Let your children know that it's OKAY to feel sad sometimes.

[SoCalDem]

I am sitting here watching "Selling Sickness" (about teens who committed suicide while on anti-depressants)..

http://www.worldlinktv.org/programming/programDescription.php4?code=warning1

Teens need to know that it's SUPPOSED to hurt when you lose a boyfriend/girlfriend..flunk some classes, lose a job, etc.

There is NOT a "magic pill" that takes away the pain of LIVING..

When I was seeing a therapist,he deliberately AVOIDED drugs for a long time, because he WANTED me to express myself and talk about what was bothering me, and he said that the meds often just mask the symptoms.

As it turned out, after trying about 6 drugs, NONE of them "worked" anyway, so the pill routine never was my thing...but I see so many kids..young ones on anti-depressants, and if they reacted to them the way I did, I can understand how a young person might feel..

They already feel like shit, and then the 'magic pill' is no help, so it only makes them worse...and when friends find out they are ON the drugs, it makes them feel like even more of an outcast..

There's really nothing wrong with moping about for a bit, crying your eyes out, getting pissed off and then learning from the experience..

My shrink always tossed a box of kleenex at me (playfully) and wanted the tears to flow..

The drug industry sees the pills as a way to cut down on the costs of therapy.. "Talk therapy" costs more than just handing a prescription to someone, and saying "good luck"..

There are just some facts..

Boys tend to fidget more, and don't like to sit still and listen all the time...it does NOT mean they are mentally ill or need medication.

teen aged kids are hard on each other and they do taunt each other

teen aged boys and girls tend to "cheat" on each other (but they are not married)..and most are learning about love..... the intense feelings are hard to deal with..and they hurt like hell..

life is hard and upsetting a lot of the time..

kids often do not get along with their parents during the teen years, so they can feel isolated in a house full of people

no teenager ever has clothes cool enough, a car nice enough. enough money, time, friends..whatever

every teenager thinks that others are "looking at them" or judging them (they really are not as interested in others as they are themselves), but every one thinks they are walking around with a 2-story zit..and no one even notices it probably)

teens are fickle and they often betray "best friends"

if teens can manage to get to 20 or 21, their lives change dramatically, and all the crap they worried about in high school will seem silly and most of it won;t even matter in the least..

Let your kids know it's okay to be sad, and they they can pour out their hearts to you without being judged.. and KEEP THEIR CONFIDENCES.. If they ask that you not tell anyone, DON'T.

[Red Right and BLUE]

1. K&R! nt

[izzie]

2. It seems to be a thing in all ages now.

I am an old lady and my sister died. I was very sad and most of my friends, grandkids and kids said go to a doctor and get some pills. I was sort of shocked by the wide belief that I should take something so I would not be sad about my sister. In fact I was a little taken back that my children had not learned that the death of some one you love is just a normal part of what living is all about. I had thought I had made that point with my own children and guessed I had not. The Victorians did carry it a little far but to go to a doctor the day after some one dies for happy pills seems a little to far also. I will say for sure it is OK to be sad if some one dies just as long as one does not act like Victoria and keep it up for 40 years.

[dddem]

4. I'm very sorry about your sister.

My mom is 74, and I dread what will happen when her older sister goes. They are so close. I was never lucky enough to have a sister, but I think I understand how much you'll miss yours.
Peace.

[izzie]

7. But it was such a shock when it was just us two and I can not

say I was depressed I just missed her and was sad but I did not wish to take a pill and for get it. I wanted to recall all the 65plus years I had an older sister. I just had so much trouble trying to get it into every ones head that I did not need a head doctor and did not sit around and cry for hours. I just missed her and still do. I feel this is normal. I still miss my mother and father and my mother died in 1945 and I was a child. One does not spend hours in the dumps about these things. I often wonder about these pills to make one happy. If it makes you forget some thing you are sad about what does it do to all your thinking? Can one be seeing life as it really is while on these things?

