Her apology wasn't enough for enraged driver

[question everything]

StarTribune.com

Her apology wasn't enough for enraged driver

By JIM ADAMS, Star Tribune

February 29, 2008

Jennifer Boulden had just made a slow U-turn on Hwy. 169 south of Shakopee, when the guy coming up fast behind her started honking and motioning to pull over. She stopped on the shoulder and the man got out of his pickup. She rolled her window down and said he started screaming at her. He walked away, and she followed him to his truck, trying to apologize. He kept swearing. She got scared and tried to call 911, but he grabbed her cell phone and threw it on the highway, she said. It shattered. Then he picked up the 5-foot-5, 125-pound mother of five from Prior Lake and tossed her.

"I was high in the air and then I was in middle of 169 northbound," she recalled from her hospital bed Thursday morning at St. Francis Regional Medical Center in Shakopee. "I remember rolling over and hearing skidding brakes. A lady got out and stopped traffic. A man ran and scooped me up and carried me to side of road."

Road rage assaults happen, but this kind is rare.

(snip)

The man sped off in his truck but nobody got his license plate number, said Capt. Greg Muelken of the Scott County Sheriff's office... Muelken advised drivers in a situation with an angry, honking motorist to call for help on a cell phone and not to stop except in a public area with people around. "You don't know what to expect, unfortunately," he said.

Boulden was released from the hospital Thursday afternoon. She said she was amazed by the dozen or so motorists who stopped to help before rescue workers arrived... She said she's taking pain medication for two herniated discs in her spinal column and a severely injured lower back and right leg. She expects to start physical therapy today and may need surgery. Relatives are taking care of her and her husband's five kids, ages 2 to 14, she said.

Boulden said she'd like to ask the pickup driver why he was so angry. "Why couldn't he have been an adult about it when all I wanted to do was apologize? That shouldn't happen. I don't want it to happen to anybody else. I guess I was one of the lucky ones."

http://www.startribune.com/local/south/16075672.html

[Starbucks Anarchist]

1. I hope this guy gets the crap beat out of him in jail.

Repeatedly.

[dysfunctional press]

18. how's that going to happen...?

he wasn't caught, and nobody took down his license number.

:shrug:

[0007]

76. Have another coffee and finish reading the article.

NO one has a clue who this guy was.

[Adsos Letter]

2. Sounds like they have to catch him first...

:(

[bellasgrams]

5. Why would a woman get out of her car and go toward an

angry unknown man? I don't know anyone that would do that.

[Adsos Letter]

6. She obviously didn't want to leave the scene without trying to smooth things over...

I am glad she will be ok, and this is a valuable lesson for others on how NOT to handle road rage...or even pulling over for a stranger.

[Drifter]

16. Why the hell did she stop in the first place ?

There is absolutely NO reason to stop unless there is an accident.
The guy should be in jail, no question.
She should have never let herself get into that situation in the first place.

Cheers
Drifter

[Mad_Dem_X]

51. My first thought as well

I would NEVER pull over in a situation like that. People are too unpredictable!

[LisaL]

20. I would say.

Sounds like she followed him, to apologize.
Not a good idea, IMO.

[Lorien]

23. My mom would do that. She doesn't like anyone to think poorly of her

so she would have done the same thing to try to clear things up.

[LisaL]

29. Tell mom not to do it.

The guy was angry. It's not a good idea to get out of your car to follow an angry guy to his car.

[Lorien]

45. You can't tell a born again what to do

they always will believe that their faith and the Lord will protect them. The woman in the story may have been the same sort of person. The ATTACKER is the real problem here-not the victim.

[gollygee]

61. Women are socialized to always be polite

I'm glad the women you know have moved past that.

[WorseBeforeBetter]

3. Dear God.

I feel very sorry for this woman (and her family) and wish her a full recovery, but why would anyone pull over in this situation? And then follow an enraged driver to his truck to continue apologizing? Depending on the situation, pull off into a gas station, police station, etc. with people around. At least other motorists stopped to help her!

Surely they'll catch this bastard...

[Darth_Kitten]

14. Maybe she's one of those well-meaning women......

who somehow feel that something is wrong, THEY have to smooth things over. Sad, but true.

I wouldn't do it, I'd get the guy's number and call the police.

[WorseBeforeBetter]

46. It is sad... and look where it got her (if that is the case).

I've driven congested city to extreme rural and I would never have pulled over just because some flaming asshole gestured for me to, and certainly would never have gotten out of the car. I'd be writing down his license plate number, just in case, with the cell phone at the ready.

[sakabatou]

4. I hope the guy has what's coming to him

[KillCapitalism]

8. I hear that.

It takes a real tough guy to take on a 125lb. woman.:sarcasm:

I can imagine if he goes to jail & other inmates find out what he's in for, they will make him cry like a little girl.

[RamboLiberal]

7. I hope they catch the jerk

What a b*stard!

The good point is the number of people who stopped to help her. Just wish someone had gotten the jerk's plate.

And while she's injured I'm glad she survived and didn't get hit by any vehicles.

She's lucky this jerk didn't have a gun.

[Pharlo]

9. While I agree the man deserves whatever he gets ,

this woman is not exactly the brightest bulb on the tree either:

1) Slow U-turn on a highway - Is going to piss someone off.
2) Pulled over when he motioned her to do so - If he were that agitated, she should have used her phone to call for help while she kept driving.
3) Followed him back to his truck when he was obviously much larger than she. At this point, she's been fortunate he wasn't some lunatic with a gun. She should have just driven away.

[susanna]

10. You know something?

With every scenario you laid out, you're blaming her.

Here's my secondary thoughts:
1) slow u-turn on a highway (they DO happen, most non-psycho drivers learn to deal with 'em)
2) pulled over by motioning (someone, innocently, might do so to apologize because they're not an asshole and understood they did something "bad")
3) Again, trying to make peace and being naive. It doesn't give the perpetrator of this crime the right to act inviolably. Just saying.

Personally, I think she should have not gone back to his truck, but my gut feeling in all of this is that she was somewhat naive (and had at this point never met people who despise road mistakes).

I hope they find the asshole who did this. Straight up. I'd rather meet someone who admits road mistakes than allow cretins like her attacker to get a pass. Just saying.

[trumad]

13. She's a fucking idiot.

Now should the guy go to jail for assaulting her? Hell ya....

But you never pull over and confront some moron with road rage. I don't think she was apologizing... I think she was pissed that the guy was giving her shit and she confronted him.

That's a stupid fucking thing to do.... simply because there are nuts out there.

She should have stayed in her car and called for help.

[Lorien]

26. No, she's probably a good soul who wanted to clear up the situation

haven't you ever heard of "the disease to please"? Many women are raised believing that it is wrong to leave anyone with a bad impression of them, and that with a little understanding everything can be smoothed over and "made right". My mother is like that. She will never leave a room if she knows that someone is upset with her. She'll want to talk it out until everyone is happy with the situation. Maybe it's naive, or maybe it's just a Midwest thing-but I know a lot of women who would have behaved the same way, believing that they could appeal to his better nature.

[susanna]

53. I totally agree in my milieu; I wouldn't do it.

But I do know good-hearted people that might. And if you don't, well, I'm sorry about that.

Just saying.

[Pharlo]

17. I agree that each scenario places some of the blame on her -

unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. If she lived in a high crime neighborhood, didn't lock her doors and was burgled, the same would apply. It would be wrong of anyone to walk into her home and steal her property, but people WOULD ask "Why in hell didn't she lock her doors?" No one would say the burglar was innocent, but people would still be amazed at her irresponsible / naive attitude towards her personal property.

I don't like the fact that this is the environment we live in, but I accept it and adjust my behavior accordingly. And, yes, there was a time I may have done what she did. But, not in this day and age. Why? Because there are so many lunatics out there - many with licenses to drive.

She's fortunate that her U-turn didn't cause an accident. She's fortunate that she wasn't killed by the lunatic.

[susanna]

54. Listen - the funny part about everyone ganging

up on me for pointing out the possibilities is the fact that I live in a BIG time high crime neighborhood. But I've seen people do this. Usually elderly folks, in my experience, but it happens.

I'm just playing the Devil's advocate and I'm totally floored that anyone - actually two people who responded to me, to be exact, are saying she was straight up stupid and pretty much deserved it.

That's just sad, regardless of the world. There are people out there who want to believe the best in people. I love 'em, because I can't, but you know, it happens. That's all I was saying.

On edit: I can't count.

[Lorien]

27. People will always give at least some blame to the victim

ESPECIALLY if the victim is a women.

[raccoon]

49. Amen to that, Lorien! nt

[susanna]

55. Lorien, thanks to you. n/t

[gollygee]

66. We're in a really weird place with this kind of issue

On one hand, we're told it isn't fair to assume men are violent. On the other hand, this woman apparently should have assumed that some random man would be violent. If we assume men will be violent, we're unfair. If we don't assume that and proceed without that assumption, we're stupid.

[EOTE]

78. Then be unfair.

It's better to be unfair and alive than stupid and dead. I'd definitely err on the side of caution.

[susanna]

11. ON EDIT: self-deleted; accidental duplicate.

[Dorian Gray]

12. All stupid moves...

and maybe deserving of a middle finger. But to be picked up and thrown into the middle of a highway? No way. What that man did was assault. There is no justification for his actions, no matter how stupid her actions were.

[Darth_Kitten]

15. Maybe she's just very insecure.......

been bullied all her life and this is the approach she takes.

Not the right or smart approach, but hey......

[zanne]

58. Sure. It was her fault....

:crazy:

[gollygee]

62. Always good to have a blame-the-victim post to start the day with!

*sigh*

[dysfunctional press]

19. what a stupid woman.

first rule- you NEVER get out of the car for a confrontation- if there's an accident, it's a different story- but other than that you NEVER get out of the car.

btw- what did she ever hope to accomplish by following the guy back to his truck?? :crazy:

also- i'm NOT saying the guy was in the right, or that he isn't guilty- obviously he is. but that doesn't change the fact that the woman is a total moran.

[Darth_Kitten]

21. He's a bigger idiot, then.......

he's the spineless coward who treated a human being like a piece of garbage.

[dysfunctional press]

22. no...she's the bigger idiot, because she let herself be treated that way.

he didn't end up in a hospital.

she NEVER should have gotten out of the car.

and again- i'm definitely not defending what the guy did- he's a criminal. but he's definitely NOT a "spineless coward"- it takes some pretty big balls to pick a woman up and throw her into traffic.
extremely stupid, a menace to society, a deranged criminal, YES... a "spineless coward"- NO.

[High Plains]

24. What a dick n/t

[dysfunctional press]

28. unfortunately, he was never caught...

nobody thought to get his license number.

[LisaL]

30. Oh dear lord.

This woman was 125 lb. You think throwing a small woman onto highway takes a lot of courage?Why didn't he take on someone his one size?
Jeez.

[dysfunctional press]

38. did i say he had courage?

saying that someone is not a "spineless coward", is not at all the same as calling them courageous...
:eyes:
jeez is right.

[EOTE]

80. People had the same reaction regarding the 9/11 hijackers.

If you recall shortly after 9/11, there was an incident that got Bill Maher kicked off of ABC. He made a comment about how stupid it was that shrub was always calling the terrorists a bunch of cowards. They were terrible people, were immoral and perhaps without a conscience, but calling them 'cowards' is stupid because although they may be many awful things, being a coward wasn't one of them. Him pointing out this simple fact got him kicked off television for quite a while. People who are willing to give their lives for their cause are not cowardly. Misguided, evil perhaps, but cowardly no. People here seem to fail to realize that people can be anything but cowardly and still be an asshole.

[Paladin]

32. Why Do You Sound So Admiring Of This Jerk?

"...definitely NOT a spineless coward...." "...it takes some pretty big balls...."

I think you've revealed a lot more about yourself than you intended.....

[dysfunctional press]

37. is your comprehension problem related to some type of learning disability?

i can't think of another reason why you would have missed these parts of the post:

"and again- i'm definitely not defending what the guy did- he's a criminal...
extremely stupid, a menace to society, a deranged criminal, YES..."

:eyes:

[RamboLiberal]

34. What this jerk did is my definition of a spineless coward

I'd say he's small balls & he's the inadequate one for tossing a small woman in to traffic. IMHO yours is a sick response.

The woman was naive but I wouldn't call her an idiot.

Perhaps women are perhaps raised to be too nice, and being from a small town I doubt she was street smart.

Amazing the blame the victim mentality here on DU sometimes.

[dysfunctional press]

39. apparently you need a new dictionary.

or maybe just one in the first place.
:shrug:

[RamboLiberal]

57. You're the one who needs the dictionary - n/t

A spineless coward to me is one who bullies those smaller than him. Bet he wouldn't have done this to a big biker type!

[dysfunctional press]

70. if that's your definition- you're the one in need of a dictionary...

or at least a post 8th-grade education...:shrug:

what you describe is a "bully".
not all bullies are cowards, and not all cowards are bullies.
the terms are not interchangeable...

you know, while you're out picking up a dictionary, you may want to invest in a good thesaurus as well...:hi:

[scarletwoman]

44. If that's your definition of "big balls", then I hope he gets castrated once he's caught.

If it takes "big balls" to violently endanger a woman's life, then I will personally campaign to have all such big balls removed as being an unacceptable danger to civilized society. I would happily wield the knife on such "big balled" sociopaths.

[dysfunctional press]

48. it wasn't meant as a compliment, if that's what you think...

and saying that someone has 'the balls' to do something has no bearing on whether that something is right or wrong, or whether or not it's a particularly wise thing to do.

either way- i doubt that castration could be considered as a punishment, if the guy is ever caught. even in texas.

[raccoon]

50. I can't believe you said that!

"it takes some pretty big balls to pick a woman up and throw her into traffic."

Do you think he'd have done it to a big man, assuming he could pick the man up? Hell, no, he would not.

You have a very distorted idea of what constitutes "pretty big balls."

I agree, she should never have gotten out of the car.

But that in no way excuses this POS fuckhead.

[dysfunctional press]

67. try reading the whole post next time...

in no way did i excuse what the guy did...

and the term "pretty big balls" is not necessarily a positive statement. as in this case.

[gollygee]

63. Oh yeah, it's worse to get beaten up than to beat!

*sigh*

[dysfunctional press]

68. it was incredibly STUPID of her to get out of the car in the first place.

obviously, i'm not saying she deserved what she got-

but had she just remained in her vehicle, she would have been a lot better off.

[LanternWaste]

65. A spineless coward assaults women. Repeat that three time, then rinse.

A spineless coward assaults women. Repeat that three time, rinse, lather, repeat.

[dysfunctional press]

69. you really ought to buy a dictionary...

:eyes:
you seem to be one of the many many people who over-use and mis-use terms like "coward" and "hero", to the point that they lose any real meaning...

[LanternWaste]

71. I have three, thanks...

I have three, thanks! But seriously, thanks for the feigned concern--- it means so much to me.

I don't believe I've used the word hero, so that's a bit silly to mention, nor do I think I've used the word coward more than once (twice, now). So it's kinda tough to over-use a word only used twice.

The eyes roll thing was a great touch, though. It added so much breadth and depth to you concern about my lack of dictionaries.

Sorry-- from where I sit, cowards assault those who are weaker and from whom no direct, proportional response can reasonably be expected. If that doesn't fit the classic definition, then so be it. I call the Klan cowards too-- for the precise same reason.

[dysfunctional press]

72. why have any, when you just make up your own meanings anyway...?

:shrug:

[wuushew]

25. I wonder if they could get any prints off the cellphone?

:shrug:

[LisaL]

31. That's a good idea. But it only would work if his prints are in the

system.
Still, I wonder if they tried to do that.

[MrsMatt]

33. For those who are condemning this woman

for getting out of the car to apologize, it may interest you to know that she is from a SMALL town and was traveling to a SMALL town via a route that skirts the outermost OUTER RING suburb by about 10 miles. If you've never lived in a rural/small town, you have no clue about how these people think (I grew up in a very rural area - on a farm, where the nearest "big" town of 10,000 people was 45 minutes away, by highway).

Even after living in urban areas for the past 20 years, I still understand the need to present oneself in a good light - in rural areas, most strangers in your area are either related to or friends of someone you know. The gossip chain in small towns is fast and it is brutal. By NOT attempting to apologize to someone she MIGHT have a connection to, she runs the risk of her community's displeasure - once you're labeled by your community, it's really hard to overcome the stigma.

She learned a hard lesson - just lay off her.

[RamboLiberal]

35. Hear Hear Mrs Matt - lay off the victim

She was trying to do the right thing and apologize to this idiot. Yes, she learned a hard lesson. And as I said to another poster this guy was the epitomy of a spineless coward. Would he have done this to some big burly guy? I was brought up that guys who do this to woman are cowards!

And some DU'ers here wonder why some of us choose to carry a firearm.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

43. THANK YOU, Mrs. Matt

There's a real "blame the victim" lynch mob here on DU.

There's exactly one criminal here: the self-important brute who thought some minor traffic mishap was worth committing attempted murder for.

I don't care if the woman started swearing at him instead of apologizing to him.

There was NO justification for his throwing her onto the highway, which could have killed her.

I hope they catch him and charge him with attempted murder, because that's what it was.

[Zookeeper]

52. Good post, MrsMatt!

I read the article and could totally see a nice Minnesota mom trying to apologize for her mistake. This isn't like some other parts of the country. We aren't all expecting the worst from other people...yet.

I sure hope that lunatic is caught and jailed.

[Mimosa]

56. There are Psychos among us!

Lydia Leftcoast said: "There's a real "blame the victim" lynch mob here on DU.

There's exactly one criminal here: the self-important brute who thought some minor traffic mishap was worth committing attempted murder for.

I don't care if the woman started swearing at him instead of apologizing to him.

There was NO justification for his throwing her onto the highway, which could have killed her.

I hope they catch him and charge him with attempted murder, because that's what it was."

I have a mother-in-law who might have done the same as the victim some years ago. There are naive people who don't realise how crazy/dangerous the culture has gotten. I was surprised by a couple of blame the victim type posts in this topic. Thank goodness I haven't seen a lot of that on this board or I wouldn't be sticking around.

[mmonk]

77. True.

She is not to blame. This person should be in jail. I personally think her judgment was bad (I sure as hell wouldn't have followed that lunatic to apologize) but that is no reason to be beaten up or brutalized by someone. I wonder what sort of people we have become sometimes. I never can understand violent human beings.

[knitter4democracy]

75. I entirely agree--you're totally right.

I grew up in a small town. There, people get out and apologize, wave at everyone they pass on the road, and even stop traffic by stopping to ask how someone's doing if they see them on the road. Very different life, and she was going by the rules of that life, not the crazy, don't respect anyone urban rules that guy was working with.

[Fovea]

79. Right on

Why are so many blaming the victim?

There are two tools this woman should have used in this situation, and they both are described by the term point and shoot. But she did not, and came to grief. Nothing I read that was done to her was deserved.

[trthnd4jstc]

36. We as a Nation need to continue to work on Our own Civility.

I believe that part of our Nations problem is that we have a warlike mentality amongst some of our fellow citizens. Let us look at our schools with competitive sports, or how our military promotes video games. There needs to be some means to work on this desire to dominate, and destroy. I do not believe that calling this human nature, and doing nothing is acceptable. Also, because I am non-religious do I believe that the church can be the number one source of working on this problem. I do believe that we need to work on this:
1. Make 2 to 4 years of civil or military service mandatory. This will decrease the funds going to video games, this will decrease the glorification of war, in advertising, and will allow us to have to deal with one another.
2. Have a national Anger Hotline, to help people deal with their anger issues.
3. A government Anger Management program.
4. Public Service announcements about Anger Management.
5. A Government partnership with church's, businesses, non-profits, and the 2 APA's, and the AMA.

Let us help our fellow citizens and ourselves to be less violent. Further, we need a government that stops trying to solve the world's problems through violence. The leaders must lead by example.

[babydollhead]

40. this is what happened to me...

I was driving my husband's car, which is an Intrepid and full of blind spots for me, plus, he was in the passenger seat, which made me nervous. I came to a merge and decided to be careful and look around incase someone was flying by, my husband said, "It says merge, not stop" and then a car zoomed up behind me, and pulled up next to me and this young 'Where's Waldo" looking guy screamed at me. "IT SAYS MERGE NOT STOP!!", and my husband flipped him the bird under my chin. Then the guy got out of his car and started patting at his stomach like he had a gun under his shirt. He said, "Why don't you learn to drive you stupid nigger!" I am a plump middle aged white dumpy lady, and that's what I thought he would have said. My husband said, "you have road rage, get some help!"

[WorseBeforeBetter]

47. Your husband needs to control his middle finger.

And quite frankly, you need to learn to merge. And Waldo needs some anger management tips, or sumthin'.

[AngryAmish]

41. If this woman was a dog there would be a huge reward by now

[gollygee]

64. Thank you.

I'm astounded by how people are responding to this.

[BlooInBloo]

42. She followed a strange man to his truck?

(shrug) Whatever - the guy is still among the bigger pieces of shit on this planet.

[RB TexLa]

59. You just ignore people like the man in the truck, you don't stop for them, you don't acknowledge

they are even there.

[RoadRage]

60. I know it's HIS fault.. but i'm sorry - SHE is an idiot..

In this day and age, why in the world would she even pull over? She had no idea if this guy was on drugs.. had a gun in the glove box, etc... you keep driving the speed limit and get off at the next exit and head for a gas station, police station, etc... if you're scared.

Also, why didn't she pull out that cell phone while driving to call the police?

He's a psychopath with anger issues, but she isn't very bright for pulling over, rolling down her window, and then actually following him back to her car either. She put herself in that situation and it easily could have been avoided.

I'm sorry - as a 30 year old woman, I have been told numerous times how to watch out for myself.. and I would expect the same from someone else.

Further, I hope they find this guy and throw him in jail for attempted murder.

[guitar man]

73. damn

What an asshat! I hope they catch him and toss his ass in the slammer, emphasis on the toss :grr:

I get angry at stupidity behind the wheel, especially when I'm on my motorcycle and someone does something idiotic that puts my life in danger. I've yelled and cussed at people, but never, ever thought about grabbing someone and tossing them into the road.....inexcusable...

[fascisthunter]

74. So the Guy Likes Taking Aggression out on a 125 pound 5'5" Mother of Five

coward