***DUzy Awards for week ending January 25, 2008***

[JeffR]

Welcome to the glittering, gaudy, gregarious DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to Kurovski, rocknation, stellanoir, SallyMander, Tuesday Afternoon, Bleachers7, AZDemDist6, unhappycamper, Hissyspit, Peake, scarletwoman, chimpsrsmarter, The Magistrate, CaliforniaPeggy, KitchenWitch, sfexpat2000, XemaSab, hootinholler, havocmom, Bluebear, dicksteele, ih8thegop, Oregonian, CorpGovActivist, racaulk and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

Here's an assortment of Lee Mercer stuff from this week and last (all three). Some locked threads included, just this once:

OP by DS1:

      I hereby propose a Lee Mercer Jr for President Group
#1: Prove that concern towards there not being a Lee Mercer Jr for President Group is part of the Eye Spy Community-Military Neighborhood Watch.



I'll need 9 more people. Or Mercies, as you'll refer to yourselves.

response #1 by sniffa:

      I'm so in
And damn you for beating me to my own thread.

Don't you know this is my new schtick? x(

response #5 by matcom:

      it would appear your new schtick has schtuck
:rofl:

response #20 by KamaAina:

      Mercies? How about "Mercernaries"?
Cut the guy some slack! Jeb Bush is all in his house with disease! :rofl:

response #21 by Archae:

      And just when I thought...
Ron Paul would sew up the "batshit crazy" vote... :crazy:

response #22 by baldguy:

      Not another TEXAN!

response #31 by Midlodemocrat:

      I'm in.
BTW, who is Lee Mercer? TIA.

response #47 by Paint It Black:

      The rethugs can have Chuck Norris - we have LEE MERCER!
I betcha Lee Mercer could kick Chuck Norris' ass in a spelling bee.

response #53 by Finnfan:

      I think Skinner's part of the conspiracy. Why hasn't he started this group?
I thought this place was for ALL Democrats, but I'm starting to feel not so welcome here.

I think the moderators are biased against him, too.

response #60 by jakefrep:

      Why didn't any of the "Big 3" stand up for Lee Mercer, Jr. last night?
Hell, if Kucinich is so virtuous, why didn't HE stand up for Lee Mercer, Jr.?

response #74 by Ellen Forradalom:

      What candidate could be more perfect for us than Mercer?
All Democratic and WAYYY underground!

response #75 by bicentennial_baby:

      He's so underground, he's touching magma
Word. :thumbsup:

response #89 by Midlodemocrat:

      I propose THIS as the Mercer Group Mission Statement.
Lee Mercer is a man of many, many words. Therefore, the Lee Mercer, Jr. for President Group hereby reveals that its sole mission, in addition to getting him elected in the Democrat Primary, of course, is to decode the verbiage of this mysterious, yet brilliant man and bring his message to the masses. This group will be a SAFE HAVEN for Mercer devotees, completely devoid of any speculation that our Primary candidate is mentally ill, is not playing with a full deck or spells like a Nigerian email scammer.

When the website of his brilliance has been decoded and recorded by historians, scofflaws will be embarrassed by the way and manner in which they dismissed his awesomeness.

response #98 by Rabrrrrrr:

      How's this:
Lee Mercer is a man of many many MANY words. Therefore Lee Mercer, Jr. for President Group aided by the others who are with him of in hereby reveal ITS SOLE! mission, in addition to getting him elected in the Democrat Primary which from the upcoming the BALLOTS!, of course, is to decode the verbiage to explain to suffer the children by interpretating of this mysterious yet brilliant man FOR BRING! his message to the masses, that the corporations have codified as NON GRATA and PRETEND!!!! LEE MERCER group is a SAFE HAVEN for MERCER devotees, friends and those not combat with THOSE WHO STOP US !! completely devoid of any speculation no not any that our Primary candidate who is LEE MERCER, JR. who has education and been mulling and WANTS TO WIN!!! is mentally ill, is not playing with a full deck giving by CIA (Eye Spy Community-Military Intelligence ( All Three ) )or spells like a Nigerian email scammer.

When his website of brilliance has been decoded and recorded by historians AWAY FROM NSA which BIT ROTATES DATA for nefarian purposes, scofflaws will be embarrassed by the way and manner in which they dismissed his awesomeness. TRULY!!!!!!

response #97 by mycritters2:

      An entire presidential platform predicated on the notion
that someone forgot to take his meds for a few days.

You knew it was gonna happen. Thanks, Big Pharma!

The Lounge, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7356126


OP by sniffa:

      So I've finally settled on a candidate.
Lee Mercer Jr. for President.

:woohoo:

I'm supporting the only road scholar candidate in the race.

:woohoo:

"I won scholar of the world in World Management at Rice University from the President Of Rice University development in engineering with him and the German Government. I won road scholar from the United States Navy/United States Marine Corp. at West Point. All of my records of authencation will be brought forward into court by former board and staff that I have named above according to law for my day in court."

http://www.mercerforpresident2008.com/61ef56b176271955f090407ba0f48cbd.html

response #8 by AZDemDist6:

      i think the dude inhaled too much tar while he was on the 'road'
:banghead:

response #17 by sniffa:

      Please wait until we hear that from his own lips.
For all we know, he didn't inhale.

response #46 by no name no slogan:

      His "Reasons for Candidacy" page reads like "Howl"
if you sniff enough rubber cement when you read it

response #50 by Saint Etienne17:

      Why aren't there more pledges of support for the future President, Mr. Mercer, on GDP?
Why are we swiftboating this fine man?

response #51 by bicentennial_baby:

      The movement is building...We have a 50 state strategy
:patriot:

response #52 by Saint Etienne17:

      do we know if Lee Mercer believes we have 50 states or not?

response #53 by bicentennial_baby:

      I'm waiting for the campaign to get back to me on that, actually
I'll keep you posted.

response #60 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      He's far more coherent than George Bush on his best day
Lee Mercer doesn't talk about putting food on someone's family or coexisting with fish.

I don't think George Bush could even pronounce "there are some concern about how we do our concerns of circumstances".

The Lounge, January 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7356019


On a thread by sniffa:

      Mercer Mania is running through DU (all three)
:woohoo:

Threads in the lounge, threads in GDP, and a few that are on the Greatest Page.

:woohoo:

response #6 by Bornaginhooligan:

      I sense a joke passing over my head.
I can't identify it, but it has pretty lights and makes an interesting noise.

response #15 by sniffa:

      OH NOES!!1!!
Lee Mercer is being doesnotexisted in GDP right now.

WTF!?

Why is DU following the lead of the MSM?

:cry:

response #17 by Saint Etienne17:

      What site can we go to that will not try to hide the Eye Spy Community-Military Intelligence
:shrug:

response #18 by sniffa:

      what's with the Mercer hate on DU?
:shrug:

response #19 by chimpsrsmarter:

      2 words, Front Runner.

The Lounge, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7359902


OP excerpt by Flabbergasted:

      I will give $1000 to Mercer for every Rec this gets!!!!
Mercer for President!

Mercer, a change we can only imagine!



TO PROVE AMERICA IS AMERICA!

http://www.mercerforpresident2008.com/c14f7f9dd9bbed555232a5cb8defd6f7.html

response #23 by KamaAina:

      Um, Flab, you're way past maxed out already
we may have to start bundling contributions, just like repuke-leaning corps do.

http://www.fec.gov/pages/brochures/contriblimits.shtml

To each candidate or candidate committee per election...

Individual
may give

$2,300*...

response #24 by Flabbergasted:

      There are ways around these silly laws.

response #52 by Califooyah Operative:

      wait, what? nt

GDP, January 16, 2008


OP by sniffa:

      The media is still not covering Lee Mercer Jr
Look at this shit: http://news.google.com/news?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hl=en&tab=wn&ned=us&scoring=n&q=%22lee+mercer+jr%22&btnG=Search

What are they afraid of?

response #8 by asdjrocky:

      That's because America has a REAL candidate-
Christopher Walken.

response #26 by Finnfan:

      THIS THREAD IS NOT ABOUT CHRISTOPHER WALKEN.
If you want to talk about him, there are a thousand DU threads with which to do so.

Are you so scared of Lee Mercer Jr. that you have to hijack the only thread where people are truly DISCUSSING THE REAL ISSUES?

:grr:

response #23 by no name no slogan:

      Wow... it's like he's the Wesley Willis of candidates
Fuck Nixon, I'm caucusing for LEE MERCER JR.

response #32 by FredScuttle:

      I just received an e-mail stating that Lee Mercer was educated in a madrassa
Say it ain't so Lee!

response #49 by sniffa:

      UPDATE:
Now, this is just a rumor, but I hear that Dee Snider may endorse Lee Mercer tomorrow.

:woohoo:

Let's see the media try and bury that story.

GDP, January 16, 2008


OP by FredScuttle:

      F*ck the Ron Paul Revolution
I'm joining the Lee Mercer Brigade!

http://www.mercerforpresident2008.com/home.html

How can you not support a candidate whose campaign theme is as succinct as it is powerful:

The United States Government must regulate government sleepers and government regulations authorized thought, ideas, acts, actions, rights, wrongs, controversies, facts, issues and circumstantial evidence through intelligence research, law research, law enforcement research and criminal law research implementing ROTC communications research innovating education national and international.

response #10 by Stop Cornyn:

      Can't support Mercer -- he hasn't got the Biden "clean and articulate" seal of approval.

