War on Christmas strategy session: please RSVP

[Pab Sungenis]

Since the holiday shopping season keeps creeping earlier and earlier each year, it's necessary for us to also move up our plans. Thus, I've decided to schedule our first strategy session for this year's War on Christmas for this coming Friday, October 19, 2007, at 8 PM in the Fairmont room at the Ramada Inn. Please RSVP if you will be attending.

The main agenda bullet points for this meeting will include:

• Use of eco-friendly defoliants in our attacks on pear trees, and mass release of partridges.
  
• The impact of BCE on Eight Maids a-Milking, and its usefulness as a propaganda technique
  
• Construction of new hotels, to guarantee Room at the Inn, or your stay is free.
  
• Potential exit strategies, as well as long-term planning for occupation at least through Ephiphany.
  
• Advance planning for "Operation: Kwanzaa Freedom" and "Operation: Enduring Chanukkah." Remember that this is an equal-opportunity struggle.
  
• Selection of chair for refreshment committee.
  

Any other items you wish to address, please mention them when you RSVP. If we have time, we will add them to the agenda.

Thank you, and hope to see you there!

©2007 P. Sungenis, All Rights Reserved

[lazyriver]

1. I could use some help expanding my biological warfare efforts

"Operation Tannenbaum" was a moderate local success last year as my captive breeding and release program of woolly adelgids aided in the defoliation of dozens of christmas trees. We are ready to expand the program to a national scale and could use volunteers to help breed and raise the little christmas warriors in their homes for later release upon the growers of one of the rallying symbols of our enemy. Our hope is to cause a cascade effect by reducing the supply of christmas trees, thus raising the prices and leaving less resources for shoppers to spend in the malls on christmas gifts. Our enemies will be forced to make a choice: purchase a rare and expensive christmas tree and have no money left for gifts or skip the sacred symbol and end up staring at a pile of presents placed sadly under the coat rack. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!

[Pab Sungenis]

3. Good work.

How is your progress against plastic trees coming?

[lazyriver]

5. Unfortunately, our synthetic division is grossly underfunded.

The enemy, much like the insurgency in Iraq, is surprisingly adaptable. Hopefully, the rising price of crude will raise the prices of artificial trees. Our only other hope at this point is a massive recall of these diabolical weapons due to discovery of lead or other toxic Chinese chemicals. Our limited funds will be spent on testing of these cheap imports in hopes of finding something dangerous enough to spur the recall.

[BushOut06]

2. Christmas has no place in the government sector

Honestly, I don't see what's so friggin hard for Christians to understand about this. Nobody's trying to deny them the right to celebrate Christmas in their own homes or churches. Nobody's banning the display of Christmas decorations on private property. Heck, they can even have their Christmas parades if they so desire, as long as they follow the same procedures as everyone else. We just don't want government endorsing a particular religion's holiday. Simple as that! How would Christians feel if suddenly public schools started celebrating Ramadan, and displaying Muslim symbols? You already know damned well how they'd react, they'd be demanding their removal!

[Pab Sungenis]

4. I take it from your message

that you are RSVP'ing "no?"

(Seriously, I find the whole concept of a "War On Christmas" laughable, and I choose to attack stupidity with humor.)

[SidDithers]

6. *grin*...I made a recruiting poster....

Sid

[mikeytherat]

7. 10 Lords a-leaping...over the border and into the United States illegally!

Coming to take the all of the high-paying "a-leaping" jobs from decent, God-fearing Americans!

mikey_the_rat

[mwb970]

8. We need some additional insulting holiday greetings.

I don't think "Happy Holidays" is getting the same enraged response that it did even a few short years ago. What about "Best wishes for the season" or "Winter greetings"? Those should make their blood boil!

[Pab Sungenis]

9. We'll add it to the agenda.

I think "Happy Humbug" had some support last year, but the matter never made it to the floor for a vote.

[sinkingfeeling]

10. I have good news to report. The continuing importation of Chinese made ornaments is succeeding

beyond our wildest dreams. These ornaments are cheap and contain extra high levels of lead, so are bound to be recalled before December 15th.!!

[T Wolf]

11. Don't forget the laxative-lacing of fruitcakes. Run with it. nt

[GrpCaptMandrake]

12. Refreshments

I certainly hope we'll see lots of Mrs. Fields cookies!

After all, Donald WILDmon over to the Ahmurrikkkan Fambly Assoseration done said Mrs. Fields has went and banned God from her cookies. This puts the fine folks over at the AFA in a real spot, since the only other place they can get a cookie with some God in it is the Cathlick Church, and trust me: the AFA don' want NUTHIN' t'do wiff no Cathlicks!



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[displacedtexan]

13. I move that we nominate Wal-Mart for this year's WOC award.

By flooding our marketplace with incredibly cheap & deadly poisonous toys, Wal-Mart
has to be the most effective homefront battalion in the War On Christmas!

I'm especially grateful for Wal-Mart's disinformation campaign ruse:




Will anyone second my motion?

[TechBear_Seattle]

14. RSVP, and a few additional agenda items

I have a status report on The Holiday Party Project, which seeks to eliminate employer sanctioned Christmas Parties in CubeLand in favor of secular Holiday Parties. If there is time, it would be nice to have a break-out session to brainstorm ideas for destroying Christmas via public school pagents.