[dddem]

10. I have a friend who lost a child.

He was 5 and he died of cancer. I can't imagine how she gets up every morning and goes through each day. She and her husband both take antidepressants, and I certainly won't judge them. But for the most part, I agree with your assessment. Death is part of the package. I lost my father when he was only 52. That was 25 years ago and I still miss him. But part of growing up for me was dealing with the loss. I hope it's part of who I am now. I believe it has made me more compassionate, and understanding of other people's suffering. It seems to me that you 'get it' and are enjoying the ride, bumps and all!
Peace.

[izzie]

18. Yes and it is how my sister and I were told to act. I am really

sort of shocked that I did not pass it on to my children. Their father used all the drugs and booze and half went my way and half picked his way. It is all so up in the air in this life I guess.

[Shallah Kali]

25. When my Dad died my Mom's doctor immediately offered medication

He didn't evaluate the situation just offered whatever she might want. When she refused he said if she wanted something later to come back. She never did. She was depressed for a bit and lost some weight. We would have a cry together and then keep on going. She would still enjoy life in the midst of her grief. Every once in a while she will get sad, wish Dad was still with her shedding a few tears and then go on with her day. I have to admit I still get sad and mourn a bit more. How can a person *not* miss someone they cared so much about? As you said grieving is normal. It is when taken to an extreme that there should be concern.

[Pamea]

3. Let your children know that it's OK to feel sad sometimes.

It is not only teens who commit suicide while on anti-depressants! There is no 'fix-it' pill in existence. I was forced to take 'medication,' that was serious 'necrophiliac,'
more to keep other's secrets than help me in any way. :eyes: They are great to soften up or mould one open to suggestion. No wonder I was so receptive to 'coercive persuasion,' in giving up my first born for adoption, something that has come back to haunt me as I age, and am now a grand-mother.

[postulater]

6. May I be the first to welcome you to DU!

G'Day.

[newyawker99]

13. Hi Pamea!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[pecwae]

22. Welcome to DU, pamea

:hi:

[postulater]

5. Thanks for the link

[Berry Cool]

8. Something needs to be said here, though.

There is not a pill or drug in the world that will "make you happy" or "make you forget you are depressed" or "take away the pain of living." That's NOT what antidepressants do.

They are not "magic." They do not make all bad feelings disappear.

What they CAN do is change brain chemistry so that it's possible to experience sad or negative feelings without being overwhemled by them, feeling paralyzed or rendered helpless by them.

One of the reasons kids can become outcasts is because of this misconception that they are on "happy pills" and that being medicated will magically make them happy. It won't. It will just make the pain something they can deal with because it will be "padded" a bit. It will still be there, but it'll be like playing football wearing a helmet and pads, rather than in shorts and a T-shirt.

The problem is, everyone's brain chemistry is different and what works for one person may not work for another. And the brain chemistries of teens are not the same as those of adults. The same medication that makes an adult brain "even out" emotionally can send a teen brain right over the edge.

Ideally, no one will EVER hand a teen a drug and just say "Take this and you will be able to make it through adolescence." It will work much better if it is carefully monitored (to make sure it works as it is supposed to--if not, try something else) and coupled with talk therapy. And what's with telling people? Don't tell people. Don't let them know. If they don't know, there will be no stigma.

It's true that if kids can just make it through that minefield of the teen years, a lot of the misery they're suffering merely because they are teens will just go away. I would not relive my teen years for all the world. But if today's antidepressants had been around when I was a teen, I don't think, from what I understand about them, that I would have minded having them around. But I never would have expected it to be as simple as just popping a pill and not being sad anymore, either.

on edit: I think I need to add something else: If you suffer a loss such as a death, and you take antidepressants, they will not make you "forget" the person died, or make you feel "happy" about the death, or take away all your feelings of sadness and mourning. That's nonsense. What they will do if handled right is make it possible for you to cope with your grief so that it doesn't take over your whole life. You'll still feel the sadness and loss and pain. What you will STOP feeling is that you simply cannot go on because of it. You will feel that you will be able to get through the pain and come out on the other side and be okay.

