how far do I go to protect my daughter from derogatory words?

[momophile]

there are certain words in the English language that I wish my daughter would never hear in her life. that’s unrealistic, though, I know. I’m not talking about swear words like “shit,” “hell,” “damn,” or even “fuck” – these words don’t really bother me. the words that bother me and that I’d like her to never hear, let alone say, are the derogatory words used against blacks, women, gays, etc… I know that she’ll hear the most popular of these words and I know that I’ll have to teach her early on that it is never okay to use them or to sit idly by if her friends use them.

but there are other words or phrases that are less common but that we all know at least some of, that are still unacceptable. and here is my dilemma – how far do I go to protect my daughter from these less popular derogatory words?

here is an example from my life that is very real: I grew up listening to the album “Hair.” I took pride in knowing the lyrics to most of the songs, although I didn’t always know what they all meant. there is one song in particular that is a perfect example of my dilemma – “Colored Spade.” some of the terms used in this song I have never heard used anywhere else. I guess I’ve been lucky. but I learned from this song what they mean and that they are derogatory. of course, I’d rather that these terms just fade from our language never to be uttered again, but that’s not going to happen for a while. but now I’m wondering if I should play the song in front of my young daughter. I would never forbid her from listening to it – I realize that would be censorship. but should I promote it? should I just go along playing it and just plan on washing her mouth out with soap (albeit organic soap) the first time I ever hear her say one of the words?

does anyone have experiences or insight to share with me here?

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

1. Is this meant to be ironic?

[momophile]

3. why would it be?

I don't follow...

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

11. Well, you talk about whether you should play the "Hair" album for your daughter, or not.

Which seems to be a not too wrenching decision for most, but that's not to diminish the impact.

[papau]

17. the GOP have bought the website C.U.N.T - is that your point?

Granted they are cute about the name (the C is of course "Clinton", etc.)

[saltpoint]

2. My folks did their best, but the real world kept seeping in through the

cracks of their good intentions.

Kids hear it all relatively early and sense instinctively which words are to be repeated at the supper table and which are not to be repeated around Grandma and their 3rd period Geometry teacher, etc.

Kurt Vonnegut asserts that raw speech doesn't hurt children. He says deceit and betrayal and lying and hypocrisy hurts them.

[momophile]

5. I like what Vonnegut said

thanks.

I guess teaching what is right and wrong and then making sure that I practice what I preach.

[saltpoint]

7. I bet you are tuned just right to the big picture on this one, momophile.

Sorry to drag in Kurt Vonnegut, but he's been a great favote of mine for a long time -- and he writes about his family just beautifully in PALM SUNDAY.

[Poll_Blind]

8. Jesus Christ, I really miss having Kurt Vonnegut on the same planet as me.

I could even put up with having him in the same solar system though my feelings would be hurt. What a good human being he was.

PB

[saltpoint]

9. I'm with you all the way on that one, Poll_Blind. You bet.

Huge gift for the human heart.

[tachyon]

4. Never try to tell anybody they can't use certain words.

It just encourages them and pisses you off. Believe me, I speak from 50 years of experience.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

6. Just explain to her that these are old songs and some of the words in them aren't okay to use now.

Identify what the words are and explain what they mean. It could end up being a good history lesson. I remember there was a school district that wanted to ban books like Huckleberry Finn because of racist terms in them, which I think is unfortunate. You don't stop bigotry and other harmful things by controlling access to information and depriving young people of history. That's Orwellian as hell. It's better to let young people have a lot of information and for us older folks to put it in perspective for them.

Just my $.02.

[BoneDaddy]

10. You don't protect

you educate. You prepare them for the world. Teach them that words have power only if we give power to them. You help a child become an adult, ready to deal with the world, and not protected in a cocoon.

[mitchtv]

12. Teach her to respect all life, Human and other

Let her read and know the language and its awesome power. It should take care of itself

[azurnoir]

13. Don't know if this is good

but to put it simply you can't, what you can do however is to teach her that some words are hurtful, and really no different from other name calling fat, or ugly, or freak you get the idea. I speak from experience here I have 4 kids aged from, 29-11 it worked with all of them.

Good luck

[bellasgrams]

18. I had never even thought about those words before, I don't

think alot of people do, however, Hip-hop is something else. I definitely would not want a child of mine to listen to it, or watch some of the disgusting cartoons on TV. I also would monitor the friends she keeps. Friends make a big impact on how a child develops and what kind of people they are exposed too. Vulgarities, shop lifting, smoking are common among youngsters, keep her away from those types. With your love and affection and attention she will be fine. I have 2 girls. 1 is now a 3rd grade special ed teacher and the other has a very good job at a lg University. They've brought me much happiness.

[Mind_your_head]

14. You can't protect her from derogatory words....an impossible task!

You have to teach her how to interprete those words into a 'common sense' way of looking at things....well, maybe it's not "common" sense (meaning a view shared by the majority), but a practical sense.

Just by you asking this/these questions demonstrates that you're on a positive track....and you will teach that to your daughter/children.....

Peace and good wishes from a fellow mother who shares your worries, hopes, and concerns,
M_Y_H

[John Q. Citizen]

15. Love her and tell her the truth, appropriate to her age level.

[GreenPartyVoter]

16. I grew up listening to HAIR also. We seem to have turned out ok. :^D However, I married

a conservative Xian so my kids haven't heard it yet.

[msongs]

19. most lyrics to songs in HAIR are there to make a point, not be shocking or derogatory and

many of those tunes are surprisingly current even after all those years.

Msongs

[Medusa]

20. Words only have the power we ascribe to them.

n/t

[TygrBright]

21. It might be a good time to have a discussion about WHY...

...people use derogatory words; that can also segue into how words become derogatory.

I remember the discussions my elders had with me on that topic when I was a child. It mostly came down to "People use derogatory words about other people for one of two reasons: Either they don't know any better, in which case we should pity their ignorance and folly; or they are fearful, angry, and unhappy, in which case we should pity their misery. In neither case should we emulate them or approve of their behavior. It might not always be appropriate to discuss the matter with them, but you can ALWAYS say quietly, 'I don't agree.'"

When I was an adolescent, I was amazed at what clueless ignorami my elders were. Now that I'm approaching elderhood myself, I am in awe of their wisdom.

evolutionarily,
Bright

[Swamp Rat]

22. Impossible.

There is not a thing you can do to prevent her from learning any and every word in the English language unless you move to a country where English is not spoken.

[rusty_shackleford]

23. bad words should be banned!

don't any of you realize that words have power? words can hurt, just like any weapon such as a gun or a knife. if we can legislate weapons that hurt, why not words as well? I sure don't like my daughter being exposed to naughty language, I fear that if she hears them enough they will make her want to do drugs and have unprotected sex and kill people. that, is unacceptable to me. would you want that happening to your daughter? i sure don't want my daughter's fragile virgin mind being damaged by this kind of toxic filth.

i think we should all write our congresspersons and request a ban on all curse words and racial slurs. first offenses should warrant tickets, and repeat offenders should get jail time. then, and only then will the degradation of our society, racism, and intolerance be stopped.

we should all protect our children from the harmful effects of bad language. Please, think of the children...

[-Wolverine-]

24. Shes going to hear them

She is going to hear them.

There nothing you can really do to stop that, they are just words. No physical harm can come from mere words.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

25. Putting any kind of taboo on something...

...inherently makes that thing more attractive. They are just words. And if you discuss with her what they are and that they're for adults, then you shouldn't have a problem. Trying to keep her from hearing that stuff is just asking for trouble. Please don't be that crazy parent.
Duckie