would depend on the tone, but it sounds like this woman was just interested in African culture. If she had been black, you would not have been offended (I'm assuming that, but it's a safe assumption to make). So the racism comes from your side - old white woman is suspect for learning Swahili.

I know of a white woman who married a man from Kenya and she is learning Swahili and wants to go and live there with him for a while. She loves her husband. Is it racist of her to have an interest in the culture? If she'd married a Dane and learned Danish and raved about Denmark there'd be no problem, but there is if he's Kenyan?

Blacks are people, no better than whites, no worse, but no better either, and capable of racism. Here the racism is coming from your side. It's the fact his woman is white that makes her condescending. She could say and do exactly the same things in the exact same tone but if she were black, no assumption of condescension would have come from you.

[demrabble]

67. The OP Says Differently

"If she had been black, you would not have been offended"

The OP, in another post to me says differently.

The OP says that she doesn't "appreciate being approached by anyone who has made faulty assumptions about me because of my skin color."

[demrabble]

63. Anyone?

"I don't appreciate being approached by anyone who has made faulty assumptions about me because of my skin color.
Anyone?

And yet you make a point of telling us that the person who approached you was "old".

And yet you make a point of telling us that the person who approached you was white.

And yet you make a point of telling us that the person who approached you was a woman.

Why did you feel the need to "describe" the person at all?

Why did you not just say "Someone approached me and said something in Swahili"?

You "description" of the person adds nothing to your story. But you apparently felt a need to let us all know that the "someone" who approached you was "old".

Why is that, I wonder?

[verse18]

45. This post is aimed at the absolute race experts at DU.

The ones who tell others whether or not they should be offended by ignorant things said to them and about them. The ones who will never be singled out specifically because of the color their skin. The ones who will never be assumed to be inferior because of the color of their skin. The ones who will never have to deal with people approaching them with lame, incorrect stereotypes about their race, their history, their culture, their intelligence and their personal hygiene.

Since these DU experts know it all about race relations and cultural diversity, I need their advice on when I should be offended when someone singles me out, comes up to me unsolicited and speaks to me in a condescending manner.

[demrabble]

47. Do You Mean Like Singling Someone Out....

When you say, "I need their advice on when I should be offended when someone singles me out", are you including someone who, for instance, makes a point of calling someone else "old"?

[verse18]

49. I used the word "old" to describe the woman.

We did not single her out because of her age, she approached us and she was elderly. So your post makes no sense.

[demrabble]

53. You Could Simply Have Said

You could simply have said, "A person approached me and started speaking to me in Swahili".

Instead, you chose to make a point of saying that the person was "Old", "White", and a "Woman".

As if any of that made any difference at all.

Would you have been less bothered or offended if the person who approached you was not old, not white, or not a woman?

[karlrschneider]

51. Condescending? Wow, you need to get your irony meter calibrated.

"The ones who will never have to deal with people approaching them with lame, incorrect stereotypes about their race, their history, their culture, their intelligence and their personal hygiene."
===========================================================================================

I guess some people live to find insults and offense.
:eyes:
Some would perceive it as whining. They could be right.

[verse18]

59. How is this condesending?

If you are other than White, male and christian you deal with this on a regular basis.

[karlrschneider]

70. I am not a white male christian.

Nor do I have a persecution complex.

[demrabble]

73. Are You Old or Young?

My guess is that you are young -- or at least younger than the person who approached you.

I guess that those of us who are sensitive about ageism just have persecution complexes.

Am I correct?

[karlrschneider]

76. I'm 64. Is that old or young?

Did you intend to ask the OP?

[Bluerthanblue]

65. No, Verse18- the only thing you need

is to believe/embrace/accept that YOU, and you alone, are the only one who who has the right to say what feel.

And there is no 'right' or 'wrong' to feelings.

People try and control others by saying "you shouldn't feel this way" or telling you to deny the TRUE-HONEST- 'feelings' you have- but that only becomes your problem if you allow them to manipulate you.

Personally, I spent most of my life denying, silencing, being ashamed of, or fearing my genuine 'feelings' because they were uncomfortable for others to witness- or live with. And attempting to 'conform' to what was 'acceptable' proved disastrous.

