***DUzy Awards for week ending February 2, 2007***

[JeffR]

Welcome to this week's DUzy Awards, honoring acidic asides, apoplectic aphorisms and arch attitude from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

Feel free to add your own choices. The self-evidently kewl DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

OP by Quixote1818:

      Can we bring back all the Terri Schiavo threads to compete with all
the John ________'s threads? :shrug:

Those were the good old days!

unnumbered response by leftstreet:

      What was the square footage of the Schiavo home?
That would be the imporDant question.

response #4 by SoCalDem:

      Terri blinked.. she blinked.. (she wants John to get the big house)
Dr Frist reviewed the blueprints, and he concurs.

GD, January 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x53842

OP by alfredo:

      Let's face it, bush is insane. His mind has walked away.
he's deranged, wigged out, pixilated, bent, Schizoid, Bonkers, Twisted, Unhinged, he's getting unlisted channels on the TV in his head, Over the edge, eating with the wrong end of the fork, looney tunes, and out to lunch,

No matter how you say it, he is not able to perform his constitutional duties and for the sake of the nation the 25th Amendment must be used to remove him from office.

GD, January 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x53531

OP by Zenlitened:

      I'm concerned that John Edwards ordered Barbaro euthanized. What will the swing voters think?
(Although I hear the Clinton camp is raising questions about whether the horse actually died from second-hand smoke from Obama's cigarettes. This could get ugly if the Internets get hold of it.)

:tinfoilhat:

response #4 by Bornaginhooligan:

      He was after Barbaro's enormous stables and pasture land.
That greedy son of a bitch!

GD, January 29, 2007: hhttp://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x72588

On a thread by jmauller :

      * is sorry for offending the Dems...

response #2 by tinfoilinfor2005:

      I got a sliver in my thumb over the weekend.
It was the only thing in the past six years that I couldn't figure out how to blame bush for. But give me time.

response #5 by Jeanette in FL:

      You must have been thinking about his SOTU speech
Which distracted you from what you were doing.

response #16 by tinfoilinfor2005:

      Damn! And there it was, right in front of me.
Thanks for the heads up! :)

GD, January 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x72900

OP by Commie Pinko Dirtbag:

      Hm. Time to update the DU Universal Flamebait®.
Religion is wrong! Strippers are workers worthy of respect! Gays are ruining the party! America is a Christian nation! Evolution is not a theory! Michael Jackson is obviously guilty! Christians are stupid! Christians are persecuted! The red states are all idiots! Downloading songs is theft! No, copyright is theft! All drugs should be legal! They murdered Terri Schiavo! Olive Garden is the best Italian restaurant there is! Bush won fair and square! PETA are terrorists! John Edwards' House! He's FINISHED! Musicals are idiotic! What's wrong with women in burqas teaching kindergarten? Breading chicken with crushed cornflakes is an abomination! No, fried turkey is! Dean would not have done any better in the 2004 election! Strippers are whores! Oasis is way better than the Beatles! Tookie was a monster! What's wrong with the word "bitch?" U2 sucks! Reggie White deserves respect! Joe Lieberman is a great Democrat! A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush! Rep. McKinney belongs in jail! If you have a SUV you're a pro-Bush hillbilly! Shoot all illegal immigrants! Smoking in public should land you in prison! Israel is wrong! The new Pope is a Nazi! Don't support the troops! Laura Brannigan was the best singer evah! Ban all guns! Eminem is a genius! No, Woody Allen is! Scientology is a religion like any other! Tookie should have won the Nobel Peace Prize! Michael Jackson is obviously not guilty! Goodbye Daddy! 9/11 was not a conspiracy! Graffiti is art! No, it's vandalism! Boycott Everything! There's no point voting anymore because of BBV! Abortion is murder! Pitbulls are docile! Boycotts are futile! Wow, check these hot babes! LIHOP! MIHOP! The Minutemen are heroes! Publishing Michelle Malkin's address was wrong! The death penalty is barbaric! Nuclear power is good for the environment! Affirmative action is reverse racism! Women should breastfeed in public! No they should not! Circumcision should be outlawed! Terri Schiavo was already dead! All Muslims commit crimes against women! No they don't! Enough with the cat threads already, dammit! Marijuana users are criminals and belong in jail! Nancy Pelosi is doing nothing! The UN is useless! Outdoors cats kill songbirds! No, wind farms do! A lap dance is not sex! Do you eat murdered animals? I eat veal and foie gras, you veganazi! Atheism is a religion! No it's not! Kerry let us all down! Tom Cruise is gay! If you don't like me smoking you're a nanny-state Nazi! We'll have no choice but to vote for a Third Party! I hate it when stupid parents let their stupid kids run around the restaurant when I am trying to enjoy myself! Nuclear power should be banned! Hillary is a DINO! No, she's a Fat Actress! Forbidding smoking anywhere is a civil rights violation! The USA is using napalm in Iraq! No it's not! Obama sold out! Damn hippies! Discrimination against gays is not illegal! Prince Charles and Camilla are ugly morons! No, Diana was! Female circumcision is no worse than male circumcision! Ban pitbulls! I'm going to Canada! If you leave the country you are a traitor! Hugo Chavez is a dictator! PETA rocks! Laura Branigan sucks! Hiroshima was a war crime! Linux is as insecure as Windows! Fat people are that way because they're irresponsible! Porn demeans women! Democrat Party!

The Lounge, January 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6120036

On a thread by wyldwolf:

      Gingrich within 3 points of McCain, #3 in GOP Nom race

response #5 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      His former mistresses form a significant voting bloc...
nt

GDP, January 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3086762

On a thread by SteppingRazor:

      Happy Birthday, Dick Cheney

response #1 by Phredicles:

      Oh, so that's why blood's been running from all our faucets today...

GDP, January 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3086908

On a thread by Bicoastal:

      CNN: Ancient Village Found near Stonehenge

response #1 by AngryAmish:

      Is it in danger of being trodden upon by a dwarf?

response #18 by flying rabbit:

      PUPPET SHOW
and bush administration

GD, January 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x89645

Ona thread by Horse with no Name:

      Why would we spy on Quakers?

response #3 by AzDar:

      Shhhhh, they've got the OATS, man. n/t

response #11 by tanyev:

      Barbara's never forgiven them for using her picture on those boxes.

GD, January 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x87194

OP by Jackpine Radical:

      Biden's new defense--He's not responsible for what he said about
Obama because he plagiarized the comment.

GDP, January 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3089058

OP by Rabrrrrrr:

      Taser oil kudzu pump nude Will Pitt HUGH!! SERIES!!1! spanking boobies: CALL YOUR CONGRESSMAN NOW!!!
Replies to this thread
AllegroRondo Jan-31-07 05:15 PM #1
PelosiFan Jan-31-07 05:15 PM #2
: ohiosmith Jan-31-07 05
Jan-31-07 06:22 PM #8
Jan-31-07 06 #15 :23 PM matedProp#:17 PM #5
inscrutable taterguy Jan-31-07 05:15 PM #3
elos #15 iFan Jan-31-07 05:15 PM #2
: ohiosmith Jan-31-07 05:17 PM #5
inscrutable taterguy Jan-31-07 05:15 PM #3
eyepaddle Jan-31-07 Replies to this thread
I'll kick this... Prag Jan-31-07 05:08 PM #1
Good, coz so far it's proving to be not working.
graywarrior Jan-31-07 05:11 PM #2
Have I mentioned lately how much... Prag Jan-31-07
05:11 PM #3
Not lately, but he loves reading it. graywarrior
Jan-31-07 05:14 PM #4
Please inform him he's welcome... Prag
Jan-31-07 05:21 PM #5
He's squealing with joy! graywarrior
Jan-31-07 05:29 PM #7
It makes me happy, he's happy. Prag
Jan-31-07 05:32 PM #10
One big happy dysFUNctional DU family
graywarrior Jan-31-07 05:43 PM #13
Yeppers on that... n/t Prag
Jan-31-07 05:48 PM #16
Bastids. graywarrior
Jan-31-07 05:48 PM #17
Yes... Yes, they are indeed
Bastids! Prag Jan-31-07 05:50 PM #19
Filthy fucking mouths.
graywarrior Jan-31-07 05:51 PM #21
Fucking filthy fricken
mouths. Prag Jan-31-07 06:01 PM #22
Douche breath.
graywarrior Jan-31-07 06:04 PM #24
*derisive snort*
Prag Jan-31-07 06:13 PM #26 05:16 PM #4
HUGH! "idgiehkt" is an acronym for: LaraMN
Jan-30-07 04:43 PM #40
GoPsUx is not a nice man... RetroLounge Jan-30-07
