Freeper gives women relationship advice on how to deal with men.

[Fuzz]

TO WOMEN: How to Build A lasting Relationship
1/20/08 | bear_slayer

Posted on 01/21/2008 12:42:43 AM EST by Bear_Slayer

Now obviously I can't speak for every male, but I feel qualified to speak in general terms.

This is aimed at the married woman, but is applicable to the woman that is involved in a long term relationship.

Learn these things and you might get your relationship to last. Ignore them at your peril.

1. He is not your zit. Stop picking at him.

Women love to pick at zits. They'll sneak up on you while you're shaving and start squeezing. It's an annoying habit they can't break. They also do this emotionally and intellectually. This is done when they ask us silly questions like:

"Do you love me because you need me, our need me because you love me?"

The fact is we love you and need you. Beyond that, we have no idea. Some invisible rock hit us in the head one day and we realized we can't live without you, until you drive us insane, then we can't live with you.

Similar questions are along the lines of, "Do these pants make my butt look big?"

The fact is, you have a big butt and your butt makes those pants look big. Another fact: we don't care. When the invisiable rock hit us, it didn't clue us in that you had a big butt; it simply made us aware of the fact, "Girl nice. Me like girl, lot."

I knew a woman once that had a big butt. She wasn't even the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, but the invisible rock was huge and I would have crawled through broken glass to be with her if she were single.

You have a big butt. Get over it. If you are constantly aware of your own big butt, you will make us constantly aware of it and you don't want that.

2. It's ok for him to compare you to his mother, as in, "That's not how my mother does it."

The fact is our mother is the only significant woman that ever loved us, until you came along. She fed, bathed, dress, nurtured, encouraged and loved us -- and we like how our mom made our potatos, cookies, &etc. Don't change the recipe. We like it that way. There is nothing Freudian about it.

3. Don't expect a deep relationship and don't try to draw us into meaningful conversations.

We're not comfortable exploring our inner feelings. Most guys don't trust their feelings and the smarter ones recognize that its their feelings that got them into the relationship in the first place.

Do you want a meaningful relationship? Go sip lattes with your friends and explore each other's cavernous feelings. It's a level you can all relate to and prop one another up.

4. Don't trust everything your girlfriend tells you.

Just because they read it in Redbook or Ms. does not make it so. Those magazines are written by women, for women, that grew up on Danielle Steele.

And don't ask us. We don't know and we're not that complicated anyways. If you simply watch us, without over-analyzing you'll figure us out. At a basic level we eat, we sleep, we copulate, and we play sports. Not necessarily in that order and not necessarily at different times.

5. You don't always have to be talking.

Men can communicate through subtle mechanisms. It's how we know when a woman likes us, or when the guy across the bar is looking for a fight, etc.

6. Don't make us carry you through life.

We're trying to get through it also. We'll be happy to stand in front and take some of the blows, but listen, carry your own baggage. We got our own to deal with.

Lastly,

When the big rock hit us, it really didn't matter what you looked like on the outside. Love is blind. We fell in love with the way your eyes twinkle when you smile. When you giggle when we say something silly or funny. And yes, even the way your breasts look in that tight sweater. However, none of that will matter ever again if you screw it up by driving us insane.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1956946/posts

[YOY]

1. Wow...a veritable male gun-collecting rural Carrie Bradshaw there...

n/t

[hobbit709]

2. I wouldn't even know where to start my critique on this idjit.

[knitter4democracy]

3. I agree to everything except the mother part.

Would he like being compared to her father constantly and told to do everything exactly the same way her dad did? I don't think so.

[DadOf2LittleAngels]

42. Yea thats dangerous territory.

There is a way to do it thats healthy but there must really be an understanding..

My wifes Father is a contractor, about the most handy guy you'll ever meet (An Engineer by education but his English is not that great so he does contracting work in NYC). Me on the other hand I could kill myself with a hammer.