If someone tells you not to be offended, or that you 'should' or 'shouldn't' FEEL a certain way, I hope you will stop and ask yourself if they have any place dictating or trying to rule over you-

"they're not the boss of you"--
unless you decide to let them be.
that is up to you.

peace,
blu

[Marrah_G]

92. So you really aren't asking anything

Instead you are just trolling for a fight? Am I reading that correctly?

Why is it condescending to ask if you speak a language or was it that she dared to say how much she enjoyed visiting africa? I am in no way an expert on race, but this whole thing seems to me as trying to stir the arguement pot.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

95. Personally, I Think She Was A Very Nice Woman Of Which You Are Unfairly Attacking.

I think it is nothing more than that. You asked for opinion, you got it.

(And no, she wasn't condescending towards you in any way based on what you posted)

[verse18]

98. How did I attack her?

I was describing a situation. The only things I said to her were, "What makes you think we speak Swahili" and "We're American. We speak English." Where is the attack?

"I think it is nothing more than that. You asked for opinion, you got it." Thank you ever so much.

[lapislzi]

127. You didn't mention "condescending" in your o/p

The tone of voice and the attitude are just as important as what was said. Makes a big difference to know whether she sounded patronizing or whether she was just being clueless.

I am always offended when someone speaks to me in a condescending manner, no matter what they say.

[blonndee]

130. And it appears they have come around to do so, huh?

Nicely done.

[slackmaster]

48. No need to be offended - You edumacated her

Maybe next time she won't be so uncouth.

[Bluerthanblue]

52. don't 'should' on yourself- it is

only up to YOU to determine if you were offended-

And from what you have said, it seems to me that you were.

When you say that you were "pissed off for a couple of reasons" and go on to list them (all of which make sense) you have answered your own question.

Being "offended" isn't something we 'should' or 'shouldn't' be-

It is something that we experience. Now, if you are asking if I believe her intent was to harm, or hurt you, I can only guess- and my guesses tend to err on the 'positive' side-
So, I'd choose to think this woman was seeking to connect with you- to reach out.
It is possible she was looking to impress you, or others with her knowledge, but it also could have been her genuine attempt to be friendly, or to find friendship- Which is often akward- especally at affairs like you describe. (been there, and avoid them as much as possible)

I understand your feeling offended- Don't let others dictate what you "should" feel- Or try and twist what you DO feel- Feelings ARE- they aren't 'right' or 'wrong'-

And your feelings belong to YOU- and to no one else.

peace,
blu

[treestar]

56. She should not have spoken to you at all

She should have stayed segregated with other white people. :sarcasm:

She actually went to Africa, so she was interested. Older white people often assume things (how's that for a racist and sexist and generationist comment - but hey, it's OK if the target is white) - but are amenable to correction.

She went to Africa, so maybe her assumption was based on something from that. So it was wrong. That makes her a racist, right.:sarcasm:

[verse18]

60. I never said she was racist.

I'm pointing out the stupid assumptions made about people simply based on their skin color.

[mondo joe]

68. What I believe you missed is that assumptions are made about people

because of appearance, especially when connected to other factors that might be considered clues.

This thread is filled with accounts of incorrect assumptions made about DU posters because of similar situations.

Just because something MIGHT be offensive doesn't mean it necessarily IS offensive.

[demrabble]

71. She Also Should Have...

Apparently, the "old" woman should have stayed segregated with all the other old people.

Old people should just learn to stay in their place.
:sarcasm:

[ecstatic]

72. LOL. That's nothing. One time I was given "maid" instructions at my folks' timeshare

I was walking to the car and a random elderly woman pulled me aside and told me what needed to be cleaned up/addressed in her room. LMAO. She was old so I just nodded and went about my business. (And no, I wasn't in anything remotely resembling a maid/janitorial uniform). This was in Hilton Head, SC by the way.

[demrabble]

75. Ageism is NOT Pretty

What the hell difference does it make that the person who pulled you aside was "elderly"?

And what do you mean that "she was so elderly" that you "just nodded" and went about your business?

Ageism -- making assumptions about people who are old -- is never pretty.

[ecstatic]

83. I was always taught to respect my elders?

:shrug:

Besides, what would be accomplished by going off on her? She was obviously set in her ways.

[demrabble]

86. In Other Words, Because This Woman Was Old....

In other words, because this woman was old, you left her with a couple of erroneous assumptions:

1. You left her with the assumption that you were somehow an employee of the hotel

2. You left her with the impression that the problem in her room that she had spoken to you about would be fixed.

There was no need to "go off" on her --- just as there is really no need to "go off" on her if she had been much younger.

You simply could have politiely and respectfully, "I'm sorry, but I am not an employee of this hotel".

Instead, you chose to treat her differently -- because of her age.

Like I said -- agism is never pretty.

And, because ageism is so ingrained in our society, we often dismiss it as "no big deal".

[Rosemary2205]

81. Been there done that too

I was vacationing at Disney world and our first day my husband and I were bringing suitcases into a room and a lady came out all flustered and told demanded my husband come fix the fridge in her room. She went on about how she'd been calling the front desk for maintainance for 2 hours. I have no idea what about my husband looked like an employee.

He chuckled, got her fridge working (actually it was not plugged in) and then told her he's a guest at the hotel the same as her but he was glad to help her out. She had this look on her face like "OMG black people in FLORIDA? eeeek. Funny.

[The Flaming Red Head]

94. I'm a nurse and I do maid work in rich people's houses on the side

Next time give them my name and number I could use the extra work.

[Marrah_G]

110. Now that is racist.

[Rosemary2205]

74. Just consider all white people offensive

that will save you the trouble of attempting to see the situation from thier individual viewpoint. Until they prove otherwise, you should just assume an old woman who sees Swahili last names and gets excited about the prospect of enjoying a few words of Swahili with someone and remembering a fond memory at the same time is just a racist pig because she is white. Now and old black woman who stopped at asked if you spoke swahili would just be asking of course.

:silly:

[demrabble]

78. I Thought the OP was Offended Because the Person Was Old.

"Now and old black woman who stopped at asked if you spoke swahili would just be asking of course."

Here I thought that the OP was offended because some "old" person had approached her and started speaking Swahili.

Those old folks -- you know how "they" are.

:sarcasm:

[verse18]

87. My sister's last name isn't Swahili.

It's Ibo, which is west African. Since she knew Swahili, I'm sure she would have recognized that. She wanted to practice the only African language she knew on the only Black people in the room.

Of course had it been an old Black woman, we would have started taking Swahili as all us Black people do. :sarcasm:

[mondo joe]

91. She might have not recognized the region the name is from.

It IS one of the major languagues in Africa, spoken by over 50 million people.

It seems like it was just a question.

[verse18]

96. She should have recognized the name wasn't Swahili if she spoke the language.

She assumed we spoke Swahili because that's the only African language SHE knows and can acknowledge.

[mondo joe]

97. Or she speaks it some but isn't an expert. Or she's a nazi racist.

Or she was hoping your sister might be one of the 50 million people who do speak it.

I don't know because I'm not in the woman's head, but I think there are a lot of possibilities.

Then again, you're not really asking.

[mondo joe]

138. Oh for goodness sakes - it's spoken by over 50 million people.

And speaking some does not an expert make.

If I speak enough Italian to get by, that doesn't mean I know which surnames are Sicilian and which Tuscan. And i could certainly mistake a Spanish surname for Italian in many instances.

For that matter, the "old white" woman wasn't African at all, but apparently she spoke it.

[ecstatic]

77. Regarding your post, it could just be a case of Ugly Americanism

Ugly Americanism is prevalent across the board in many native born Americans (regardless of race). The grouping together and mischaracterization of all things that look or sound "foreign."

[demrabble]

80. The Only Example of Ugly Americanism I See in the OP

The only example of true Ugly Americanism I see in the Original Post is what the OP herself says.

The person who approaches the OP is, for all I can tell, someone who is not American.

In fact, that person -- that "old white woman" -- may be German.

But when the OP says, "We're Americans. We speak English" -- that to me looks very much like uglyamericanism.