04:46 PM #44
Shhhhhhhhh!! GoPsUx Jan-30-07 05:43 PM #48
Retrolounge's hates poetry. GoPsUx Jan-30-07 05:47
PM #49
I admit to 2 out of three RetroLounge Jan-30-07
06:17 PM #50
Ok you didn't have relations with hypnotoad GoPsUx
Jan-30-07 06:19 PM #52
That cat is a slut! RetroLounge Jan-30-07
08:46 PM #65
That part about Ginger HeidiDU Moderator
Jan-31-07 09:52 AM #104
lionesspriyanka hearts Rush. Gormy Cuss Jan-30-07
05:02 PM #45
Matcom isn't real Anarcho-Socialist Jan-30-07 05:30
PM #46
...a rogue ALICEbot program that wears manpris, you mean.
Oregonian Jan-30-07 08:40 PM #62
haruka3_2000 is a member of the parliament of Canada.
Gormy Cuss Jan-30-07 05:41 PM #47 !!11!!!
SERIES!!!!!11!!11 EstimatedProphet Jan-31-07 05:17 PM
#6
Jan-31-07 06:21 PM #7
Jan-31-07 06:22 PM #8
Jan-31-07 06:23 PM #9
Jan-31-07 06:23 PM #10
Boobies! Your are so crass.

The Lounge, January 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6130458

OP by wyldwolf:

      ...in other news, Bill Richardson supports Cockfighting ban...
... plenty of puns and comments on this forthcoming, I'm sure... or maybe not.

excerpt from response #3 by DRoseDARs:

      I'm wondering about the guy in the picture...
Is he choking his chicken or stroking his cock? :shrug:

response #5 by Virginia Dare:

      That is a bold move..
alienating the cockfighting base... :wow:

response #6 by KenHodson:

      make cocklove not cockfights! n/t

response #11 by Telly Savalas:

      He'll face stiff opposition from Big Cock.
Lobbyists from the cockfighting industry are some of the hardest members of the K-Street organizations to deal with.

GDP, January 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3088719

OP by chimpsrsmarter:

      Bush is on his way over to the stock market--sell now.
cnn just reported he's headed on over there, apparently there is nothing else pressing going on to deal with. Maybe they'll let him ride the ticker and wear a traders smock.

GD, January 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x91809

OP by thecorrection:

      BREAKING: Cheney Hand-Written Notes Discovered in Suspicious Packages
Police in Boston have found 5 "suspicious" packages, all containing hand-written notes from Vice President Dick Cheney. It's rumored the notes told several people to go "Cheney" themselves—including, apparently, the entire United States. There were also several scratched out references to Wolf Blitzer and gay daughters.

The authorities have stated they have the situation under control and don't suspect Osama Bin Laden but do think the packages were strategically placed by Iranian insurgents in Boston. A Homeland Security official under the condition of anonymity said, "We have issued an Amber Alert for the Vice President. With the Libby trial going so badly coupled with the negative news lately has made the Vice President unstable." The official then went on to say, "We think he could blow at any minute."

We will be following this story closely during the next few days.

GD, January 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x92825

OP by bigtree:

      Suspicious objects planted around Iraq . . .
Police and first responders in the Mideast were on high alert today after numerous emergency calls reporting sightings of potentially dangerous objects attached to poles and buildings in Iraq and Afghanistan. The jittery public reacted in a panic to the appearance of the bright red, white, and blue objects. Even though many of the foreign objects had been in place for years in many parts of their country, authorities grew suspicious of them as deadly violence seemed to increase whenever and wherever the objects appeared.

The Bush administration, a division of Halliburton Inc. and parent of the military industry, said the devices were part of a promotion for the White House's new Iraq campaign, 'Operation Moving Forward', a surreal series about a talking chimp, a box of freedom fries and a meatball.

"It's a hoax — and it's not funny," said Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki.

The Bush administration apologised: "We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger. The 'objects' in question are actually 'beacons of freedom' that pose no danger to peace-loving Iraqis."

GD, January 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x97576

OP by gatorboy:

      BREAKING: MSM disappointed there were no real terra threats.
Hundreds of worker hours spent on creating TERROR ALERT graphics gone to waste. Ratings back down.

Demand arrests to avoid eating crow.

GD, February 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x98429

OP by trumad:

      Oh come on Boston---Lighten up--- Sheeeit---I'm from Florida.
Try to endure that.

GD, February 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x102482

OP by blueinindiana:

      Lieberman
I just wanted to say his name because whenever his name comes up here it brings on such nasty comments!

(Which he deserves!)

response #1 by bonito:

      Now go wash your mouth out.
:spank:

response #4 by smokey nj:

      Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

GD, February 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x105854

On a thread by marmar:

      Georgia (the state) May Cut Elementary School Foreign Language Programs

response #1 by Old Crusoe:

      If Saxby Chambliss is any indication, they've already cut English.
Might as well finish off the rest of the curriculum.

response #8 by IanDB1:

      How will kids from Georgia learn English now?
Do they expect them to find work in the real world, talking like Boomhauer?

response #11 by Fierce:

      If English was good enough for Our Lord and Savior,
it's good enough for my kid.

GD, February 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x105818

OP by rpgamerd00d:

      "Dear Lord, Please Let Cheney Lie Under Oath. Please, please, please! Amen."

response #1 by Stephanie:

      Will his lips be moving?
Then you will get your wish.

response #2 by Deep13:

      "It depends on what the meaning of 'go fuck yourself' is."

response #3 by conscious evolution:

      Cheney: I swear to tell the truth
The whole truth
And nothing but the truth.
Fitz: Your Honor The prosecution would like to bring up charges of perjury! He is lying before we even got started.

response #7 by TwoSparkles:

      Maybe Cheney's lawyer is telling him this...
Don't worry Dick! Patrick Fitzgerald is going to greet
you with flowers! You'll be seen as a liberator!

All is well! This trial is in its last throes!

GD, February 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x108312

On a thread by NYCGirl:

      White House Chef Confirms Bush is Crackers!

response #16 by elehhhhna:

      Geez! Elvis had a healthier diet.

response #64 by Blue_In_AK:

      That's funny ... I thought of Elvis, too.
I wonder if he's sampling Elvis's pharmacopoeia, as well.

response #57 by liberalEd:

      Can't have the emperor waiting 2 minutes for a grilled cheese!
Maybe congress can cut his grilled cheese and burger budget. That would mean more to him than anything they do to the military budget, and then they can't be accused of not supporting the troops.

No more burgers until we get an exit strategy for Iraq and a promise not to bomb Iran!

You gotta know how to talk to children. :)

response #38 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      No more pretzels on the menu? That's too, too bad.

Plenty of other great responses in the thread.

GD, February 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x111026

[SoCalDem]

1. Wonderful fun, as usual.. (I even sneaked in this time )

:):hi:

[JeffR]

2. No sneaking at all

That one had DUzy written all over it.
:)

[NanceGreggs]

3. What a GREAT way to end a week ...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Okay, if I had to pick a favourite, it would be flying rabbit's post:

PUPPET SHOW
and bush administration

That just WORKS on so many different levels ...

[rpgamerd00d]

4. Woohoo, I'm famous.

Or am I .... Infamous!

:woohoo:

[JeffR]

6. You're a star now, kid

Might as well let it go to your head!

[brer cat]

5. Great, as usual, Jeff!

Thanks for your efforts to give us a Friday "happy" hour.

[JeffR]

9. The only real effort is narrowing it down...

with all the great material on DU.
;-)

[Beausoir]

7. I've been waiting patiently for today's installment.

Great work and hi-larious stuff.

[Robbien]

8. The two best things about Friday on DU

are Viva's Book TV on CSpan and JeffR's DUZy's

Some improvement of the mind and some lightening of the spirit, can't get any better than that.

[JeffR]

11. Yikes.

These awards may be in danger of becoming a cultural institution? Boehner will be calling for an investigation about cutting my NEA funding!

[Patsy Stone]

10. #5 and off to the Greatest Page

DU: :yourock:

[babylonsister]

12. They are ALL DUzys! Thanks again, Jeff! Lotsa fun! nt

[jgraz]

13. "It depends on what the meaning of 'go fuck yourself' is."

Can I cast my vote for DUzy of the Month now? :rofl:

[Patsy Stone]

14. But?

response #4 by SoCalDem:

Terri blinked.. she blinked.. (she wants John to get the big house)
Dr Frist reviewed the blueprints, and he concurs.

:rofl:

[jgraz]

25. yeah, that's a nice one

but it didn't almost make me choke to death laughing like Deep13's.

[The Witch]

15. LOLIMC

I love you for instituting this new, lovely DU tradition.

[ArmchairMeme]

16. DUzy Awards

Great - such a very funny group of people we have here!

[saltpoint]

17. Thanks, JeffR.

What a fun way to end a cold week.

[AlCzervik]

18. Hilarious!! I can't believe one of my threads made it!!

"This is just the kind of free publicity i need!" totally better than being in the new phone book.

[Patsy Stone]

22. LOL!

"This is the kind of spontaneous publicity that MAKES people!"

[wryter2000]

19. Oh, great

The DUzy's. Something else to aspire to in my (hohohohohahahaha) writing "career."

My favorite:

Happy Birthday, Dick Cheney

response #1 by Phredicles:

Oh, so that's why blood's been running from all our faucets today...


Thank you, JeffR. I will make this list or die trying!

[skids]

20. honorable mention...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2713471#2713491

...tired joke but very well timed.

[JeffR]

27. You're right!

:)

[sutz12]

21. Great job, as usual!

If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane.--Jimmie Buffet.

[tavalon]

23. I want to say thank you for your ongoing DUzys

I love running across the humor and wit of DUers and you bring a lot of it together. Especially this week, I hadn't seen any of these in real time!

[alfredo]

24. The reply to the "Happy Birthday - Dick Cheney" response

is a classic. That's one of the funniest responses I've read in years.

[EstimatedProphet]

26. Dude you really should see about having these linked to the homepage

This thread is a great idea!

[JeffR]

28. Skinner was generous to allow these to be posted in GD

so I don't want to push it. If, however, a popular lobbying movement were to arise...
:+

[JeffR]

29. Kick!

Thanks for all your comments & recs, everyone!

[HeeBGBz]

30. I love these, Jeff

Do you have them all collected somewhere, for those of us who missed previous winners?

I love the wit!

[JeffR]

31. Check my journal

They're all there.
:toast: