I miss my mom today. Do YOU? (a DU rant)

[The Straight Story]

Mom died a few weeks after turning 70. 12/31/2004 she left us.

She was fun, a little crazy, and she loved to shout curse words at the tv when the Buckeyes weren't playing well.

I could tell you stories all day about her. She was my rock.

You never met her. Never talked on the phone with her. Never sent her a message on DU.

So I guess maybe you don't miss her and don't have dreams about her like I did last night that make you wake up crying.

But you know me. And many others here.

I read your posts, you read mine sometimes. We reply to each other once in awhile as well.

Someday that poster you are replying to or just reading their posts, will be gone.

Do you really want the last thing you ever said to them to be what you just typed?

Disagreeing is fine, it is the oil that greases the wheels of change. How you do it though is what is important.

I miss Kheph, and Andy. I never met them. Never talked to them on the phone. Rarely replied to them. But they were in my life.

Yeah, it's just the internet people tell me. But at the other end of that net is a person. A real one who has hopes, dreams, and feelings.

And it really is not too hard to treat people at the other end with kindness and respect.

I haven't always, and I can admit I was wrong. Because when I walk away from this keyboard I am typing on right now I will remember the things people say, and the things I said.

It's a new world. We talk to people we will never meet. And when they are gone, like them a lot or not, we will miss them and what they had to say.

Being kind to one another might take some effort when we are on the opposite side of an issue or candidate, but I would never treat my mom like I have seen folks treat each other here.

I am not sure when being mean and saying mean things to others came into fashion, just because this is the net. Mom always told me to treat others how you wanted to be treated.

And I think that still applies, even if it is just a typed message.

I miss her today. And I will miss you as well if you leave. Even if we don't see eye to to eye.

Peace out, and if I ever pissed ya off forgive me.

The last time I saw my mom was not pretty, and haunts me. I hope the last time I see you I can look back and smile about it.

It's just the net they say. If that is all it is, then why do I miss people here I never met?

[Captain Hilts]

1. The WORLD misses your mom. nt

[redwitch]

2. I really like reading your posts.

And this one is important, thank you for it. :hug:

[PDJane]

3. you miss them because human contact in this world is

becoming rarer and rarer, and just the conversation gives a contact that you might otherwise not have had. I am truly fond of people I've never seen face to face; I am in constant contact with a woman a world away, quite literally, in New Zealand. I have "spoken" to her partner and to her children and to her ex-husband; we have shared legal and health information from a world away.


I try very hard to keep my conversation civil, truly. Words are so damn hard to take back.

[The Straight Story]

4. You said it better than I

"Words are so damn hard to take back"

A kick just for that comment.

[shaniqua6392]

5. I hope we can get back to where we used to be.

There has been so much ugliness here, and in the scheme of life, this stuff means nothing. Sometimes I see a post like yours or another one I saw a few months back--A fellow DU'er whose wife died of breast cancer, and the responses are awesome. I hope people don't hate each other so much when this is over that they will not even care when tragedy befalls a fellow DU'er. I guess time will tell. Thanks so much for sharing your memories of Mom and reminding us of the value of love and life. Blessings and peace to you.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

6. Bless your mother

for raising such a kind, thoughtful child.

I love the internet because here, no one judges you by your physical appearance, the way you talk, the work you do. We have only our thoughts and ideas. And those thoughts, those ideas presented here create how you are viewed by others. Thank you for your very thoughtful post.

[kickysnana]

7. My Mom's message found yesterday

Mom passed away on January 12th after just passing 80. While helping my Dad go through her papers yesterday we found this along with her life insurance policies. I am sure she meant for us to find it. So because of your post I am sharing it with you. Peace.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”

“Gone where?”

Gone from my sight. That is all.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout:

“Here she comes!”

And that is dying.

Henry Van Dyke

[NCarolinawoman]

35. What a beautiful gift from your mother!

Thoughtful loving woman-- giving her loved ones comfort, even after her passing.

[Zoigal]

8. Lots of truth here, Straight Story

Kindness/compassion are attributes that we humans need to exercise more often, don't you think?
Sorry about your mom. She left you early. :hug: z

[AlCzervik]

9. my Mom would have been 67 tomorrow, she died when she was 44 and i was 17

she had in home hospice care and i cannot say enough about what good people they are. I miss my mother every day. After watching your mother die of brain cancer and actually being there for her last breath there pretty much isn't anything i can't handle---unless something happened to my kid.

