'Meanest mom on planet' sells son's car

[MiniMe]

Thought we might need a break today. I think this is great.

On the CNN main page. http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/01/09/mean.mom.ap/index.html

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) -- Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself the "meanest mom on the planet."

After finding alcohol in her son's car, she decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone -- by placing an ad in the local newspaper.

The ad reads: "OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."

Hambleton has heard from people besides interested buyers since recently placing the ad in The Des Moines Register.

The 48-year-old from Fort Dodge says she has fielded more than 70 telephone calls from emergency room technicians, nurses, school counselors and even a Georgia man who wanted to congratulate her.

/snip

[shadowknows69]

1. Would it make me a bad parent to think that's brilliant?

If so, I guess it's a good thing I never bred.

[MiniMe]

4. ITA. I love the ad that she placed too

Something for parents with the same rules to place in their kid's cars.

[Occulus]

166. Am I the ONLY one on this thread to notice

that she said in the article that she believes him when he said the alcohol wasn't his?

Am I ALSO the only one to ask in whose name the car was? It doesn't matter a bit who bought it; in whose name was it registered with the state?

And am I the only one who takes extreme exception to rules attached to gifts?

Let me say it again: the article states that she believed him when he said the liquor wasn't his.

THEREFORE,

She is punishing him for something she thinks someone else did.

Real fucking nice life lesson. My mom pulled that shit on me all through my childhood, right on up to when I was 19, including taking MY (yes, MY) car away, AND yanking my college funding right after all the financial aid got doled out. I left school, and never went back.

(I graduated high school with a 3.85 GPA, both NHS cords, more music awards and honors than I care to list here, AND no contact of any sort with the law. I never ever skipped school- except on "Senior skip day"- I never cheated on any test, and I went out of my way to be their image of a "perfect teenager". For my efforts, I got kicked in the teeth and got the future I picked for myself utterly destroyed- and this woman sounds exactly like the people who did it to me.)

My parents did that because my grades were too low. Funny thing- I repeatedly asked them what was "too low" and their response was always "you'll know when we stop helping you pay for it." It was kind of like a sign that says: "SPEED LIMIT", without telling you the speed.

So I guess you could say I have a deeply sensitive hair trigger for really bad parenting, and I can state without any hesitation that this woman is a very bad parent. She:

+ "believes" her son
+ doesn't believe him enough to not punish him for something she admits someone else probably did
+ publicly humiliates him for something she admits she didn't think he did
+ is proud of the fact

And NONE of this touches whose car it actually was. I don't care if she bought it. That does NOT matter in the slightest, no matter how badly parents who buy their kids gifts like a car would like it to matter (once you give a gift, it's GIVEN. You don't get to take it back OR dispose of it). What matters- legally speaking- is in whose name the car was, and the article doesn't say. If it was in his name and not hers, I think (and IANAL, I may be wrong, it depends on the state law) she committed grand theft auto by selling it, and she deserves jail time as a result.

This woman was wrong, all the way around, and she even (very shamelessly) admits it. He's right to be angry, and I *truly* hope this backfires severely upon her.

edit: contrary responses don't really deserve my attention. SHE WAS WRONG. And she admits it, but then says that mercy isn't warranted.

Even though she believes him when he says the liquor wasn't his.

And who is to say one of his friends didn't know about her rules, and decided to manufacture a "HA HA" moment? *I* had 'friends' like that; I think we all probably did.

And she believes her son when he says the liquor wasn't his (I'm belaboring that point because it's the most important thing the article has to say IMO), and she STILL punishes him, and we have people here PRAISING her.

What. The. FUCK.

[electron_blue]

179. You're still responsible for liquor in your own car, esp opened.

And I bet there is more to this story than we're hearing. You can tell me there wasn't some major lead up to this event.

I do, however, agree with you on wondering who owns the car, technically. He's not a minor and if he owned it, then she was wrong, legally, to sell it.

[Dorian Gray]

208. That's true...

and he can sue her in order to get it back. If the car is in her name (possible for insurance reasons. My first car was in my parents' names...), then she had every right to sell it.

[DireStrike]

191. I don't believe she believes him.

She's probably lying to keep him out of any possible legal trouble, present or future.

[Pakhet]

194. so maybe she believes him, but...

she also states:
Hambleton believes her son but has decided mercy isn't the best policy in this case. She says she set two rules when she bought the car at Thanksgiving: No booze, and always keep it locked.

No booze, in my opinion, means not even if it belongs to the passenger

[rsdsharp]

198. From a legal standpoint you're simply wrong.

In point of fact, this wasn't really a gift, it was an executory contract. It involved an exchange of consideration: She bought the car and "gave" it to him in exchange for his promises that he keep the car locked, and that there be no liquor in the car. He broke the deal, whether it was his booze or not.

Second, although the article doesn't say, her name must have been on the title. She couldn't have completed the sale and transferred title otherwise. If it was only his name on the title, he could have stopped the sale cold by refusing to sign the title transfer. Of course, in that case, there might have been other consequences.

I do agree that if she really believed that if it wasn't his booze, and this was a first offense, so to speak, she might have done something less drastic, and foregone the public humiliation. But what she did was within her rights.

[Dorian Gray]

207. He allowed his friends

to bring alcohol into his car. He should have been more responsible and said "no."

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

72. Yes and yes. Public humiliation is NEVER a good idea. -nt

[Deja Q]

2. Good.

Very good indeed. :thumbsup:

[VelmaD]

3. that is freakin' AWESOME

and totally sounds like something my parents would have done.

[Marrah_G]

5. Awesome Ad. She sounds like me.

[youthere]

6. Sounds like something I'd do.

:thumbsup:
Good for her.

[book_worm]

7. Good for her. Obviously they must own the car and so she can do what she pleases.

[MiniMe]

10. Yes, the article at the link mentions that she bought it for her son in November

And only had 2 rules. No alcohol in the car and keep the doors locked at all times.

[MuseRider]

8. HA! I guess I finally lost my title!

I LOVE this. Thanks.

[havocmom]

9. Good for her!

If the young man were involved in an accident, it is likely she could have her assets considered for any award to any victims too. If the 'kid' won't be responsible, why should she be at risk?

At his age, he IS responsible for his behavior, but the courts often use parents' $$ too, so he needs to grow the fuck up and behave or he should be treated like the irresponsible baby he is acting like.

No toys for bad boys.

[depakid]

174. "it is likely she could have her assets considered for any award" -uh, no

Not if he's 19 and it's HIS car.

[havocmom]

180. If he is living under her roof, in school and she claims him as a dependent

Oh yeah!

[depakid]

183. Nope. He's of majority age

and this is not the family car (by her own admission).

There's no vicarious liability under these circumstances.

[havocmom]

182. And it's NOT his car

She bought it, so she probably has it on HER insurance. HER liability.

[tridim]

11. That's great, but Who really owned the car?

I never drank when I was a teen driver, but if my parents sold my car (that I paid for) for some other reason I'd be quite pissed.

I'm guessing the parents owned this kid's car.

[MiniMe]

24. Read the article. The mother bought the car in November

So she owns it. She only set 2 rules for him, 1 was no alcohol in the car. And then she found a bottle of alcohol in the car.

[tridim]

30. Then good for her!

I did read the article, but I guess I skimmed past that part.

[JerseygirlCT]

78. Then the car is gone. Good for her!

It can be tough to take on that job (meanest mom in the world). But sometimes you have to do it.

[Xithras]

192. My parents sold the car I bought

My first car was a 1972 Camaro that I bought myself at 16, with money I'd saved for nearly two years. About a year after I bought it, my dad found out I'd been drag racing it on public streets and he immediately took the car away. He sold it about a week later for about $500 more than I paid for it, and he did give me the money, but he made it clear that I simply wasn't responsible enough to drive.

My parents did end up letting me purchase another car several months later, but with the caveat that THEY picked the car. I ended up with a 1964 VW Beetle. I never raced it :)

[Maraya1969]

196. That's a cute story and it may have saved a life. Good for your parents.

[Xithras]

197. Yeah, mine.

A few months after selling my car, one of my classmates clipped another car and wrapped his Chevy Nova around a tree during a race. Both he and his 15 year old girlfriend were killed, and the 16 year old driver of the car he was racing (and clipped) was badly hurt. The 16 year old survived but was eventually charged and convicted in the deaths of the other two.

The scary thing for me, in retrospect, was that they both raced with the same bunch of people I did (though I didn't personally know them). Had my dad not taken the car, there's a very good possibility that I might have been there that night, or that I might have even been driving one of the cars in that race. Life could have turned out very differently.

That was actually when my parents caved and let me get a new car. It wasn't until that point that I understood, and accepted, why my parents had taken my car away. It wasn't until that point that I stopped being mad at them. When they saw that I'd figured it out, they OK'd the Beetle.

And, for what it's worth, that Beetle still ranks as one of my all-time favorite cars. I had way more fun with it than I ever had with my Camaro :)

[driver8]

12. I'm a parent -- and this is brilliant!

I'm a hypocrite, though. When I was a teenager I drank and drove all the time.

My parents should have done this to me!!

[midlife_mo_Jo]

102. You're not a hypocrite.

You're a grownup who's gotten wiser! Don't EVER consider yourself a hypocrite.

[fishwax]

13. an unnecessary ego trip

but selling the car was not a bad idea at all, imo.

[Egnever]

15. Selling the car i can get behind

Publicly humiliating her child I can not.

[fishwax]

34. my thoughts too

I don't see the point in that, but the last line of the story suggests she gets a kick out of it: "The car has been sold, but Hambleton says she will continue the ad for another week -- just for the feedback."

[roguevalley]

46. being rational and expecting him to keep his word didn't work so

maybe a little shame is in order. shame is a good thing sometimes. Of course, I'll probably get crucified for saying so. After all, it might damage his psyche forever as opposed to breaking his word to his parents and getting killed drunk driving. Go, Mom.

[AnneD]

63. Maybe the kid...

will learn a lesson he'll never forget. Maybe he won't do it again, esp. if he knows more eyes will be watching him. Maybe she saved a few lives, including her son's. He got off easy if you ask me.

I have a friend whose son and friends got drunk, despite her warnings. They wound up killing a young nephew and her son killed his best childhood friend. I know if she could have, she would have sold his car too. Pride, ego, and esteem are not the problem here and to hell with his feelings-he knew the rules and broke them. This is tough love, and she loves her son more than he can appreciate now.

When my daughter called me the meanest Mom in the world-I took it as a badge of honour. I have to be her mother-not her friend. One day when she is older, we will be friends-but for now-I am the second meanest Mom in the world.

Edited to add that my friend and I are both Nurses and we drill this stuff into our kids head. I have seen enough kids scraped off the road to last a lifetime. We don't roll with out a seat bealt on and we certaintly don't roll impaired.

[Sugar Smack]

153. Oh, Christ, AnneD.

:hug:

[fishwax]

156. Or maybe the kid will resent his indiscretion being CNN fodder and it won't help at all

I think selling the car was a fine idea. I don't being so public about it is productive or effective, though.

I'm very sorry about your friends son, though, AnneD. I lost friends the same way growing up, and I know it was devastating for the parents :(

[AnneD]

206. I deal with kids all day long....

for a time I had to work with teens. I love 'em but teens are particularly hard headed. They have attitudes like toddlers that can get around better and have hormonal issues. Sometimes you have to get in their face to get their attention, and this is one of those times. Kids like to think that their parents are mean and other kids parents let them get away with it. The fact that this is making the wires shows other teens that this is not acceptable and there are consequences. It also lets parents know that they are not alone in dealing with it. I do believe that this event, publicity and all may have saved her son (and given some spine to other parents).

I don't know if folks caught it-but many of the folks supporting her were docs, nurses, emt's and law enforcement. I thought that was very telling. Nothing more tragic than seeing kids die needlessly or live altered needlessly.

[fishwax]

212. I work with teens now--from the same age group as in this case

and I don't think it would be effective.

I don't know if folks caught it-but many of the folks supporting her were docs, nurses, emt's and law enforcement. I thought that was very telling. Nothing more tragic than seeing kids die needlessly or live altered needlessly.
It is telling, but what it tells is that docs, nurses, etc. know the consequences of reckless behavior: as you say, there is "nothing more tragic than seeing kids die needlessly or live altered needlessly."

It still doesn't follow that this is the most effective way to prevent it. Not all action is effective action, and action that is more drastic/strict/severe is not necessarily more effective. Sometimes, it becomes counterproductive. In this case, I think selling the car is the effective action. I don't think making it this public is an effective strategy for a parent in dealing with such behavior.

[AnneD]

215. We will just have to

have a difference of opinion because I feel it is an effective tool in parenting and like any tool, should be used in moderation.

I remember when my mother used shame to teach me a lesson. I was a small kid and had taken candy from the store. She made me go back, pay the man and she threw the candy in the trash in front of me. It was ok to throw the candy away because I felt embarassed to tell the owner what I had done. I never did that again.

I agree with an earlier poster in that I don't think some of these kids HAVE a sense of shame by the looks of the things. I see the seeds sown in elementary where I work now. There is nothing wrong with having a sense of shame-it use to be called a concious. I'm not proposing everyone wear a hairy shirt or carry a ton of guilt around with them, but if more folks (esp those in power) had a sense of shame, we wouldn't have many of the problems we do.

[fishwax]

217. private and public shame are quite different things

Your situation with the candy isn't parallel, and if your mom had convinced the manager to broadcast your apology live over the store's intercom system, that would not likely have been any more effective.

[bighart]

68. A 19 year old is not a child

He is old enough to vote and old enough to serve in the military, so he should be old enough to be responsible and keep his word. This kind of ad is no more humiliating than having your name in an arrest report in the news paper for having killed someone while driving drunk.

[NewJeffCT]

88. but, he still has another 31 years of his life

where he can claim it was a youthful indiscretion - if he's a Republican.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

144. Then he should be old enough to consume alcohol, right?

[bighart]

145. Maybe so.

There is no age that makes it ok to drink and drive however.

[WillowTree]

157. Theh he should be old enough to buy & insure his own car.

So he's embarassed. So damned what?

As long as he's relying on his folks to provide a car for him, he gets to live by their rules or do without. That's just life and at 19, he's old enough to learn to accept that.

So sad. Too bad. The kid knew what the rules were and he chose to flaunt them. I'll shed no tears for his wounded pride.

[LanternWaste]

121. That's humiliation?

That's humiliation? Yeeesh.

[Radical Activist]

123. A very controlling tactic for someone that age.

In ten years the son will be paying a woman to tie him up and whip him. He's an adult at 19. He should move out now and get out from under her control.

[Leopolds Ghost]

167. He's the one who let her buy him a car in return for a promise not to be one of those

drunk drivers who should be ashamed anyhow.

[Hello_Kitty]

188. Eggs Zackly!

If I were him, I'd be scanning the classifieds for a job, a used car, and a room-for-rent. Then I'd let my control-freak mom know that I'd rather do without the creature comforts she provided than be humiliated and treated like a baby. That's the best possible outcome for this kid. He needs to break those apron strings, and now.

[Dorian Gray]

209. Yes... he should....

if he is upset with his mother's actions here, he is an adult. He can go out, get a job, find a place to live, buy his own car (one in which his mother can not sell on a whim) and strike out his own life.

Or he can follow his parents rules and live under their roof with their financial aid.

He's an adult. He has that choice.

[Egnever]

14. brilliant?

Demeaning her child publicly is brilliant?

WTF is wrong with people.

[Phillycat]

16. So that her child won't kill someone else (or someone else's child)

drunk driving? WTF is wrong with YOU?

[Egnever]

19. So sell the car

public humiliation of the child did not need to be included.

I guess my compassion for children is a personal flaw.

[Phillycat]

25. First of all, the kid is a teenager, not a small child.

Second, public humiliation is very effective. It's the way racism is most effectively combated, sexism, homophobia, all social ills. If this teenager got his car quietly taken away by his mother, all he would think is that she's a bitch and unfair. Being publicly chastised for doing a thing stupid enough as to drunk drive is a VERY effective deterrant for a teenager. She's trying to keep her kid (and everyone else) alive.

[kevinbgoode]

57. Actually, that kid is an ADULT

And frankly, why would a parent be purchasing a CAR for an adult son anyway?

I know I'm showing my age, but in my day no parent bought their child much of anything after the 18th birthday, and the cars most of my friends had while teenagers were usually $100 rattletraps. . .and usually the teen scrimped and saved to pay for their share of insurance and/or upkeep of the car.

Just makes me wonder what kind of example the parents were setting by buying the "kid" a car in the first place?

[RoadRage]

106. Ohh.. my how things have changed..

My mom was very nice and bought me a $4,000 Toyota Corolla (it was 3 years old) back in 1993 when I turned 16. I was very grateful.. and drove it to the very wealthy public school I attended each day. It was a lot of fun parking it between BMW's, Merceedes, Chevy Tahoes, etc... seriously, there were kids driving $60,000 cars (and Ironically most of them had the drinking/drug problems as well).

Parents have only gotten worse since then.. 25 year olds living at home for free.. not working or going to school, just smoking pot in moms basement while playing PS3 all night - to tired to get up before noon the next day to look for a job.

But, honestly I think the parents are the enablers, and take over half of the blame.

I plan on making my 3 year old pay for 1/2 of her big-wheel this year. ;) Ahh.. if only that would work!

[kevinbgoode]

172. I'm middle-aged and in my last year of a doctoral program. . .

and I have one neighbor who is 28, an undergraduate, whose divorced mother is paying for his telephone service, cellphone, cable television and internet (even though the University provides free dial-up service for students - but he HAS to have broadband @ $30 a month). He spends his grant/loan money on such necessities as vacations in the Ozarks, drinking, high-end home theater systems, and borrowing another neighbor's car or nagging for rides to school (which is a whole 15 minute walk - and there is free bus service). He just knocked on my door yesterday asking for a roll of toilet paper (he was out of money, his student loan check hadn't arrived, and he was broke after going out to the clubs the last three nights).

Another neighbor who finally graduated with his B.A. smashed his parent-provided cellphone while out drinking, (he's 30). . .so spent the last three weeks of school borrowing my phone, asking for rides to class and to the liquor store, borrowing my computer at home (he had a computer but wouldn't pay for a land-line phone to use the free University internet service since Mom provided him a free cellphone), asking for a roll of paper towels (he went out the night before he was moving, but couldn't go to the store because the bars were closer). . .

I have another one who is well over 30. . .I made the mistake of seeing him, as he was moving in, trying to pull a huge sofa across the grass on his own, so I helped him get it inside his apartment. Within two weeks he was knocking on the door 2-3 times a week. . .a ride to Walmart to buy a bigger television, to borrow my broom (he continued that for an entire semester), to 'browse" through my DVD collection to "borrow" movies - some of which he has never returned. While I was in the middle of my month-long prelims, he asked for another ride to WalMart (our bus system goes there and taxis here are very cheap). . . when I told him I couldn't do it, he said "Well, we can go later. . .like in a couple of hours". We didn't go. The next time he borrowed the broom, he brought it back and asked to "browse" through some more DVDs. When I told him that he hadn't returned some he had already borrowed, he said "Well, I'll tell ya what - I'll bring those back and exchange them for some more."

Oh yeah - his parents still send him money.

[RoadRage]

185. Reading that made me sick...

I thought 20 year olds were bad.. but those people are MY age. It's tough.. you know - going to work, paying bills, entertaining a 2 year old.. you know doing ADULT things.

The sad part for them is... if they haven't grown up yet, when will they? Where do they go when they lose their parents? I guess they assume they're getting a nice inheritance check.

Anyway - BLECH! And it sound like you're WAY TO NICE to your neighbor!! :)

[Hello_Kitty]

190. OMG, I know so many young people like that it's unreal

Sometime starting around the early 90s, American parents lost their fucking minds. I don't know what caused it, perhaps more permissive attitudes, fear of "traumatizing" the little cherubs, or the ubiquitous self-esteem movement. But there was a noticeable, and nearly universal, change in the expectations parents placed on their kids. For instance, I don't know a single teenager from among my wide circle of relatives, friends, and acquaintances who has chores or responsibilities around the house. Not. One. I grew up in a middle class suburb and no one I knew had landscapers or paid people to clean. That's what kids were for. Now parents are using Merry Maids and wondering why their 23 year old wunder prodigy can't turn on a washing machine.

I know very few young people in college who are not being fully supported by their parents. And I'm not talking affluent people here. I have a friend who is taking equity out of his home to pay his daughter's living expenses while at state university. When I suggested that she might get a part-time job, he told me he didn't want anything to "distract from her studies". Well, something obviously is because she's failed a few of her courses and dropped others.

[Dorian Gray]

113. Did she name her child by name in the ad?

Eh... who cares. I am glad son didn't kill anybody, and he'll certainly learn his lesson now.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

114. She named herself, and the phone number. Pretty easy to find. By employers too. -nt

[1awake]

22. I guess she thinks

alittle bit of demeaning is better than alittle bit of dead.

[fishwax]

37. that's clearly the choice she had to make

:eyes:

[mopinko]

42. that IS the choice she had.

and at that age, it is important that the kid see that his mom is not alone. it is important that the "village" weigh in with mom.
glad mom got support. it can be real lonely raising kids.

[fishwax]

44. No it isn't.

I think simply selling the car would have served her purposes just fine.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

66. People get off on humiliation rituals. I maintain that this is a personality disorder. -nt

[LanternWaste]

126. problems with the Social Contract

Serious problems with the Social Contract, huh?

I understand... :rofl:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

129. Yeah, I think punishment of any kind shouldn't exist.

:eyes:

[LanternWaste]

132. The rolling eyes thing was clever though...

Riiiighhhttt....


The rolling eyes thing was clever though...

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

135. Thankfully you're in front of the computer and not driving

because it sure as hell looks like you're on something non-kosher.

[pitohui]

147. it is without question a personality disorder, pinko

i wonder how many other cruel games this woman has played over the years and what role her cruelty has played in her son's alcoholism

i guarantee she had this trick planned, from the day the idea entered her head to buy the car, i've met this woman before in other guises

she is a sociopath and society is rewarding her with the attention she seeks

meanwhile her victim is learning that this is acceptable or even applauded behavior and his own children will be subject to emotional abuse in their turn

public humiliation is not the kind of game you play with your son, keep the s/m stuff to consenting adults, not to the younger family members, yes, he's 19, but he is still her child, this kind of game is completely sick in this context, if she wants to do this kind of thing, there are grown men who would be happy to pay her good money to be abused

no one uses humiliation as a tool "just this once," parents who use sarcasm and sick cruel humor as a tool have been doing it since the moment the child came out of the womb, they literally lack normal human empathy

this is the disease of being a sociopath

i hope the people applauding this sociopath are never entrusted with the raising of a child

[Mythsaje]

161. I don't doubt it.

I find this sort of thing appalling myself.

Selling the car was punishment enough. Gleefully humiliating him? Twisted.

[Egnever]

164. Well said I agree with you completely!

I had a stepmother growing up who enjoyed this kind of shit. It took me years to get over the bullshit she put me through as a kid. Thankfully she parted ways with my father in my mid teens. I haven't seen or heard about this woman in 25 years thank god because if I did it would not be a pretty site. I have never in my life been violent with women but I would be very tempted if I saw her again.

Humiliation may deter but it also demeans and it leaves lasting insecurities that go far beyond a correction of the offending behavior.

[Dorian Gray]

210. Her son's alcoholism?

Where do you get her son is an alcoholic?

[mopinko]

69. mom deserves the backing of the community.

this is not about private behavior. it is about public safety. mom has the right to public affirmation.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

79. So, if she had sold the car quietly, would that have been "too lenient" or something? -nt

[mopinko]

141. if she had sold the car quietly, the kid wouldn't know that mom had support.

if you have never gone toe to toe with a teenager with a problem, you might not know how helpful it can be to have some back up. this is the kind of thing that "it takes a village" to do. this is the time where there is a transition from parental authority and morays to societal morays. it is as old as chimps to invite the larger troop to weigh in. do you not believe in supporting moms?
nobody was getting caned. you are being melodramatic.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

143. Firstly, see #84.

Secondly, "do you not believe in supporting moms?" What a load of tripe.

[fishwax]

151. it takes a village to raise a nineteen year old?

[fishwax]

84. She could have gotten support from people who are important to the teenager without such media

attention :shrug:

[pitohui]

149. sociopaths should not receive public affirmation

cruelty is a mental illness in my book, i'm shocked that so many find it entertaining

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

181. See #177. -nt

[bighart]

73. Is what she did any more humiliating

than having your name in an arrest report in the news paper for having killed someone driving drunk?

I DON'T THINK SO!!!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

77. You punishists talk as if selling the car silently wasn't an option.

What if she had done THAT, i.e., not being an attention whore and just sold the car? Would that have been "too lenient?" Would that have contributed to him "killing someone while drunk?" What about some caning in addition? What about tattooing "I am an irresponsible driver" on his forehead? Not doing THAT would be lenient too?

[LanternWaste]

124. Punishtas? Oh my.

Punishtas? Oh my. You seem to have a penchant for overly-dramatizing this. Punishta!! That's great.

Son: Mom-- can U use the car tonight?

Mom: No-- I need it to go grocery shopping!

Son: Oh-- you horrid Punishta!

I'm putting the emphasis like so pun-EE-sha. Is that correct?


LMAO for at least three days over that one.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

127. Where did you pull that "a" at the end from?

No, wait, I don't want to know.

[fishwax]

85. That's hardly relevant

as at no point was there a choice between the two :shrug:

[1awake]

45. I have personally scraped dead people

off of roads.. cut them out of cars.. had to inform countless family's their family member was dead. There never is a clear choice except to find some way to keep them from doing it in the first place. I see nothing wrong with what she did. If her 19 year old son is to stupid.. to selfish.. or to clueless to follow two basic rules, then he should get his adult ass out and buy his own car.

[fishwax]

48. I agree with you about the car

And about the importance of not drinking and driving. I don't think the ad and the media attention serve the purpose any better than simply selling the car, though.

[1awake]

51. if he

was 15.. 16.. even 17 maybe.. I might agree with you. 18 and up is different to me.

[fishwax]

55. I think techniques like that often have a way of backfiring

And, alas, I don't think they become magically effective at age 18. :)

[1awake]

56. At age 18 I agree,

But then, kids don't becoming magically able to drive a car at 16.. or an adult at 18.. or able to drink alcohol responsibly at 21. All they are, are designated lines in the sand. 18 and up is mine.

[fishwax]

89. 18 and up is your line for what exactly?

I'm just not sure what line you're drawing. For me, I think selling the car sounds like the right idea at any age, but that, whether above or below 18, making a public case of it as she did is neither necessary nor likely effective.

[karlrschneider]

130. I'm sorry, but seeing someone write "to stupid" is truly hilarious.

Irony lives.


:eyes:

[1awake]

195. not a problem.

No need to be sorry. I understand people get chuckles from these kinds of things.. I don't hold it against ya if this is your thing.

Peace

[qanda]

52. After hearing about the guy in Ohio who killed five members of a family

I can only hope that more people will be willing to stand up and humiliate people who make the awful decision of drinking and driving.

[MyNameGoesHere]

59. I guess as demeaning as going to jail to bail out her son for drunk driving?

Well maybe it was a little demeaning. But so is plowing into innocent people and killing them while driving drunk. I say he got off easy, and at 17 his little ego is still very much intact.

[Midlodemocrat]

61. I think one of the problems with this country is the lack of shame.

Seriously. No one feels ashamed or embarrassed by any of their actions. No one feels accountable or responsible because shame is gone.

If I found liquor in the car that I allow TeenMidlo to drive that I purchased, I would take the keys away from her and hand them to her brother. She can take the bus to school.

[Phillycat]

64. I agree.

Public shame is a most effective way to punish people for socially unacceptable behavior. No one put a law on the books saying you couldn't say the N word in public...it was phased out (mostly) by societal shaming.

[lukasahero]

101. My friends and my dad

When I was in high school I had friends who were more concerned about doing something wrong and having my dad find out about it than their own parents. Their parents would scream and yell, some would even slap and abuse. My dad would "express his disappointment" in them. All of us kept our noses clean through high school, didn't dare drive drunk and turned out to be pretty ok people.

"Shame" isn't always a bad thing.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

110. Looks like your Dad earned the RESPECT of all the kids.

Which he would have lost instantly had he pulled a moronic stunt like the mom in the article.

[LanternWaste]

128. I'd always thought that respect was the default position

I'd always thought that respect was the default position and that it was disrespect that had to be earned...

Probably not a marketable concept, and hence just for the older folks...

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

133. What's your problem? -nt

[Mythsaje]

162. Respect would be the default position

if there weren't so many assholes on the planet.

[lukasahero]

142. Sorry but no. nt

[J-Lo Biafra]

109. In all due respect, I have a major problem with that assertion.

Shame is a personal emotion, one that cannot, or should not, be foisted upon one by others. It's not up to us to decide whether or not they should be ashamed for their misdeeds. It's not up to anyone to decide what the proper amount of shame someone should feel for an action, and if they do, it's their business.


Other than that, I see your point. :)

[Midlodemocrat]

139. My point is, that feeling shame for something isn't a bad thing.

I don't think what this mom did warrants the excoriating she is getting here. Her kid screwed up and she wanted to make a point. I think it was made.

[J-Lo Biafra]

184. I get it now, I just wasn't sure where you were coming from.

:hi:

It's just that some feel it is their duty to decide whether or not a person feel's sufficient shame for their actions, when no one is really capable of knowing how a person feels.

[karlrschneider]

134. Maybe you shouldn't leave the liquor you purchased in the car.

Just sayin'


;-)

[Midlodemocrat]

138. LOL. The car I purchased, karl, not the liquor.

And, she's too young and way too young looking to get served. Thankfully.

[karlrschneider]

146. I was being a wise-ass. The way you wrote it,

"If I found liquor in the car that I allow TeenMidlo to drive that I purchased, ....."

implies "in the car that I allow TeenMidlo to drive" is an independent clause and that "...I purchased" refers to
the subject preceding the prepositional phrase. I thought about trying to diagram that sentence but got a migraine
before I could even begin.
:P

[Gormy Cuss]

150. I agree that lack of shame (in the form of no accountability or responsibility) is a problem.

The mother was absolutely right to take back the car and it was the responsible thing for her to do as the owner. The ad on the other hand seems over the top --as funny as it is to those of us who aren't Hambletons. Having said that, none of us know the family dynamic and maybe this is the way her family members treat each other and in her mind the ad was her best chance to get through to him.

[malaise]

17. Bravo mum

:yourock:

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

18. Smart mom. Actions have consequences is a hard, but necessary, lesson.

[SoCalDem]

20. When our 15 yr old son came home high as a kite, from some drug,

we took him to the police station.. The "joke" was on us though, when the police told us.. IN FRONT OF HIM.. that "this was a family matter"..

They did the same thing when we called the cops on him when he STOLE OUR CAR at 2 AM..
(unlicensed..uninsured..and 15).. They said it was a "family matter"..

They flat-out refused to intervene "until he committed a felony" (their own words)..

Guess what.. the next year he did JUST that.. and then they were very interested in our "family"..the family WALLET, that is..

No amount of psycological therapy, family counseling..school counseling..nothing would de-rail that little shit's determined adventure into the juvenile justice system...we tried it all..and got no support at all..

Good for this mom.. I was also called the meanest mom in the world :)

My son is now 30, and doing great, but there were many times we did not expect him to live to see his 18th birthday ..

[tridim]

35. My mom took me to the fire station when I was caught playing with matches.

It worked, but it didn't feel like punishment. I was just happy to see the inside of a fire station. :)

[renate]

163. I'm sorry you didn't get help from those who SHOULD have been most helpful

It must have been awful for you. I'm so glad he's doing well now but it must have just been horrible.

So much of this kind of thing is due to chance--inborn personality quirks, friends, a tendency towards risk-seeking behavior, etc--and it sounds like you did a fantastic job of doing everything you could to straighten him out.

:applause: for everything you did and for the fact that he's fine now.

[SoCalDem]

189. Thanks.. my ONE complaint was always that the justice system is REactive

when it should be PROactive.. We made it, but just barely.. It was a trip though to have one son graduate , summa cum laude, while another other was "doing time" at a juvenile detention center (8 months @ $87 a day)..:grr::cry:...

and when he got out? he had the nerve to berate us for getting the oldest brother a car, and not getting HIM one.. we not-so-politely reminded him that he had basically "pissed away" a Corvette, and would NEVER be getting a car from us, nor even a drivers' license while he was still living at home.. :)

[Dogmudgeon]

21. What an asshole!

The law will penalize him as an adult for breaking a law as a child. So his idiot mother piles on -- and then lobbies the world for compliments like an egotistical Singaporean magistrate out to cane every Indonesian guest worker and baggy-pants American teenager he can arrest.

Sounds pretty Moral Majoritarian to me. It makes me wonder what's in HER closet.

Full disclosure: I was once injured in a car accident caused by a drunk teenager, and mugged by drunk criminal later that year, so I'm not exactly "soft on DUI". Let the guy face the music in court. But his showboat mom needs to get off her "I'm-strict-so-I'm-wonderful" soapbox. It's more appropriate for dealing with a 13-year-old smoking than adult DUI.

--p!

[Phillycat]

28. The kid wasn't arrested. Read the article.

His mom found the alcohol in the parked car.

[sinkingfeeling]

39. Since when is a 19 year old a child? He's an adult.

[MindPilot]

70. Not quite -- he's still not allowed to have alcohol. n/t

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

98. Heh. See #82. -nt

[midlife_mo_Jo]

107. If he's an adult he can buy his own car

[nadinbrzezinski]

43. This lovely kid (who will learn his lesson) was never arrested by any cop

snoopy mom found bottle in car.

[ThoughtCriminal]

23. I had to take away our son's car when he was a teen

Title was in my name and he had way too many tickets. But I didn't take out an ad, so I may not even be in the top-ten of mean.

[SoCalDem]

36. You fall into the range of "moderately stern "

We refused to allow one of our sons to even GET a license :)

[fishwax]

50. yours seems a perfectly appropriate response, imo

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

71. But but but but

He didn't HUMILIATE him! That means ThoughtCriminal is SOFT ON CRIME!!111!!!11!!

[fishwax]

94. how do you expect kids to become responsible citizens if you don't publicly humiliate them?

:crazy:

[LuckyLib]

26. In our city the wife of a sheriff's deputy, along for his New Year's Eve shift

was killed when a young woman, very drunk, went the wrong way on a freeway exit and hit them head-on. Her Facebook page that day said "Sally is DRINKING tonight -- whoo-hoo!" She certainly did. And killed someone in the process. Kudos to this parent for taking strong action.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

27. I didn't have a car when I was a teen

I was told I would have to pay totally for it, including insurance. I could borrow the family car, but only if I had a valid reason. Walked everywhere, except when I drove to take my grandmother shopping. Got my first car at age 21. Glad I didn't have a car earlier than that, because I knew and understood what it takes to buy and keep a car.

[polichick]

29. Reminds me of hanging sheets out the window when a kid wets the bed...

You can take the car away without the public shaming.

[lapislzi]

75. Bad analogy

Humiliating a child for something HE CAN'T HELP is abusive. This parent (IMO) is trying to teach a lesson for the greater good of both her child and society.

I'm sure the kid would disagree, but I don't.

[polichick]

76. The public shaming part is the same...

Unkind ~ and ultimately counterproductive, since the kid will probably just want to rebel more.

[lapislzi]

92. I understand that it's the "public" part you object to

And I can appreciate that. I think a lot of it depends on the kid, the community, etc. If you're dealing with a hypersensitive or borderline kid, then I'd say, yeah, you've got a disaster waiting to happen there. But if you have a kid who is typically down to earth and goofed up big time, then this will not be the end of the world.

As parents we often have to perform unpleasant tasks in the interest of helping our kids develop into decent, responsible adults. I hope this mom knew what she was doing and will be able to laugh about it with her (still living) son some day.

[polichick]

105. I object to the shaming part too...

imo parents are much more likely to get the outcome they want by modeling responsible behavior themselves ~ and by letting kids know how valuable and treasured they (and others) are. So you park the car or sell it for safety reasons, not to create a power struggle or make it about you. That way, you're still being a parent, but it's clear you're on their side. Worked for my kids anyway.

[lapislzi]

131. Shame is a really big stick

And you need to be an especially sensitive parent to use it to your advantage. You are seeing this as a parent-kid power struggle, and I'm not sure it is. I'm sure in no position to judge. I can tell you that I probably wouldn't do such a thing because it would send my kid off the deep end. OTOH, I would say rather a public humiliation than a funeral. I can't say if that's a false dilemma or not, but it had to have been going through the mom's mind.

There's nothing to suggest that this mother hadn't modeled responsible behavior, or that she didn't let her son know how cherished he was--but that's beside the point. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you support the kid; they're going to pull some dumb stunt someday, and you have to be ready for it; ready with the safety net. We get few opportunities to teach the object lessons before the world smacks 'em upside the head.

There's just not enough information here to really know if this was a good or a poor choice on her part.

[rAVES]

86. How is a 19 year old a child? get a grip.

[lapislzi]

95. You misunderstand.

I meant "her child" as in "her offspring." I did not mean that the 19-yr old is a child.

For the record, my teenager will always be "my baby" and "my child"--no matter how old she gets.

[SecularMotion]

31. For $3,700

that booze under the front seat better be top shelf.
:)

[Beelzebud]

32. Good for her. I wish one of my friend's moms had done something like that FOR him.

He's been dead now since a week before his 19th birthday.

Drinking and driving kills.

[Egnever]

165. Cause selling the car wasnt enough to prevent it?

You have to throw public humiliation on top?

[Beelzebud]

176. He'll get over it.

[SaveOurDemocracy]

33. As the mom of 18 and 16 y/o boys ...

I LOVE it! But, I thought that I was the meanest mom in the world! :rofl:

[karlrschneider]

38. Not so much mean as stupid...

The son is an adult for chrissakes...
:eyes:

[sinkingfeeling]

41. Then he should be providing for his own transportation. Let him buy another car on his own.

[NorthernSpy]

58. so give him a bus schedule...

Don't worry about him. He'll make lots of new friends on the bus.

[RedCappedBandit]

40. Lots of assumptions in this thread

Who said the kid was driving drunk?

[Phillycat]

47. Not the point.

There's a possibility of his driving drunk with alcohol in the car. That's all there needs to be for this mother to take decisive action, and most here agree with her.

[MiniMe]

53. Nobody did. In fact, if you read the article, the Mom said that...

her son said that a friend left it in the car and that he didn't have any. She says she believes him, but she told him no alcohol in the car so she is enforcing it. It is her car, she bought it for him, and I believe the title is in her name.

[NorthernSpy]

62. in other words, she's enforcing the Open Container Law...

With a few exceptions that don't apply here, it's illegal to transport an open container of alcohol in the driver/passenger area of a vehicle.


(If the seal is broken, the container is considered "open".)

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

74. The article doesn't say WHERE in the car it was, so she may have gone beyond that.

And what about the "running the ad after the car was sold" bit? Sick.

[NorthernSpy]

81. I don't generally approve of making private disciplinary measures public...

... so I share your distaste for that particular aspect of this.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

82. Not to mention the general stupidity of raising the drinking age to 21.

Are they adults or not, anyway?

In Europe, there's none of that shit and much less DUIs and drunkenness. I'd like to live there, but I'm glad I don't live in the US.

[ProfessorGAC]

91. Don't Let MADD Members Hear You Say That

You'll get quite an earful. When they did that in Illinois, the DUI numbers didn't drop and neither did deaths.

Then when they lowered the DUI level to 0.08, the drop in deaths directly correlated to more modern vehicles with more safety features, just like the drop in deaths in accidents in which alcohol was NOT involved.

But, when those inconvenient facts were pointed out to M.A.D.D., they went "la la la la, i can't hear you" and then went on a massive letter writing campaign to state newspapers taking absolute credit for things they didn't do.

They hear you say what you said, and you'll be the focus of a letter writing campaign, too.
The Professor

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

96. Let them. I could use the toilet paper. MADD can FOESADIAF.

And I never even had a car. I use public transportation exclusively, because where I live it's viable. I don't need the aggravation. And my carbon footprint is WAY smaller than anybody with the same income as me.

(Edited for acronymical accuracy)

[MiniMe]

111. She never mentioned her or her son's name in the ad

And she called herself the meanest mother in the world, and snoopy. So while the ad was public, I don't think it was as public as it is now that the story has been printed on CNN. I'm thinking that people called up and asked for the meanest mother in the world.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

117. Full name of mother. Phone number. -nt

[midlife_mo_Jo]

108. So he has a designated driver?

Ok, so maybe he's not drinking "that much," but he's breaking the state law and his mom's law for keeping the car.

[badgerpup]

49. Acknowledging that she IS the 'meanest mom in the world'...

...spiked anyone's guns who were going to use that on her.
She hit just about every high note there, you'll notice- 'snoopy mom', 'needs to get a life','parents who don't love their son'...
Just about the only one she missed was 'don't understand their son'.

I'd give her a 9/10 on this one...

Sonny gets a lesson in There Are Consequences To Your Actions, nobody gets killed or maimed...and you have to respect a parent who does make reasonable rules and then enforces them when they're ignored.

And yes, I'm glad my folks never pulled this on me...and gladder still I won't having to be doing this for any of my own kids.



My cats are NOT permitted to drive the car, whether there is alcohol in it or not.
This puts me on their uncool worry-wart list. I can deal. :crazy:

[Romulox]

54. Mom's first mistake was BUYING her kid a car. Not a good way to teach responsibility. nt

[blondeatlast]

60. Good for her! nt

[Feron]

65. What a self-congratulatory attention whore.

You can teach responsibility and consequences without publicly humiliating your child. Sell the car as a lesson and be done with it.

I'm glad that when I messed up, my parents didn't see fit to broadcast my mistake to the world.

[CTyankee]

122. I can't believe you just called this mom a "whore."

That is totally unacceptable. What a disrespect for women that demonstrates. Do you think such usage makes you look cool?

[Radical Activist]

125. I can't believe a 19 yo man is being called a child.

Children grow up and become adults usually as fast as they are forced to by their parents. It seems the woman in the article would rather her son remain a child under her control indefinitely

[CTyankee]

137. Not the same at all. Calling a woman a whore doesn't describe what you say, it insults women.

Perhaps she seems too controlling a mom to you. You can say that. "Whore" is a reach to the debasement of a woman, for no apparent reason except that there is a disagreement of a parenting technique. It is appalling and deplorable to find such a grotesque display of utter sexism on a DU discussion board.

[MindPilot]

67. Reading through all these comments, no one seemed to notice

The kid is 19 with alcohol. One law broken right there--minor possession.

If he was driving and had a BAC over zero, law number two broken.

If the bottle was open, he's very lucky not to be in jail.

Meanest mom in world did good; if nothing else the kid needs a lesson in discretion

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

80. Deriving pleasure from humiliation rituals is a personality disorder. You people need therapy. -nt

[Leopolds Ghost]

168. Humiliation rituals are the basis for nonviolent conflict resolution in traditional human societies.

Perhaps you prefer laissez-faire coupled with violent retribution for direct offenses, which is the Scots-Irish-redneck and Afghan and other violent tribal means of establishing common social mores. This is the common fallback position of Western-raised "radical individualists", who don't realize the extent to which they share ties with and rely upon the surrounding culture to do the dirty work of establishing cultural mores which mostly even the most radical green anarcho-pacifist, who does not believe in punishment, ultimately do not bother to question or challenge. Laissez faire coupled with violent retribution when attacked. It's ingrained in American culture.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

178. Straw man. -nt

[rAVES]

83. 19 years old... that is ridicules.

[B Calm]

87. He's 19 years old. Why is he in Iowa and not Iraq?

sarcasm

[SammyWinstonJack]

My stepmom would probably have sold me along with the car.

:evilgrin: She did make me turn in my DL to the DMV because I didn't have money for my car insurance. I thought she was the meanest stepmom on the planet.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

97. That was stupid. A DL is not a license to OWN a car, it's a license to DRIVE a car.

What if you subsequently had to drive someone else's car? Designated driver, anyone?

What about the car you didn't have insurance for? Did you have to sell it too? (THAT would at least make some sense.)

[Heywood J]

155. I hope she paid to get it back.

[Horse with no Name]

90. I sincerely hope his employer and/or his college didn't read about this

I'd hate her little shaming ritual to have any more negative impact on his life than she intended.
Oh--and even the police force. Underage drinking? Putting it in the paper? That is just an M.I.P. waiting to happen.:(

[Ekirh]

93. Heh Meanest Mom . .

An ex-coworker of mine was once given an award by her kids for being the world's meanest Mom.

Back on the subject at hand, good for her. I'll admit if it was me I'm not sure I would've done the who public humaliation thing (Then again I don't plan on ever being a parent) but the selling of the car is definitely something I would go for.

Now that the car is sold I do think the ad could be removed though. Now it seems like she's leaving it for her own personal amusement instead of the intended punishment purpose.

Seems to be quite a few stories over a period of time of parents selling their kids stuff as punishment.

[cynatnite]

99. Seems a little over the top, IMO.

:shrug:

[bunkerbuster1]

103. Perhaps a bit of an ego trip for the mom

but I suspect it'll be pretty effective.

[cynatnite]

112. Geez, I grounded my teenager from her car for a week for not wearing her seatbelt...

worked like a charm.

Seems to me that there are other options besides selling his car. I agree this was probably an ego trip for his mom.

[bunkerbuster1]

100. I'm fine with it. Glad she kept her son's name out of the ad.

...and apparently the media is cooperating, since the guy's name doesn't actually appear in the CNN story. That would've been, perhaps, over the top and possibly counterproductive (you don't want to make that a searchable kind of thing for a potential employer).

[MiniMe]

115. Yep. The mom's name wasn't in the original ad either

It wasn't until CNN covered, or maybe some local papers covered it that the name was released.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

118. Gee, I bet the mom is just DEVASTATED that it became a national story and her name is known.

:sarcasm:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

104. I didn't get a license until I was 20.

Because I was scared to death of driving in the big city. I took the test when I was 16, flunked it due to not being able to parallel park, and decided that I was not mature enough to pay attention in the city without getting killed. I was too busy in school to have the time to drive around aimlessly anyway. I was busy studying and participating in orchestra and music lessons. My friends were the same way -- busy studying and playing music.

I lived in college dorms for three years and if I needed to do my laundry, I would find someone with a car to take me to the laundromat.

[Occulus]

169. The requirement to be able to parallel is a blackly evil sin

I don't park where I have to parallel park. Period.

Too many drivers- including myself- can't do it properly.

And the fines for parking too far from the curb are just insult added to injury.

No sarcasm- I *hate* parallel parking, and I avoid it like the plague.

[MiniMe]

116. Damn, I'm sorry everybody. When I posted this, I posted it because I thought the ad

was amusing. I never meant it to go into a flame war. I'll duck and cover now. :hide:

[J-Lo Biafra]

119. This is DU. Did you expect any less?

:evilgrin:

[Phillycat]

173. You're joking, right?

Are you new? There is almost NOTHING more contentious on DU than child-rearing. Actually, there's almost nothing more contentious ANYWHERE than child-rearing.

[Dorian Gray]

211. Hah!

You have low expectations of your fellow posters and what we can turn into flame wars here on DU!

LOL

[Popol Vuh]

120. Way Too Extreme...

Cheers for taking no prisoners on the subject of drinking and driving, however, there is such a thing as being too extreme. How much you wanna bet in her youth she went out drinking and partying? This seems like not just punishing a possible drinking and driving matter, but, an extreme case of do as I say and not as I do (or have done)...

Here's a problem I've noticed quite a bit from compared to back when I was a youth. So many places and activities are no longer available for youths to go to and socialize with each other, that, inevitably they find something to occupy their time. Unfortunately, being youths that usually means something dangerous to themselves or others. Ergo, in this case, if she permanently removes his mode of transportation, he'll end up getting one on his own which will probably be much less safer. I am assuming that since he's 19 and she's selling his car that the car is probably in her name.

Close down parks and other hangouts (at night) easily monitored by police and the youths will find somewhere else to hangout, and, usually its a less safe area.

Clamp down hard on youths drinking or using soft drugs like Pot, and they'll find something else to get into, and, almost certainly it will be a far less safer something.

etc, etc,...

[pitohui]

148. you are making an argument based on common sense

this mother does not love her child, the kind of parent who gets off on public putdowns of their child didn't just wake up and start with the public humiliation crap when her son turned 19, i guarantee that she has hated, resented, and made little sarcastic digs at her son from the moment he was born

i've met this kind of person before who loves being witty and stepping on the face of their own flesh and blood, they have a sickness, a serious one

i don't know if the son is just having youthful fun with nowhere left to go or if he is indeed an alcoholic, but i would not be surprised if he didn't have serious issues as a result of having this kind of mother

punishment is not funny and it is not supposed to be entertainment for the masses, a parent who gets off on entertaining strangers at the expense of her own son's feelings...there's something seriously wrong with them

knowing her son had a problem with alcohol, why buy the car in the first place, but having bought the car, take it away privately when you realize the kid can't give up the booze...don't broadcast it to the world and guarantee the whole world knows he has a problem before he's even old enough to be out of college! as some upstream have pointed out, great, his problems are going to be on the internet forever now, and some jobs and maybe some other opportunities will be lost to him now because of people googling and learning of this

he's young enough that, handled privately, his alcohol problems didn't have to fuck up his life, but now they are being shared with the world and even if he never takes another drink, he's pretty much got a label as a drinker with so great a problem his mom had to take away his car

who would hire him?

[Popol Vuh]

158. Thanks pitohui

And my apologizes for the bad grammar. One of these days I won't be so busy and will be able to proof read what I post first and correct all the errors first. LOL...

I agree with your observation that this person (the mother) has a serious problem to have handled this the way she did. And one thing I've noticed over the recent years is considerable increase in people who enjoy and get a kick out of incidences such as this. They find it entertaining to see someone else "get owned".

I hope the kid learns two things from this. First that drinking and driving is a big, big, no, no. And also that humiliating someone in front of others isn't productive at all. If anything its counter productive.



Cheers to you pitohui... :)

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

177. Hell, I sometimes have fun at people getting "owned" too...

...as long as it's the ones UP the hierarchy, not DOWN.

And therein lies ALL the difference.

[Popol Vuh]

202. Very true...

:toast:

[truedelphi]

159. You make some good points, although I confess to being in the other camp

But as far as who would hire him, if someone can get this young guy to an AA meeting, a lot of other AA'ers will be glad to help him make his way once he has admitted to the problem and started down the path of sobriety.

[zorahopkins]

136. THIS Is The Meanest Mom On The Planet

Here is the MEANEST MOM on the planet:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=of0C6AjnNu8

[Popol Vuh]

140. That's not even funny

WTF is that? A little 16yr old snot nosed punk telling his mother to ask him nicely so she can go to work to provide for him a place to live, clothes on his back and food to eat, as well as, electricity and internet services so he can make and post a video how he was able to push his mom's buttons?

If I ever told my mother or father to ask me nicely, my father would of put his boot up my ass and I would have deserved it.