GDP, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4085880


OP by Elrond Hubbard:

      Who the hell is Lee Mercer Jr., anyway?
It's driving me nuts. I feel like I've heard the name before.

response #1 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      He was last seen boarding a UFO with Elvis back in the mid 1980s

response #5 by Kutjara:

      An insane man for an insane country.
His time has come.

response #15 by Elrond Hubbard:

      You know what? In some ways, I think we truly do deserve a madman.

response #32 by emilyg:

      We have one now.

response #17 by Kutjara:

      Reads a lot like just about every spam email I've ever received.
A whole pile of non-sequiturs, engineered to get past heuristic spam detectors. I'm surprised part of his platform isn't about "Buying V1A6RA."

response #21 by Elrond Hubbard:

      You missed #71 on his list of reasons for running for president:
'P3N|5 enlargement'

response #25 by Kutjara:

      Well, in that case...
...he's got my vote!

The Lounge, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7361091


Poll question by MrCoffee:

      Which candidate should receive the Lounge endorsement?
Feel free to make your case as to why your candidate deserves the prestigious and hotly contested endorsement of the DU Lounge.

Candidates are listed alphabetically so as to avoid charges of voter fraud.

:bluebox: Hillary Clinton

:bluebox: John Edwards

:bluebox: Mike Gravel

:bluebox: Dennis Kucinich

:bluebox: Lee Mercer Jr.

:bluebox: Sal Mohamed

:bluebox: Barack Obama

:bluebox: Other

:bluebox: A suffusion of yellow

response #2 by Oeditpus Rex:

      Paco Rabinowitz
No explanation needed. :patriot:

response #3 by billyskank:

      My I-Ching calculator tells me
a suffusion of yellow.

At press time, "Lee Mercer Jr." was winning with 53% of the votes.

The Lounge, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7363215


OP by MrCoffee:

      The DU Lounge is proud to endorse Lee Mercer Jr. for the 2008 Democrat Presidential Primary
With a whopping 53% of the vote, Lee Mercer Jr. has proven his mass appeal to that most savvy of politicos, the DU Lounge Lizards.

With wholehearted furvor and full-throated support, the Lounge is honored to endorse Lee Mercer Jr. for the 2008 Democrat Presidential Primary!!!

response #2 by Peake:

      NBC excluded Christopher Walken from the debate. Hang your head in shame.

response #7 by robertpaulsen:

      YEEEAARRRRGGHHH! To the greatest page.
Thank you for your recommendation. If the thread you recommended
has five votes or more it will appear on the Greatest Page (All Three).

The Lounge, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7364096


OP by KitchenWitch:

      I have just been reading Lee Mercer's site and I do not know whether to laugh or cry
:confused:

response #6 by XemaSab:

      What don't you understand about
Business and Commerce Intelligence project/program National and International? :shrug:

response #9 by Southpawkicker:

      nah
nothin confusin there just good old American Techocracy infiltrating the military units of the American way of eye in the spy intelligence that is used for the American industry good news for me.

response #10 by KitchenWitch:

      All three?

response #11 by KamaAina:

      As long as you're not all in his house with disease
everything will be all right.

response #13 by KitchenWitch:

      But what if I am all in MY house with disease?
:scared:

response #14 by KamaAina:

      In that case, you're either Jeb Bush
or Lee Mercer himself.

:scared: :scared: :scared:

response #15 by JoeIsOneOfUs:

      same here
I've been so bummed/pissed about things in the primaries and elsewhere in life that the absurdity of it all just hit a nerve.

I figure if he puts up a website, registers with the FEC, does interview(s) (yes indeed), takes contributions... even if he's nuts he wants attention and I'm happy to indulge.

and is it any nuttier than Star Wars Defense System??? ;) And our livestock have tracking tags now... so does our merchandise... and we know about FISA and all that... maybe the joke's on us.

My hotwire is burning so I gotta go now.

response #16 by Ikonoklast:

      I read this and my left eye started to go all funny on me
From Lee L. Mercer's website:

Current Issues

THE DISCIPLINE OF THE US GOVENMENT(sic)LEGISLATIVE BRANCH ENFORCEMENT:

There is some concern about the U.S. Government Legislative Branch enforcements. I will enforce the U.S. Government’s Legislative Branch Regulating its enforcements itself with its regulations pertaining to itself and according to its enforcements.



God, I just read it again. Either it's gibberish or I just had a TIA.

response #18 by ocelot:

      I'm not a psychiatrist, nor do I play one on TV,
but I'm wondering if Mr. Mercer might have come down with a little case of paranoid schizophrenia? Gotta wonder, with all the word salad and the wires the Army implanted in his brain.

Not that having a mentally disturbed President would be exactly a new thing...

The Lounge, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7364122


OP by muriel_volestrangler:

      Lee Mercer is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life
:o

response #3 by turtlensue:

      Lee Mercer......
So brilliant I could almost take him on faith alone..... ;-)

response #7 by Midlodemocrat:

      Wow. You sure are singing a different tune, sistah.
Earlier you were asking if this Man of God was a replicant.

:rofl:

response #11 by turtlensue:

      What can I say...I am a Gemini after all......
:shrug:

response #4 by robertpaulsen:

      Today, I consider Lee Mercer the luckiest man on the face of the earth!
:patriot:

response #5 by Midlodemocrat:

      Watch out. There shouldn't be any mods in the 'cool club'
It pisses people off.

response #8 by no name no slogan:

      Lee Mercer is the only sane choice in 2008
National and International

response #9 by Midlodemocrat:

      All three.
:patriot:

response #10 by harmonicon:

      and our country's greatest living poet
He does for presidential campaign websites what Gertrude Stein did for the novel.

The Lounge, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7368415


OP by Writer:

      Good evening. My name is Gennifer Writer.
Lee Mercer and I have had an affair for fourteen years. I therefore declare Lee Mercer to be unfit to enter the Office of the President.

Need proof? I have an audiotape of Lee Mercer and I having kinky discussions about Kool Whip, muffins, and motor oil.

LISTEN!!!

~Gennifer Writer~

response #1 by theredpen:

      The United States Government must regulate government sleepers and government regulations
The United States Government must regulate government sleepers and government regulations authorized thought, ideas, acts, actions, rights, wrongs, controversies, facts, issues and circumstantial evidence through intelligence research, law research, law enforcement research and criminal law research implementing ROTC communications research innovating education national and international.

response #2 by Writer:

      Stop it. You're making me warm.

response #3 by Karenina:

      May I breastfeed my bi-racial baby in your presence?
Or would that deeply offend you?

response #4 by Writer:

      No. That makes me breathe HARDER.

The Lounge, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7368871


OP by AZDemDist6:

      I've been posting in GD and GDP on the candidates and haven't gotten flamed yet
what am I doing wrong???

:cry:

response #1 by flvegan:

      Do they all have you on Ignore?
Can't imagine any other reason.

response #2 by Peake:

      I'll have what you're having.

response #8 by no name no slogan:

      You gotta talk shit about Lee L. Mercer Jr.
THEN you will get flamed.

The Lounge, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7373925


On a thread by no name no slogan:

      Lee L. Mercer Jr. will NEVER have an affair when he's president

response #1 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      He might have an (all three)some.
;)

response #4 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      And hopefully no disease all in his house.

response #6 by no name no slogan:

      I blame Jeb Bush first,
the Clenis second

response #12 by asdjrocky:

      Fucking Clenis.

response #14 by no name no slogan:

      The Clenis can do anything EXCEPT
get rid of the disease all up in LLM's house

response #22 by asdjrocky:

      What time is it?
Clenis time.

The Lounge (moved from GDP), January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7376095


OP by Redbear:

      To Prove Jeb Bush is all in my house with disease.
You can't say it any straighter than that!

response #2 by DuStrange:

      Here's something else you can't say any straighter: Lee Mercer, Jr, is NOT going to be president!
Lee Mercer, Jr, was responsible for the breakup of Sonny and Cher.
Lee Mercer, Jr, gave George Lucas the idea for Jar Jar Binks.
Lee Mercer, Jr, wants to force people to start driving on the LEFT side of the road.

Would you want this man leading our country?...... NOT ME!!!

response #3 by flvegan:

      You FEAR the Mercer presidency! You don't want change.
Jeb lover.

The Lounge, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7376215


Poll question by robertpaulsen:

      In 365 days, what will Lee L. Mercer Jr. do his first day in the White House?
Hard to believe that in one year, Lee L. Mercer Jr. will be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States of America. Aside from a stirring inaugural speech and a kick-ass inaugural ball (All Three) what will Lee L. Mercer Jr. do his first day in office?

:bluebox: Fumigate all in his new house to kill the disease.

:bluebox: Resurrect his sex life, his wife's, daughter-in-laws, both may sons & other family members sex life.

:bluebox: Play all 2000 tapes proving this program/project is authentic at the inaugural ball.

:bluebox: Prove America is America.

:bluebox: Bring Eye Spy Community-Military Intelligence (All Three) Government # 1 into power.

:bluebox: Show Concern of our Circumstances, National and International.

:bluebox: Release all US citizens from their electric snake hotwire hookup.

:bluebox: Mail every US citizen a check for $350,000.

:bluebox: Incarcerate the entire Bush Family Death Order and collect the zillions of dollars owed to him.

:bluebox: Other

response #3 by DuStrange:

      Nothing--not when Americans find out the truth about Mercer.
Lee Mercer, Jr, created morning breath.
Lee Mercer, Jr, giggles when he says the pledge of allegiance and also the Lord's prayer.
Lee Mercer, Jr, invented spam--both the meat and the annoying computer email shit.

Would you want this man leading our country?...... NOT ME!!!

response #4 by robertpaulsen:

      Good points. Don't forget...
Lee L. Mercer Jr. really shot JFK and was one of the Watergate burglars.

Lee L. Mercer Jr. has a Ned Beatty lovedoll bent over his desk.

Lee L. Mercer Jr. shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

But I'm willing to cut him some slack for taking the red pill and having the courage to tell it like it is about our electric snake hotwire hookups.

response #5 by Javaman:

      Frankly, I'm waiting for the inaugural hula. nt

At press time, "Mail every US citizen a check for $350,000." was winning with 63% of the votes.

The Lounge, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7376276


OP by ih8thegop:

      I Absolutely Can't Stand Lee Mercer
Discuss.

response #2 by flvegan:

      Sr or Jr? Cuz if it's Jr, it's on.

response #4 by Radical Activist:

      I blame Mercer for making race an issue in this campaign
Because lord knows that race has never been an issue in any previous campaign in american history.

response #6 by Reverend_Smitty:

      Why do you hate America?
Lee Mercer loves America like it's his job (all three)...therefore if you hate Lee Mercer, you hate America.

So I'll ask again why do you hate America? :P

response #7 by CreekDog:

      And Lee Mercer was faithful to his wife
(All Three) :loveya:

response #8 by Joe Fields:

      I thought Lee Mercer won the debate!

response #9 by DuStrange:

      You're preaching to the choir here, my friend.
I can't believe so many DUers are falling for the hype.

Lee Mercer, Jr, created the prevent defense.
Lee Mercer, Jr, invented long division.
Lee Mercer, Jr, wants to make synchronized breast-feeding an Olympic sport.

Would you want this man leading our country?...... NOT ME!!!

response #11 by sniffa:

      Lee Mercer invented the semi-colon.
Genius that man. :patriot:

response #12 by DuStrange:

      Oh please, let's call them what they really are: SECOND-CLASS COLONS.
Why does Lee Mercer, Jr, want to deny full rights to ALL colons? And don't try to give me any crap about the importance of punctuation--you're talking out yer colon!

The Lounge, January 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7383061


OP by Occam Bandage:

      So My Cousin-A Lifelong Democrat
from NM, just told me that he might consider voting for JOHN MCCAIN if our nominee is Lee Mercer!!!!....wow

GDP, January 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4184053

And some leftovers from last week:

On a thread by Contrary1:

      Sex in restroom stalls is private, ACLU says
"In a legal effort to help a U.S. senator, the American Civil Liberties Union is arguing that people who have sex in public bathrooms have an expectation of privacy.

Republican Senator Larry Craig is asking the Minnesota Court of Appeals to let him withdraw his guilty plea to disorderly conduct related to a bathroom sex sting at the Minneapolis airport last year..."

edit of responses #1 & #14 by IdesOfOctober:

      Massachusetts High Court sided with ACLU position several years ago.
In practice, a lot of jurisdictions stopped conducting stings. You might say the towns in MA have a wide stance on this matter still.

GD, January 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2695364


OP by Robb:

      I found a hidden door in the wall of my house
Really odd.

I was sort of in the middle of house cleaning, and moved the corner of the sectional couch. I hadn't moved that piece of it, in (of course) the corner, since I moved in. I'd always re-arranged things with the other pieces, and left that corner one in.

So anyhow, I moved the corner piece to clean behind it, and it was positively disgusting back there. TONS of dog hair, a french fry, a lot of dust and dirt on the carpet, just what you'd expect.

Except I found a little hole where the sheetrock had been worn away.

It sort of looked like it had been damaged by a rocking chair, but the sectional couch of course doesn't rock. The sheetrock was actually worn all the way through in the middle of the damaged spot, and the hole was about the size of a hamburger.

I would've left it, pushed the couch back and called it a day, except while I was down on my hands and knees I saw something reflective through the hole, maybe six inches behind the surface of the wall. I grabbed my little headlamp and shined it in.

It was a hinge. A brass hinge.

I got out the vacuum cleaner and turned it on, letting it catch bits of sheetrock while I pulled more of it off the wall, enlarging the hole. By the time I stopped I had put a hole in my wall about three feet high, and exposed a cheap-looking wooden door on three brass (OK, probably not actual brass, but brass-colored) hinges.

The door matched the original kitchen cabinets, which were all gone since the remodel, except for the same kind were used in the bathroom, and I left those. It was latched with a little cheapo slider dealie, and I opened the door and found I could see a whole passageway behind the door, some 2x4's bolted to the wall behind it like a ladder, leading down.

I had my headlamp. I climbed in and headed down, thinking about spiders the whole time.

It was dark and dusty, I had pretty much discovered a basement I didn't know I had. The room underneath was about as big as the bottom floor of the house, and no floor -- just dirt. A couple of posts were holding the rest of the house up from under there, and it looked like no one had ever set foot in this room. I was leaving footprints in the dirt everywhere I went.

Over in the corner, there was a file cabinet. I about fell over.

Old-school, metal file cabinet. Covered in dust. Two drawers. I opened the top one, it slid open like old, really high-quality file cabinets do; it was empty. I opened the bottom one, and inside found a single, legal-sized envelope.

I opened it.

Inside, on a yellowed legal pad, was scrawled, "Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

The Lounge, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7363778


On a thread by Bleachers7:

      Court allows casino vote that may boost Obama (At Large Strip Caucuses Permitted)

response #1 by aquart:

      "Strip caucuses"?
Is that like "strip poker"?

response #2 by Bleachers7:

      lol, the losers have to strip.
:D

response #3 by BlueDogDemocratNH:

      Dear god, no!
:puke:

response #6 by aquart:

      No, no.
With each person you convince to vote your way, you have to remove an article of clothing. I could see this becoming very popular. And well attended.

LBN, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3144562


On a thread by Bleachers7:

      "Why not caucus in brothels?"

response #7 by panader0:

      In brothels it's called cockusing

GD, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2706027


OP by Bicoastal:

      Getting out of GDP these days is like crawling out of burning wreckage.
I'm back in the safety of the lounge, but I feel like I'm bleeding from every orifice.

response #1 by Bornaginhooligan:

      You hemophobe.

response #2 by DS1:

      thermophobe

response #5 by rug:

      Bleeding from your ass is usually a good sign you should leave.

The Lounge, January 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7363598


OP by Stephanie:

      If She Wins, Will She Make Us Call Her "President Hillary"?
Just wondering if the branding continues, or would she drop it at that point? What about Hillforce One?

GDP, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4103137


OP by emilyg:

      New Entry for 2008 Dictionary
ELECTILE DYSFUNCTION- the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth because they are all POLITICIANS.

GD, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2712981

On a thread by KennedyGuy:

      Has Obama Lost His Mind Over Reagan?

response #2 by theredpen:

      He's no Lee Mercer Jr. -- that's for sure! n/t

response #6 by Bicoastal:

      Not so fast, Kenny G.
WE found a month-old press release by Hillary Clinton saying that Reagan and George H. W. Bush were among her FAVORITE Presidents of all time.

"No," you'll cry..."it's unfair! It's a direct misinterpretation of what she's saying! You're just putting the spin on Hillary!"

Say, this might turn out to be a fun primary season after all...

GDP, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4110912

OP by Twitch14:

      Depends to sponsor Democratic Underground
Hygiene product maker Kimberly-Clark recently announced a new, major banner ad tie-in with the political website Democratic Underground. In the near future, all discussion boards on DU will feature a floating banner ad for Depend adult incontinence underwear.

In making the announcement, Kimberly-Clark spokesman I.P. Freely stated, "We figured far more people had problems with incontinence than our typical customers. So when I had an intern Google 'peed in my pants' or 'peed just a little', and the first 1000 hits all linked to Democratic Underground message threads, I knew we'd hit a goldmine."

Reached for comment, DU Uber-Admin Skinner said, "This is the best day of my life. With the additional ad revenue, we can stop all of the quarterly funding drives. Hell, I've just advised all of the moderators to stop locking threads until November 2008. In addition, for a small percentage of the cut, the moderators will create bogus accounts and post 'Hillary is a racist' and 'Obama is sexist' threads every 12 hours in every major category. At this rate, I might retire before summer."

When asked about the possibility of a similar campaign at DU's direct opposite, Free Republic, whose members void their bowels, bleed from their eyes, and spit bile at the mere mention of the name "Clinton", Mr. Freely stated, "We approached their administrators, and were told, quote, 'they prefer to stew in their own filth.'"

GD, January 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2716652

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Nevermind, it's over. nt

response #2 by ruggerson:

      Do you want a cigarette?
:P

response #3 by rug:

      Ok, I'll just put my shoes on and go.

response #6 by BushDespiser12:

      my ice cream didn't even melt on the nightstand...
:smoke:

GD, January 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2717379

OP by Old Crusoe:

      Slap a dash of Aqua Velva on tonight, good people.
This could be our last night to enjoy the Fred Thompson campaign.

response #4 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      I'll open up a bottle of Geritol and drink to that

response #7 by Bonobo:

      Yeah, Aqua Velva sounds about right for that coot.
Hi everyone. I'd love to participate in this cool thread (I mean it's not flaming).

response #8 by Old Crusoe:

      Hi, Bonobo. I'll admit this is a thread likely to infuriate Fred Thompson
supporters, but I'm hoping there are damn few of 'em on DU, knock on wood.

(sound of three knocks...)

Whoops! That isn't wood. That's the corpse of Fred Thompson!

response #21 by Samantha:

      One of the funniest posts I have ever read on DU
was one which said the poster was ecstatic to hear Fred was going to run for POTUS. He said Law and Order was his favorite television show, and he knew when Fred announced he would exit that show Stage Left.

And yes, this is a cool thread ....

Sam

PS How exactly does one identify the corpse of Fred Thompson from the live guy when there probably are no visible discernible differences perceivable by the naked eye?

response #24 by Old Crusoe:

      Good question. This may require an ecumenical team of top people from
the nation's morgues to make a determination.

They'll be able to get to the bottom of the mystery as soon as the Carbon 14 after-shave results get back.

GDP, January 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4112863

On a thread by Postman:

      Is it politically savvy for Huckabee to keep his obese children off the stage and out of sight?

response #6 by lame54:

      I know it's good for the stage...
:sarcasm:

GD, January 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2718521

OP by matcom:

      I NEVER thought I would live to see it. NEVER
Fred Thompson is actually STUPIDER than Bush*

:omg:

he is on CNN right now.