[classof56]

10. Thanks for this.

I just turned 70 and can only hope my two children will have such wonderful memories and say such positive things when I'm gone. I miss my mom, too, who died at 96 five years ago and could be a real stressor in my life now and then, but I loved her, took care of her and cherish the time I had with her. She still appears to me in dreams often, as others I've lost do from time to time. I've been on DU for many years, and it has been my refuge and shelter from the storms of insanity rolling all around us. It pains me to see some of the rhetoric floating around lately, but I try to cling to the thought that without DU I might actually lose my center and my focus and curl up in the fetal position, interacting with no one. I bless you and everyone who's here to share and to mostly care, but I doubt anyone would truly miss me if I were gone, as I (with you) miss Kheph and Andy and others. I can only be grateful for what I've gained from being a DUer and hope the future is much better for me, my kids and grandkids, and my fellow DUers. Let's make it happen! Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I won't live as long and securely as my mom and some horrible place (camp) will be my destiny. Don't mean to be pessimistic, but if we Dems don't stick together and make it happen, the future seems very dismal indeed.

Too long a message, I know. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and prompting mine. I'm about to click the "R" but looks like you don't need it to make the home page.

Best.

Tired Old Cynic

[Green Mountain Dem]

11. What a beautiful post....

I have been here a long time but I don't post a lot...I read a lot here on DU and I have learned a lot. Like you, I am troubled by some of the things that members say to each other and I hope that I have never offended anyone with my posts. I am looking forward to number 700, remember how everyone freaked when they became part of the "700 Club"?

More than likely I won't see 800, not because I don't want to, but because of the info my doc gave me last week about my cancer. I will start posting more frequently as I am confined to my bed, with my laptop, so my goal is now to hit 800 then 900 and then become an elitist at 1000! (just kidding)

I continue to live my life, as I always have, with the following philosophy...

"I promise that I will be tolerant of others realizing that they may be actuated by motives which are unknown to me, and that under the same circumstances, I may have acted just as unwisely".

I wish peace and understanding to all of my DU family.

[The Straight Story]

12. Just breaks my heart to hear about your problem

If you ever want to just talk message me and you can call. My wife is a wonderful person to talk to and hopefully she or I could make your day a little better.

[Green Mountain Dem]

14. You are so kind...

I just might do that...I have a wonderful family and they are giving me all their love and support. I will be 64 on the 26th of this month and we're going to have a BIG party and I understand that my 9yr old granddaughter has composed a song just for me..I can't wait!

As I look out the window I cannot see my neighbor's house as the snow is falling so hard, but it is so beautiful! I am now seeing many things I always took for granted...I now have a new appreciation.

Thank you again for your kind remarks.

On edit..I am so glad my reply to you was my 700th!!

[fed-up]

15. hugs to you green mountain dem-I'm so sorry for your grim news :( nt

[knitter4democracy]

39. Cancer sucks. I'm so sorry.

I have two green chemo caps that have been waiting for someone. Is your treatment going to involve that kind of chemo? I could mail them to you. Heck, I'll mail them if you like green hats anyway. :)

:hug: Cancer seriously sucks. Make sure you keep us all posted.

[fed-up]

13. my mom passed away 9 years ago today-I miss her terribly-she was my rock of stability

losing a mom is one of the hardest things to go through

hugs to you today....

[kineneb]

16. I miss my grandma

My grandparents raised me, and Grandma lived to 92. After my grandfather died, she truly "lost her mind" and never really recovered. The next 10 years were painful to watch; some days she was fine, and others, she was in her own personal hell. I stayed away to save my own sanity.

I understand.

Grandma: If you cannot say something nice, don't say anything at all.

[pitohui]

17. think of it this way, straight

when my loved one is sick and dying, i can't be as honest and open with them as i can when they're in robust good health

if i leave every post on the internet as if i were writing to a dying person who has to be treated with kid gloves...honesty goes out the window

i don't believe your mom would want that to be her legacy, do you?

instead of patronizing the person at the other end of the computer, i'm going to have to assume that they are ready for the give and take of honest discussion, and that if they can't handle a spirited discussion for health reasons, they're going to log off and watch re-runs of the "care bears"

if i really respect someone, i'll communicate with them as an equal, and that sometimes means stating something in a blunt, honest fashion that, unfortunately, someone out there is going to interpet as "mean," if i never say anything blunt or honest to you -- it's probably because i don't respect you and i think you're weak and in need of me walking on eggshells

everybody has yelled at their mom, and everybody's mom has yelled back at them, and you know why? because we care about our mom, and she cares about us -- no yelling, no harsh words ever and you can guarantee that there wasn't any caring either

people who are always sugary sweet to you, it sure as heck isn't because they think of you as an equal, it's because they think you're fragile -- and that ain't respect, my friend

[The Straight Story]

20. Well, let me just say

A disabled man was dumped from his wheelchair by a cop - and people were outraged at how he was treated.

And we didn't even know the guy.

I get we can disagree, I even mentioned that in my OP.

It's how that matters.

[Green Mountain Dem]

23. I hope you will reconsider...

how you would treat a loved one who might be sick or dying..I can say that because I am there! My family is not treating me with "kid gloves" and if they were, I would tell them that they were being disrespectful.
I thoroughly enjoy a robust argument, and my family is noted for some of the best of these. I would be so depressed if I was treated differently due to my illness and I actually thrive on discussions that allow me to state my position no matter who gets pissed off.

I have not changed just because some illness is fucking with me, and if you just want to be a hypocrite by being kind to me, then you are truly not my friend. I am not being critical with you....just honest!

[The Straight Story]

24. Not about kid gloves at all

A person can say what needs to be said with respect and dignity.

What I have seen all too often is just plain mean, even if it is the truth HOW it was said sucked.

[OnyxCollie]

18. As I passed out my DU hearts, I thought about the DU community

and how much I depend on them to stay informed with reality. I value the thoughts and opinions they share with me.

With the failure of the FISA amendment yesterday and the numerous undersea fiber optic cables being cut, I fear our DU community is in jeopardy. I worry that the next attack will affect our access to the Internet, reducing the sources of information we will receive. But then, I'm a cynical sumabitch.

While I still can, I would like to thank everyone who contributes here.

[niyad]

19. is it okay to send you a hug? I know things have been rough for you,

know that people do care, and are sending loving, healing, energetic thoughts.

[zonkers]

21. You are making me cry. I remember Keph. I used to swap PMs with him which I still have.saved.

Sorry about your mom. Hang in there. I have been reading your posts Straight for a long time. This is a terrific one. xxxx

[roguevalley]

22. Your mom sounded wonderful. My mom died May 28, 2007 and

my dad ten months before. They were DIE HARD dems and great people. I miss them with every breath I take. I will never get over them being gone but I know they are with me every minute. They let me know. I hug you for your loss. I know your pain.

[canadianbeaver]

25. You really are one of my faves...Straight Story

and again...you have me in tears....

Love ya and I don't mind sayin it....never met you either...but if you can...I hope you can feel the true love sent your way...in its purest form.

I sure wish we/everyone could start to "PAY IT FORWARD" with their love and compassion..might make the world a better place....might just make us a better human....

Peace to you and everyone!

[The Straight Story]

32. That means a lot to me

It is nice to know I have friends here on the net.

Most all the people I was friends with and grew up with are now dead, and I am only 42.

[canadianbeaver]

40. 42 and theres so much more......

Don't have too many myself...but not becuase of death...self impossed hermitville....which is really funny considering I do love people...we are a wicked bunch!!

Keep on Keepin on!!

[stranger81]

26. I miss my mom today, too.

She died February 5, 2003, four months after losing her health insurance.

I miss her every goddamned day.

Cherish those around you in the present. You never know when it's the last time you'll be able to.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

27. I'm smiling at the most memorable piece you've ever written. K&R

[malaise]

28. Lovely post

My mum died in 1994 and I still miss her. I was lucky though. I called her for Mother's Day and she told me she really wasn't feeling well. I dropped everything within two weeks and went to Denmark to visit her. I spent three glorious weeks with mum, my oldest sister and her family. She died peacefully that July in the U.S., and as painful as it was to lose her, I was totally at peace knowing that I had those three weeks with her.

Over the years we had written hundreds of letters and every now and then I read some of them. We had serious differences - she was catholic to the max and I was an atheist. I never let her believe she could run my life, but we remained very good friends. She trusted me more than all my siblings because I always told her the truth even when she didn't want to hear it.

One of my fondest memories was when I told her my best friend was pregnant - we were both 21 back then. She said she hoped I wasn't planning to get pregnant before I was married and I laughed loud and showed her my pack of birth control pills. She was pissed, but hours later she laughed at my honesty and rational approach to life.

Moms are special.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

29. My dear Straight Story...

Oh, boy, do I ever hear you!

You have said it perfectly...

It's not just the net...

In fact, I had a thread on this too...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=7427615

My emphasis was different, but still...

I always think about the fact that someday the people I love here might be gone...

That sobers me, it tempers me...

You are one of those people, sweetie...your wife too...

Thank you for such a thoughtful, intelligent, wise post...

K&R

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

31. Coming from you my friend

That really means a lot.

How's your poetry class going? I never met you, and the weird thing is I think about your class and posts.

We are a family here. We just need a reunion now :)

PS - as someone who likes to write poetry, but not read it much - I can say I really do love to read yours. Simple and to the point.

Of all the people on DU I love to chat with, I consider you more than any other my best friend.

Maybe cause you remind me of my mom. A really cool person that is always fun to talk to.

There is no one I want to meet in person more than you, and now that we are both living in CA I really hope we can :)

A few drinks, a nice sunset, and just talking about life and why we like the candidates we do.

without fighting like those folks in gd-p do :rofl:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

33. Wow, sweetie!

I have this big silly foolish grin all over my face right now!

I too would love to meet you...

And have some drinks and great conversation as well...

My poetry class is done, but I'm still writing...

And performing!

There's a coffee house in Redondo Beach, and they have readings every Tuesday night...

I went last night, as I have for the last three weeks, and got a great round of applause for my poem!

Maybe, one sweet day, I can make it up to your neck of the woods, and we can have that conversation...

:loveya:

[The Straight Story]

34. Much braver than I am

I post my poetry online and then run :) Can't imagine reading it aloud to people.

You lady - well you rock. If I could have a mom #3 it would be you (mom died and her best friend we always called mom #2 died, they were so close Mary even wanted to be shown in the same casket as my mom - and she was).

You make me want to try harder in life, and that is just from your posts online. I see in you an amazing woman that is enjoying your life, no matter what.

It is people like you here on DU that has helped me through the worst times in my life and have given me hope.

As I said before - it might just be the internet to some, but to me it means more - because of cool people like you.

[Individualist]

30. My mom died Dec. 30, '96

I miss her all the time.

[RevCheesehead]

36. I miss my Mom every single flipping day.

It's been almost two years, and my life has lost something important.

Kindness matters.
Thank you for reminding us all.

[Ilsa]

37. I miss my mom every day. She's been gone 7 1/2 years. And the

world misses a lady such as your mother.

[The Straight Story]

42. Does it get any better?

I still miss her. Seems like only yesterday I could call her up for advice. I still find myself wanting to call her about things.

[Mz Pip]

45. Does it get better?

It fades in time but never goes away completely. My Mom died in 1995 and I think of her a lot during family events and know how much she would have enjoyed them. My dad died 40 years ago and I still think of him and wonder how we would have gotten along in my adulthood.

Cherish your memories.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[knitter4democracy]

38. Amen and amen.

We all needed to hear this today. Thank you. :hug:

[annabanana]

41. I'm sorry you're hurting, TSS.

If only life were a dress rehearsal. Words could be unsaid, we could finally get that line just right. We'd hit our marks and never step on someone else's laugh.

We all do the best we can, and we should always treat each other as if we were all fate's playthings, because we are.

[Sugar Smack]

43. I miss alarcojon and oneighty.

Once in a while, I look at their journals.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

44. A recent death really bothers me.

A friend of mine who was an artist and made kaleidoscopes died suddenly of a heart attack. He was only a few years older than me. It was totally unexpected. Everyone loved him and he was a fixture at Rice. I went to the memorial service at Rice for him.



I miss my dad who left us after a long, inspiring and productive life. July 23, 2000.

He inspired me to better myself. He planted in me the idea that if I think positive, life would be a bit easier. Mom was into drama and whining about how bad everything was. She started out with a lot more materially than he did. Sadly, she never appreciated what she had, and he appreciated her and everything that he had and everything she helped him do.

He was a father and a mentor to a lot of other people besides me.

[Qanisqineq]

46. good post

I never understand why some people seem to enjoy or even thrive off saying vicious things to other people on the internet. I agree with you. Good post.