OFFICIAL Chuck Norris Thread - Chuck Norris FACTS!!!

[ShaneGR]

In the spirit of laughing at Huckabee, lets list every Chuck Norris "fact!"

Here we go:

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

[Mythsaje]

1. He (or his brother/choreographer) is so stupid as to think

a spinning back kick is an effective first strike.

Hint: It only works if you're fighting BLIND ninjas.

[Occam Bandage]

2. Here, let me try one.

Chuck Norris is a C-list actor and B-list martial artist who, by virtue of the whims of the Internet, ended up the subject of repurposed Vin Diesel jokes, which are repurposed Bill Brasky jokes, which have their roots in American folkloric "tall tales." He is bemused by the phenomenon, and has requested that his "admirers" move on, while at the same time taking advantage of the situation to star in advertisements for soft drinks and a top-tier Presidential candidate, as well as to promote his regular conservative column.

Do I have the hang of it yet?

[ShaneGR]

5. Clearly you don't understand the real truth of Chuck Norris!

BTW, Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

[Hoof Hearted]

3. You can find his likeness in the paper goods aisle

[ingac70]

6. Ha!

:spray:

Hand me a sheet of that to wipe the root beer of my keyboard....

[JohnnyRingo]

4. Chuck Norris was at one time employed in the movie industry.

I know it's a fact, I'm old enough to remember his films.

[puerco-bellies]

7. Way back in the 60's I trained in karate at a dojo in Monterey Park.

My Kempo sensi was a man named Dan Guzman. One of the dojo's we would have regular inter-school tournaments with was Chuck's. While a student there we won every single one, not every match but over all every single tourney. I had won several medals, and Chuck refereed several of my matches.

[PsN2Wind]

8. All I could think of as he stood behind Huck

was "The eyes of the Ranger are upon you"

[tammywammy]

9. Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.


http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/


They make me laugh. :)

[cynatnite]

10. Chuck Norris swore he would find every underage girl in the US...

and have them swear to remain virgins until he shaves his beard off.

I'm not good at it.

[LTR]

11. Chuck Norris made a YouTube video and contemplated suicide after a botched surgery

Oops sorry - that was Glenn Beck.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/01/04/glenn-beck-rambles-about-_n_79833.html

[gatorboy]

12. Chuck Norris is a big baby that sues those that revitalize his career.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071222/wr_nm/norris_lawsuit_dc

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Tough-guy actor and martial arts expert Chuck Norris sued publisher Penguin on Friday over a book he claims unfairly exploits his famous name, based on a satirical Internet list of "mythical facts" about him.

Favorite paragraph:

Norris, who rose to fame in the 1970s and 1980s as the star of such films as "The Delta Force" and "Missing in Action," says the book's title would mislead readers into thinking the facts were true.

[meowomon]

13. Fact::

Chuck Norris has a rare condition that produces a very potent natural testosterone in his blood. He must regularly donate blood so that his serum levels never rise above the dangerous zone. It is alleged that the resulting hormones are being studied by the Pentagon to create a super army and Mike Huckabee is promising to keep funding the study if he is elected.

[tomreedtoon]

14. Fact: Why Norris does roundhouse spin-kicks.

It was a technique he developed, not for fighting, but for getting the cow crap off the bottom of his boots. This is why he developed a liking for Huckabee; he thought he was a pile of doody he'd spun off his boots that came to life, making him Huckabee's father in his own mind.

[ShaneGR]

15. New info available!

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

[Bluebear]

16. I saw him eating at Mr. Sushi in Dallas in 1995!!!!

No, really, I did.

[ShaneGR]

17. You didn't see him, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be viewed... nt

[Bluebear]

18. I wanted to grab the paper napkin he used to wipe his tough, masculine mouth with...

but the busboy had already taken it by the time I got to the table :(

[backwoodsbob]

19. Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on...

because the dark is afraid of him.

[Xenotime]

20. Chuck Norris doesn't support Huckabee..the drugs he takes do.