[AngryAmish]

82. I'm Irish and people are always asking where me Lucky Charms are at

[Rosemary2205]

88. Well? Where are they?

I'm sorry, really, I have no self control what so ever. :)

[AngryAmish]

118. You'll never get me Lucky Charms!

[CBGLuthier]

89. yet another stupid time wasting thread

Frankly, I find the entire tone of the OP to be filled with hate and defensiveness.

How in the hell is anyone supposed to decide if the OP should have been offended?

I have said it before and I will say it again, DU needs a system to nominate the stupidest threads.

[verse18]

93. As filed with hate and defensiveness of these threads?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x100268

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x98282

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3088427

"How in the hell is anyone supposed to decide if the OP should have been offended?"

Ask the DUers who started those.

[Bluerthanblue]

100. why so defensive and negative?

What is your post filled with?
any "hate and defensiveness"?

You've clearly made your decision about what the OP 'should' feel- Can you speak to your position in a way that brings something worth thinking about or considering?

What makes this thread stupid? What makes you the decider of what has value to DU and what doesn't?

I'm not threatened by the the OP's questions- why are you?

peace,
blu

[mondo joe]

103. As you say above, "and you alone, are the only one who who has

the right to say what feel".

[Bluerthanblue]

108. that is right Mondo Joe- glad

to know you heard me-

I'm asking the poster to consider why they chose to call the OP out for being 'defensive' and 'hate filled' while not offering anything other than name calling (Stupid) - or if it was more than a name meant to wound and be-little, to educate me as to what they were saying.

I can't tell anyone how or what to feel. I can ask them why they do what they do- and say what they say.

peace,
blu

[The Flaming Red Head]

90. People hear I’m from Louisiana

And they assume I’m Cajun, I’m not, I grew up in south Louisiana and I do have some French on my mother’s side. When they find out I’m not Cajun (although I was married to one for a while) they say things like, “oh so you are not really from Louisiana are you.” That offends me, My mom’s family has been there over 200 years. My dad’s family 150 years, so yeah, I’m mostly Irish, and I am really from Louisiana with a little bit of French and American Indian on mom’s side.

Oh and all the rouxs are not burnt or dark brown. There are red rouxs, light rouxs, cream sauces and we don’t burn everything we cook. (that really offends me)Ok.

[petronius]

104. That's funny! I spent 8 years in LA, and it was a bit of a revelation

when I arrived to learn that "blackened" didn't actually mean seared/charred, as a lot of people on the west coast at the time apparently thought it did. Still, I don't know how anyone who's had even one Cajun (even by cooks who aren't really from LA :)) meal could still hold the 'burn everything' myth...

[Hosnon]

99. The way you describe it makes it seem like you didn't even give her a chance.

Obviously the woman is very interested in African culture and people. And due to the history of most African-Americans in this country, most do not have an African surname but were given a "Christian" surname.

An African-American in the U.S. with a distinctly African surname is rare, in my experience. If I had been to Africa and spoke an African language, I very well may have been interested to find out whether such a person wanted to chat. And it seems like she was very polite in her inquiry.

You can't help whether you are offended but I think taking offense can be objectively unreasonable.

[Madspirit]

106. Wow

With all the White Defensiveness I see...have I somehow wandered onto the Rush Limbaugh board? Must be. Better check my URL.

It was a stupid racist question. How many American blacks speak the trade language of Africa? She made an assumption based on your race. THAT is the definition of racism.

Was she a totally evil race baiter...probably not. The question however, was racist.

When I was a young radical we questioned our assumptions, our biases and we cared about fighting them. I see complacency and defensiveness. It makes my stomach want to toss my breakfast.
Madspirit

[Bluerthanblue]

109. I appreciate reading your perspective, and

hearing your thoughts.

I wonder how this issue can be raised, and examined in a way that helps people work through the discomfort that being somehow .... complicit... by default often brings. The discomfort that too often causes people to become defensive or offensive as a result, and only makes everything worse.

Have you ever heard of the Knapsack project?

peace,
blu

[Madspirit]

111. ...and I appreciate your response.

