GetReady94920 and the Dept of Homeland Security

[TomInTib]

We, as I assume do most communities, have this nifty little program for disaster preparedness called GetReady94920. It is overseen by DHS and is locally organized. My next door neighbor is our "Street Captain".

The focus of our program is Earthquake Preparedness, as we are on SF Bay.

So I decided to attend the first meeting.

It was ridiculous. As soon as I realized this was a function of DHS, I stood up and offered my opinion. Told the group that we would be better off doing it ourselves and left the meeting.

I, being pretty well known in Tiburon/Belvedere, caught all kinds of flack about what I said.

Well, they kept on holding these idiotic meetings and my neighbor was really pissed at me. Said with my background, I could be a real asset blah...blah...

I told her that I would be better off on my own. Told her I was keeping water at the ready and firearms loaded to protect myself from a bunch of hysterical rich folks in case of disaster.

The Town and DHS spent a fortune on a Control Room in the Town Hall. Amazing, state-of-the-art high-tech stuff. Only two people have the keys to the Control Room and their identities are kept secret. Brilliant move, that.

I argued against these expenditures at every turn, saying all the tech in the world is no good once the shit hits the fan. We are a combined community of only 8,000 when everyone is in town, which is extremely rare here.

So they announced that there would be a Double-Top-Secret Drill to show off our brilliant preparedness program.

So about 2AM one morning a few eeks ago, the alarms go off and the phones start ringing.

All of these Highly Concerned Citizens scramble down to Town Hall to man their stations.

And neither of the two keyholders remembered to bring the effing keys.

Your tax dollars at work.

[Vincardog]

1. Now the identities of the keyholders are not secret right?

[TomInTib]

4. They appointed new ones.

One of the originals was the Chief of Police, who didn't even live here (he has since "moved on").

The other was our a Town Official , who showed up drunk as a skunk.

And they had prior notice.

[MikeNearMcChord]

2. Watch out Tom, the Comrades have taken notice of you

The street captain no doubt reported your less than enthusiastic support of the great Bushevik Soviet endeavor and heroically reported you, the brother and sister comrades at the DHS which will be heroically reported to the FBI. And the great comrades at the NSA with their heroic brothers at AT&T will listen to your black treachery on the phone and count the treason coming from your keyboard, you lackey of the Boo-Jouise liberal exploiters population of the great Christo-Corporate Republican Republic of the USA.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

3. I got an idea...

When they have that drill, show up in full warpaint, tiger stripes, locked and loaded. Grin a lot.

They will reconsider their Mickey Mouse program.

Either that or put a machine gun emplacement on top of your home. ;-)

[TomInTib]

5. The people here are something else.

On the run-up to these community meetings, it was almost as if attendance was compulsory.

One was held at Corinthian Yacht Club where the general consensus was Thurston Howell-like, "Well, Dovey, in case of earthquake we shall just retire to the boat and watch the less fortunate from the safety of the Bay".

Right, asshat, I will already be on your boat with a carefully selected arsenal.

Because, you see, I always have several plans for anything I can imagine happening.

And I am just realistic enough to know that all plans are out the window once the shit hits the fan.

[Wiley50]

8. Dig It, Mon!

I really should be out there to watch your back

But, I'm noy real sure if i or my boat would make the grade at

the Corinthian yacht club

[Hekate]

9. Now you made me laugh, Tom! Thurston Howell, oh my.

Your fella murkins need to watch out for YOU, because you are on to them.
:rofl:

Hekate

[kineneb]

16. Arrrr, it be Pirate Tom, come to board yer pretty little row boat!

prepare the headscarves and eyepatches. I don't have a parrot, but Henrietta the Chicken can ride on your shoulder.

Gad, what dweebs. DHS can take a hike; they are sooo totally incompetent.

[TomInTib]

6. kicking

[Flabbergasted]

7. LOL

[ooglymoogly]

10. Just wait for the outgoing tide to make your move.

sail right out of the bay and head north, Gatling gun aimed to the shore and your rear in good weather, otherwise head south where you will have to be stealthy or fend off the navy at San Jose but once past it is clear sailing to Baja.

Seriously Tiburon brings back memories of best friends back in the day. One died of multiple sclerosis to my everlasting devastation.

[annabanana]

11. WHAT a picture you paint!

What a great story.
A spectacular one act play, even!

A work of art for sure.

[Cerridwen]

12. As I read I was sharing your outrage until I hit the "Double-Top-Secret Drill"

part then I started to smile. By the time I read that "neither of the two keyholders remembered to bring the effing keys" I had visions of "George Bailey" blowing his Air-raid warden's whistle as his helmet fell down into his eyes, "Barney Fife" drawing his gun while scrambling to get the single bullet "Andy" let him keep in his shirt pocket and "Maxwell Smart" talking into his show phone all swirling in my head.

I laughed so hard tears came to my eyes.

Thanks for the laugh but, oh, Tom, if you had to rely on your neighbors you'd be so screwn. I'm Series!!11

[defendandprotect]

13. There must be a Bush-family profit here somewhere . . . ????

The Town and DHS spent a fortune on a Control Room in the Town Hall. Amazing, state-of-the-art high-tech stuff. Only two people have the keys to the Control Room and their identities are kept secret. Brilliant move, that.

[Gregorian]

14. Zany Hijinks

I can just see it. A bunch of serious old folks in 'jamies running around in fancy sports cars and champagne on their breath, having absolutely no idea what they're doing.

You know what this reminds me of? The days when we were really going full tilt on that drug war thing. People forfeiting homes, massive busts, and police stations raking in the bucks. There were guys dressed in black, with M-16's, slithering down ropes hanging from helicopters, up in Humboldt. And the police stations had brand new Universal Gyms, in brand new workout rooms.

It's interesting, but I'll bet that there aren't many of those secret playrooms you are talking about. I know East Palo Alto doesn't have one. Or, I'll bet they don't have one. Those amazing tax dollars from those five million dollar homes up in Marin are fueling a lot of fun and games for the feds. Man, I hate those guys. Think of what we could be doing.

There was a movie that I don't recall. But it reminds me of a scene in it. Not The Party. But that would work. A high tech version of The Party.

Edit- Taxes from somewhere. Prolly not prop taxes. What ever.

[file83]

15. Sounds like Guliani's control room in WTC7 on 9/11.

It was completely useless when it was needed. Typical bullshit.

Some company got paid to set up your control room, no doubt. It would be interesting to see who that was and how they are connected to this whole boondogle.

Furthermor, why they use keys is beyond me. They should use personalized PIN codes so that if anyone goes in the control room, you know who.

But of course that will never happen because that means accountability.