It's not enough to just "tell" someone what your wishes are.

[SoCalDem]

The whole Anna Nicole business and before that, the Schiavo case should give us all the push we need.

GET A WILL..FILE IT YOURSELF AT THE COURTHOUSE..

It's also a good idea to sit down with "all concerned parties" and TELL THEM YOURSELF whom you plan to make executor, and WHY.

After a death, when feelings are raw, is usually the time when all the shit bubbles to the surface in famillies. (I speak as a two-time veteran of filial-wars)

Write it ALL down.. who gets Grandpa's wooden cigar box collection..who gets Grandma's old water pitcher.

People fight over the DUMBEST stuff, and it only escalates.

We are giving stuff away NOW, while we are alive, but there will always be stuff to distribute after we are gone, so we are writing it all down.

If you want something SOLD and the money, split, make sure you have an appraisal or a provision for an appraisal so that someone who wants to "buy" the other's shares, can do that.

TELL people, in writing, how you want your funeral or post mortem service to proceed. Write down WHERE you want to be buried.. Better yet, Pre-arrange it all, so there is NO question.

If you plan on leaving things to grandchildren, SAY so, (don't rely on people sharing willingly).

List debts owed to you by grown children. Within families, everyone knows that parents loan money to kids, and if those debts just suddenly go away, instead of being deducted from that person's share, there WILL be hard feelings forever.

If you cannot afford a lawyer, just write it all down, get it notarized, make copies for all mentioned in the will and put the original in a safety deposit box.

Make sure that someone you trust has power of attorney in case you become debilitated.

Once a year (your birthday, maybe) re-read the will and make updates if necessary.

You might want to periodically go through "old stuff" and remember that when you are gone, others will be looking through ALL your stuff, so it might be wise to start discarding stuff you don't want others to read/see..

:evilgrin:..the world's greatest porn collection might leave a strange remembrance if your grandkids are the ones to "find" it :evilgrin:

[thecrow]

1. Good advice!

[subterranean]

2. Excellent advice for anyone.

No one likes to think about their own death, but my wife's father died suddenly last year (at the young age of 84), and she and her family had to frantically figure out what to do, because he had left no will and no instructions about where he wanted to be buried. Nothing. Apparently no one had even thought about it before. Afterwards, my wife practically begged her mother to write a will. If her mom goes, and there's no will, I can guarantee there will be a sh*t storm about who gets what.

[sleepyhead]

3. And while you're doing that

Also set up a durable health care proxy (I think that's what it's called) so that everyone is clear on who makes the medical decisions for those who are no longer able to do so. Our lawyer called it something slightly different but I can't remember the exact wording.

[SoCalDem]

6. Here's a great site.. you can download free forms and everything

http://www.expertlaw.com/library/estate_planning/medical_power_of_attorney.html

Medical Power of Attorney Form
By Aaron Larson
Law Offices of Aaron Larson
August, 2003

Notice: This free legal form is provided for general informational purposes. Before you utilize any legal form you find on the Internet, you should have it reviewed by a lawyer in your jurisdiction to be sure that it meets your legal needs, and will be held valid by a court in the jurisdiction where you reside.

Please recall that it is usually possible to obtain a free form medical power of attorney, reviewed for legality in your state, from a local hospital.
Medical Power of Attorney
Effective Upon Execution

I, , a resident of ; Social Security Number designate , presently residing at

, telephone number as my agent to make any and all health care decisions for me, except to the extent I state otherwise in this document. For the purposes of this document, "health care decision" means consent, refusal of consent, or withdrawal of consent to any care, treatment, service, or procedure to maintain, diagnose, or treat an individual's physical or mental condition. This medical power of attorney takes effect if I become unable to make my own health care decisions and this fact is certified in writing by my physician.

Limitations:

Inspection and Disclosure of Information Relating to My Physical or Mental Health: Subject to any limitations in this document, my agent has the power and authority to do all of the following:

1. Request, review, and receive any information, verbal or written, regarding my physical or mental health, including, but not limited to, medical and hospital records;
2. Execute on my behalf any releases or other documents that may be required in order to obtain this information;
3. Consent to the disclosure of this information.


snip

[Katherine Brengle]

4. Great thread --

I'm only 25 and I am already considering writing mine up (not much to give away, but I'd like my wishes to be known just in case).

You just never know.

[SoCalDem]

5. My son lost 4 friends (all in their early-twenties) to accidents.

Myabe you want your best friend to have that cute bracelet or dress or whatever. If it's not written down, she'll never get it, and she and your family would never know you wanted her to have it :(

[Katherine Brengle]

11. I'm so sorry to hear that :(

And I absolutely agree - maybe it's not a big financial deal if I want to leave a sweater or something to my best friend, but it would mean something to her.

It would mean something to me to be left with a physical reminder of someone, even if it was monetarily worthless.

[SoCalDem]

12. Yep.. and your friend would probably feel weird asking for something of yours

Young people often don't think of dying, but it happens.. The driver fell asleep at the wheel, and 3 of my son's friends died that night in one accident.. (no drugs or alcohol..just no sleep ) The other friend died a few months later in a different car accident...he was hit by a drunk driver..

[RB TexLa]

7. For the last line, it's called a "porn buddy"

Someone you tell to get the porn before your mother, granny, children or whoever shows up.

Usually with the "watch it don't watch it, whatever, I'd rather you think we (or I) are freaks than think about relatives viewing it."

[tblue]

9. And how do we know of such things?????? tee hee

[tblue]

8. Thank you. The best advice I've heard in a long time. Need to get on it and not burden your loved

ones. My dad had his burial plot and all the funeral arrangements paid for, and that was the most thoughtful gift he could have given us.

[SoCalDem]

10. You're very welcome.

We plan to have our youngest be the executor..not because he's the "favorite"..but because he LIVES NEAR us, and would be the logical one to have do it.

We also have put him on our car registration and bank accounts, and safety deposit boxes.. The actual will would override that, but in the interim, he would have access to money needed to "finalize" things.

When we sell this big house, we plan on having the three sons "buy" our final house in their names, so that when we die, there will be no reason to "leave it" to them. What they do with it aftre we are gone is their business, but they will have an equal share by virtue of being the three owners.