That man is a bigger idiot than the KING IDIOT!

:rofl:

ladies and gentlemen... we have a new WINNER!

response #2 by IndianaJones:

      thats a serious charge. nt.

GDP, January 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4122663

OP by Amerigo Vespucci:

      CNN BREAKING: Oscar Mayer declared wiener in South Carolina

unnumbered response by Radio_Lady:

      Yummy! I needed to catchup on CNN news!
:rofl:

response #9 by CreekDog:

      Frankly, I find your pun disturbing
:spank:

response #10 by Radio_Lady:

      Frankly, I find your bun disturbing...
:rofl:

response #14 by CreekDog:

      Doggone it!
:spank:

response #5 by BlueJazz:

      I wonder if CNN is being entirely Frank with this News.

The Lounge, January 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7371736

On a thread by Bleachers7:

      Mike Huckabee can officially go f*** himself

response #6 by Xipe Totec:

      If I knew he was waiting for permission I would have granted it a long time ago (nt)

GDP, January 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4124001

On a thread by Levgreee:

      This forum is disgusting

response #2 by goldcanyonaz:

      I think there's a lot of sexual frustration on this forum, present company included.

response #38 by natrat:

      yea, there should be a porno section in the special interest forums :)

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GDP, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4132942

On a thread by Finnfan:

      Does Your Pet Seem Almost Human? It May Be A Clever Response To Loneliness
"New research at the University of Chicago finds evidence for a clever way that people manage to alleviate the pain of loneliness: They create people in their surroundings to keep them company..."

response #3 by Kutjara:

      Another stunning report...
...from the Department of Obvious Studies at Selfevident U. Next they'll be telling us that beer gets us drunk and that electricity tastes bad.

response #4 by ocelot:

      Hey, I like the taste of electricity. It's crisp and sparkly.

response #31 by MonkeyFunk:

      Mr. Snugglepuss is very unhappy with this article

response #45 by DBoon:

      It works the other way around
I think most people are dogs, for example.

response #46 by DBoon:

      This article is full of it
people and animals are not the same.

I'd say more, but I need to scratch my ear with my foot for a bit....

The Lounge, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7373464

OP by spanone:

      mitt romney doesn't appear to have a sincere bone in his body
he's blathering on cnn....he is a hollow shell of a human configuration.

he just claimed he would stop illegal immigration....not how...just that he would

he's the only one in the world who can fix and strengthen the economy....not how...just that he would

washington is broken....he's gonna fix it....doesn't say how.....just gonna do it

and i'm gonna be the next pope. part-time. like the hat.


:crazy:

response #3 by ocelot:

      I don't think he has any bones in his body.
He's a human Slinky.

Which leads to my favorite Slinky joke (originally applied to Bush):

Q: How is Mitt Romney like a Slinky?
A: He's not useful for much, but you can get a good laugh from kicking him down the stairs.

GD, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2727134

OP by sniffa:

      ABC calls the AFC Championship for the New England Patriots.
With 26% of game time reporting, and the Patriots leading their opponent for the nomination to the Super Bowl, the San Diego Chargers, 7-3, ABC is projecting a Patriots victory.

response #3 by flvegan:

      San Diego is all up in Foxboro with disease.

response #13 by Finnfan:

      The Chargers are winning - they have a higher number of scores.
They've scored 3 times, the Patriots have only scored twice.

I wonder how the Patriots folks are going to spin that one.

The Lounge, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7373349

OP by ck4829:

      Cheney looking into new and innovative methods of destroying documents

David Addington, Cheney's Chief of Staff, says that current methods of getting rid of key documents is not going smoothly enough, the paper shredder is starting to get kind of dull because of all the work he has said.

With only a year left before Cheney is out of office and someone could make his papers public, Cheney's office is looking for the next method of destroying these troublesome papers.

Some ideas being proposed:

Put the documents in Bush's personal stack of books

Create a wormhole to an alternate dimension and toss the documents in there

Paint documents black, shred the painted over documents, burn the shredded remains, and send the ashes to be recycled, where they will then become the business section of the Paris Business Review

response #1 by lurky:

      Maybe he could borrow Chuck Norris from Huckleby.
Chuck has powers, you know.

response #3 by hisownpetard:

      Yeah, with those fluorescent fake choppers he could gnaw his way through a phone book
in two seconds flat.

response #2 by The_Casual_Observer:

      I thought setting the office on fire was fairly novel for a Vice President.
Typically you only see that one used in failed businesses.

GD, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2729164

Poll question by Old Crusoe:

      Is Gov. Huckabee the Anti-Christ?

:bluebox: Yep.

:bluebox: Nope.

:bluebox: Other.

response #3 by undeterred:

      You Edwards people are so hung up on the End Times.
:hi: :evilgrin:

response #6 by Old Crusoe:

      It's true. I'm a sucker for demons, locusts, and plagues of all sorts.

response #16 by undeterred:

      Well, that does sound like Arkansas
but I'm not sure which candidate. :evilgrin:

response #10 by momster:

      Not Slick Enough
If I believed that End Times garbage, and I don't, the A/C is supposed to be a uniter, a slick politician's politician, dedicated to making the world a brighter, better place in order to seduce believers from the hard path...OMG, it's Bill Clinton!

Nah. Anyway, Huckabee's too busy shooting his mouth off about what he really believes to be the Anti-Christ. He's just a huckster who has strayed from his natural destiny selling odometer-altered, badly repainted cars to little old ladies and teen-age boys. He's Bernie Mac from the Transformer Movies, he's Glengarry Glen Ross, he's a footnoted foot soldier in the War on Christmas. After the inaugaration on 1/20/09, he, Chuck Norris and GWB can go start a business together. "Huck, Chuck and Chimp's Used Car-Total Gym-Lobby Shop."

response #41 by graywarrior:

      Isn't the anti-christ supposed to be charismatic?

At press time, "Nope." was winning with 61% of the votes.

GD, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2725215

OP by radfringe:

      after reading the Clinton VS Obama VS Edwards posts - I've decided on my candidate
Minnie Mouse for President - She's a she, she's black and furthermore she's a rodent just like Clinton-Obama-Edwards supporters accuse each other's candidates of being..

Why do you have to chose just one when you can have all in one...

response #8 by NoPasaran:

      Minnie is a creation of the Disney/ABC Empire
Talk about letting the M$M choose your candidate!

response #11 by radfringe:

      have to finish cooking dinner - flame among yourselves...
just to keep things interesting - we're having meat tonight - specifically cow, served as a pot roast, after dinner I'm having a drink and a cigarette - maybe later I'll run around the house with scissors yelling out politically incorrect phrases

response #19 by NV Whino:

      Yeah but look at that baggage named Mickey she's dragging with her.

response #22 by TheModernTerrorist:

      this country isn't ready for a mouse
nono, this country isn't ready for a mouse president :hide:

response #38 by SheWhoMustBeObeyed:

      Minnie is a racist homophobe and a homophobic racist.
Yappy the Dog is the only one pure enough to lead my party..the Who's-a-widdle-cutie-face-yes-you-are-yes-YOU-are party.

If you want to throw your vote away on Minnie then x(

GD, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2728244

OP by LoZoccolo:

      You know, fuck all. There *was* some cool stuff about Reagan.
His hair. Fuck yeah!

response #1 by MercutioATC:

      He got to work with a a couple of chimps...
Bonzo was one of them.

response #2 by NYCALIZ:

      not to mention his support of freedom fighters
of course those freedom fighters were attacking civilian targets and later morphed into Al Qaeda....but who could have predicted that feeding radicals and encouraging attacks on civilian targets could possibly backfire.

GDP, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4134644

OP by Writer:

      Write your own tombstone
WRITER
June 2, 1975 - ???????

She tried to write.

She tried to live.

She tried to die.



Wait a minute... did she die?

She's underneath this tombstone.
Would someone please check it out?





What's yours?

response #5 by Joe Fields:

      Hey, it's dark in here!

response #6 by krispos42:

      tombstone:
Here lies Krispos42
Your ad here!
Call Ubiquitous Advertising
888-555-TOMB

response #7 by Kutjara:

      "But enough about me. How're you doing?" n/t

response #31 by gmoney:

      The obvious...
"Here lies a disruptor. He disrupted... poorly."

response #37 by ThoughtCriminal:

      If you see me crawling out...
Go for a head shot.

response #49 by Maraya1969:

      "I decided to go into real estate"

response #53 by LiberalHeart:

      Which of these should I choose?
"I never could pass up the chance to lie down."

Or:

"I'm not a celebrity so go away."

Or:

"They lied. You can take it with you."

Or:

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted..."

Or:

Here lies a thief.
"I could not stop for Death, so he kindly stopped for me."
(Even my last words are stolen.)

Or:

"Damn. Feels just like being alive."

Or:

"See? Told ya I'd do anything to get out of jury duty."

Or:

"Help! I'm allergic to satin!"

Or:

"Did Edwards win?"

Or:

"Has anyone at DU said they miss me?"

Or:

"George Bush did it."

Or:

"Gone to Heaven. Love it! No Republicans."

response #60 by IDemo:

      "Oh shit, I left the iron on"

The Lounge, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7372076

OP title by Telly Savalas:

      I just love watching you fuckers hump your candidate's leg.

Locked thread. No link.

GDP, January 21, 2008

Poll question by zulchzulu:

      Who won the debate tonight that hasn't happened yet?

:bluebox: Lies

:bluebox: Deceit

:bluebox: Racism

:bluebox: Sexism

:bluebox: Distortion of the facts

:bluebox: Memorized talking points

:bluebox: Horserace mentality

:bluebox: Lack of campaign finance reform

:bluebox: All the above

:bluebox: Other

response #8 by TwilightZone:

      Hey, at least it's better than the Republican debates, where "sleep" usually wins.

response #10 by NoPasaran:

      Lee Mercer, Jr.

