Haggard Now "Completely Heterosexual"

[brooklynite]

Heaven be praised! He's cured!

DENVER — One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.

http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2007Feb06/0,4670,HaggardSexAllegations,00.html

[Cocoa]

1. that is so gay

[SpiralHawk]

4. I'm "completely amazed"

at the BS that eternally spouts from the republofascist pretend Christians.

What a bunch of whackos.

[ThingsGottaChange]

2. What a huge load of CRAP!!!

[gatorboy]

3. Gay Rehab: It's Quick. It's Easy and (Probably soon) It's the Law!

[bullimiami]

5. of course completely heterosexual people often stray from their wife and kids

and seek out meth and homosexual prostitutes.

i just dont understand why he doesnt take himself to a more understanding church. there are those that would accept him how he is and help him work out his conflicts honestly.

[spinbaby]

6. That is so funny!

I'm going to be giggling all afternoon.

[Beetwasher]

7. "I Only Have Sex W/ Men In A Heterosexual Way"

We do it very manly-like."

Soon appearing in a Snickers ad near you.

[peekaloo]

18. .

:spray:

Circle jerks with a bullseye painted on the collection plate in the center.

men, men ,men, men, men...............

[LiberalVoice]

8. If he hasn't learned by now that bottling up his true feelings...

...leads to having sexual affairs with male prostitutes, thereby being unfithful to his wife, being a liar, apparenlty a bad christian, and most certainly a bad human being....well, then fuck him.

[JeffR]

9. Praise Jeeeeeebus. It's a meeeeeeeeercle.

Maybe now Ted can go back to what he does best: fleecing the gullible and living high on their eager tithes.

Is this a great country or what? I wonder if the meth thing was a case of acting-out, too.

[rodeodance]

10. that was quick. the wonders of therapy

[argyl]

11. No doubt Merle Haggard is, but that fundy preacher in Colorado Springs..?

[orleans]

12. that is completely hysterical! n/t

[Dracos]

13. FOX noise

:wtf:

[MadHound]

14. In the immortals words of Bill Cosby "Riiiiiiiiight!"

:eyes:

And I have bridges to sell, land to give away, and monkeys flying out of my ass as I type this.

No, what this means is that Haggard has promised to be a good little boy, not get caught, and keep up the charade of marriage with his wife. And maybe, just maybe if he does this well enough for long enough, he might get some sort of semi-influential position back.

[shain from kane]

15. "The board found no evidence to the contrary." The DNA test results are in? In, what?

[Jacobin]

16. PTL, he's been healed!!

They Prayed The Gay Away.

What a twisted bunch of freaks these people are. So afraid of their sexuality that they have Xtian Immams running around 'enforcing' heterosexuality among those who are CAUGHT with their pants down at the wrong moment.

[shain from kane]

17. Regressed back to the womb, the now suckling baby. Blessed are the children.

[ljm2002]

19. Oh yeah, he's so cured...

...that they also suggested he move out of town and go into another line of work.

Well, Ted, I would feel some compassion for you IF it were not for the fact that you made a habit of driving people out of town when you were building up your so-called church. Not to mention your gay-hating rhetoric. Because of those things, though, I feel that you are just getting your karmic due here...

[JohnnyLib2]

20. "stinkin thinkin" for sure, but

this b.s. keeps the fundie party line intact: i.e. it's a sin, you can change, those who don't are sinners, pass the plate.

[KenHodson]

21. Important life lessons rarely manifest in such an obvious fashion.

This fool couldn't see the right path if it bit him.

Rather than working in a positive manner and accepting who he is - simultaneously showing people tolerance - he will revert back to "god" inspired bigotry.

Shame, Rev. Haggard. Shame. You are wasting a glorious opportunity for yourself and your fellow man.

[Gormy Cuss]

22. Yeah, this makes sense

if one believes God only makes heterosexuals.

on edit: I wonder how much money he was losing each week. Not that I'm a cynic or anything.

[Marrah_G]

23. It's actually very sad

Here is a person, with a family, who hates himself so much he is willing to go to any length possible to avoid the truth. It's a very sick society that perpetuates this sort of behavior.

The kids will grow up not knowing whether to love or be repulsed by their own father.

The wife is stuck knowing she is in a loveless marriage, sure she can get out, but is perhaps afraid to do that.

And the guy will live every day despising his true self.

Very sad...... they could change it all, but for their "faith" they will not.

[helderheid]

24. He's also now a proud member of the Crystal Methodist church

[MGKrebs]

25. "Here, try this new closet". eom