For married couple: Just curious, can your spouse spend 80K without your knowledge?

[question everything]

Not in our household. Not through credit cards, not through home equity loans. Maybe draining several 401K and IRA, but, since we are each other's beneficiary, I suspect that a second signature may be required. And, eventually, letters confirming the transaction and quarterly statements will reveal this. Plus, payments made to pay the loan.

But deep down, of course, is trust. If any spouse feels that s/he is entitled to spend so much money on a prostitute, then there is more than just infidelity, IMHO. Same is true for keeping a secret credit card account and charging "simpler" items like an evening with the guys/gals.

[Nederland]

1. In my household, no

But when you make millions I suppose it's easier for that much money to get lost in the churn.

How much does Spitzer make?

[question everything]

21. My point is that it is not so much the quantity of the money but the fact

that spending any amount is not shared by both. OK, I suppose one can have dinner with friends without expecting an input. But there are a lot of steaks (NY) and wine that can be consumed at dinner.

[LostinVA]

2. Nope

Of course, we don't come from a family with half a billion in assets.

[AlCzervik]

3. yes, we both could but it would be found out at tax time unless we were both excellent at hiding

things or filed separately.

[wtmusic]

4. Yes.

We have separate accounts and a joint one. When we got married, we didn't sign away our rights to be individuals as well.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

12. did I sacrifice my being an individual

because we have a joint account???

sP

[question everything]

15. Nice point. We got married straign out of school

with neither of us having more than $100, so everything has been joint since then: bank accounts, credit cards, home, etc. Only IRA and 401K are, by their nature, individual.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

18. we chose to join many parts of our lives

including much of our emotional lives...but I am still an individual. We got married late in life too (for first time marrieds) and we thought nothing of putting together the finances...

sP

[wtmusic]

That's personal

IMO some couples get resentful if they don't feel they can buy something expensive they really want, even if they're contributing their "fair share".

Although many adapt to it just fine. In reality I would probably get used to it as we don't buy a lot of expensive things anyway.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

22. very very true

and it was purely a personal choice for us...mainly because it gave us MORE flexibility in spending. i have some friends who decided to go the separate account route...and well, the wife saves really well...and her husband, not so much...and THAT has caused some tension....but only because he leaks money like a sieve ;-)

sP

[BadgerLaw2010]

37. There's a difference between moral and legal identity, especially in community property states.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

39. sorry...wasn't thinking legaleese :-) n/t

[phantom power]

5. A couple observations....

One is that in many households, one spouse really does handle the finances, and the other spouse pretty much ignores them. In most cases, it is still the man who manages. So I find it completely believable that Spitzer's wife wouldn't know.

The other is that for most people, 80K is a hell of a lot of money. I'm guessing for Spitzer, 80K falls into the realm of disposable income, particularly over time.

[question everything]

13. You are right. However I find it not the amount but the fact that one can spend

a considerable amount of money without the spouse's input. This would be true even for a new iPod, or something.

[phantom power]

27. Marriages are all different. There are many where...

each spouse makes quite a lot of independent decisions, perhaps involving a lot of money. Sometimes this is by mutual agreement.

I happen to think the most healthy arrangement is for couples to discuss "significant" purchases. Clearly, "significant" is completely dependent on family income, and personal agreement. Disagreements over finance are the single most common cause of divorce. That is an indication of how many "unhealthy" arrangements are out there.

I had a great-uncle who gave his wife a very strict budget each week. He managed every cent in that house. That kind of hard core patriarchal system is certainly less common today, but it's by no means extinct either.

[trof]

6. Nope. Miz t. pays the bills.

I can just hear it now:
"Um...Honey? What's this $80,000 on the Discover Card?"
"Uh...oh...heh heh...yeah. Uh...I...uh...needed some new socks and stuff. I guess it was a LOT of new socks. Yeah...that's it."
<ducks and runs for cover>

[fight4my3sons]

7. no

but we are a family of 5 living on $40,000 so it would be pretty easy to spot any extra money spent out of our budget.

[madaboutharry]

8. Spitzer is a man of vast wealth

I would think with millions of dollars of income a year from the family empire it wouldn't be that hard to move money without his wife knowing.

on edit: In our house, I pay all the bills and write the checks. I know if my husband bought a pair of socks.

[AlCzervik]

11. $80k is chump change for Spitzer.

[jmg257]

9. But they have like 500 million - everything is relative.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

10. we don't spend $.80 without it being known

that whole 'joint account' thing. we track every penny...

sP

[RB TexLa]

14. My wife does whatever she wants with her money, it's not my business

[question everything]

19. Interesting. We don't have "my" and "his/her" money

Everything is ours. But, as I pointed, above, we got married straight out of school with neither of us having money, so we started as "ours."

I can see, though, that for couples in a second marriage with children from previous ones, there are some assets that are precluded from being "ours."

[RB TexLa]

23. Neither of us have children or pervious marriages

[question everything]

26. Sorry, did not mean to imply, meant my comment as a general one (nt)

[WinkyDink]

35. We do. It prevents arguments, or even discussions.

[Fresh_Start]

16. we're not worth $100 of millions

if we were....probably

[liberal N proud]

17. Now way

And for myself, I can't spend more that $50 with out her knowing it.

When I travel to Vegas for business once a year, I need to crimp on personal spending ahead of time just to keep her from knowing how much I gamble. Never more than $100 - $150 max.
But there is now way I could manage to spend anything larger than that. Gifts are difficult as well.

We have joint accounts in everything including any credit cards we hold.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

20. we acutally put a moratorium on looking at the accounts

prior to birthdays, anniversary and Christmas...everything funneling through one account CAN be a pain sometimes...

sP

[mainegreen]

24. She can do whatever she wants with her allowance, same as me.

No questions asked.

We would both notice anything going on in the joint accounts though...

[Romulox]

25. My wife controls the finances; I would have no idea. nt

[DadOf2LittleAngels]

28. LOL, I cant go much over 20$

We are on a very tight budget.. But I live in a completely different world than Spitzer his net workth is probabally hundreds of thousands of times higher than mine..

[zbdent]

29. what have you heard?

[Ellen Forradalom]

30. That's a moot question

:-)

[gauguin57]

31. Yes, it's possible. Two signatures may be required on home equity, etc ...

... but I know someone whose spouse found bank employees who were willing to bend the rules and allow this person to take the forms home for an allegedly sick spouse to sign (which was a lie) -- so, this person wound up forging signatures and getting second, third and fourth mortgages on the house without the spouse's knowledge. Also took out multiple credit cards in spouse's name, and had the bills sent to work address so spouse didn't know. Also secretly borrowed money from friends and family to make the payments, so the spouse still wouldn't know.

Until the couple's money started really disappearing and creditors started calling, that is.

The perp is now divorced and on several years' probation for fraud and ID theft.

So, uh, yeah, it's possible ... when a clever, scheming sociopath in involved.

[guitar man]

32. no way

it takes us two years just to make 80k...and that's gross, before taxes...

[WinkyDink]

33. The Spitzers are quite a few $$ rungs above the norm. And I'm sure they each have their own accounts

In any case, he spent it in small-ish amounts over a period of years.

[librechik]

34. If there's that much loose money around, believe me, they can.

My man's mistress was a 1965 mustang that went through 3 "racing engines" at 7500 a pop and 3 "extra special (bad) paint jobs at 8500 a pop. Each time, when I protested, I was told, honey, you don't know anything about cars. Those are standard rate for those paint jobs. And when I said, well if the other paint job was bad and had to be re-done, why don't they cover some of that? Oh, they already are! And god knows how much other hanky panky behind the scenes--after all, a set of racing wheels and tires costs 500 or more per tire! Extra heavy duty suspension, (don't ask). Etc etc.

It was a love affair, for sure. Later we realized he was just a foolish man who got taken by sharpsters. They wound up with the car. The final knife thrust? He wound up paying them to take it!

That's the last time I play all "Oh, let him have his fun; it's HIS money!" after a family inheritance. If we are ever lucky enough to get another one. When I found out what the final total was I just about had kittens. Did he even realize our entire house needed re-wiring? Oh, he didn't budget anything for the house. Why hadn't I told him in time? But I did! I guess when you say something real to someone in the throes of a love spell, they just simply don't hear it. Even when the light switch is giving them a good shock.

[question everything]

41. It is really about a trust, whether it is $80,000 or $8.00

I have to admit, I winced when I read, upstream, about "allowance."

We are not kids anymore. We are both adults who realize that we need to save for retirements and for any unexpected conditions, having gone through several periods of unemployment and underemployment and paying for expensive COBRA in between.

And, yes, there is a give and take for personal whims, but we both agree on it. After all, what is life without fun?

There is a young woman working with us, got married four years ago, they purchased one house, then another - for $350K with nothing down. The other houses in that track are now being auctioned for $250K. The husband worked for a while as a, yes, mortgage broker and got $100K for two years, then lost his job. They both had two fancy cars on lease, and now are in the process of filing for bankruptcy.

But, while going through the agonizing process of facing the facts, she found out that he had a "secret" credit card account with a $6,000 debt.

On the one hand, I feel sorry for them. On the other - this is the only way, one hopes, for them to learn their lesson with the hope that they are young enough to be able to pull themselves together, if they both agree and talk about how they handle their finances, together.

[morgan2]

36. its hard when you're on a salary

and have your savings accounts/investments but if you're getting money from multiple sources and irregular amounts it cant be too hard to put some of it where a spouse would never know existed.

[ellie]

38. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

He can't go to Starbucks without me knowing. I take care of all the money. If I didn't, we would be living down at the shelter. It isn't his strength.

[youthere]

40. My spouse couldn't spend $80 without my knowing about it...

and vice versa.

[mondo joe]

42. Not on my household income. But on Spitzer's assets, probably easily.

[Javaman]

43. nope. whether it was 80k or 80 bucks, we both watch ever cent. nt

[JerseygirlCT]

44. Nope

Not a chance - either of us.

[GreenPartyVoter]

45. Since Mr. GPV handles all the finances he could in theory, but since we barely have

enough income to live on there isn't anything to skim, really.