For a lot of married women, it's NOT about standing by the man, but protecting the family

[Elspeth]

That's why I think these judgments of women who defend their husbands in public is such a complicated one. It's not really about the man himself most of the time. It is about keeping the family from falling apart; it is about protecting the children's father, and protecting the family from any outside interference or dangers.

[LakeSamish706]

1. And I tell ya what, I give these women extreme kudos for doing that...

This has to be one of the most painful things that any human must do. The men that do these things to hurt and embarrass there wifes should be shot with a ball of there own crap.

[polichick]

2. imo a woman can't protect her family without protecting herself...

It's one thing to offer her children the reassurance and love they need now, and even to stay with him if she feels that's best ~ and another to parade herself out in public for the benefit of a husband who deserves to be slapped on the podium.

[Elspeth]

3. Depends on what you mean by "defend"

Remember, the scumbag is still the children's father. And women will do a lot to save the relationships between their children and their dad. It's a different way of "protecting the children." It may not be the best way, but that IS their father. When fathers cheat, they are prize assholes. But it's not like he murdered someone. The children may want to maintain a relationship and the mother is trying to insure that something stays intact. I don't blame them for that.

[polichick]

4. I said protect, not defend...

Just to be clear, I'm not blaming her for anything ~ but wish she and other women had enough self-respect not to stand in public like idiots beside the men who betrayed them and put their families at risk. The mother's self-respect is important to children ~ and he needs to earn back their trust.

[CTyankee]

9. You are absolutely correct.

I asked for the divorce from my children's father; otherwise, he would have just kept on doing what he did before. That was intolerable to me. At the time my kids didn't quite "get" it and they weren't real happy with what I did. But my own sanity and self respect was at stake so I went to a lawyer (that my mother paid for), brought all of my husband's financial asset holdings and gave him the news. He was thunderstruck! Of course, he was furious that I had disclosed his assets but there was NO WAY I wasn't going to protect myself and the kids. He would never have paid child support if I hadn't forced him to.

These things eventually work out. He is now an old man in poor health and the woman he married has been suffering greatly over his disrespect for her and the way he relied on her to support him. It is a sad situation. I no longer feel the anger because I know he could have a stroke any time now. He's being nice to our grandchildren and I can't begrudge him that...

[polichick]

10. You go girl!

You showed your children what self-respect is all about. I'm sorry you had to go through it ~ bless you!

[CTyankee]

11. Thanks, hon. You know, the Spitzer incident has made old memories

resurface. I was talking about it last night at dinner with my now (and last) husband, the love of my life. He has difficulty when we run into my ex while visiting my grandkids, but my daughter tries to keep our visitings as separate as possible. I do not disparage my ex with the grandkids, of course, and I am glad he pays them attention. I know he is feeling great remorse for the way he behaved when his kids were younger. What else can you feel for such a human being EXCEPT pity?

[polichick]

12. I know what ya mean...

You can have self-respect and stand up for yourself, and still forgive. It's wonderful that you are so open-hearted toward your ex, and good for the kids too!

[SmokingJacket]

5. I think it shows children that women have to accept humiliation.

It's crap, and I wouldn't do it.

As a child, I'd have been sickened to witness my mother supporting my father after he cheated on her.

[wuushew]

6. Is the theory that having people at your back reduces stress resulting from public speaking?

Is Spitzer liable to have a mental breakdown?

[SoCalDem]

8. At least that.. His WHOLE being was his reputation and his authority

now he has neither..and he's a laughingstock, and his family's probably not too keen on him now.. Can you imagine the humilation for his elderly parents too.. He let EVERYONE down. He's probably too arrogant to see a shrink..but he probably should

[SoCalDem]

7. I can "almost" see that in the case of an ordinary family, BUT

these cases often involve high-profile SUPER RICH families, so there's plenty of money to go around, and some "away-time" from Daddy might be a good thing.. A civil divorce with the family well-taken care of could be step #1 in getting things back on an even keel. If they reconciled later, at least it would be because they WANTED to..

It would also send a message to the kids, that Mom's not a doormat, nor is she greedy for staying with a scoundrel..just to hang onto his money..

Poor women often have fewer options, unless they want to be homeless.. Many women end up staying because they have to.. rich women don;t ..

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