[Xithras]

193. No kidding.

My kids, including my teenager, understand well the old "My House, My Rules" paradigm. They would never dare to talk back to me this way. As for the mother in the video, she probably showed MORE self-control than I would have in that situation. After one or two smartass remarks like that one, I'd have launched into the punishment. That nice TV? That nice computer? The XBox? The camcorder? Gone. Respect must be given before it can be received.

No joke, but my 14 year old daughter hasn't had a bedroom door for the last three months because she made the mistake of locking her mother out during a disagreement. When I asked her to open the door, she said "No, go away, I hate you". So I unlocked the door, removed it, and it's now tucked away out in the shed. I took it away one month for every word, so she has three months to go. I don't care if my kids disagree with me, but blatant snot-nosed defiance isn't acceptable. My children know that I won't strike them, but the boundaries are well established and they understand that mutual respect is an enforced requirement in my household. I couldn't even IMAGINE my kids talking to me the way the kid in that video talked to his mother.

[Popol Vuh]

201. Here, here...

And oh and I think that was such a great idea about the door thing... I bet she'll never lock a door on you ever again.

Very well done...

:)



P.S. BTW, as a parent, if you would like to see some really good comedy with respect to parents & kids. If you ever see the comedian Sinbad giving a stand-up performance on television. Make sure to watch him. As a parent, he'll have to on the floor laughing...

:)

[krabigirl]

152. LOL...glad my mom never caught me! I was a horrible teen. Never drove drunk, but drank quite a bit.

Glad I got it out of my system...I rarely drink now.

TO be honest, we are going to allow our daughter to drink wine at home with meals when she's a teen. DH is French, and we want her to associate alcohol with meals, not binge drinking. Sometimes I worry that someone will tell on us, but I guess we could flee to France where they are sane about alcohol.

[fishwax]

154. in most states it isn't illegal for teens to drink alcohol, just purchase or possess it

so you shouldn't have a problem with people telling on you for letting your teenage daughter drink wine at meals. In most states, I'm pretty sure it's perfectly legal for minors to drink alcohol in the situation you describe. :)

[Djinn]

160. why do Americans always associate "some" alcohol

with evidence of (a) alcoholism and (b) drink driving? Why does everyone who drinks all of a sudden need to go to rehab or AA?

Almost every post in this thread has faffed on about drink driving when there is no suggestion that happened. There is usually booze in my car too - I have never driven with a BAC.

Even the scrag of a mother says she actually believed her son when he said the booze wasn't his.

Famewhore should realise her kid is an adult and he should go buy his own car.

[Leopolds Ghost]

170. Most people who drink / carry around booze in the car are alcoholics, sorry

Or facilitating friends in their alcoholism, as you point out.

No other reason to do it. Do you carry around orange juice in your car?

"Radical progressives" should (a) not object to one less car on the road and (b) render unto Caesar (mom) what is Caesar's (mom's) without complaint. Jesus.

and (c) if the kid wasn't ashamed to have it in his car he shouldn't be ashamed it's in an ad in the paper. I'm sure he's TERRIBLY embarassed. :eyes:

[Djinn]

204. what a croc

It's often in my car because if I have a can or two left after a party I often wont bother taking it back into the house (admittedly there's a lot of crap in my car that doesn't need to be there)

Perhaps, given he knew his mother was prone to over reaction he figured he'd keep his booze in the car rather than the house.

[Hello_Kitty]

186. Exactly. nt

[Djinn]

205. and there we have it

another American who equates the presence of alcohol with alcoholism. Are the Puritans still running things over there?

[Lilith Velkor]

199. But this way she gets to brag about what an asshole she is to her son

Win-win. :sarcasm:

The reason why anyone who drinks has to go to AA or rehab (which 90% of the time is just AA or NA meetings) is that 12-steppism is a proselytizing religion sanctioned by the government to substitute for mental health care. If you are poor and go crazy, the county " counselor" will ask you if you have ever gotten drunk in your life, and if you say yes, it's off to rehab to "get religion," constantly obsess on alcohol or drugs, and watch bitter old men get their jollies bullying sick people for not praying and confessing all their sins. And if you are female, you get the added benefit of them trying to fuck you, as preachers are wont to do.

This religion runs "rehab centers" which make billions per year, and they lobby to make sure no research money goes to finding a science-based treatment for the mental illnesses underlying addictions. Churchy gotta get paid, ya dig?

[FormerOstrich]

171. I bet it's a scam

or an attempt at one anyway. I've read where a couple of e-bay auctions, along the same theme, netted the father/mother/disciplinarian a rather hefty profit from those wishing to express their approval of such.

I bet you anything she just was trying to make more money out of it...I doubt if the story is true.

[Pacifist Patriot]

175. I have to say that was the first thing that crossed my mind too.

[Hello_Kitty]

187. 19 yo should move out and become self-supporting.

The mom has every right to snoop in his possessions, so long as he lives under her roof and she bought the car. However, the way she did that in this instance, as clever and amusing as it was, reveals that Mom doesn't respect her son.

He ought to get a job and rent a room somewhere, or go in on a place with some friends, unless he wants to continue to be treated like a baby. I bet if he does that, Mom will be upset because she clearly doesn't see him as an adult.

[hyphenate]

200. Unfortunately, the story hits home

for my family, but it never happened, and ultimately couldn't have happened.

My brother was 17 when a car in which he was a passenger hit a pole, flipped onto the roof and skid across a street for 80 feet. Then it hit the curb, flipped again and part of the roof caved into the car. There were 5 people in the car--the driver was not the owner, but a 15 1/2 year old who drank a bottle of vodka before commencing to drive. The owner of the car was in the front passenger seat, who ended up with a broken neck--the three in the back suffered multiple injuries ranging from a brown collarbone, to a ruptured spleen, to severe brain trauma and being crippled for life. My brother was the one who is crippled for life, with severe brain trauma--he was in a coma for 3 years, and has the mentality of a 10 year old.

My brother didn't own the car, but the drinking and driving shit was rampant in his age group, and would likely have happened inevitably. Alcoholism runs in the family, so someone was bound to get hurt at some point.

I would have been proud to have been that mother because it means that she still has some control over her son--too often I've seen parents like my mom and dad who never really did have that kind of influence--my brothers and sister would have done what they wanted anyhow. And yes, in many ways I was the "goody-two-shoes" that never had a great social calendar in my teens, but I did drink heavily for a couple of years myself before admitting I hated the taste of alcohol and stopped of my own volition.

Disgracing her son like she did put him into the public eye and made it more difficult for him to hang out with friends with alcohol. This would not have worked in a large city, though. because you're anonymous most of the time anyhow. But a small town upbringing would have made this kind of incident work so much better.

[loser_user]

203. They were on Good Morning America today

Both the women and her son and JOKING about the whole thing. Attention wanters.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

213. In my bygone days I helped bury a 19 year old friend who

was riding drunk with some of his (also drunk) buddies. They drove into a ditch, flipped the car, and were all killed. He was ejected out an open side window and his neck was broken.

Good on her, and hopefully a long, even if pissed off, life on him.

[ThePowerofWill]

214. He's 19 fer' christ sake!

Cut the damn apron string and let him learn his lessons on his own. I mean was it his car or not? If it was truly his she had no right too sell it, if not truly his it's just a pack of bullshit for a headline.

This is from someone with a 19yr old, and a 21 yr old.

[devilgrrl]

216. If her kid has a problem with booze, what's that say about her parenting skills?

BFD!