Do we need to start slinging liberal bible quotes big time?

[Smith_3]

I wonder, since american seem to be so obsessed with anything that is in the bible, wether it would be a good idea to put together a huge collection of "liberal" quotes from the bible and start throwing them around everytime the Talibornagains give us their hateful "off with the fag's heads" type of mantra. I'm sure there are several religious educated people who could come up with loads of powerful quotes. They have to be in that book somewhere.

I will start: "Thou shalt not lie." - Republicans are serial liers. And they claim that evolution didn't happen. That's a big lie too...

[YOY]

1. No.

Fuck that. It gives them some sort of justification for using a book of myths, folk remedies, proverbial wisdom, and piss poor historical accounts as a bastion of fact.

[LanternWaste]

7. That's one way of looking at it...

That's one of many ways of looking at it...

[Bicoastal]

2. "And Lo, they were slain mightily by the jaw of an ass"

Hmm, sounds like the post-Bush GOP....

[knitter4democracy]

5. "And two hundred abode by the stuff."

1 Samuel 25:13 And David said unto his men, Gird ye on every man his sword. And they girded on every man his sword; and David also girded on his sword: and there went up after David about four hundred men; and two hundred abode by the stuff.

It was our travelling drama group's official Bible verse in college. At our evangelical college, every group had to have an official Bible verse, a motto of sorts. The kids in NAG avoided it as long as they could, but then Wayland found this one. It became the offical verse for the travelling group and the drama club.

Silly Bible jokes are fun. :)

[JuniperLea]

11. How will you recognize Adam and Eve in Heaven?

They are the ones without belly buttons!

[TechBear_Seattle]

25. If silly one-off Bible quotes are in demand, try these

He went up from there to Bethel; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, "Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!" (2 Kings 2:23)

The man shall be free from iniquity, but the woman shall bear her iniquity. (Num 5:31)

And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him; for he loved him as he loved his own soul. (1 Sam 20:17)

Go and cry to the gods whom you have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your distress. (Judges 10:14)

Laban had gone to shear his sheep, and Rachel stole her father's household gods. (Gen 31:19)

But anything in the seas or the rivers that has not fins and scales, of the swarming creatures in the waters and of the living creatures that are in the waters, is an abomination to you. (Lev 11:10)

Then Cain went away from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, east of Eden. (Gen 4:16)

[knitter4democracy]

33. Rachel was one interesting chick.

To hide the stolen gods, she sat on a blanket covering them and told her dad she was on her period and couldn't get up. Brilliant. :)

[TechBear_Seattle]

35. Which begs the question: Why did Laban have households gods, and how could they be stolen?

Personally, though, I am far more curious about how the fourth person in existence, Cain, could have travelled to a city outside the Garden of Eden.

But of course, trying to get Talibangelicals to discuss such passages from the Literal Truth of God gets a bit difficult.

[knitter4democracy]

38. Because he didn't believe in the same god.

That, and at the time, there's some evidence to say that women had different beliefs than the men. The men had the one god, male, and the women were pantheist. It's a theory I've heard.

Cain is a problem. He marries another woman (who--some say his sister, but then why isn't she mentioned earlier) and moves away to another town. Some resolve that by pointing out there are two Creation stories for humans and that Adam and Eve really weren't the first humans. Me, I think it's all metaphorical since humans wouldn't have understood all the science underpinning the Big Bang and evolution until fairly recently in our history. If God had given the Big Bang with all the equations and everything to Moses to write, people would've been pretty dang confused.

[knitter4democracy]

3. The only one I use that seems to work is asking them this:

Start by asking them what the Second Greatest Commandment is. Then ask them who their neighbor is. Ask which parable comes right after that and if they know who Samaritans were (and still are) and what the Jews thought of them. It usually takes a few minutes, but then they get it.

[blondeatlast]

34. Or where Jesus wanted them to pray. It wasn't in schools, that's for certain. nt

[knitter4democracy]

39. Good point. nt.

[treestar]

4. Quote the eye of the needle

About how it is easier for a camel to go through one than a rich man to get to heaven.

I also like where Jesus says sell all you have and give it to the poor. Many a right wingnut can be bamboozled with that one. They always say it doesn't mean a government program. But Jesus didn't say it couldn't be a government program. And furthermore, they should still do it whenever they have extra cash - they should feel those hellfires blazing and unload it on the poor as soon as they can.

[AzDar]

6. Matthew 6:5....

[geardaddy]

9. Yup. I love that one.

I couldn't have told you where it was in the NT, but I love that verse.

[TechBear_Seattle]

8. If we were to do that, I would feel obliged to share this one

'Why have we fasted, and thou seest it not?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and thou takest no knowledge of it?'
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure,
and oppress all your workers.

Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight
and to hit with wicked fist.
Fasting like yours this day
will not make your voice to be heard on high.

Is such the fast that I choose,
a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a rush,
and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast,
and a day acceptable to the LORD?

Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the thongs of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you,
the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.

Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, Here I am.

Isaiah 58:3-9a

Or maybe this gem from the Gospels:

When the Son of man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate them one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will place the sheep at his right hand, but the goats at the left.

Then the King will say to those at his right hand, 'Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see thee hungry and feed thee, or thirsty and give thee drink? And when did we see thee a stranger and welcome thee, or naked and clothe thee? And when did we see thee sick or in prison and visit thee?'

And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.'

Then he will say to those at his left hand, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.'

Then they also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see thee hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to thee?'

Then he will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it not to one of the least of these, you did it not to me.'

And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.

Matthew 25:31-46

What other Bible quotes should be slung around more often?