At press time, "Memorized talking points" was winning with 42% of the votes.

GDP, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4144141

On a thread by CatWoman:

      All of these Clinton dick threads have a voyeuristic quality

response #2 by The Magistrate:

      Indeed, Ma'am
It seems fellatio never goes out of style....

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2736391

OP by Gidney N Cloyd:

      Can we put our differences aside and agree that Tucker needs a smack upside the head?

response #13 by WinkyDink:

      I'd like to snap that bow-tie into his Adam's apple.

response #14 by blondeatlast:

       Just don't mess up his pretty, pretty hair, please.
Nonetheless, a 2X4 should do nicely.

response #15 by ayeshahaqqiqa:

      Where do I get in line?
I figure by now it is a rather long one.

response #16 by lurky:

      Unity at last!
This may be the balm that heals our wounds. I mean who wouldn't want to smack this guy?

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2736524

On a thread by redwitch:

      Where are the mods this morning?

response #11 by citizen_jane:

      It got really cold last nite..
and the mod hot tub froze
trapping the mods. Hopefully,
a hot enough flame war will melt
the ice and set them free to dole
out deletes and locks with abandon.

GDP, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4139637

OP by Kurt_and_Hunter:

      We need the kind of transformational change that prepares us to work in a mill on day one.
Do I get the nomination now?

GDP, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4148478

OP by matcom:

      I WANT TO YELL TOO!!!11
YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

response #3 by VolcanoJen:

      How long can this thread go without a boxing metaphor...
... hmmm, I wonder... }(

response #5 by ThomCat:

      This is the most articulate political statement I've seen so far today.
:P

response #11 by LSK:

      REZKO WALMART SLUMLORDS PRESENT !!!!!!!!!!!!

GDP, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4146238

OP by jmowreader:

      Understanding Republican foxes in the henhouse
Standard operating procedure for foxes in a henhouse:

1. Foxes enter henhouse.

2. Foxes eat all the hens.

3. Foxes leave.

Standard operating procedure for Republican foxes in the same henhouse:

1. Foxes enter henhouse and eat all the hens.

2. Foxes then incorporate "Henhouse Management, Inc." in Barbados.

3. They then publish a glossy, nine-color prospectus to sell the 150,000 shares of HMI stock they had printed. Prospectus and stock certificates are both designed in India and printed in China because offshore graphic arts talent works REAL cheap.

4. Using a stockbroker who gave $500,000 to George Bush's reelection campaign, they offload the shares at 50 percent over analyst's estimates based on the composition of the board of directors of HMI: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney AND Bob Nardelli are all on it!

5. Faux Business Channel, CNBC and Bloomberg Television all run glowing reports on the financial acumen and innovative business practices employed by HMI. No one notices, or cares, they have no chickens.

6. HMI delivers 10,000 pounds of Individually Quick Frozen (IQF) chicken wings to Buffalo Wild Wings, Inc., at a price 10 percent below the break-even point of every other supplier in the poultry industry.

Based on this delivery, HMI receives contracts totaling 10 million pounds to nine different restaurant chains, all paid in full at date of signing...and uses part of the contract proceeds to pay the butcher who sold them the first 10,000 lbs. They give 10 percent to the Republican Party, and keep the rest.

7. Three months later, the whole scam falls apart. Nine restaurant chains are forced into bankruptcy because they have neither the chicken HMI sold them nor money to buy it from another meatpacker. The resulting government bailout of the chicken-wing industry costs the taxpayer $1.3 billion. Hooters collapses. All the foxes fled to a country that doesn't have an extradition treaty. The Democrats in Congress hold a hearing at which Harry Reid is heard to say, "I didn't get a 'harrumph' out of that guy" and a stream of former Hooters Girls testify that, due to the obvious fraud and malfeasance committed by the foxes, they'll have to work their way through grad school at jobs where they make you wear (gasp!) pants! George Bush pardons the foxes, claiming they weren't able to foresee the "downturn" in the chicken-wing business, which finally causes Nancy Pelosi to put impeachment back on the table: "Anyone who doesn't understand HMI collapsed because they were selling chickens they ate six months before is not only too fucking stupid to be president, he's too stupid to breathe air. So his ass is out of here; we've got plenty of grounds for impeachment. AND we've got really dry powder!"

Regular foxes just clean out the henhouse. Republican foxes take the economy with them.

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2733516

OP by helderheid:

      Did Hillary just say Bill was a tremendous asshat?
Ooooohhhh... ASSET!

(Couldn't resist - sorry!!) :P

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2738963

OP by malaise:

      Chuck Norris' maths
John Mc Cain is 72 now and he'll be 83 in four years. Chuck is proof of Fuckabee's intelligent design version of mathematics. :puke:

response #1 by dicksteele:

      Thousands of blows to the head- he has them. nm

response #7 by malaise:

      I thought those were stunt men
:rofl:

response #19 by dicksteele:

      Only after he retired from the ring, and started doing the B-movies.
Before that, a whole bunch of the best professional fighters
in the country spent a few years punching him in the head
as hard as they could, every chance they got.

I don't care who you are, that takes a toll.

response #3 by dorkulon:

      It's 'president years,' like dog years. You just don't understand the Chuckonometry.
It's OK, I took advanced Chuckulus at Kung Fu U.

Hiiya! :spank:

response #4 by Paint It Black:

      Did you stick around for the Chuckonomics class?
The basic premise is that if you stare at your wallet long enough, it will magically fill up with money.

response #10 by dorkulon:

      No, but I did take Chuckosophy.
I loved the part where he roundhouse kicks Socrates and Bertrand Russell at the same time.

response #12 by Javaman:

      I minored in Chuckemistry...
where he roundhouse kicks lead into gold.

response #15 by dorkulon:

      I learned a lot in Norristory class...
Like how Jesus kicked the crap out of Charles Darwin and Copernicus on the roof of a speeding train.

response #31 by malaise:

      Was that Jesus or
Jerry Falwell?

response #33 by dorkulon:

      It might have been a tag team match. /nt

response #11 by Aviation Pro:

      Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked John Nash and....
...he turned into Adam Smith.

response #18 by malaise:

      Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
That must have brought about 'The Welt of Nashion'. :D

response #36 by dorkulon:

      I heard pi is only irrational because Chuck Norris gave it brain damage.
Then he drove the square root of 2 insane just by staring at it real hard.

response #5 by originalpckelly:

      Chuck doesn't add up numbers, number bow to his will.
If he wants 72 + 4 to be 83, he can do it. :P

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread, or Churck Norris will KICK YOUR ASS.

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2735158

OP by Atman:

      "Bush Calls Top Officials to Discuss How to Blame Recession On Clintons"
Washington - President Bush assembled his top advisers today hoping to find a way to retroactively blame the current recession on the as-yet-unelected Hillary Clinton. Having falsely claimed the economy was booming for over four years now, Bush could be forced into the uncomfortable position of having to admit he's been lying, as aides tell him it is too late to go back and re-blame everything on the husband of Democratic front-runner Hillary Rodham Clinton.

"The trouble is, we've passed the point of no return," said a senior White House staffer, speaking anonymously out of embarrassment over his affiliation with the failed empire. "We've lied about things being great for so long, no one will buy it if we suddenly go back to blaming the current mess on Bill Clinton." The staffer went on to explain that some in the administration are working on a plan which would pre-emptively blame Hillary Clinton for the economic crash which is occurring under President George Bush. "America is scared of a woman President, so they've stopped buying homes or cars or taking out sub-primes loans. Yeah...yeah, that's the ticket!"

Bush's plan to lull Americans into a false sense of security prior to the 2008 election rout of the GOP by bribing them with shiny objects and candy has met with considerable criticism from all but the stupidest of American economists. Not surprisingly, all those economists also work for Fox News. "If everyone would take their $800 and buy a big-screen tv, this crisis could be averted," declared Sean Hannity. "And, they'll be able to count my pores in vivid hi-definition."

"Whatever the outcome of the current disintegration of the world financial markets," said another embarrassed staffer, "at least we'll have a black man or a Clinton to blame it on. Or John McCain."

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2734163

On a thread by Ellen Forradalom:

      What does a DU Ringtone sound like?

response #2 by SallyMander:

      Rick Astley?
:evilgrin:

response #16 by bridgit:

      CALL YOUR CONGRESSMAN RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!!

response #18 by CreekDog:

      Freebird
:headbang:

response #30 by flvegan:

      Like a cowbell.

The Lounge, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7378034

On a thread by elehhhhna:

      OMG! Mitt greets african americans on MLK day w/ "Who let the dogs out? Woof woof"

response #5 by jmm:

      Any day now he'll start handing out
fried chicken and watermelon in "urban" neighborhoods.

response #6 by tanyev:

      Mitt's really got some serious dog issues.

response #8 by bulloney:

      Who let the DORK out?

response #10 by 7 of 11:

      Somewhere even Bush is saying
Man... and they call me stupid!

response #21 by aquart:

      I expect he's still sensitive about that Irish setter scandal.
Tries to show he's for dogs at every opportunity.

response #31 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      "I tied my dog up! Goof, goof goof!"
Yay! a one line parody :rofl:

response #34 by Hissyspit:

      I've got one: "Who put the dog on the roof? Woof, woof, woof!" See? It rhymes!

response #35 by Hissyspit:

      I'm Mutt Rhymney!
:crazy: :7

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2735923

OP by asdjrocky:

      Ida and Me - An Actual Phone Call
This is an actual phone call I had while phone banking for Edwards in Reno. The names have been changed to protect the drunken. Ida was a 66-year-old Dem who, well, had some issues.

“Hello?” A voice of some years, weathered by probably two packs a day. She sounded a bit annoyed, I was used to that by now, and maybe a little in the cups.

“Hello, May I speak to Ida please?”

“This is Ida.” Exactly what I was afraid of.

