Talk about a stupid post... - Democratic Underground

TheMightyFavog

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Fri Aug-17-07 11:07 PM
Original message

Talk about a stupid post...

Saw this stupid bullshit on a message board...

The History of Liberals & Conservatives

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was
invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and

2. Conservatives.

When beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle, nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That is how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning
of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned
to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's
and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication
of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept
of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals
are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their
women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher
also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women.

Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally
anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of
the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to
America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted
that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the
above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be
so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals
just to piss them off.

Homophobia, misogyny, xenophobia, this gem has it all.

What is it about these morans that associate having left-of center political beliefs with being "less manly"? And another thing, that bit about cons being cowboys, constuction workers, police officers and soldiers... Hey, wait a minute... that sounds awfully familiar....

Methinks the guy who posted this doth protested too much.