[lonestarnot]

9. Worked so well for A.N. didn't they. Pills wank.

[spoony]

30. Yeah that's rational.

That's like saying if you have an infection and take random antibiotics from shady and incompetent doctors that don't clear it up, that clearly antibiotics are garbage. Using worst case examples are not intellectually honest.

[uppityperson]

43. Depends on what is taken by whom.

They can be properly used or abused. Sometimes 1 happens, sometimes the other. Proper usage is necessary. That is like saying H2O is horrible because someone drowned, so we all should avoid water. Stupid comparison.

[Oeditpus Rex]

23. Thanks for posting this

Parents also need to recognize and understand the differences between clinical depression and sadness, and to know what to do in either case — not only for their kids, but for everyone they know, themselves included.

[spoony]

28. Thank you

There is such a misunderstanding and, sigh, still such a stigma attached to antidepressants. It isn't at all about taking away people's emotions, happy or sad, but about allowing a person to manage them like people with normal brain chemistries can.

[uppityperson]

42. Exactly and thank you. Sometimes antidepressants are worthwhile, sometimes not

Sometimes they are needed because your chemistry isn't working properly and they do not necessarily make you "not feel" but be able to cope WITH feeling. I am really really tired of both sides, NEVER take medicine and the ALWAYS take medicine sides. Thank you for your well written post.

[Xenotime]

11. Much of this "magic pill" theory has been pushed by the right.

Look at Texas. It seems repugs and drug companies go hand in hand. They push a "fix all" drug and the state forces the doctors to use them.

[raccoon]

12. Great post. Another consideration regarding antidepressants,

SSRI's are often a real mofo to get off of. People experience withdrawal from them, euphemistically called "antidepressant discontinuation syndrome." :puke:

[woo me with science]

14. not just okay, but NORMAL

excellent post you wrote.

[WinkyDink]

15. It's a Brave New World. Now take your soma.

[ms liberty]

16. It's that one line..."the pursuit of happiness"...

We've been convinced that happiness means having the material possessions we want, that we must have bodies that put Athena and Apollo to shame, that money and success go hand in hand and are the real keys to happiness.

Of course, it's not that kind of 'happiness' that the Founders meant. But that's the kind of happiness we've been sold on, mainly by the advertising and entertainment industries.

When my mother passed away, I was a wreck. We were very close, and she went suddenly, in front of me, my sister, and my niece, who was only 6 at the time. For about 4 months I was in a really bad place, and my grief led me into a spiral of depression that was dangerous. I finally went to the doctor (after being threatened by my sister and father with psych lockup, it hit me that they were right and I was losing it) and was prescribed anti-depressants. It was the right choice for me at the time, and I stayed on them for about a year and a half. I quit taking them because in that time period I came to grips with my grief and pain, and recovered.

I never enjoyed taking them, because they kept me from feeling any really strong emotions. I wasn't really sad, but I wasn't able to feel happy, either. I just felt 'okay' all the time. It was foreign to me, because I've always been someone who had strong emotions, and I knew (and had been raised) that it was okay to be unhappy or sad, or to be happy and excited, for that matter.

You've put a really important message in this post. No one can expect to be happy every day, every minute of the day. It's not a realistic experience of life. Life has peaks and valleys. How do you know what happiness is, if you've never been UNhappy? It's unrealistic to teach our children otherwise.

K&R

[ScreamingMeemie]

17. Very nicely said, SoCal...

Raising my kids (in a family where the waters of depression run deep) the thing I try to impart most is that nothing they could ever do, say, think or feel would ever make me love them less. If someone had said this to me at an earlier age oh how different things might have been.

[bobbolink]

19. Thank you for this on-target post! This should be accompanied by trumpets. ^_^

You're so right on so many counts!

What this all reminds me of is the popular saying many years ago-- "No Pain No Gain". Many of us knew the dangers of that, but the majority of people lapped it up and so many ended up injured. This whole emotion="sick" is in the same category.

Of course, therapy--and health in general--should be based on TRUTH, and the truth is that we all feel emotions because we were built that way! It's our damned Puritan background that promotes all this stoicism, and it's so damaging.

We should ALL be therapists for each other, and playfully toss a box of kleenex, or do whatever makes people feel safe in expressing their emotions. I'm glad this is finally seeming to come to the fore. There have been recent threads about the falacy of being "thin-skinned", and this is all connected. Maybe we're starting to see it's as damaging as "No Pain, No Gain"??

Here's to sensitive people everywhere--we're the ones with heart!

:loveya:

[SoCalDem]

27. I think a lot of it focused on the country's psyche when everyone praised Jackie

for being so stoic...so brave..such a trouper..

We have been spoonfed the notion that "sissies cry..but big boys take it like a man"... when women cry or are open with their emoitions, they are either asking for attention or are "hormonal"..


Stoicism may have its place, but when someone you love or something you value is gone, it's NOT abnormal to feel the pain of the loss. Not everyone will feel it with you, but if they become your comforter, they are opening up themselves to BE comforted when a loss occurs in their life.. It's the natural thing to feel compassion, empathy, sympathy...but Pharma wants us to think that extreme feelings are a bad thing, and must be modulated.

The lack of "feelings" for our fellow man may just be what leads to misunderstanding and ultimately, wars (in the macro sense)..

Little kids usually grow up as the center of their family's universe, and it usually comes as a huge shock, when they go to school and are just "one of the crowd"..not all that special.

Movies, TV & games teach them young, that it's "fun" to pick on the weaker ones..and heaven help the kid who ends up BEING the weaker one..

If that kid has no safety net at home to dump all his/her angst into ...no confidante..it only makes them feel more alone..more outcast..

There are things that my boys told me, that I have never told another soul..why? because they trusted me with their feelings, and they ASKED me "not to tell even Dad".. And I'm sure they told him stuff that he never told me :)

My own mother was more of the "answering machine" variety.. Anything I told her would certainly be the topic of conversation with anyone she ran into, so I shared little with her.. I was determined to NOT be that way with my kids..

[bobbolink]

39. You may be right about Jackie O, but it has been part of this country long before that.

You bring up many fine and very valid points, but I also then look at them from the anthropological viewpoint, and notice that there are Many cultures that don't demand that people be without emotions, as this culture does. I think it has damaged us badly. For example, your point about kids picking on other kids... I don't think you'll find that as a given in some other societies, so therefore, it's not just a fact of being kids.

From my own viewpoint, we all need to learn how to help each other. It isn't a matter of squelching emotions, and it isn't a matter of dealing with it alone and "creating our own happiness". It more a matter of rediscovering how to be a community. How to truly be there for each other, rather than to hand out bromides and meaningless cliches. Part of being there for each other is not gossiping, which is the damaging thing your mother did to you.

I strongly believe that Peacemaking, at it's very core, demands that we ALL relearn how to Hear--not just 'listen', but HEAR each other, and accept each other as we are.

That is the essence of "diplomacy", and it seems to me we need to learn how to do that with each other.

Otherwise, we get the emotions building up, and then the sense that we should blunt them with pills because it's all so overwhelming when we're alone with them.

Thanks again for an excellent post! :toast:

Did you see Sapphire Blue's related post on being called "thin-skinned" a while back? A companion piece to this one of yours!

[TahitiNut]

20. Agreed ... and it's also important that we realize we have lots of control over our own happiness.

I'm familiar with depression, having had a couple of episodes of clinical depression when I obtained assistance. It's also the major reason I stopped drinking alcoholic beverages over 15 years ago. It has been extremely important to me to realize that I have control over my own happiness and to understand how to do that - before I get to the point that I don't care enough to take care of myself (which is where depression takes over).

Besides abstinence, I make certain that I get *some* outdoors exercise every day, no matter the weather. I make certain that my diet, over the week, is relatively well-balanced and I get decent nutrients.