“Hi Ida. My name is Rocky and I’m a volunteer for the John Edwards campaign and I’m calling to remind-“

“The who?”

“The John Edwards campaign.” I was sorry I said that the second it was out of my mouth, I could have easily hung up the phone at any point before this, and I’m quite certain Ida would have slipped off to sleep, thinking it was all a dream. But no, I had to say John Edwards, not once, but twice. “And I’m just calling to remind you of the caucus tomorrow.”

“The caucus?” Ida was still confused. “The John Edwards caucus? What about the caucus?” Think Janis Joplin meets Betty Davis meets Bay Buchanan, but drunker.

“Yes Ida. I mean, no Ida. It’s the Democratic caucus, and I’m a volunteer for John Edwards. Do you plan on going to the caucus?”

There was a long pause, and I thought Ida might have drifted off, actually I kind of hoped that Ida had drifted off. I covered my other ear, and listened for steady breathing, the room was busy with the noise of other calls. At this point, I could have hung up the phone, slowly and silently. Like stealth, ninja phone banker, instead I said, “Ida?”

“And what about the sleeper cells?” The slurring was in full swing now, and her sudden question made me jump a little.

I honestly wasn’t sure what she was saying. It sounded to me, like she said “What about the sheep’s and snails?” There was nothing on my script to deal with sheep’s and snails. I checked and re-checked.

“Pardon?”

“Sleeper cells.” She repeated carefully, pronouncing every syllable for my idiot brain.

“Well, Ida, John Edwards is against sleeper cells.” I mean he had to be. Does a candidate have to come out with a position statement against sleeper cells? Wouldn’t it be safe to assume John Edwards was firmly in the anti-sleeper cell camp?

“That’s good.” Agreed Ida, with the slur back, full force. “Because we have sleeper cells, all over the country.”

“Ah, yes, I er, agree. Sleeper cells are bad.” I decided now was the moment, I’d go for it all, or nothing at all. “So can we count on your support for John Edwards tomorrow morning?”

Another pause. A very, very long pause. Just say yes Ida, or no, Ida, or anything.

“John Edwards caucus?” Finally, something.

“Yes Ida. Yes.” Okay, just breathe, I told myself, you can get through this. “It’s John Edwards, in the caucus. The Democratic Caucus. It’s tomorrow morning, starting at 11:30, can you be there and can we count on your support for John Edwards?”

“John Edwards?”

“Yes Ida, John Edwards for President. He’s running for President of the United States. The United States of America.” I’m sure I sounded very pleasant. “Can we count on your support Ida?”

“John Edwards is running for President?” For the first time, Ida seemed interested. I thought there might be hope. I was one happy volunteer who had managed to cut through the haze for Edwards!

“Yes he is Ida. He’s running for President and he doesn’t believe in sleeper cells.” It seemed to be the two issues most important to her.

“Then I’ll go to that John Edwards caucus.” My spirits soared. “I just love him on that TV show, where he talks to all those dead people. What time do I have to be there?”

I told her. And then offered her a ride.

“That would be wonderful. Then we can go play keno.”

I said good-bye and hung up the phone, satisfied at gaining another hard won supporter for Edwards.

GDP, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4151858

OP by Jed Dilligan:

      A summary of last night's debate
:-) :-) :-)



:D x( :-)



x( :D :)



:grr: :o :)



:eyes: :eyes: :o




:o :wtf: :crazy:




:wtf: :o :crazy:




:spank: :boring:



:o :7 :rofl:



:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

GD, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2742723

On a thread by OhioChick:

      Cisco to invest $1.6 billion in UAE over next five years

response #1 by ananda:

      Yeah, it's not like..
.. we need jobs and investment in America. Smirk.

response #4 by flashl:

      Halliburton needs networking? nt

LBN, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3150655

OP by CreekDog:

      More improvements needed in the new GDP
All posts limited to the following:

1) name of candidate (choose 1 only):

a) like
b) no like
c) good
d) bad
e) deity
f) weasel

Responses shall be limited to the following:

a) you are wrong nt
b) you are right nt

no smilies will be allowed and all signatures shall be disabled.

i think it could work :shrug:

The Lounge, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7381981

Poll question by 11 Bravo:

      Which Republican candidate most makes you feel the need for a shower?
For me, it's Mitt Romney. He is the oiliest, smarmiest, most unctuous candidate in my memory. Couple those qualities with his laquered hair, the Chiclets he calls teeth, the omnipresent phony smile, and a willingness to say anything, and adapt any position based on who he's talking to at the moment, and this mother-fucker makes me look not for a shower, but an acid bath or a sandblaster!

:bluebox: Giuliani

:bluebox: Huckabee

:bluebox: McCain

:bluebox: Paul

:bluebox: Romney

:bluebox: Thompson (Fuck it, go ahead and kick the old fart when he's down)

response #2 by RedCappedBandit:

      needs 'all of the above' option imo. nt

At press time, "Romney" was winning with 43% of the votes.

GD, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2746098

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

      Fuck You, George Bush
Just on general principle.

GD, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2745903

OP by GoddessOfGuinness:

      Find a political thread, replace the names of politicians with DUers
The thread can come from anywhere on DU...

response #2 by CreekDog:

      What the fuck is wrong with people?
Who the HELL would stay home rather than vote for even CreekDog?
I hate his lying GUTS, but I'd still happily vote for him rather than see Walt Starr or Jesus Christ dance into the White House.
Have some of the people in the DU Lounge gotten willfully STUPID? (rhetorical question, do not answer)
Haven't we suffered ENOUGH under 7 years of -------?
I guess we haven't learned our lesson yet.
Fuck, if the Trolls win again, I'm laying the blame at the feet of every moron who didn't exercise their legal right and OBLIGATION AS AN AMERICAN to vote for CreekDog.

note: i'm playing along with the joke here. :grouphug:

response #4 by XemaSab:

      GoddessOfGuinness is a Harpy!
She keeps harping on accusations to keeping everyone else from getting a word in. Like the crap about ThomCat voting present when in the Ill. legislature because the Bill they were voting needed help before passing it and ThomCat was smart enough to see it was flawed.

response #6 by GoddessOfGuinness:

      Nag, nag, nag
;-)

response #7 by ih8thegop:

      ih8thegop excels in ferocious GD:P debate

response #15 by terrya:

      Did anyone else think terrya seemed angry, almost hysterical?

response #16 by DuStrange:

      My Wife And I Have Decided To NOT Vote For flvegan
in the Florida primary-at this point it almost seems like a wasted vote-we have switched to MrCoffee-whattayathink?

response #25 by flvegan:

      MrCoffee is the new Nader.

response #34 by MrCoffee:

      pfft. Nader is the old MrCoffee

The Lounge, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7378213

OP by rateyes:

      Hillarysaid, noObamasaid, wellEdwardssaid
Hillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada HillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyers
Hillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada HillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyersHillarycorporatist Obamapandering Edwardssamesongdifferent racismsexism
HillaryObamaClintonBarackEdwards yadayadayada BillMicheleElizabethWalMartRezkoTriallawyers

GDP, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4156383

OP by tomreedtoon:

      I just got a Huckabee Push Poll!
It started out as an "automated" poll. It asked if I had a preference for any of the Republican candidates, and listed them. I answered "no" to each of them.

Then, it went on to ask about issues like "pro life" and "illegal immigration." I got a suspicion and started answering the poll questions with "cheese" or "anaconda."

Then it started talking about "do you want to have a candidate that reflects the views of average people?" I answered "yes," and apparently it WAS making decision on the answers. It started mentioning that Romney and McCain were millionaires...and having gotten enough amusement out of this, I hung up.

So the Incredulous Huck is trying to get ahead by slamming the wealth of the other candidates. Possibly, if I were anti-abortion, it would have talked about Giuliani and other anti-Huckster Republicans on that topic.

GDP, January 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4168962

On a thread by raccoon:

      Have you ever met a person from another English-speaking country, and you couldn't understand
their speech?

response #10 by madinmaryland:

      I can't figure out what George Bush is saying, either.

The Lounge, January 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7384242

On a thread by MercutioATC:

      Dow's diving again...down 300
S&P down almost 3% today

Any bets on where the bottom is?

response #1 by Tuesday Afternoon:

      the barter system
:D

Economy, January 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=114x33163

On a thread by malaise:

      Oh Oh: Bushco issued hundreds of false statements
"... Bush and administration officials stated unequivocally on at least 532 occasions that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction or was trying to produce or obtain them or had links to al-Qaida or both..."

response #7 by progressoid:

      Fool me once, shame on me....fool me 532 times, I'm part of the 29%.

GD, January 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2748414

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Christian Newswire very concerned about out-of-wedlock births in France: same-sex marriage to blame!
"Last year, France became the first non-Scandinavian country in Western Europe where a majority of births are now out-of-wedlock. World Congress of Families International Secretary Allan C. Carlson called it, 'a troubling development which underscores the danger of weakening the natural family by accepting marriage-substitutes...'"

response #3 by TechBear_Seattle:

      To think *I'M* the reason breeders are breeding
Wow. That's just... :wow: Wow.

response #10 by GloriaSmith:

      I just got knocked up by reading your post
Thanks a lot TechBear. :grr:

response #29 by TechBear_Seattle:

      You're on your own, sweetheart
I'm not a child-support kind of guy. :hide:

response #15 by unpossibles:

      "Marriage Substitutes" lol
I prefer "I Can't Believe It's Not Marriage!" but "MaritalWhip" is pretty good too.

GD, January 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2751101

On a thread by The Straight Story:

      Google maps pixelates their satellite image of Cheney's place

response #4 by AndyA:

      It's for your own good; Dick likes to sunbathe in the nude.
Not a pretty picture, and YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE!

Really, it's all to prevent retina injury.

:rofl:

response #6 by citizen_jane:

      It's because
they do not want people
to see the giant shred-o-matic
parked outside.