My wife had this expectation of what husbands do around the house and when I could not do it there was stress. So we sat down and talked about it; What her expectations were, why they existed, and just what the middle ground was between what I can do and what her ideal would be. So after hashing it out I picked up some tools and started to learn, also her father flies up a couple of times a year to help with any big project and he teaches me while he is up. I won't be building houses any time soon but I can do some pretty cool stuff. Best of all because my wife and I had the conversation shes not stressed about what I cant do because she knows I'm learning.

If that avenue of conversation was shut down completely there would be a tension every time she needed a door rehung and I had to hire someone to do it.

--

On the flip side my wife tends to overreact a bit when the kids get the sniffles or a slight fever. She would deprive herself of sleep and feel like a failure if one of our kids was coughing through the night. So I sat her down and told her how my mother raised us (I come from a family of seven kids), she dealt with more disease at home than in her career (she was an RN). I was never saying to her 'be my mother' I was offering advice based on what I had seen and it has helped my wife greatly.

[knitter4democracy]

75. My dad's an engineer, too. I don't ask Hubby to do the fixing around here.

I do it. Dad taught me how. Money stuff, he and I discuss, since I know about as much as he does, but he's better on knowing what everything means for taxes and such (his dad's a CPA and has a master's in tax).

We had that conversation, too. I do the cars and a good bit of the fixing, we both take turns cooking, I do the cleaning, he takes care of the bills and works outside of the home. Overall, we've got it mostly set now. I do know that, if I held him to the same standard as my dad, it would get rough really fast.

[Johonny]

50. I think thats for men

that are 40 years old and still live with their parents in the same room they grew up in. They still have the A team Mr T poster on the wall. Yeah that guy is going to compare you to his mom (since she's just down the hall past the bathroom), you just got to deal with it.

[Dhalgren]

4. Jesus! How have these people not died out by now...

[YOY]

6. Three words: Male Order Brides

Please note that not everyone with a non-American wife has a "male order bride"...myself for example.

[Virginia Dare]

19. I actually know a GINUWINE freeper..

who got hisself a mail order bride from Mexico. That was his life's dream and damned if he didn't go do it. She was a real nice girl, I felt very sorry for her.

[YOY]

23. I work with one too who did just that.

Kinda sad really...

[EOTE]

24. You won't have much luck trying to reproduce with a male order bride...

But those female brides from Russia are pretty fertile, or so I've heard.

[YOY]

27. Doh!

Damn synonyms!

I'm not going to correct myself...it's great comedy (at my expense) as it is!

[Ahpook]

35. I know one that did that

Just like i figured, she is finishing school and shooting for a career in advertising. That's great for her. But i must wonder how long before her whole family is here and she is screaming DIVORCE:)

I told him that is probably the plan, but he wouldn't listen. He figures she would always be the subservient little thing he saw on the internets. Right:)

[YOY]

37. Just remember that not every American guy with a Non-American wife is this situation

An easy way to tell is if the husband actually speaks the language of the culture the wife belongs to!

;-)

[Ahpook]

44. Hmmm...

He speaks fluent hick. Not sure what other languages he has mastered:)

Actually, i do feel bad for him especially if or when she takes off. He was just out of a bad divorce when all this started. I went over to his apt. and he had a small photo pulled up of her.

[YOY]

73. Well I was using myself as an example

I am married to an Eastern Europen woman. I speak her language. Our daughter will speak both.

[knitter4democracy]

39. Ran into a good ol' boy at the St. Pete airport once with his mail-order bride.

He was as country as you can get (almost fake, but he had enough of the real stuff for me to tell the difference) with his big belt buckle, his boots, and his felt ten gallon hat (dress hat, for those who don't know). I'll never forget his booming voice with that southern twang telling everyone this was his here new bride and he'd picked her out himself. She was a stunning beauty with very good English, and her eyes were so sad. We all wondered, in my group, if we should tell her to run but couldn't figure out a way with him hanging onto her all the time.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

47. I bet she was from an impoverished country, too

I've heard of mail order brides from the former Soviet Union (there was an article about it in Harper's last year some time), but never from say, Scandinavia.

[knitter4democracy]

76. My bad. St. Petersburg, Russia.

I'll never forget her, though. I felt so sorry for her--he just wasn't her type at all, and she was trying to have a better life. Very sad.

[Richard Steele]

8. Alcohol. nm

[emanymton]

5. Glad You Cleared This Up. Words Fail Me When I try To Say ...

.

how important 'Freeper women relationship advice' is to me and my life. How could I have lived without knowing this?

.

[zabet]

7. LOL

I bet he is single!!!

1. You wouldn't have zits if you
would get out of the basement, bathe
and get some fresh air and sunshine.
It will clear up the acne.

2. No woman wants to be compared
to her mother-in-law, especially in
a bad way. You should just continue
to stay with your Mom - in the basement.

3. Another reason to say with your Mom,
if you cannot have meaningful conversations
with another woman, staying with Mom is your
best bet 'cause she thinks you are perfect.

4. If you want a brainless airhead for
a woman, they sell blow-up lovers on-line.

5. Learn some communications skills other
than grunts, farts, eye-rolling and scratching.
Women are not always mind readers - especially
when there is no mind to read.

6. A marriage is a partnership. Until you learn
that, stay at home with your Mom.

[raccoon]

13. Great post, jane! nt

[racaulk]

30. ROFL!!!

:rofl: Nice reply!

[Libby2]

34. Great Post Jane! TY

[gratuitous]

9. Wow

Hard to believe that such a manly specimen (screen name Bear_Slayer!) hasn't just been snapped up by now. With a line extending around the block of his mother's house leading straight into the basement door.

Whoo hoo, ladies! What are you waiting for?

[Bunny]

10. In other words: feed us, fuck us, then shut the fuck up.

Sounds like a winning game plan there, bub. Rock on!

:eyes:

[BlueJazz]

29. He sounds like the Poster Guy for the 4 "F's"

1. Find Them
2. Feel Them
3. Fuck Them
4. Forget Them

I actually work (Sometimes at the Bank--Fixing the Computers) with 2 of these "Pieces of Human Garbage".

They've been married 7 times (between them)..Duh...Wonder Why? :)

[elizfeelinggreat]

11. oh my

Just when I thought I was over the fact that he compares falling in love with an act of violence (being hit in the head with a rock?) Then I get to "The fact is our mother is the only significant woman that ever loved us, until you came along. "

BIG HINT there! Run, sweetheart, run! In the other direction!

[raccoon]

12. What are men good for then, according to this article?

This one gets me:

"3. Don't expect a deep relationship and don't try to draw us into meaningful conversations.

...Do you want a meaningful relationship? Go sip lattes with your friends and explore each other's cavernous feelings. It's a level you can all relate to and prop one another up."

Then why would a woman need a man, unless it's for money? For sex, she could find her a toy boy and wouldn't have him around the house all the time.

[Lex]

33. just shut your trap and get me a beer *beeelch*

(just kidding, raccoon!)

[Virginia Dare]

14. He seems to hang out with some REALLY shallow women..

big surprise...:eyes:

[Marr]

16. I doubt the man who wrote that hangs around any women at all.

That just screams "I'm a loser but trying to convince myself otherwise".

[Virginia Dare]

17. He probably considers the waitresses down at Hooters..

his girlfriends. Pathetic.

[BuelahWitch]

36. More like the girls on the pay sex sites

But he can only go for a "date" after Mommy has settled in for the night! :rofl:

[Jed Dilligan]

51. He had a girlfriend for a few weeks once

Years ago. She left him because he is an asshole, and he has spent the rest of his life placing the blame on womankind.

[TahitiNut]

53. "Happily married" is a description that will NEVER apply to him. NEVER.

He sounds like a late 20-something living in his mother's basement after being kicked to the curb by a wage-earning (temporarily insane) girlfriend.

[Marr]

15. God damn-- no wonder those guys seem so irritable.

"The fact is our mother is the only significant woman that ever loved us, until you came along."

Maybe that's true at Free Republic-- but the wider world is a little more sociable (and likable). I can see why that screed would strike a nerve with a Freeper. Loser men who are unlikable, bitter, stupid, and looking for a way to to convince themselves that being that way is normal and manly.

Fucking pathetic.

[rurallib]

18. Hard to improve on this advice.

I strongly recommend it to all right wing men. Should stop that breeding problem.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

20. This guy's comments reminds me why

I waited until 38 to marry. But then I married a man, not a little boy who never grew up.

[Strawman]

21. I'm glad Fred Thompson's speech writer is keeping busy

[monmouth]

22. Uh...I'm speechless.....I truly am without speech!...n/t

[madinmaryland]

25. Wow! The freeper is dead on correct!!1!!

:hide:

[undeterred]

28. I agree.

Is there room behind that wall? :hide:

[KG]

26. typical caveman-speak from the freeptards

from politics, to religion, to relationships, it's clear these neanderthals aren't even walking upright yet.

[Binka]

55. Love The Min Pin n/t

Seen Peyton Lately?

[KG]

57. yes. you and her both have me smitten.

:loveya:

[Binka]

61. We'll Come See You This Summer

My Dad has a place in Leesburg. We'll pop down and spend a day with you if that's ok.

[KG]

62. wish you could stay longer....

[Binka]

63. Who Knows K ....Make Me Happy I Might Just Start Baking For You

[KG]

66. love to make you smile. also, there's horse racing nearby...

http://www.tampabaydowns.com/

[Binka]

67. Yes Mama Can Make Some Money For Peyton's Shoes

The weather is great too! I am bone weary of CA.

[KG]

70. Miss Parlay 2008!

:rofl:

[fasttense]

31. As a woman in a 25 year relationship

if you take his advice, your relationship will be destroyed.

"Especially 3. Don't expect a deep relationship and don't try to draw us into meaningful conversations."

That is death to any relationship. Not talking, not communicating, not developing those lasting bonds through meaningful conversation and forming a deep relationship. Does this guy really want just a blow up doll?

Doesn't he want to have a friend in his spouse? Sounds like he just wants someone to leave him alone in his own misery.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

48. Answers to your questions:

1. Yes, but he's too embarrassed to go to a sex toys store

2. Not unless she's willing to spend the entire weekend watching the sports channels with him, pausing only to replenish the supply of beer and chips and above all, not talking, so that he can hear every golden word uttered by the commentator.

[eridani]

32. Guess that some traditional advice applies to freepers

The male of that species has two emotions--horny and hungry. So if you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.

[ThatsMyBarack]

38. Alla this shit'z FUNNAY!!!11!

:rofl: :spray:

[DemGa]

40. A common mistake of low-insight people

Confusing his own thoughts, and perhaps his inner-circle of reality, with the greater whole.

Poor pathetic Freeper!!

[donsu]

41. it is like the car radio - the driver has control - same with cooking

when it is your turn to cook you can fix potatoes the way your mother did.

[ProgressiveFool]

43. lol so much for the party of personal responsibility

"The fact is our mother is the only significant woman that ever loved us, until you came along. She fed, bathed, dress, nurtured, encouraged and loved us "... don't change it.

No wonder they're all still living in Mom's basement.

[Rob H.]

45. "It's ok for him to compare you to his mother

...as in, "That's not how my mother does it."

:spray: Okay, I've never been married but even I know that's a guaranteed one-way ticket to Frying-Pan-Upside-the-Head-ville.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

46. Women like to pick men's zits? Who knew?

:eyes:

[DadOf2LittleAngels]

72. Well as I get older..

I'm getting more hair on the back of my neck and arms and the like. My wife will occasionally see a lonely out lier and pick it... its quite annoying but its one of those things that occupies her mind until its done (like an outstanding task you just cant get your mind off of) so I figure no harm done might as well let her do it..

Never had her want to pick at a zit though, that would be really odd..

[Johonny]

49. men don't like to communicate

unless they're communicating how much they hate communicating. Then they go on in on in on in on in on

[Skittles]

78. no, idiot men don't like to communicate

lots of intelligent men do just fine. I myself detest "deep, meaningful conversation" which is probably why I am very content being single.

[Jed Dilligan]

52. Both he and his ex-girlfriend

sound like people I never want to meet.

[guitar man]

54. I'm firmly in the Sir Mix a Lot camp

I like big butts :evilgrin:

as far as the rest of that hooey goes, well, consider the source :eyes:

[AlCzervik]

56. oh Christ he's taken the test to be an airport screener, beware women, he sounds like a groper.

SO Screener Test
Posted on 12/23/2007 1:48:42 PM PST by Bear_Slayer I am scheduled to take the TSO screener test. (more...)
Tags: TSO Screener Test

[KG]

58. the kinda work you apply for when you have no real job skills.

[ismnotwasm]

59. Oh, good lord that's funny

If I was a guy I'd be pretty insulted.

Does he think men like being seen as idiots? I'm not getting it. But then, I don't get freepers in general.

[devilgrrl]

60. I just read through all the replies left on their site. Disgusting.

Some of them let him have it but most cheered him on, what a bunch of knuckle draggers. :puke:

[Contrary1]

64. Stay tuned for "Morans Who Marry, Part Deux".

"Yes...woman nag way too much and the the killer of a good relationship is a woman that belittles and contradicts her husband incessantly. I've seen it ruin so many marriages.
I'll put together my list for men and post it tomorrow."

9 posted on 01/20/2008 9:49:26 PM PST by Hildy

[skypilot]

65. Fucking stupid!!!!

Further proof that freeper idiots can't think straight and have no idea when they contradict themselves.
This idiot claims to believe that it doesn't matter "what you looked like on the outside" and that "Love is blind" but then goes on to say that one of the things he fell in love with--aside from the "twinkle" in her eyes (gag)--was the ways her "breast look in that tight sweater". I wonder which one he noticed first. As far as I'm concerned the "big rock" didn't hit him hard enough. Fucking moron.

To be fair, that "breast...in tight sweater" business was probably an attempt at humor but naturally it fell flat because freepers are almost never funny. At least not when they try to be.

[HughBeaumont]

68. Damn, who could say "No" to that hunka hunka burnin' LUV??

Besides, you know, any female with a brain stem and self-esteem?

[uppityperson]

69. I like #5. Either means men read minds, or just grab his crotch/hit him and he may notice.

"Men can communicate through subtle mechanisms. It's how we know when a woman likes us, or when the guy across the bar is looking for a fight, etc."

You fell in love with me over superficialities? Ohhhkay. I feel "fall in love" is different from "sexually attracted to", but then I'm an uppity librul with low moral values.

[bullwinkle428]

71. I spend time at the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" site every so often,

and see this attitude displayed on the part of a SIGNIFICANT number of posters!!

www.nomoremrniceguy.com

I always got a creepy "40-year-old living in Mom's basement" vibe from some of these guys, and it was actually CONFIRMED recently after reading a thread on the subject of beds! At least two or three actually said something to the effect that they're still sleeping in the single/twin bed they used as they were growing up! :rofl:

Needless to say, there's a real underlying misogynistic streak in the posts of this particular group - they really do view women as the source of all of their problems... :banghead:

There are some really, bright, thoughtful, insightful guys posting on the site as well...you just have to wade through tons of horseshit in order to get to the good stuff.

[kimmylavin]

74. Welcome to the 50's

Someone was kind enough to post this as a response:


Its a "Good Wife Guide" to help us wives become better robots... :eyes:

[Skittles]

77. makes men sound like neanderthals

yes INDEED

[KillCapitalism]

79. Wow, I don't know how to react to that.

Should I pee my pants with laughter or cry?