Most important is the "cognitive" attention. We have a very human tendency to filter our perceptions, attending to things which tend to reinforce our existing attitudes and ignoring that which doesn't. Some call it "evidence collection" - building a mental portfolio of 'reasons' to feel the way we do. While we've all heard the advice to "count our blessings" we often fail to recognize the power of this practice. It does NOT require us to pretend that there's nothing to feel bad about - but the flip-side is that we're 'feeling bad' because we're 'good enough' to make the choice. It's GOOD that we have compassion for suffering - even our own. It's GOOD that we eschew the corruption around us. That's the kind of person we WANT to be - and becoming that person is our real life's labor.

I focus on gratitude. When I look around and imagine how I'd feel if something were removed from my life, like the death of a friend, spouse, or relative ... I find myself feeling more appreciative for having them in my life. When I wiggle a toe and imagine how I'd feel if I couldn't, I feel gratitude for the ability to wiggle a toe.

Too often we experience a loss and feel devastated ... robbed. It's a feeling that's compounded when we look back and realize we didn't appreciate it when we had it. For me, it's a "centering" process to make certain that I fill my heart with appreciation for everything I have - and create a kind of emotional RESERVOIR so that, when the inevitable 'loss' occurs, I'm not overdrawn at the "emotional bank."

In terms of the "what if?" - since I can actually create the REAL feeling of happiness by merely imagining what would "make me happy" - and that REAL feeling of happiness exists without that (purported) 'source' of happiness - I prove to myself that I am the source of that happiness because, after all, imagining isn't the same as actually HAVING. I think of that as a discardable 'bridge' to happiness. If I can have the feeling without actually having the 'thing' then it's proof that I don't even need to play the game of imagining - I can just choose to be happy.

Discovering this was a very powerful "learning experience" for me. It was one of those "d'oh!" moments. I can't help but think others would benefit from the same "d'oh!"

[uppityperson]

21. k&r sometimes life hurts, but you can get past it.

Learning frequently involves pain. It is normal, you can do it. Of course "no one understands what/how/why I feel like I do" but it is ok and normal to feel this way too. I used to want UPJr to do well in school, succeed academically, get a well liked well paid job doing something worthwhile. I settled for no drugs, alchol, casual sex, suicide and am very glad to have gotten all that. Now, off to succeed and keep learning.

[bobbolink]

31. Maybe you can "get past it", maybe not. We all need SUPPORT!

We have given up having community, and replaced it with pills.

There was once a poem with the line, "No man is an island."

But, we refuse to take that seriously. IF you can't "deal with" everything internally; if you need others to help you through the hard times, then... well, then, weakling, you need PILLS.

[uppityperson]

32. If you can deal with stuff yourself, good, good to have support, and sometimes meds are needed too

BS on the "weakling, you need PILLS" for every case, every person. Sometimes medication IS needed. Of course we need the support of each other too. Of course. But sometimes medicine is necessary too.

[bobbolink]

33. That's where we disagree.

I would NEVEr criticize anyone for making the decision to take the pills.

But, dammit, there needs to be advised consent, and the other side isn't presented!

Pills are the promotion of the damned Pharmcos, and are screwing up not only a lot of individuals who take them (as evidenced by the OP), but are screwing with our society.

All for $$$$$$

[uppityperson]

34. Nope, we agree, advised consent is needed.

My point is that some people DO need medicine and saying it is always bad is wrong. Of course there is over medication, wrongly medicated and those need to be addressed. But there are people who DO need medicine to function, and some that do not get it because, again, there is not proper consent and usage.

[SoCalDem]

41. Catch the documentary if you can.. EVEN the drug salespeople are repulsed by what they have to do.

The sad thing is that we are all "okay" with pills, and if a kid gets ritalin at 7, by the time he/she hits puberty, it's not unusual for a doctor to just step him/her up to the "next level" of pills..:(

[otherlander]

24. I'm recommending this post

even though you just broadbrushed me, because you make some very important points. Pain is a natural part of life, and it sucks to be one of the people who actually has clinical depression, and have every kid whose boyfriend just left them thinking that they're going through the same thing as you. And I feel sorry for the people who are on pills and don't have to be. And you're right about the importance of keeping confidence.

