"The Football" - Democratic Underground

The Doctor.

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Wed Oct-17-07 12:47 AM
Original message

"The Football"

Edited on Wed Oct-17-07 12:50 AM by Dr_eldritch

Tonight, as once every week or so, I sat with my charming and quixotic wife on the couch.

We spend Monday or Tuesday nights, sometimes both together as our schedules will allow. We sit, watch Inuyasha and History Channel, I massage her feet, she blows her nose... pure romance.

Tonight, while talking about my day and the contracts I was drawing up, I mentioned the relevance of the value of the dollar to my work to her. I went into the crumbling of the sub-prime market relative to the borrowing power of the banks and how the people, mostly middle-class, were about to see their equity evaporate. I asked her if she remembered what percentage of homes remained unsold on the market past 90 days in 2000. She guessed about 15-25%. I guessed that we'd see the real bottom of the market shortly after that number hit 41%. We could be way off, but the abstract seemed right.

But then I said, "Hun'", (no relation to the Mongol warriors),"I just hope that the economy holds out for another year... I'd like to be able to say, one year from now, 'Gosh, what was I so worried about?', when I think about this."

She looked at me thoughtfully.
That's how she usually looks.

I went on;

"Unfortunately, we have people in charge of monetary policy who really aren't very good at their jobs. We also have a whole bunch of forces, Big Oil, the PNAC, the Born-Again Christians, who are driving us straight into Oblivion through insolvency, chaos, and War... and not necessarily in that order."

I explained (again) how when we come to the point where the more rational powers decide to put on the brakes and avert nuclear war, the Fundies will be there to cut the brake lines.

I explained that the fundies could pull it off because their number one guy still has The Football.

I told her what The Football was. I explained, to an astute student of history, that 'The Football' was slang for 'The Button' nowadays. I mentioned the little details... how the case is occasionally secured, how it contains a satellite phone, all strategic and tactical plans, and a key-code 'of gold'. Then I mentioned how the case that held "The Football" was based on a 1950's "Zero Halliburton" design.

She said, "Isn't that interesting."

I continued by explaining how the Fundies had circumvented the brake system with their 'Number One', and I expressed my fear over his use of the 'gold codes'.

She said, "Well, I can't imagine that he'd be able to take such an action entirely on his own..."

So I explained that we only ever put such power in the hands of leaders we believed to have a brain, or some understanding of consequences. I rattled vibrantly on about how we presumed that anyone capable of attaining such high office had a modicum of sanity... but we were all dumbfounded by His Idiocy, 43.

I said, "There has never been a leader in History so devoid of understanding and with such power as this one....", I started to quote H.L. Menken, but she interrupted;

"Well Hon... if someone such as him had such an important key, I guarantee he would have lost it by now."

God I love this woman.

'Cowboy Beebop' is on now.

And I have a little hope.