Ah, only in America :)

[The Straight Story]

http://rinkworks.com/said/courtroom.shtml

:rofl:

(this and much more):

* Lawyer: "What happened then?"
* Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
* Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
* Witness: "No."

[varkam]

1. BWAHAHAHA!

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

:rofl: Oh, man...

[TomInTib]

2. These remind me of the time my attorney said....

"Your Honor, the Defense questions the validity of the toxicology tests. According to the test results, my client had enough Methaqualone in his system to kill three people."

The judge told him that I had probably had more of his help than I needed.

True story. Houston, early 80s.