"no teenager ever has clothes cool enough, a car nice enough. enough money, time, friends..whatever" I've done everything in my power to separate myself from this bullshit. I don't want to be beautiful. I don't want to look good. I want to be ugly as a means of rebelling against the superficial values of society. I would like a car so that I can drive myself to Border's. It doesn't have to be fancy but if I took my bike I would probably get hit by a truck. And today, I actually don't want to get hit by a truck. Why? The antidepressants are working.

[Shallah Kali]

26. Excellent book on this Healing Through the Dark Emotions

Here is an article by the author about how painful emotions can be based on not just immediate surroundings but the state of the world:

GLOBAL HEALING
Healing Through the Dark Emotions In an Age of Global Threat
Miriam Greenspan
http://web.archive.org/web/20030412184638/http://www.ti...

Again, our tolerance for this challenging emotion is only decreased by psychiatric assumptions of pathology. Psychiatry loves to put arbitrary deadlines on emotions it pathologizes—timelines which, appearing in a diagnostic and statistical manual, attain the ring of "hard science." It is not normal to feel sad, dejected, or hopeless, say the experts, for more than two weeks at a time (regardless of what's going on in one's life or in the world). But anyone who's ever experienced despair knows that despair requires a great deal of patience. The darkest of the dark emotions, despair needs some spacious attention before it "lifts." Feeling this bad in a feel-good culture is transgressive; it goes against the grain of a culture of denial. And yet Americans have one of the highest rates of depression in the world. In my view, depression is unalchemized, chronic despair. It's what happens when despair becomes chronically stuck in the body. Because we have such a low tolerance for despair, we tend to panic when we feel it, and this panic reaction, combined with our intense self-loathing for feeling so "weak," complicates and extends despair, turning it into chronic depression. This is not to say that depression is not a serious mental health problem, or that it has nothing to do with serotonin. The problem is that the way we think about depression as a reified, pathological, strictly biochemical condition blinds us to despair as an honorable emotion and makes its alchemy unlikely.

In the Age of Prozac, the feel-good allure of the serotonin-boosters, like the soma of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World, appears to make despair obsolete. Why not medicate what we can't tolerate? The answer is that despair, like grief and fear, carries vital information that we miss when we chemically obliterate it. Despair insists that we face our illusions and failures. It insists that we not turn away from the dark side of human nature and the seemingly insurmountable problems it creates. Despair challenges us to be present in the darkness, to open our hearts to the unbearable, and in so doing, it calls us to metamorphosis rather than "adjustment." When we open our hearts to global despair, we are called to go beyond the benumbed business as usual mindset, and to turn instead to creating a more humane world for the sake of our children and their children.

Each dark emotion has a gift, a sacred redemptive power which we discover when we come to it with openness, and when we know the art of attending, befriending, and consciously surrendering to it. These are the three basic skills I teach in my therapy practice and in my book. Attending to emotions doesn't mean noticing and distracting ourselves from them. It means cultivating a deep awareness of emotions as in-the-body energies, and of the thoughts that both trigger and subdue them. Befriending our dark emotions is an extension of this process, elongating our emotional attention spans and developing what psychologists call "affect tolerance." Finally, in surrender we don't give up our will, wallow in our pain, or become victims of our emotions. We simply allow the energy of emotion to flow through the body to its end point, without venting or melodrama. Surrender, like attention and befriending, is a "staying with it" process, not a "getting away" process. The only way to authentically let go of an emotion is to let it be, and this requires a great deal of spiritual discipline.