I am a Texan and when I was a young radical we still had bathrooms that said "Men" "Women" "Colored". It wasn't hard to see racism. Everyone I knew who CARED assumed to be white meant you were racist. You could be white and complacent or white and struggling. Those were the choices. I think they still are.

It is impossible to be white and not racist, to some degree, even if just accepting, without question, race presumptions, or the incredibly uneven playing field. Most of my younger friends, in RL, are radicals. They feel the same. I am simply not used to people claiming to be progressive and then dissing a thread about racism. It is odd and off-putting and depressing. I am not sure how to approach it today. As I said, in RL, I only hang with those who would be stunned at the response to this thread. I feel we are going backward. It depresses me. I would appreciate suggestions from you.
Madspirit

[Igel]

113. Nope.

I've done it a bunch times for people that might speak languages I've studied. Recently I've taken up doing this with Arabic. I give explanations similar to that woman's, with the same reaction when told 'no'. I get a range of responses.

Most people simply say no. Some consider me rude or irritating--it's a personal question, they prefer not to speak their first language, they're tired of people asking, there are all sorts of reasons. A few have taken offense.

Those that take offense have been conditioned to take offense, rather like I've been conditioned to be suspicious of tenured faculty--once bitten, twice shy. It's not entirely under conscious control. Sometimes they've been discriminated against, insulted for being 'polaks', even if they are native-born Americans; if they've been in the US for a while, they were probably called communists at some point; then there's always the anti-immigration crowd. But those that take offense have been very few. The "Vy you sink I no American? Vy you sink I Russian?" answer I got once was amusingly paranoid; the old Russian woman properly took offense, of course, when I cracked up laughing. I apologized in Russian, she answered in Russian, got a horrified look on her face when she realized what she had done, and hurriedly walked away. Sadly, I resumed laughing.

I'd point out that the woman gave a perfectly valid reason for asking, one that had as much to do with your names as with your skin color--unless of course, you have some reason to think she was lying. Oddly, not all Swahili speakers are black; the Swahili speaker I knew best wasn't. He was suspicious of people that asked if he was Indian, however, although he was gradually overcoming his suspicion. (He was also Muslim, but found much less racism in the US as a Tanzanian Muslim of Indian descent than he found in Tanzania.)

Swahili is probably the most widely spoken sub-Saharan language, many if not most of its native speakers don't have "Swahili sounding" names; I guess they have "African names" (but that's a meaningless adjective when it comes to ethnicities). Then again, many Swahili speakers aren't native speakers--it's a handy interdialect--so names are even less useful. But more importantly, she wasn't interested in whether or not you spoke Ibibio or Nweh, or even Turkana--she wasn't necessarily assuming all Africans spoke Swahili, and surely knows otherwise. Would you have been as offended if she asked if you knew Efik, or assume she thought all Africans spoke Efik?

[Starbucks Anarchist]

115. No.

She assumed you spoke Swahili by your sisters' African surnames. Did she make some sort of leap in assuming you guys spoke Swahili? Maybe.

But was it racist? No, not IMO.

[Lisa0825]

119. It's reactions like this that make people afraid to reach out.

I was once verbally attacked for making a comment about the gorgeous African garb a woman in a restaurant was wearing. I made the comment to my then coworker. I was completely sincere in my appreciation of the print, the fabric, and the style. Nothing more was meant by it.

I love Mexico and have an interest in Latin American cultures, music, and language. I enjoy talking to people who have come from other countries. Should I never politely ask where someone is from, for fear of traumatizing them? Thankfully, usually people are very gracious about it, and happy that someone finds their culture interesting.

Now, even though the "old white woman" was incorrect about her question, I think she was most likely sincerely interested, and if your reply sounded as snarky in person as it looks in text, I hope it doesn't discourage her from making a friendly attempt at conversation with anyone else in the future.

[Bluerthanblue]

121. while it was unintentional, or

at least I chose to view the woman's comments to the OP- the truth that they hurt and offended shouldn't be used to shame or discourage Verse18 from stating their experience should it?

When so many people not only negate the OP's reality, but cry 'foul' on top of it all, it should make us all at least stop to examine why we are reacting with such defensiveness and hostility, don't you think?

