IRS spent (squandered) $41.8M to tell us the check is in the mail... (morons!)

Breeze54

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Sun Mar-16-08 12:12 PM
Original message

IRS spent (squandered) $41.8M to tell us the check is in the mail... (morons!)

Edited on Sun Mar-16-08 12:28 PM by Breeze54

IRS spent $41.8M to tell us the check is in the mail

http://www.stargazettenews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080316/COLUMNIST20/803160302

March 16, 2008

Comment by Jim Pfiffer

I recently received an IRS letter telling me what I already know: My federal rebate check is in the mail.

Duh! The media have reported extensively on the rebates for months, and the topic is common public conversation.
My friends are already planning on how to spend the money.

IRS officials say the letter is needed to explain the rebate program. Explain what? We understand it. You file a tax return and you get a rebate check. Yet the IRS spent $41.8 million to mail letters to 130 million taxpayers who filed tax returns in 2007, and plans to send out another round of letters to people who didn't file returns that year. For that much money, the letter should have told the truth and read as follows:

Dear overtaxed taxpayer,

We are pleased to inform you that we just squandered $41.8 million of your hard-earned money sending you this useless letter. That's your federal government hard at work doing what we do best -- frittering away your tax dollars.

This idiotic use of your tax dollars is part of the Economic Stimulus and IRS Wastefulness acts of 2008, designed to make Congress and President George W. Bush look good, even though we told the president that there is not enough money in the world to improve his approval ratings. Rest assured, if we had all the money in the world we would find a good way to waste it.

Many people think the government is giving them free money through the Economic Stimulus Program. That's not true. The money was yours to begin with. It comes from the hefty federal taxes you pay us so that we'll have plenty of money to fritter away.

We are sending you this self-congratulatory letter to promote ourselves and explain the complicated tax rebate system. We realize that you and many other citizens are too dumb to comprehend the rebate program. We know you're ignorant because you re-elected Bush and the Congress who put our economy in the toilet and necessitated this Economic Stimulus Program.

Here's how the tax rebate system works: (please read the next sentence slowly or have someone read it to you and explain it): You file a 2007 tax return and we send you a rebate check.

See what we mean? That's a lot of information to digest at one time. You may want to reread this letter several times until you understand it. Or you can attend one of the many six-hour economic stimulus information classes we will hold around the country to explain the program. The classes will cost $100 million or more, but what's a few million dollars when the economy is at stake?

Speaking of steaks, remember when you could afford one? Well, when you receive your $600 rebate check you will be able to afford a steak (a small one, probably a chuck steak).

It's important that you spend your rebate check as soon as possible to stimulate the economy. Don't waste it paying off credit card debt or putting it into savings. We're in charge of wasting money. We don't need your help.

If you don't cash the check and spend all the money quickly, the country may fall into a recession, and we won't have any more money to squander. Then we will be forced to send everyone letters explaining the second stage of our Economic Stimulus Program, in which every citizen who files a tax return is required to send us money -- $600.

Don't worry, if we do that, we'll cover the return postage.

It's the least we can do for our cash-strapped citizens.

Jim Pfiffer's humor column appears Sundays in Twin Tiers Life.

Enjoy your Stimulus check! And don't forget to thank your grandkids for it too!