snip

Huge mushroom clouds of unalchemized dark emotions afflict us in our time, transmitted transpersonally to all of us in some form. The "sensitives" among us (who tend to be women and children) are "carriers" of these emotions who hold dark emotional energy in their bodies, often unawares, putting them at risk for a host of mind/body ailments. Others become numb "bystanders" to dark emotions in themselves and others, masters of the dominant mode of emotional cut-off. This patriarchal style of dissociating from emotion is killing us—contributing to interpersonal impasses, violence both perpetrated and tolerated, moral failures to respond empathically to human suffering, and the eco-cidal destruction of the earth. A recent example is the crisis in the Catholic Church, which is really the exposed failure of a patriarchal institution to protect the victims of its own arrogant power; the failure of Church leaders to empathize with the victims rather than the perpetrators of abuse. If our leaders were more attuned to the empathic properties of their dark emotions, such "bystander" crimes would be a lot less likely. What's needed is a shift to a more feminine emotional style and meaning system, in which emotions are seen as powerful ways of knowing that guide us to develop empathy, nurturance, and care of others; a shift in which these qualities are no longer privatized or devalued as second-order business. Perhaps then emotions—dismissed, trivialized, and pathologized in patriarchy—would not lose their potential for redemptive healing and transformation.

[bobbolink]

35. "Why not medicate what we can't tolerate?"

Excellent question.... I'm reminded of Robert Kennedy, who was despondent after JFK's murder. For a long time, he was in despair.

What came out of that is a depth and a growth that was nothing short of amazing.

Further, because he dared to follow his despair through to the healing, he came out of it very empathetic to those on the bottom rungs of this society, and became the hero to poor folk and people of color all over the nation.

There is growth that we cut short because we're so afraid of dealing with our internal selves!

Thank you for an excellent post!

[bobbolink]

37. I thank you again for this--unfortunately, the article is no longer available.

:(

I have several I want to share this with.

I really appreciate you posting this!!

[Shallah Kali]

48. Try putting the following linke into Archive.org

http://www.tikkun.org/magazine/index.cfm/action/tikkun/issue/tik0303/article/030312e.html

The author's website which has links to a few other articles and exceprt from the book:
http://www.miriamgreenspan.com

The Wisdom in the Dark Emotions
Grief, fear and despair are part of the human condition. Each of these emotions is useful, says psychotherapist Miriam Greenspan, if we know how to listen to them.
http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1625&Itemid=247

[yardwork]

29. There is a lot of truth in the OP

I will state up-front that I take antidepressants. I tried to wean myself from them, with the help of my psychiatrist, and became seriously depressed as I reduced the dosage. I'm going to use them as long as I need them, but I know that they are NOT a magic solution to depression and anxiety. I also take care of myself, get enough exercise and sleep, and eat well.

With the encouragement of my psychiatrist, I've also done group therapy to help me recognize and accept all my emotions. Like many people, I was raised in a family that taught me to avoid certain "bad" emotions. Sadness, anger, depression, anxiety, worry - those emotions were not allowed in my family, and I got in trouble if I expressed them. That repressive environment caused me a lot of anxiety and problems, which I am working out now in middle age.

It's very important to recognize that all emotions are natural. Feeling and expressing emotions is healthy.

We do have to watch out for the pharmaceutical companies and others who want to make a profit off products and services that may not be necessary. That said, there is a difference between temporary depression caused by life events and long-term clinical depression, that might need to be treated partly with the help of medications.

[sandnsea]

36. Medication is for mental illness

Not the ups and downs of life. Consequently, anybody who is taking medication needs empathy and support. Their brain chemistry does not allow them to cry their eyes out and then learn from the experience. The sadness and emptiness is there no matter what is going on in their external life. Teens need to know life is hard and they will get through it. But that shouldn't have anything to do with people diagnosed with a mental illness and prescribed medication.

[spoony]

47. Great post :) n/t

[LeftishBrit]

50. I fully agree!

There is a difference between feeling sad, and being clinically depressed. People should not just be given pills for every emotional crisis; but appropriate medication may be literally a lifesaver for some people.

[bobbolink]

38. SoCalDem, there's yet another aspect to all your excellent points against PILLS

The other factor is.... many years ago, I was gathering stories for a book about people with the label of "mental illness". In talking with my shrink at the time, he told me that he could pinpoint to the exact day and time all the Pill Promotion started.

It was during a Shrink Convention and they were all worried because psychologists and LSWs were taking their business, because they could charge less. So, they made the decision to promote "medication" in conjunction with the Pharmcos, because they would then be sought after because they would be the only ones who could PRESCRIBE.

That cynical fact should be in the front of our consciousness!

[SoCalDem]

40. That's too true.. I saw a LCT, not a Psychiatrist for a long time

the actual shrinky-dink did NOTHING except aks how I was doing, and here..take these pills.. pay at the front desk and make an appointment in 6 weeks..

The 2-3 times a weeks actual therapy (which helped a lot more) was with the LCT. That's why he was not in favor of the pill routine until I had acutally spilled my guts a LOT..

As it turns out, none of the 6 or so meds we tried did anything except make me paranoid, listless, staggery, nervous, anxious, itchy..you name it..

The therapist and I finally arrived at a point where I was content to have most of the rocks in my pockets, gone, and having banished the suicidal mania, I could pick up and go on..

I am still not "cured", (I never really will be), but I recognize the symptoms in advance, and I have decided to "go easy" on myself :)

My best friend recognizes it too, as does my husband, and they are ready and willing to step in and pull me back when I start to stray..

My friend, who I was very angry with at the timefor doing it, would come to my house, pull back the covers, and literally drag my ass out of bed.. She would make me eat, make me go out, and probably saved my life :) She alsio was "conspiriing" with my therapist and would call him to "tattle" on me and then HE would call to tell me I had an appointment to see him..in 1/2 hr..:grr:

(my husband was working in Vegas, and only got to come home on weekends..when I would pretend that everything was ok.:eyes:..)

[InvisibleTouch]

44. Horrible teen years.

At 14 I lost a close friend, and all I wanted was to be left alone to deal with it my own way. This was 20-some years ago, so I didn't have pills pushed at me, but I was given the definate message that I wasn't "allowed" or "shouldn't be" grieving, that I should be "getting out of myself." All that did was add rage and rebellion to the pain. If there had been drugs available at the time, I wouldn't have taken them. I needed to process the trauma, and be left in peace to do it. I'm still angry that I had to fight so hard for the plain right to my own experience, but in a very real way it influenced the rest of my life and made me who I am today. I've always had the instinct that only I know what's right for me, and all the following years have borne this out. Maybe if "depressed" kids were trusted to have that instinct also, and if their feelings were "allowed" and validated rather than minimized, they'd find their own way out of their traumas.

[Blue_In_AK]

45. I think if you're NOT depressed these days,

you must be crazy.

[tomreedtoon]

46. A little honesty. High school sucks.

Being a teen sucks. Dating sucks. It ALL sucks.

But this consumer culture insists that it doesn't have to. And that difference between perception and reality is a gap big enough for kids to kill themselves in.

The problem is, who can tell kids? Teachers don't give a damn; most of them are child abusers anyway, and a few dead kids does nothing but cheer up their day. Parents don't remember what being a teen was like, they don't care now, and they're too busy trying to stay solvent to spend much time with their kids. The only way to tell the kids the truth is through entertainment, but most of the mass-market music they hear is run by the Wal-Mart philosophy.

[seabeyond]

49. hey ... i saw this early yesterday morning. wanted 12 yr old son to read

i thought i was going to have to go back ten pages to hunt it down for him to read today, and lo and behold, it appeared before my eyes with him in the kitchen.

not that we havent talked exactly this thing last couple months... it was good for him to read and see another adult speak out on this so well. it was good for him. thank you.

[SoCalDem]

51. Thank YOU !

I feel sad to think of all the kids who don;t have much adult contact and have to run the gauntlet with no help.. The think I alwys told my boys was that I had been where THEY are/were, but they had not yet been where I was, so when I told them something, it was to try and help them see that what's happening right now, this minute, is not as aimportant as they think it is.:(

[seabeyond]

52. that is exactly what son came back to me with when he was done reading

he recently did poorly on a grade for ss. he is an easy A student so anything lower than that gets him. he said he was feeling bad a couple days and then told himself, in a decade the grade would mean nothing to him. we talk along those lines.

kids will still go thru it, but to talk about it well before they are there, letting them know what is coming and that it is all normal, i have to HOPE will be a tool for them during the tough times.