Failure Now An Option

[kpete]

THE ONION

Failure Now An Option
January 16, 2008 | Issue 44•03

WASHINGTON—In a stunning reversal of more than 200 years of conventional wisdom, failure—traditionally believed to be an unacceptable outcome for a wide range of tasks and goals—is now increasingly seen as a viable alternative to success, sources confirmed Tuesday.

"Americans have always been told that they should succeed at all costs," Emory University sociologist Dr. Lauren Hodge said. "But based on new evidence, this can no longer be called true—if, in fact, it ever was. As failure continues to dominate the American landscape, this mantra must be overruled."

"We have no choice but to revoke failure's non-optional status, effective immediately," Hodge continued. "Now all citizens will be able to step back, stare down the hardship and difficulty they will face in the pursuit of success, and say, 'Fuck that—this isn't worth it.'"

............


"In retrospect, failure becoming an option was inevitable," historian Michael Lambeau said. "The only difference is that now Americans can choose, without fear of being ostracized by society, to quit long before getting ahead."

more at:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/failure_now_an_option

[flashl]

1. We receive the 'failure is success' message loud and clear when failing CEOs receive bonuses.

[robbedvoter]

2. SCOTUS instaled that option in the White House, Diebold kept it...

The print edition has a far scarier headline:

BUSH BEGINS PREPARATIONS FOR NATION'S FINAL YEAR

EVERY SINGLE CITIZEN TO MAKE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE

"My Fellow Americans, it's been an honor to be your last president"

[crim son]

3. ...

"Sixty years ago, even mentioning that you might willingly give it less than your all would have been unthinkable," Groaten said. "It's a disgrace that modern Americans are more inclined to simply not get going, especially when the said going could be classified as 'tough.'"

"I don't feel like doing this interview anymore," Groaten added.

:rofl: