We're In Trouble Here, Folks - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Fri Feb-29-08 08:00 PM
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We're In Trouble Here, Folks

Edited on Fri Feb-29-08 08:23 PM by NanceGreggs

While we’re all cheering the idea of a Democrat in the White House come next January, we are naively refusing to seriously consider the realities we’ll be faced with, and the challenges that lie ahead.

After the BushCo Administration leaves office, we will have to deal with certain unpleasantries that will ensue the minute the new president is sworn-in – this time without his or her fingers crossed behind their back.

The Republicans have proven over the last seven years that they can outspend the Democrats. How can we even hope to keep up, no less out-do them? The only real possibility of being able to waste more taxpayer dollars than the GOP would be to hire thousands of people to man phone lines and make completely useless purchases on eBay and the Home Shopping Network, 24/7 – which only leads to another problem: in this burgeoning economy, where will we possibly find any jobless people, no less a sufficient number to staff this endeavor? And once purchased, where do we store all of the Bullet Blenders, the Joan Rivers Jewelry Collection, and Set-it & Forget-it rotisseries?

And speaking of filling important government jobs, where will the Democrats find the “Brownies” of the future? Will organizations like FEMA wind up being headed by people with experience and expertise, simply because the next Democratic president doesn’t actually know enough incompetent cronies to appoint to positions that require life-and-death decision-making skills? The mind boggles.

Where will the scandals come from? They don’t just grow on trees, people. While the GOP have long enjoyed the publicity garnered by their association with people like Ken Lay and Jeff Gannon, the Democrats again fall short in this all-important area. Jack Abramoff, the country’s most proficient corrupt lobbyist, didn’t even try to do business with our side of the aisle. How can we compete for headlines without The Dukester, Noe, Nay, De Lay, Foley, Vitter, Craig?

Even if Obama or Hillary choose a VP who is willing to shoot a friend in the face and make the victim apologize on national TV, will it even come close to the Macacca Boy moment? I sincerely doubt it.

And what about the show-biz aspect? Will the Democrats usher in a boring, lifeless administration that is just too focused on real issues to hold all-night sessions over the Terri Schiavos of the world? Will SNL finally call it quits when a Democratic president refuses to speak incoherently, or mangle the English language on a regular basis? Will The Daily Show and the Colbert Report be cancelled due to a lack of “putting food on your family” quotes?

Where will we, as a nation, be headed when we have a president who can read? Are we really ready for a Commander-in-Chief who is able to comprehend briefings entitled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in the US”, and act accordingly?

I am particularly worried about the inevitable fallout of re-establishing ourselves as a nation worthy of the respect of the world. Will all of these foreigners want to come over for dinner like they used to? Will they expect to sleep over? Will they bring their own toothbrushes, or will we be on the hook for the cost of toiletries and sundries for clamoring-to-visit international dignitaries?

We cannot ignore the fact that there will be thousands let go from their jobs: the professional WH apologists, the translators who will no longer be required to translate Bushspeak into something that makes sense, the linguists who painstakingly produce phonetic lists of foreign leaders’ and countries’ names – not to mention the Plastic Turkey Producers of America, who are in for some rough economic times.

How will photographers be able to do their jobs in a world that allows crowds to run wild, instead of operating in the disciplined atmosphere of the carefully-staged photo-op? Where will the bottom-screen-crawl writers find work when their networks realize that they no longer need an entire department to spin the disastrous news about Iraq, the economy, and the environment into something positive?

And dare I even mention the American Flag Lapel-Pin Workers of China, who will be bankrupted when word gets out that wearing said pin on one’s lapel does not equal patriotism?

We dismiss such things at our own peril, especially the international repercussions; exactly what will happen to the worldwide Burnable-Bush-in-Effigy industry, you might well ask? Will the “Your President is a War Criminal” and “Ship Him Off to the Hague” sign-makers ever survive the downturn in business?

Let’s face facts, my friends. A Democrat in the Oval Office is going to cause a myriad of problems that the current administration never had to deal with.

Are we up to the challenge? Only time will tell …