That is what this entire thread is about, as I see it. A person stating their experience, in response to many posts claiming to know the "correct" reaction that Mr.Bidens words. Posts which for the most part, are written by people who cannot speak to the experience of what being a Black American is truly all about.

I'm one of those people who tends to put my foot in my mouth all the time in situations where my most sincere desire is to connect or reach out to others. When my attempts wound, I regret it, and try to learn- But, I can't expect people not to have their feelings, because I don't like it that my attempt to connect actually wounded- that only adds insult to injury.

We can't control others- controling ourselves is a big enough challenge.

The "intent" can and does make a difference to me- when people are intentionally unkind, it is much easier to be angry and hurt. When people don't mean harm, but pick my 'scabs' and I find myself hurting even when that wasn't the intent, it leaves me not only hurting, but feeling like I shouldn't be hurting, which adds shame and self-contempt to the mess.

It's difficult to walk gently and kindly in this world- But most good things aren't easy.

peace,
blu

[LisaL]

120. One time somebody assumed I was greek and started talking

greek to me without even asking. Of course I did not understand anything because I am not greek. Is that offensive?

[mainer]

122. Is it in insult to think you speak Swahili?

No. Not at all.

I think we should all stop being so sensitive. I get asked dumb questions all the time, by well-meaning people who are just too oblivious to realize that what they say might be taken the wrong way.

Always base your reaction on the other person's INTENTIONS. If she meant to be hostile, then you have a right to be offended. But if she meant to be friendly, then you should accept it as such.

[stranger81]

123. Seems like the insult is the assumption that someone who

isn't white must be from some other country and speak a foreign language. The flip side of that, of course, is that America is a white nation. She may have been trying to make well-meaning chit-chat, but with distictly racist overtones.

Reminds me of all the times that my best friend -- her grandparents immigrated here from China -- gets asked by some "well-meaning" person where she is from, replies with "Queens," and then gets asked the inevitable follow-up -- "no, but where are you REALLY from." I can't even tell you how many times I've seen people ask her these two questions, both here and in the UK.

[LisaL]

125. I am constantly asked where I am from. Usually right after I

say hello. It's annoying, but I don't think it's offensive.

[LisaL]

134. What happens if you are white, but from some other country

and speak a foreign language? Should I be offended when people ask me where I am from?

[Bluerthanblue]

124. If you were Asian would it insult you to have someone ask you

if you spoke Chinese?

My one of my sons girlfriends finds this very offensive. And I would never EVER- tell her to stop being so sensitive.

We need MORE sensitivity- we need to act towards others as if we- were -them. I agree with you- Intentions DO matter. But the fact that the driver of the van didn't "intend" to hit my nephew 16yrs ago doesn't make him any less dead- As a matter of fact, it made the anger that comes with grief all the more akward and harder to handle.

I believe we all could use a large dose of sensitivity- callouses are most useful on the hands, not on the psyche. At least in my own opinion.

[stranger81]

126. Absolutely -- I'd find that as insulting as my BF does.

We absolutely need more sensitivity -- I find it hard to believe that anyone wouldn't find this offensive.

[mondo joe]

133. There is one significant difference.

The person in the original post was wearing a name badge with an African name. Most native born African Americans have "Christian" or "slave" surnames.

That wouldn't be true for most Americans of Asian descent.

I've been mistaken for Arabic by Arabic people based on just my appearance - I never took offense.

[Dorian Gray]

128. If you were offended, you were offended....

who are we to tell you whether you should be offended.

But, being in your situation, I would have responded in the same way that you did. I'm sure her intentions were friendly enough, but they were somewhat ignorant.

[TZ]

135. obviously ignorant

not even worth the time and effort to be offended. To bad she didn't stick around so you could have tried to explain how many languages in Africa there are. She obviously didn't have a clue that she was offensive in any way. I would just ignore it.:)

[Marie26]

137. That's your decision

No one has the right to tell you whether you should be offended or not.

[baby_mouse]

139. I'd take offense, but handle it carefully.

It was offensive, but not, perhaps, malicious. But certainly, in your position, I think I'd be offended. Being reduced to a cultural or racial stereotype is offensive whether the offender intended it or not.