[bobbolink]

24. You picked my top choice... Matthew 25.

It pretty much says it all...

Too bad it's one of the most neglected passages....

:(

[endarkenment]

10. Uh, no.

However it might be a good idea to quote some of the more insane sections, such as:

Exodus 21:17 "And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death."

or

Exodus 31:15 "Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death."

Heck, just have them read Exodus.

[Adsos Letter]

12. Well...regarding religion and politics...

which is what I believe is actually the crux of the issue here:

"Then Pilate went back inside and called for Jesus to be brought to him. 'Are you the king of the Jews?' he asked him." (John 18:33)

"Then Jesus answered, 'I am not an earthly king. If I were, my followers would have fought when I was arrested by the Jewish leaders. But my kingdom is not of this world.'" (John 18:36)

Anyone who tries to create America in terms of a "Christian Nation" is flying directly in the face of this...and the Constitution which our founders were wise enough to create...

[JVS]

13. You might want to check to be sure that your quotations are actually in the bible first.

"Thou shalt not lie." :rofl:

[Adsos Letter]

14. Yeah...

I think it is actually "Thou shalt not bear false witness..."

[JVS]

15. you're forgetting the " against thy neighbor." part

Sounds more like a rule not to badmouth people than a rule to make people tell the truth.

[Adsos Letter]

16. I think it was both a discouragement to badmouthing...

and a legal proscription against false testimony in whatever judicial program was in operation at the time...If i recall correctly, it only took the evidence of two witnesses to get you into some serious trouble in those days...on the other hand, the penalty for false testimony was severe.

[shimmergal]

30. Yes, I read it as a rule against perjury. NT

[Romulox]

17. It's probably more effective to invite liberal Xtians to the table

Democrats have no problem sitting down and finding a "middle ground" with big business, multinational money-men, Saudi Sheiks, Chinese Autocrats.

But the culture wars must be fought to the last man? I don't get it. :shrug:

[Chovexani]

22. I think we should blow up the table

And pass a bowl around. :smoke:

[Romulox]

26. Amen to that!

I've actually known some otherwise pretty fundy Christian dopers. No lie, but they would get pretty philosophical when they were on the pots.

Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it?

[Chovexani]

28. LOL

One of my best friends in the world was raised by pot smoking Jesus hippies. I've never met a nicer, more sane bunch of people.

[Fire Walk With Me]

18. "Love your neighbor as yourself" is a pretty well-known item.

But what do you do about those who determinedly wish to, and DO, cause chaos and trouble for others?

[Chovexani]

19. Here's a wild idea

How about doing what Jesus said with the rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar's and taking Biblical shit out of the equation entirely.

Funny how Christians get selective amnesia about that anthology.

[Adsos Letter]

20. I agree...

anyone who thinks Liberal Christianity is incapable of using the bible to support dangerous ideas need to read:

"The war for Righteousness: Progressive Christianity, the Great War, and the Rise of the Messianic Nation." by Gamble.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough...

EDIT: forgot a quotation mark :dunce:

[karlrschneider]

21. Here's a good resource

http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com

[bobbolink]

23. YES! "As you have done unto the least of these, so you have done unto me."

Good ole' Matthew 25!

[Quantess]

27. Yes, because Democrats are more moral, and have better "family values".

Christians should wake up and realize that they've been conned into believing that Republicans are somehow a better fit with Christianity.

I'm agnostic, personally. But to me, the idea of a Christian liberal makes a lot more sense, and seems more honest, than a Christian neocon. Less hypocritical, too.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

29. "Judge not lest ye be judged."

"But I knew my God was the real god and his god was the false god." -- General Somebody or Other who was in Iraq.

[nadinbrzezinski]

31. I do that from time to time with bible thumpers

it can be great fun... but in general I would discourage you from doing that and instead find quotes from the founders on how much this is NOT a christian country.

Those are effective at truly pissing those folks up and making others THINK.

That said, the Sermon on the Mount is a personal favorite of mine with these folks, given I am Jewish it always confuses them.

[TrogL]

32. "faith without works is dead"

[insanad]

36. Her breasts, round like the moon, oh behold her breasts!!

Read some "Song of Solomon" for some really racy stuff.

And I beheld the smiting thy ass these three times!! (arse spanking is so hot!!)

And he commanded a She Bear to come out of the forest and devour the little children...(how's that for you whining little uninsured bastards wishing the Govt. cared a twat about your stupid Cystic Fibrosis and other ailments!!!)

And Lot spilled his seed upon the ground, which was an abomination in the sight of the Lord...(his daughters were trying to have sex with him and rather than impregnate the little vixens, he had the audacity to unload on the dirt rather than in their horny hot little wombs. Somehow this would have been preferable in the eyes of the LORD).

Whenever I see a bunch of Christian types lugging their scriptures around to use as reference material for proof of whatever bigotted narrow idea they are trying to prove I'm reminded of the aboriginees who have a bowl of goats blood with some leaves in it. The one stirring the stew gets to interpret the swirls and viola' you have confirmation of whatever they're trying to prove.

I wish I had a large volume of the entire script of every Simpson's episode to use as counterpoint to the silly biblical doctrine. It can't be more incoherent or irrelevant. It couldn't possibly be more silly and nonsensical. It surely is more kind and compassionate and "Christ-like" than the tripe espoused by the bible thumping "Christians".

[Beelzebud]

37. Hey then people like me could just ignore both political parties!

It would certainly free me to worry about other things, like how to get a 3rd party going.

[Kansas Wyatt]

40. They'll just claim that you took it out of context and...

You are ignorant to the whole Bible, because you are not a believer.

I tried it with the ex... She was seriously offended by this.