:rofl:

GD, January 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2756321

On a thread by Hepburn:

      Sylvester Stallone Endorses McCain. Coolest Endorsement Yet?
Faux Snooze Headline... :rofl:

response #1 by thoughtanarchist:

      How do we know he endorsed McCain?
Ruh Mubbuh fouh rulluh" Isn't exactly a clear endorsement now, is it?

I wonder who Ozzy Osbourne "endorsed"?

response #2 by hisownpetard:

      Well. that does it for me. If Sly says McCain. then McCain it is!
My Sly can beat your Chuck, Huck!!!!!!!

response #18 by DefenseLawyer:

      But who is Frank Stallone endorsing?
That's going to put someone over the top.

response #20 by bahrbearian:

      Or Sly and the Family Stone

response #22 by hisownpetard:

      Sly and his family are stoned??

GD, January 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2758444

On a thread by madinmaryland:

      Seriously, though, who would you consider to be on everyone's top ten list of DU posters?

response #5 by DuStrange:

      Walt Starr, although he hasn't posted in a while.
And Jesus Christ, he was pretty cool.

response #35 by madinmaryland:

      I can't believe Jesus was tombstoned!

response #39 by DuStrange:

      Yes, but three days later...
the tombstone was rolled away by EarlG.

The Lounge, January 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7388389

On a thread by Mike03:

      Disaster: Your Survival is at Stake. You have 15 minutes in a grocery store.
Something awful has happened in your state and you are lucky enough to have been entering a supermarket when you heard about it on the radio prior to your entrance.

You have ten or fifteen minutes to buy what you need and get out of the store before everyone else gets there.

What do you buy?

response #1 by BushDespiser12:

      Scotch!

GD, January 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2760373

On a thread by CorpGovActivist:

      To Coin a Phrase: The Great GrieferBaiter
Thanks to Zenlitened for this enlightening post.

Now that we've all been educated about malicious flamers, will attitudes change about whether thought-provoking posts are "flame bait," and will we all begin to put the blame where it should have been all

along - on the malicious flamers, or "griefers," instead?

response #1 by Old Crusoe:

      Glad to have the link, CorpGovActivist -- I missed that post and at first thought
a "grieferbaiter" might refer to someone who plays with himself at funerals.

Then I followed the trail you provided and it all made sense.

I'm heading to the kitchen for some coffee now. God bless America!

GD, January 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2763323

OP by Mythsaje:

      Planet of the Dickheads
See, the crapmasters have been running this planet for a long, long time. Little men with imperial dreams, who thought for some reason that THEY should be running things rather than that other dickhead over there, have been making life miserable for serfs, peasants, shopkeepers, and the rest of us for FAR too long.

Some of them got into religion, and rather than leading armies, led factions of priests and witchhunters who used fear of the unknown to get people to become their armies and engage in terrible acts that diminished humanity in untold ways.

There are some people who NEED these dickheads in a way I will never understand, who responded with fervor when one dickhead said "Hey, I'm just trying to protect you from THAT dickhead over there."

Uh-huh.

We see echoes of this even now, when the candidates for the Republican nomination stand on stage and proudly trumpet "I'm a bigger dickhead than HE is!"

Even the Dems try to get by in saying "Sometimes you HAVE to be a dickhead."

I certainly hope not. You can be strong and smart and not be a dickhead. George Bush is a Dickhead. Dick Cheney is a REAL dickhead. Ronald Reagan was a Dickhead. Bill Clinton tried NOT to be a dickhead, but he reverted to dickhead when it suited him. Frankly, the last President we had who wasn't a dickhead, at least some of the time, was Jimmy Carter. He became the dickhead doormat.

Barack Obama is trying to be the anti-dickhead, while, at the same time, saying that all dickheads aren't all bad.

Hillary Clinton is telling us "My husband can really be a dickhead. I can be a dickhead too."

And John Edwards is saying "Hey, the corporations think I'm a dickhead. Let me be YOUR dickhead."


So that's why I'm supporting John Edwards. It's about time the little people had their own dickhead.

GDP, January 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4200034

On a thread by Blarch:

      Fuck Karl Rove...
and his followers ...the Clinton's...

response #2 by DS1:

      that's Clintons
there's no need for the '

response #3 by CatWoman:

      actually
there's no need for the thread, either.

GDP, January 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4200208

On a thread by IndianaJones:

      OH MY COD! Candidates running campaign ads to win elections is bad now?

response #1 by MassDemm:

      What the Fish is going on here........

response #4 by IndianaJones:

      bless my sole. nt.

response #6 by MassDemm:

       I'm gonna have a haddocktack. nt
:rofl:

response #3 by goldcanyonaz:

      I understand this forum a lot better, when I'm drunk.
:shrug:

response #7 by TwilightZone:

      Apparently, I need to start drinking like a fish.

response #5 by C_U_L8R:

      Nah.. they're running em just for the halibut.

response #8 by ronnykmarshall:

      Halibut that?

response #16 by LittleClarkie:

      Aw, clam up!

response #17 by MassDemm:

      You've jumped the shark! nt

response #18 by LittleClarkie:

      Oh yeah! OH YEAH?! Well, you're gonna need a sturgeon when I'm done with you!

response #42 by jgraz:

      Careful, you don't want to make anemone.

Other fishionary responses in the thread,

GDP, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4145366

OP by Cooley Hurd:

      Hi! I'm a building that will have to be renamed in 3 years... and I'm ugly, too!

GD, January 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2720250


On a thread by Bleachers7:

      CNN.com gives Obama the extra delegate. Obama WINS!!!

response #5 by Magic Rat

GDP, January 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4122773


On a thread by Levgreee:

      This forum is disgusting

response #49 by rug

GDP, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4132942


On a thread by ProSense:

       McClurkin shared the stage with Former President, Bill Clinton...

response #1 by Bonobo

GDP, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4134979


OP by CatWoman:

      Jeepers!!! Tim Russert posts on DU!!!

response #18 by Atman

GD, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2727273


OP by SoCalDem:

      LBJ had his ranch, Nixon had his beach house, *² has the pigfarm

GD, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2728931


OP by BlueStater:

      One more rotten year to go

GD, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2728041


OP by Dr_eldritch:

      THIS is my candidate!

response #5 by Bozita

response #9 by NanceGreggs

response #18 by Dr_eldritch

response #10 by maddiejoan

response #21 by Kerry4Kerry

response #11 by Hatchling

GDP, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4135339

More at: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4134651


OP by Call Me Wesley:

      Star Trek XI: More pics leaked! (Dial-up warning.)

response #3 by GoPsUx

response #5 by underpants

response #10 by Blue_Tires

response #26 by CreekDog

response #27 by DinoBoy

The Lounge, January 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7372628


OP by elehhhhna:

      Condi got WASTED like her BF does...here she is boozing in the UAE --

response #1 by Aviation Pro

response #15 by Perragrande

response #23 by Sugar Smack

response #24 by chimpsrsmarter

response #35 by peekaloo

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2735930


On a thread by malaise:

      Chuck Norris' maths

response #58 by fascisthunter

GD, January 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2735158


On a thread by Webster Green:

      Check out this girl's reaction to the chimp touching her today

response #7 by mikelewis

response #8 by Maddy McCall

response #19 by Perragrande

response #20 by Warpy

response #25 by Yuugal

response #28 by Art_from_Ark

response #52 by dicksteele

GD, January 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2739668


On a thread by Zynx:

      Why do so many here believe that the next Great Depression is always around the corner?

response #4 by Atman

GD, January 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2753737

[bicentennial_baby]

1. w00t! I hereby nominate Sniffa and I...

DUzy couple of the week! :rofl:

[sniffa]

5. And I nominate Midlo as DUzy stalker of the week.

:hide:

[Bicoastal]

2. My apologies to KennedyGuy...

...I normally feel name-calling is very immature, so I must have been pretty steamed at the time to come up with that one.

As a jazz musican, it's probably the worst insult I can think of.

[sniffa]

6. Don't sweat it.

You'll soon be called a stalker, and you'll forget that you felt bad.

[DS1]

3. w00t!

thanks Jeff, and congrats on the Photo contest!

[sniffa]

4. K&merceR!

Finally, Mercer gets positive press. :woohoo:

[rateyes]

7. Think this will give him a bump in the polls?

:shrug:

[sniffa]

8. Sadly, no.

The media blackout of Lee Mercer, Jr. is still in effect.

LMDNE

x(

[rateyes]

11. Liberal media, my ass!!

Who are they trying to kid? :shrug:

[JeffR]

18. What with the revamped GDP, it's time for GD to become GDM

GDMit!

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

9. I Love The DUzy's. And Ya Know What? Something Just Occurred To Me. DU Should OFFICIALLY Sponsor

the DUzy's. I think they're an inherent part of what makes DU great, and should become a permanent part of our culture.

How you ask?

I think below every single post, where the other links are, there should be a "nominate for DUzy" link. Then on Friday, you go through them and make your picks. How cool would that be?

Ok ok, so that's probably a tad over the top. But still, I LOVE THE DUzy's!!!!

[JeffR]

19. Anything that would automate the process, I'm in!

:thumbsup:

[Radio_Lady]

45. Good idea, but Jeff should retain the right to tombstone anyone who doesn't pick HIS winners.

On second thought, just leave it the way it is, Jeff.

YOU got a winner, and thanks for lifting my spirits with laughter!

:thumbsup: :hi: :hug:

[redwitch]

54. Slacker!

Besides, what would you do with all the free time?

[Dr. Strange]

58. I really, really like the idea of that DUzy button at the bottom of each post.

I suspect, however, that that would result in at least twice as many nominations as Jeff gets now.
But it would be cool!

[hisownpetard]

44. I think that's a fantastic idea!! Quick and efficient. I hope it's do-able!

[zabet]

10. Emoticon Debate Recap!!

:rofl:

Thanks JeffR!
:applause:

[Guaranteed]

66. Yup, well done Jed Dilligan- that was brilliant. nt

[MethuenProgressive]

12. k&r for a fun Friday night!

:kick:

[eppur_se_muova]

13. O. M. G. So THAT'S who Lee Mercer, Jr. is! The ONLY possible ...

successor to Bu**sh** who is so batshit insane we wouldn't even notice the transition.

[Berry Cool]

46. I think you're right.

We won't even be able to tell the difference when he speaks.

[Lucinda]

14. Been looking forward to Mercer's Greatest Hits all week long!

:D Thanks Jeff! Nice job.

[no name no slogan]

15. Another bang-up job by JeffR and co.!

Fan-freaking-tastic selections this week! I laughed so hard that I think I may have aggravated my concussion-- but I'd do it again in a second!

:thumbsup:

[Richard Steele]

16. "Ruh Mubbuh fouh rulluh" Isn't exactly a clear endorsement now, is it?"

That's what I love about the DUzy's- no matter how much time
I spend reading DU, there's always some pants-wettingly-funny
quip that somehow escapes my notice, until I catch it the second
time around in the Friday-evening DUzy thread!


Congrats to all of this week's winners! :toast:

[Richard Steele]

17. When reached by phone, Candidate Mercer stated: JEFF R IS ALL UP IN MY HOUSE WITH DU-ZEES!

Sorry DU, I just had to get that one off my chest.

[CreekDog]

21. Nominate his post, right fucking now!!!

:rofl:

[scarletwoman]

24. I, for one, am very grateful you got that off your chest.

Because it was making your chest look really weird.

[Fire Walk With Me]

43. I wanted to say that your Chuck Norris post cracked me the hell up:

response #19 by dicksteele:

Only after he retired from the ring, and started doing the B-movies.
Before that, a whole bunch of the best professional fighters
in the country spent a few years punching him in the head
as hard as they could, every chance they got.

[Richard Steele]

52. I really can't take much credit for that- it's funny because it's TRUE. nm

[malaise]

55. Still very funny

:D

[Richard Steele]

57. My biggest regret is that I didn't use proper "LolCat" spelling for my initial response, like so:

[malaise]

69. LOL

HaHaHa :rofl:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

79. Oh look! It's a LolChuck!

:rofl:

[Richard Steele]

83. MISTER OWL: How much Lol could a LolChuck chuck, if a LolChuck could chuck Lol?

Let's see... ha-one, ha-two, ha-three...*CRUNCHING roundhouse kick to the head*

"Thuh-ree."


The world may never know.

[Cabcere]

82. (All three)!!!1!!11!!!1!!

:rofl: :applause: Bravo, dicksteele - that made me laugh out loud. :D :thumbsup:

[scarletwoman]

20. I am honor bound to k&r the DUzys. Congrats to all this week's winners! (nt)

[malaise]

22. It's Friday night and i just realized that Chuck Norris

had some use after all. What a heap of DUzys on that thread and three for me.
Damn that thread was fall down funny! Thanks all and congrats! :toast: :yourock:

Thanks JeffR and the rest of the hard-working crew.

[dorkulon]

25. I had a feeling that thread would be in here.

Second DUzy week in a row for me!

:headbang:

[malaise]

27. That thread was fun

:hi:

[Mythsaje]

23. Awesome collection this week... I LMAO

It always stuns me when one of my OPs gets on all on its own. Woo-hoo!

[malaise]

33. You write great OPs

Congrats

[Initech]

26. I publically declare my support for the candidacy of Lee L. Mercer Jr. for Pres!

[radfringe]

29. ohhhh noes... it's minnie mouse all the way

free cheese!!!!

wait a minute...wasn't that done before?

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

28. K & R. I clicked anticipating the Mercer Chronicles and got so much more.

:rofl:

:toast:

:kick:

MKJ

[11 Bravo]

30. Damn! I didn't post in a single Lee Mercer Jr. thread and still recieved a DUzy!

Thanks again for this, Jeff. I'm not sure you realize how much your contribution here means to this place. With the toxic cesspool that is DU:primaries threatening to permeate the entire board, your hard work makes this joint bearable once again.

[JeffR]

36. Thanks.

That's very kind of you.

[hisownpetard]

75. Just when you thought things couldn't get worser...

along came teh Mr. Lee L. Mercer!


Thanks for all the extra work you put in to bring us that compendium.
Hilarious!!!

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

38. Congrats! and your poll, LOL.

:rofl:

MKJ

[HCE SuiGeneris]

31. How did I miss "THIS is my candidate"?

Aubergine DOES sound French! :rofl:

Thank you JeffR! And also, many thanks to the crazy people here that keep me from regaining sanity until the ship has been righted...

Highly Recommended!

edet fir speeeling

[graywarrior]

32. sniffa

sniffa sniffa sniffa bi-baby bi-baby sniffa sniffa sniffa
sniffa sniffa sniffa bi-baby bi-baby sniffa sniffa sniffa
sniffa sniffa sniffa bi-baby bi-baby sniffa sniffa sniffa
sniffa sniffa sniffa bi-baby bi-baby sniffa sniffa sniffa

The comedy team from hell!

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Congrats, youse two....I think.

:P

[bicentennial_baby]

35. Thank yooooou, thank yoooou...

:rofl:

[Kurovski]

34. FOR MERCY'S SAKE GO MERCER!!!

I'm a sell-out who's sold!

I think this is the first time I've ever seen "Ma'am" and "fellatio" in the same sentence, but then It's been quite some time since I've read Lady Chatterley's Lover. Honor be The Magistrate's! :D

Thank you JeffR, as always. :hug: You're da great big bomb, baby.

[JeffR]

39. I love Mercer, but I'm sticking with my chosen slate

At least through Super Duper Tuesday.:hi:

[Kurovski]

40. We are the next best thing to Dennis Kucinich.

WHOA!! A lightening bolt JUST HIT outside my window! :scared:

But seriously, I wish DK could have been president. Now you're stuck with us. I recommend that you now just focus on all the graft and perks we'll share if we make it. Dreaming of unfettered corruption always brings a smile to this handsome face.

[scarletwoman]

41. "WHOA!! A lightening bolt JUST HIT outside my window!" You're damn lucky that God is merciful.

She could have fried your ass if She wanted to. But even She thinks you're handsome.

[Kurovski]

47. She thinks I'm smart, too.

But like you say, "she's merciful". :hug: :hi:

[JeffR]

42. Graft? Perks?

:woohoo:

BTW, it's not too early to start thinking about who y'all are going to throw under the bus. I'll be happy to share my Ignore list with you. For a small fee, of course.

[Kurovski]

48. I'll see what Wetzelbill has in his sofa cushions,

but I've got $227,465.28 petty cash handy in my manbag. Will that do?

[scarletwoman]

49. Is that a roll of coins in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

[Kurovski]

50. Even when I'm short on change, I'm happy to see you.

:-)

[scarletwoman]

51. Well dear, I'd never want you to change a thing.

And God, who thinks you are both handsome and smart, has never once mentioned you being short.

:loveya:
sw

[Laurab]

37. K&R Great work as always! n/t

[Kurovski]

53. Howdy, Miss Laurab!

:hug:

[Laurab]

56. Well, hello, Mr. Kuovski!

I hope you're feeling better! :loveya:

[KamaAina]

59. And for my DUzys this week (ALL FOUR!), I'd like to thank...

the man who made it all up in my house with disease possible, the next President of the Eye Spy Intelligence Corps United States of America, which he will prove is America...

[TZ]

60. Yay- my first DUzy....

I would like to thank my new fav candidate for this honor: Lee Mercer! (all three):bounce:

[Dr. Strange]

73. I knew you were going to get a DUzy.

Although I thought it was going to be for that post with the pic in it. I can't believe you were able to balance those two kegs on your head while standing in a pool of chocolate pudding.

:applause:

[Jed Dilligan]

61. Sweet! My first DUzy!

Thanks everyone!

[scarletwoman]

62. Live free or die! (nt)

[Swamp Rat]

63. "Which candidate should receive the Lounge endorsement?"

:evilgrin:

[Kurovski]

64. Good night kick!

Congrats to all, and thanks for the laughs. :kick:

[Contrary1]

65. With the utmost respect, I pose the following inquiry to the esteemed DUzy Award Committee:

In the "On a thread by ..." category, can the original poster rightfully proclaim that he/she/it is also a DUzy Award winner?

In a way, the OP gave birth to the topic. And so, it would logically follow that any and all responses should be considered "offspring".

Can one have tulips without the bulbs? Can one grow vegetables without the seeds? Could I have even posted this question without the original DUzy Awards post?

I rest my case, unless the answer is negative, in which case, I am more than prepared to post even more intelligent arguments...tomorrow.

Thank you in advance.

PS: Who the hell is Lee Mercer?

[Dr. Strange]

74. You've probably seen the email floating around about him.

It's in this thread:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7366492

[PervezClinton]

67. Oh, Ms. Thang laughed and laughed. Mercy.

[krispos42]

68. Woo-hoo!!!

Yah! Another one for me!!!


Thanks, Jeff!

[SalmonChantedEvening]

70. Holy! What a collection!

:applause: :rofl:

Thanks JeffR & The Academy, gonna have to re-read these 3 or 4 times more. :)

Got me one for slappin' Mittens! YAY :D

I'm just a lil shad I missed the fish thread. :hide:

[corkhead]

71. kick

[Richard Steele]

72. Saturday morning kick.

[Guava Jelly]

76. Holy crap I got another DUzy

that makes one every 12500th post :P

[progressoid]

77. YEA for Duzzies!!

[Kurovski]

78. Kick. (nt)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

80. I'd like to thank the Academy...

Especially JeffR! :applause:

[pinto]

81. A most excellent edition!

Thanks. :thumbsup: