***DUzy Awards for week ending March 21, 2008.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Mar-21-08 05:26 PM
Original message

Welcome to the outrageous, advantageous, contagious DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to TahitiNut, CaliforniaPeggy, scarletwoman, Cooley Hurd, calimary, rocknation, stellanoir, WilliamPitt, eridani, Tuesday Afternoon, unhappycamper, hootinholler, TheDoorbellRang, eppur_se_muova, HawkeyeX, Kurovski, Hamlette, BushDespiser12, ih8thegop, rosesaylavee, Rhiannon12866, XemaSab, kgfnally, FlyingSquirrel and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

On a thread by suston96:

"Jeremiah Wright is like an uncle for me" - Barack Obama on H&C
I never had uncles like that. Have any of you?

response #8 by Bornaginhooligan:

If you don't know any crazy relatives, suston...
it's because you are the crazy relative.

GDP, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5085554

OP by Connie_Corleone:

Obama goes to a predominately black church!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!! His pastor railed against rich white people!! HOW DARE HE!! Obama's church promotes the BLACK FAMILY!!!!!!! OH DEAR GOD! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

Reverend Wright said that 9/11 was America's chickens coming home to roost! NO PREACHER WOULD EVER SAY SUCH A THING!!

Okay. Falwell and Robertson blamed 9/11 on the "sins" of America and God allowed the terrorist attacks to happen for that reason, but that's different. THEY WERE WHITE!!

OH MY GOD! This black man, Barack Obama, might really win this whole thing!! We've gotta stop him!

That's my translation of what I heard on Hannity & colmes.

GDP, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5086586

On a thread by Radical Activist:

Does anyone know where Hillary Clinton goes to church?

response #1 by MichiganVote:

I don't give a shit where any of them go to church

GDP, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5087888

On a thread by Pachamama:

Has anyone heard the allegation that Obama's church has Marxist ties & foundation?

response #2 by sfexpat2000:

I heard that Church was Muslim.
:yoiks:

GD, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3011757

On a thread by ShaWee:

How did Kristen finger Spitzer?

response #10 by scarletwoman:

With butter?
:evilgrin:

GD, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3011544

Poll question by Jeff In Milwaukee:

After Hillary Drops Out, What Will Be Your Source Of Faux Outrage?

:bluebox: The O'Reilly Factor

:bluebox: PETA Direct Mail Solicitations

:bluebox: American Idol Rejects

:bluebox: Jeff in Milwaukee Polls

:bluebox: The Bush Administration (Oops - That's REAL Outrage)

:bluebox: The Suckiness of the "X Files" Sequel

:bluebox: Other

At press time, "The O'Reilly Factor" was winning with 31% of the votes.

GDP, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5084683

OP by Mooney:

Don't make me post more home videos of my infant son.
On the afternoon of March 4th, the atmosphere in GD :P was toxic with hostility, while everyone sat on pins and needles waiting for the returns to come in from TX, RI, OH and VT. It was ugly. It was hateful.

So I decided to post the following video of my 8-month-old son Roman, who just started sitting up on his own:

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v401/asialinn/?action=view�t=MVI_0770.flv

If you people don't fucking calm down, I'll do it again. I have other home movies. LOTS of them. Don't think I won't do it.

Did I stutter?

And Roman gets a DUzy too!

GDP, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5088007

On a thread by John Q. Citizen:

      Hillary's weird religion. Tied to death squad members, former NAZI's...

response #1 by Pigwidgeon:

      And I met Kevin Bacon
So I'm probably closer to someone evil than you think. And so are you.

response #3 by cliffordu:

      That's nothing,
My sister FUCKED Kevin Bacon. She still smells like a pork chop.

response #6 by easy_b94:

      I wish i had a tomato

response #29 by NorthernSpy:

      secret death squad church!
Yeah -- always wanted to join one of those, never knew where to find one.

GDP, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5076091

On a thread by WilliamPitt:

      HERE'S TO THE HOUSE (D-AWESOME)
"The House on Friday narrowly approved a Democratic bill that would set rules for the government's eavesdropping on phone calls and e-mails inside the United States..."

response #69 by JanMichael:

      The bar is so LOW that for some people ONE is a huge success.
Low expectations breed the irrational love of mediocrity.

Hence DU.

response #83 by WilliamPitt:

      You *do* know you're a member here... right?
Low expectations breed the irrational love of mediocrity. Hence DU.

It really must suck for you to have demeaned yourself by wallowing in such mediocrity for 17,531 posts since 2001.

One could just as easily say that knee-jerk defeatists wouldn't know a positive step forward if it came to Sunday dinner and slapped them in the balls...becauase knee-jerk defeatists need to be righteous martyrs as they step backwards with the rest of us mediocre specimens, for that somehow feels like progress to them.

Sounds kinda self-absorbed to me, but what do I know, right? Go figure. It takes all kinds, I guess.

Or something.

:yoiks:

GD, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3009272

OP by Boojatta:

      If you absolutely refuse to participate in this kind of thread, then post here to let me know.

response #1 by BarenakedLady:

      No.

response #3 by AmyDeLune:

      I won't even read this thread,
much less participate in it!1!

response #9 by Lasher:

      Let me know if you didn't read this reply.

The Lounge, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7567918

OP by alcibiades_mystery:

The Rezko Dilemma (MEMO!!!)
MEMORANDUM (Confidential)

FROM: MARK PENN
TO: Creative Team
DATE: March 14, 2007
SUBJECT: Rezko Brand Name, Take 2

In light of our successes in Ohio and Texas, and our recent strategic push on Reverend Wright, we have decided that it's time to revisit the Rezko issue. Of course, as was discussed in January, this whole Rezko business has brought to light a very vexing problem.

Should branding products refer to Mr. Rezko as Antoin, thereby linking him with the "cheese-eating surrender monkey" stereotype of the French, or should they refer to him as Tony, thereby linking him with various stereotypical mafiosi? One can see the plain benefits of each as a matter of substantial political discussion, but only ONE avenue will do if we're trying to brand a new product.

Research has shown that the electorate cannot retain the phrase "Antoin 'Tony'" as a single entity, although test audiences did seem capable of remembering "Tony 'the Lid' Rezco," with the likely explanation of our focus group screeners being that nicknames tend to have more sticking value when they refer to inanimate objects or bodily characteristics. "Fat Tony" worked as well, for instance, as did "Tan Tony."

Research has also shown that the name "Antoin" evokes association of homosexuality in between 16 and 23% of male African Americans, so we might be able to peel up to 2.5% of that demographic away by so branding. Like I said, it's a vexing problem.

Howie W. has suggested that we use Antoin in major urban areas, and Tony in rural areas (esp. in PA!!), but production predicts that such a distribution might run up printing costs, while I personally think it would just end up diluting the brand image. Bottom line, people: we have to pick one. So, get back to me by close of business Monday, March 17 with your choice and some demographic evidence for justification. Two major research areas:

1) Who do rural Pennsylvanians distrust more: the French or the mafia?
2) Will using "Tony" in Philadelphia actually hurt our numbers in South Philly and the suburbs?

Let's get cracking, people!!!

-------------------

:-)

GDP, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5075622

OP title by AX10:

Bad news: The DU petty cash fund was invested in Bear Stearns Stock.

GD, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3012057

OP by pstokely:

      What have you sent the GOP (or any other org you don't like) in the prepaid envelope?
I send useless stuff that will fit in the envelope (without personal info) like expired coupons and non-winning lottery tickets. I signed up on the mailing lists of all the Repub candidates with a fake name but I never received any cash begging letters from anyone besides Giuliani.

response #3 by cliffordu:

      Something the Lord and my cat made......

response #5 by alfredo:

      If it is push poll, I critique the questions, but don't answer them.

response #7 by Rincewind:

      Mailings
Years ago, I used to just throw out the mailings I got from republicans asking for money. Then I got my first computer, and got on the internet. Now, when I get one, I get on the internet, go to their Democratic opponent's website ( or the DNC) and print out several sheets of good, solid Democratic information, and send it to the poor, intellectually starving republicans. If I can turn just one campaign volunteer, my life will be complete.

response #9 by Texifornia:

      I sent the RNC
a picture of Rudy in drag, back when he was inevitable.

response #10 by ribrepin:

      When the AARP was backing Bush on Medicare reform
I received a mailing asking me to join. I carefully attached 7 pennies and wrote a message about the right-wing take-over of the AARP. I like to think my act of defiance changed the AARP's stand when it came to "fixing" Social Security. :evilgrin:

GD, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3012139

On a thread by JI7:

      Readers Tell McCain's Daughter to Lose Weight
In a recent post, she strikes back (kindly) at readers who have sent in diet tips, or mentioned that she might consider shedding a few pounds. Seriously? People recommended she diet? A surgeon even looked to her as a potential client.

< I've been surprised by critical comments regarding my weight and body shape. It recently reached a ridiculous level when someone handed me a business card for a plastic surgeon and suggested I needed liposuction. I am proud of my curves and have always loved my fuller figure, as should every woman who is not a size "0". I want to be a positive role model for my little sister and all of the other young women who read my blog and help perpetuate a more positive image for women, regardless of their body size. I feel empowered to tell everyone that it's important to maintain a healthy weight that works for them - not everyone is going to be model thin, nor should they expect to be. To every young girl reading this blog, it is inner beauty and happiness that makes a person beautiful, not a number on a scale. >

response #13 by KamaAina:

      Oh crap! Now I like McClone's daughter!!
Aaaaaugggh! My head... is about to... explode... :nuke:

response #18 by seabeyond:

      i just had a sharp pain in my head too.... n/t

GD, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3009932

OP by hisownpetard:

At the convention, Hillary should follow her usual route: Vote for Obama's nomination
but hope it doesn't pass.

GDP, March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5093515

OP by AgadorSparticus:

This just in: OBAMA hates white people even though he is 1/2 white
....and he hates America for our freedoms. And he hates our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

Oh, and don't even THINK about putting in an apostrophe after the O.

not sure if needed, but just in case ------> :sarcasm:

response #2 by jgraz:

Rule #1 of GDP: you ALWAYS need the sarcasm tag
Rule #2 of GDP: If your post is so OBVIOUSLY, UNMISTAKABLY sarcastic that you don't need a sarcasm tag, see Rule #1

GDP, March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5088860

On a thread by Liberal_in_LA:

      Making your own toilet paper in the new Bush economy.
http://www.deliberatelife.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=171&Itemid=41

response #1 by Kierkegaard:

      How about...
a fist full of worthless American dollars?

response #12 by scarletwoman:

      I think I'll start saving all the "pre-approved" credit card offers that deluge my mailbox daily.
'Twould be fitting, would it not?

response #48 by calimary:

      Maybe we should just use what bush uses: wadded up pieces of the Constitution.

A wad of other funny (and practical) ideas in the thread.

GD, March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3014585

OP by rug:

      Grand day. Saw Hillary in Scranton and had a great meal at the Olive Garden.

response #1 by Crisco:

      Oh, Yer Gonna Get It

response #2 by Cooley Hurd:

      I'll hang back...
:D :hi:

response #5 by Crisco:

      Awfully Sportin' of You
:hi:

response #27 by kwenu:

      Did she have her tax returns with her!!!!

response #30 by rug:

      Even better, she was carrying Vince Foster's head on a pike.
And still managed to shake hands.

response #61 by JimGinPA:

      Did She Really Get Mooned When They Marched Past Dunder-Mifflin?
:wow:

GDP, March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5099327

OP by gbate:

      I guess he doesn't like my 1/20/09 sticker.
I have one of them on my car. Today I was sitting in my car at the gym waiting for my son to get out of a class he was taking. I then saw my brand new Tai Chi instructor walk out to his car. As he passed me sitting in my car, he glanced over at my sticker and flipped me the bird. Obviously, he didn't know it was me there.
I can't take that class anymore, I guess. :(
Do you think I should say something to him?

response #1 by nuxvomica:

      Did he flip you the bird very slowly?
I would tell him to seek a gentler path.

response #3 by philboy:

      I would have taken the high road...
and mooned him.

response #8 by Forkboy:

      Thank him...he thinks you're #1.
:)

The Lounge, March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7569112

OP by A-Schwarzenegger:

      Well, it's all over now.
This is it. I thought it was all over before, but now it's really over. It's going to be completely totally all over tomorrow, but let's take it a day at a time until it is.

response #14 by Mz Pip:

      Well, today will be over
tomorrow. But we won't know that tomorrow is over until the day after tomorrow.

That's how it works. It has something to do with the earth revolving around the sun. Or if you're a fundie, the sun revolving around the earth.

In any given moment, something is almost always nearly over.

response #16 by A-Schwarzenegger:

      I almost agree with part of that.

response #29 by rug:

      yesterday can not come soon enough.

response #33 by helderheid:

      Has the fat lady sung?
:rofl:

OH SHIT! That was sexist. :wow:

response #37 by Orsino:

      Tough Sudoku? n/t

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement Award from this thread.

GDP, March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5089334

On a thread by Holly_Hobby:

      CBS Poll: Obama Surges Ahead Nationally
"A new CBS News/New York Times poll finds Barack Obama with a 16-point lead over rival Hillary Clinton among Democratic primary voters nationwide. Obama, coming off 11 straight primary and caucus victories, had the support of 54 percent of Democratic primary voters nationally. Clinton had 38 percent support..."

Unfortunately, the poll was from February 25. Thus...

response #5 by DemocratSinceBirth:

      Breaking News- Muhammad Ali Regains Heavyweight Title
http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/books/mailer-ali.pdf

response #11 by ruggerson:

      Breaking **** Eve arrested for violating agricultural regulations, Adam in seclusion***

response #12 by AlGore-08.com:

      "This just in: Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead."

GDP, March 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5113443

OP by Maine-ah:

I want to go down on you
and make you extremely happy.
Then come back up slowly and
fuck you real good.

Yours Truly,

Gas Prices.

:evilgrin:

The Lounge, March 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7572924

OP by laconicsax:

I cannot believe this story out of the Clinton campaign!
During a Clinton campaign meeting, someone suggests launching an attack stating that Obama has fathered illegitimate children with 3 Brazilian women.

"No! That'll never work, no one will believe it!" Clinton retorts

The meeting continues smoothly until Clinton exclaims, "Ok, I need to know this."

"How many is a brazillion?"

General consensus was that this variation of the old joke just didn't work. The mods were even less forgiving to a near-identical one about Obama, which got deep-sixed.

The Lounge (moved from GDP), March 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7572723

OP by GoPsUx:

      Get your GD:P flamesuits here!!
Have you ever wanted to start an incendiary thread in gd:p but lacked the adequate protection?
Worry no more my friends!!!
We at FlameCo are here for you!
We offer a vast Assortment of Flame and Shit storm protective suits.
Such as:
Generic Flame Suit Model 1a.

This suit can withstand even the nastiest assault and the snarkiest of attacks from any side.
And is also the perfect attire for those on a budget.

Combo Shit storm / Flame suit model 2a.

This suit is suggested for those who need extra protection.
Constructed from only the finest space age materials Model 2a is excellent protection against a vast array of personal attacks.
You can snark, flame and do almost anything you desire and feel safe that you will absolutely come out clean with this gem.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any better!!!

It Just Did!!!!

We at FlameCo have a special treat for you!!

The suit to end all suits!
(Now in sexy his and her styles)

The Shitstorm 2008!

THE ONLY SUIT YOU WILL EVER NEED!

Fire and Fecal proof this suit does it all!
Hurl your poo with confidence..You can't get any on you!
Torch and flame at will.
My Friends YOU will look and be totally cool in The Shitstorm 2008 PPU (Personal Protection Unit) B-)
My friends.
Listen to me.
Help me help you!
The Shitstorm 2008
Only 27 payments of $29.94

:popcorn:

(Disclaimer:FlameCo Suits are ineffective against DU Moderator attacks..Flame at your own risk)

response #5 by DearAbby:

      Since I have to watch the budget
I'll take the generic suit...I can spray paint it silver to give it the rolex knock-off look, put some of those "BeDazzled" jewels on it, I'll be set! :evilgrin:

response #7 by GoPsUx:

      BeDazzling negates the warranty
:D

response #12 by calico1:

      Do you have anything that won't make me
look so fat?

:P

:hi:

response #16 by seasat:

      You need to include a free pack of smores with each purchase
You can have a tasty treat while being being protected from roasting flames (not recommended for consumption during shit storms).

response #19 by GoPsUx:

      I might feel a little safer if we used white chocolate

This could just as easily have been a Visual award. Plenty of other great responses. Click the link & enjoy.

GDP, March 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5112292

On a thread by Bread and Circus:

Hillary Clinton: Exaggerator In Chief

response #4 by Old Crusoe:

Hillary invented the printing press as well.
Also electricity. Without Senator Clinton, we would simply not have electricity.

And hula-hoops. She was essentially right in the heart of the planning for the hula-hoop -- both concept design and marketing both.

We owe her a lot.

GDP, March 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5107763

On a thread by horseface:

      Obama Converts to Judaism
"Buffeted by criticism of his controversial Christian pastor while continuing to quell rumors that he is a Muslim, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) took a bold step today to settle questions about his religious faith once and for all.

'I am converting to Judaism, effective immediately,' Mr. Obama told reporters at a press conference in Scarsdale, New York, adding that he would change his middle name from 'Hussein' to 'Murray'..."

http://borowitzreport.com/

response #1 by Fredda Weinberg:

      He'd be Barry Obama again! n/t

response #3 by LARED:

      Barack Obamaberg has a nice ring to it -nt

response #12 by rockymountaindem:

      Clearly it would be Obamawitz n/t

response #10 by MNDemNY:

      That late in life circumcision is a bitch!

response #13 by dmesg:

      Oh God... don't bring up circumcision on DU
If you think GDP is bad...

response #18 by eridani:

      Don't you say the B word you sexist pig? n/t

response #11 by GoPsUx:

      Oi bama
:rofl:

GDP, March 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5108220

OP by Johnny__Motown:

      Everybody here ignore everybody else here (ignore me too I guess)
all we want to hear is what we agree with anyways. Why not just open multiple accounts and keep replying to your own threads? That sure will make you look good.

Why go through the trouble of considering opposing points of view? It isn't like we could LEARN anything.

response #1 by murielm99:

      No replies.
Everyone must have you on ignore.

response #2 by qnr:

      OK, I'm confused... am I supposed to ignore your request for mass ignores?
:hi:

response #5 by Johnny__Motown:

      yes

response #6 by Johnny__Motown:

      errrr... no

response #7 by Johnny__Motown:

      whatever

response #20 by rug:

      I think we should all just sit around looking aghast.

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5116504

OP by DavidD:

I was saved from wolves by Obama supporters

I was driving along a dark, rutted, two-lane road in the wilderness a couple of nights ago when all four tires blew out simultaneously. Of course, I stopped and got out, filled with despair, to survey the damage. My flashlight revealed that the road was covered with nails!

Then I heard wolves howling! A pack of them was circling, preparing to rush me and tear me limb from limb!

Just at that moment, another car pulled up, ingeniously avoiding the nails. Five men jumped out. While one held the wolves at bay, snarling horribly at them, the other four swept the nails off the road and replaced my tires with spares they had brought with them. I was saved!

They refused to accept payment. "If you want to thank us," the four said together, "just vote for Obama!"

"What about you?" I asked the fourth man, the brave fellow who had faced down the wolves.

"I'm an Edwards guy," he said, a note of sadness in his voice. "But -- " he shrugged " -- you know."

"I hear you, brother," I said.

Then we all drove away.

I'll always wonder if those wolves were intelligent enough to scatter those nails, or if it was done by Hillary Clinton. I guess we'll never know.

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5121546

OP by HerbieHeadhunter:

Cause of Bear Stearns collapse revealed...
Officials have just now released information that the recent collapse of the venerable Wall Street investment bank originated with a one dollar bet between Chairman "Ace" Greenberg and his brother, Mortimor, which resulted in the hiring an individual by the name of Billy Ray Robinson. When reached for comment on this story, Mr. Greenberg issued a short statement "Turn those machines back on! We're ruined!" More

details to certainly follow....

GD, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3022898

On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci:

Sean Combs denies he planned Tupac killing

response #2 by no name no slogan:

He didn't do it. He had Sting do it first, then he took credit for it

The Lounge, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7575567

On a thread by Flabbergasted:

Let's make a little list.....
What sources are off limits....

I'm specifically discussing when the source is being used to damage democrats.

I'll start...

News Max
Rush Limbaugh
World News Daily
Ann Coulter
CNSnews
Free Republic
Hannity
etc

response #5 by cboy4:

General Discussion: Primaries

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5129704

On a thread by BarbaRosa:

      There are intelligent people on FreeR......
I just heard that on WJ. :rofl:

response #1 by new_beawr:

      There are intelligent people on Heroin.......

response #2 by lpbk2713:

      There were intelligent people on the Titanic.
But it just didn't matter.

response #4 by Ghost in the Machine:

      Too bad they never post anything....

GD, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3021828

OP by Boojatta:

Does the UN have rules preventing a country from changing its name too frequently?
If governments of five countries organized and agreed that each would change its name every year, then would professors of history and political science keep up with the changes and know which name to use depending on what year was being discussed?

response #3 by Marr:

You mean like when countries get married?
Some countries have well-known names, and don't want to lose that name recognition when they get married. Canada's real name is Rebecca Forsythe, for instance-- but all the stationary still says "Canada".

GD, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3023765

On a thread by lady of texas:

On Entertainment Tonight.........The woman who brought down Spitzer

response #4 by scarletwoman:

Well, they couldn't very well call her "the woman who went down on Spitzer".

GD, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3025175

On a thread by Ichingcarpenter:

Hubble Detects Organic Molecule on an Extrasolar Planet
"This Wednesday NASA will hold a media teleconference to report on the first-ever detection of the organic molecule methane in the atmosphere of a planet orbiting a distant star..."

response #1 by aquart:

Mommy!

LBN, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3230651

On a thread by marmar:

I'm a single guy....I don't go grocery shopping often....But I went today....
..... OUCH!

response #4 by TomInTib:

That's why I am living on wine.
Out here in Fornicalia, the price is holding steady...

And a lost gem in a deleted sub-thread!

GD, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3021051

OP by walldude:

      So this is it huh.. this is the best we can do?
I'm a latte liberal, Birkenstock wearing, trust fund baby who is only choosing my candidate because I'm a brainwashed cultist.
You know, I was enjoying this little battle for awhile. I was enjoying watching the back and forth and watching people get all upset about something that was said about their candidate, only to turn around and do the same thing to someone else .
But then something happened. Everything took a hard turn to the right. All of a sudden the most important things in this race are some washed up political hack who woke up and shot off her mouth, and the other candidate's CHURCH. Yeah his CHURCH. You know what? you want to base your vote on something some political hack said or on something the pastor of a candidate's church said? Then you all get what you fucking deserve.

Now pardon me, I need to go where some right wing hack can properly attack me for being a "latte liberal, birkenstock wearing, trust fund baby", because when a so-called progressive tries those attacks they just look like pathetic morons.

I prefer Obama, I'll vote for Hillary, and I'll come to DU to talk to the people I know still have an ounce of common sense. Theres at least 10 or 12 of them.

response #2 by NanceGreggs:

      At the risk of sounding totally self-centered ...
... I HATE "lattes", wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of Birkenstocks, don't HAVE a trust fund, but apparently I am only choosing my candidate because I'm a "brainwashed cultist".

How did I wind up supporting Obama???

response #4 by sfexpat2000:

      Maybe your feet got out in front of you.

response #5 by walldude:

      Apparently the same way I did...
issues. I was a bit pissed when I found out I was missing out on the Trust Fund. I could care less about lattes and Birkenstocks but damn if I couldn't use a trust fund.

Oh and if you are going to support Obama you better start drinking Lattes and wearing Birkenstocks, or you might make liars out of certain Hillary supporters.

response #7 by NanceGreggs:

      Okay, I hear ya ...
... I'm off to the shoe outlet mall, and Lattes-R-Us.

But where do I buy one of them "trust funds"?

response #9 by walldude:

      Gotta join the Republicans.. I think you get one once
you register. You know, like getting a toaster for opening a new account at a bank :rofl:

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5128430

On a thread by geardaddy:

What's your Irish name today (if you're not already Irish) ?

response #7 by Gormy Cuss:

Cuban Liberal
err.... I mean "Padraig."
;-)

The Lounge, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7575282

On a thread by npincus:

*Mission Accomplished: McCain pulling AHEAD of both Dem Candidtates....

response #1 by Skidmore:

That's what happens when you have a Republican run both
a Democratic candidate's campaign and the Republican's campaign too.

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5118877

This one is not for the sarcasm-impaired, apparently...

OP by elehhhhna:

Obama caught in pew!
Despite his denials, Newsmax continues to stand by their statement that Obama was caught in church with no satisfactory explanation.

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5128183

On a thread by AGirl:

I've been such a fool. Now I am so over Clinton.

response #3 by JVS:

I can barely carry the grains of salt I am taking your post with.

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5131273

OP by lynyrd_skynyrd:

      Sorry Obamaniac cultists. Stick a fork in him, he's done.
Mike Gravel is going to go all the way, and it's high time you Obamanuts accepted that. Don't you idiots understand that the rules are there for a reason?

Sure, the pledged delegates have their pledges, but they can still vote for Gravel if they wanted to. We all know the super delegates can do the same. Those are the rules.

So suck it up, Obamatrons. Delegates don't matter, only what I say matters matters. And it's clear that Mike Gravel is going to win this nomination. Obama should drop out now before he humiliates himself.

GOGRAMPA!

response #1 by Not the Only One:

      I heard Gravel offered the VP slot to Obama.
I thought that was very nice of him.

response #7 by wienerdoggie:

      I can't wait for more of his groovy ads.

response #12 by Blue-Jay:

      I'd stay away from Mike Gravel's lawn if I were you.
He took my frisbee� and didn't give it back.

response #19 by bobbydem:

      what are the chances
he could add Lee Mercer as VP? An unstoppable ticket

response #21 by Fighting Irish:

      Mercer's gonna kick Gravel's ass
Mark my words

response #22 by mzmolly:

      Obamatrons
:rofl: I wish we had an Obamatron avatar durnit!

response #25 by Oregonian:

      Maybe we can combine Grovelbot with an Obamatron.
It'll be Grovelbobamatron, or something.

On edit: Grobamatronvelbot?

response #27 by mzmolly:

      Grobamatronvelbot?
I like. I admit, I did a copy/paste. ;) I could not spell that word to save my life.

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5126980

OP by jgraz:

BREAKING: New Scandal Rocks Obama Campaign
March 17th, 2008. 12:18 pm
Troubling questions emerge about Obama campaign staff

Candidate admits several more advisors "may not be Martin Luther King, Jr."

The Barack Obama campaign said today that they were looking into new allegations that several of the candidate's campaign advisors were not, in fact, Martin Luther King, Jr. This new scandal, coming so close on the heals of My-Retired-Pastor-is-not-Martin-Luther-King-Jr-gate could spell serious trouble for Obama's bid to be Black President of the United States.

"In earlier campaigns, only the candidate was expected to be Dr. King," said Black Spokesperson Jesse Jackson. Jackson, whose own 1988 campaign for Black President collapsed amid rumors that he, himself, was not Martin Luther King, Jr., said the new requirements that a candidate's staff, family and acquaintances consist of no one but the slain civil rights leader may be difficult to overcome.

Senator Obama addressed the issue himself in a phone interview this morning. "I assure you that we take these charges very seriously," he said. "If anyone on my staff or advisory board can be shown to not be Martin Luther King, Jr., they will no longer be a part of my campaign."

Obama did not say whether he would reject or denounce such staffers. He did, however, vehemently deny rumors that he had ever laughed at a black comedian who was not Bill Cosby or listened to any black musician who was not Hootie and/or the Blowfish.

Hillary Clinton's campaign responded with a brief statement by Chief Campaign Strategist, Mark Penn. "Enough with the math and the insurmountable leads," said Penn. "The Democratic party cannot afford to nominate a candidate for Black President who the white voters of Pennsylvania are not comfortable with."

Penn took care to downplay charges of race-baiting on the part of the Clinton campaign. "This has nothing to do with race. The people of the United State of Pennsylvania will happily support a black candidate, as long as he and all his friends, family and associates are absolutely above reproach in everything they do or say."

Penn ended his statement without taking questions, citing a previous commitment to lead the weekly Atrocity Glossing seminar at Blackwater USA.

Click the link to read the caption for the photos. Icing on the satire cake.

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5123991

OP by Armstead:

      I was choking on a sandwich while we bombed Iraq
Okay embarrassing admission time.

Remember the day we bombed Iraq and they were showing it on all the networks?

I'd been out that morning and came home. Turned on the TV to see the news while making a sandwich. My attention got diverted as they were showing the bombing.

I forgot to take the wax paper off the cheese slice.

So while the bombs were dropping on Baghdad, I was taking big bites out of my sandwich...."Hmmm, this is kinda tough......Oh shit, this is wax paper I'm chewing. Pffffftttttttt...."

Just thought I'd share.

response #1 by stellanoir:

      Sure beats a cluster bomb or a daisy cutter over one's kitchen.
Glad you survived the plastic attack.

response #3 by patrice:

      And ALL of us have been choking on Bush's War ever since. nt

response #4 by emilyg:

      Did you survive?

GD, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3026108

OP by Maine-ah:

Obama is not presidential material
I enjoyed his speech and didn't nod off once.

:P

GOBAMA GOBAMA GOBAMA!

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5138883

On a thread by Zywiec:

Why do people continue to ignore the rules and post in the wrong forum?
Are people really that challenged when it comes to reading comprehension?

response #1 by lwfern:

Mods: Please move to the education forum. (nt)

GD, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3028702

On a thread by housewolf:

Those 3am phone calls into the White House... who's calling???

response #1 by izquierdista:

Calls from jail
Jenna and Barbara needing to get bailed out after one of their drunken party nights.

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5133418

OP by Connie_Corleone:

I apologize...............
I apologize for telling someone here to go fuck a duck. That wasn't very polite and I let someone's negativity get to me.

I'll try to do better next time.

Thank you.

On edit: I can't remember who it was I told this to because I have since put that person on Ignore and I'm not going to go thru the long list of people to find him/her.

response #1 by Sulawesi:

I'd apologize to the duck...

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5139763

On a thread by NDambi:

      Hillary Shot At in '96?
"In a speech on Iraq policy delivered Monday at George Washington University, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton recalled facing 'sniper fire' on her 1996 trip to Bosnia to visit U.S. troops on a peacekeeping mission. But reporters traveling with the then-First Lady made no reference to any 'sniper fire' at the time, and pictures of Clinton arriving at the main air base in Tuzla don�t show anyone ducking or covering..."

response #1 by greguganus:

      Big Deal!! Bill shot Monica in the Oval Office! n/t

response #4 by burythehatchet:

      I remember, it was quite a harrowing ordeal judging by the first hand accounts
Hillary had just disembarked, when the tarmac was rushed by about 20 armed gunmen. Hillary took charge of the situation and while she covered the rest of the party with her AK, they were able to scramble to safety.

If I recall correctly she ran out of ammo when 30 of the 40 gunmen had been killed. The remaining gunmen she had to take care of in hand-to-hand combat.

When she was done, 70 dead terrorists lay on the tarmac. It was a glorious victory.

response #6 by SoCalDem:

      Hmm. I thought it was 75..not 70
:)

response #10 by burythehatchet:

      I'm not counting the 5 surly stewardesses she took out because of the stale peanuts n/t

response #24 by Magic Rat:

      Remember when Hillary brought the ring to Mt. Doom and then blew up the Death Star
and of course, nobody can forget the day she saved brainy smurf from Gargamel and his evil cat Asriel.

response #26 by burythehatchet:

      those were minor accomplishments compared to when she raised the American
flag at Iwo Jima.

response #5 by monmouth:

      Whoa, I mis-read and thought she shot a 96! No golfer she...n/t

response #22 by Poll_Blind:

      Clinton, when not shooting blanks shoots self in foot. Rumors of a second gunman...
...are just that.

response #30 by CitizenRob:

      I remember 1996 too.
I never left California, but I too ducked from point to point in my daily travels in order to avoid Bosnian sniper fire.

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5141869

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      Freeper Jim Davis says his notes on Obama attendance are in Landfill
"My article was published in the first week of August. Everyone's memory was still fresh. I still had all of my notes. There hadn't been a lot of time to doctor or edit any videos or websites. But the Obama camp chose to remain silent at that time. I have repeatedly called the campaign and the church, asking for an interview and mentioning the July 22 date in the messages I've left.

If Obama wasn't there, they should have spoken up right away -- immediately after the article was published. I'd bring in my notes, they'd produce their videotape, and we would get everything cleared up right away. I stand behind my story, but if I was wrong, Newsmax would have published a retraction and that would have been the end of it.

Now, after everyone's memory has faded, my notes have been taken to some landfill and there has been plenty of time to doctor the videos and the websites, the Obama campaign tries to deny he was there? They could have nipped this little problem in the bud if Obama really was not there, and they had chosen to speak up..."

response #4 by GhostofSandpiper:

      I'm glad no Democrats fell for this Right Wing slander
Oh wait...

Nevermind.

response #5 by NanceGreggs:

      "Lost in a landfill" ....
... the 21st Century version of "my dog ate my homework".

response #17 by Horse with no Name:

      If it isn't TOO MUCH trouble
while they are in the landfill looking...if they might see if they can't find Bush's TANG records.

response #55 by myrna minx:

      What journalist worth their weight in salt would toss out their notes?
Oh, that's right, a freeper writing for newsmax.

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5131508

OP by reflection:

OUTRAGEOUS! Obama sexism runs rampant in big speech!
It took me a few minutes to realize how close I came to being fooled - but the scales have fallen from my eyes and thank goodness, I can see this misogynistic charlatan for what he is. I submit the following excerpts as proof:

excerpt -

------

This time we want to talk about the men and women of every color and creed who serve together, and fight together, and bleed together under the same proud flag. We want to talk about how to bring them home from a war that never should�ve been authorized and never should�ve been waged, and we want to talk about how we�ll show our patriotism by caring for them, and their families, and giving them the benefits they have earned.

I would not be running for President if I didn�t believe with all my heart that this is what the vast majority of Americans want for this country. This union may never be perfect, but generation after generation has shown that it can always be perfected. And today, whenever I find myself feeling doubtful or cynical about this possibility, what gives me the most hope is the next generation � the young people whose attitudes and beliefs and openness to change have already made history in this election.

There is one story in particularly that I�d like to leave you with today � a story I told when I had the great honor of speaking on Dr. King�s birthday at his home church, Ebenezer Baptist, in Atlanta.

------

(Note the first letters of each paragraph. He is making a thinly-veiled reference to a 'tit'. Clearly a sexist male code word for his woman-hating supporters. BUT WAIT, there's more)

------

But the remarks that have caused this recent firestorm weren�t simply controversial. They weren�t simply a religious leader�s effort to speak out against perceived injustice. Instead, they expressed a profoundly distorted view of this country � a view that sees white racism as endemic, and that elevates what is wrong with America above all that we know is right with America; a view that sees the conflicts in the Middle East as rooted primarily in the actions of stalwart allies like Israel, instead of emanating from the perverse and hateful ideologies of radical Islam.

As such, Reverend Wright�s comments were not only wrong but divisive, divisive at a time when we need unity; racially charged at a time when we need to come together to solve a set of monumental problems � two wars, a terrorist threat, a falling economy, a chronic health care crisis and potentially devastating climate change; problems that are neither black or white or Latino or Asian, but rather problems that confront us all.

Given my background, my politics, and my professed values and ideals, there will no doubt be those for whom my statements of condemnation are not enough. Why associate myself with Reverend Wright in the first place, they may ask? Why not join another church? And I confess that if all that I knew of Reverend Wright were the snippets of those sermons that have run in an endless loop on the television and You Tube, or if Trinity United Church of Christ conformed to the caricatures being peddled by some commentators, there is no doubt that I would react in much the same way

------

(again, look at the first letter of each paragraph. How many times have you heard the term 'bag lady' or 'that old bag'. This is outrageous! Blatant sexism, for sure. But we're not done yet. Here is the worst offending excerpt.)

------

And Ashley said that when she was nine years old, her mother got cancer. And because she had to miss days of work, she was let go and lost her health care. They had to file for bankruptcy, and that�s when Ashley decided that she had to do something to help her mom.

She knew that food was one of their most expensive costs, and so Ashley convinced her mother that what she really liked and really wanted to eat more than anything else was mustard and relish sandwiches. Because that was the cheapest way to eat.

She did this for a year until her mom got better, and she told everyone at the roundtable that the reason she joined our campaign was so that she could help the millions of other children in the country who want and need to help their parents too.

------

(You read it right. ASS! This is a clear sign that, if elected, Barack Obama would take his advice and direction, not from Jeremiah Wright, but from Sir Mix-A-Lot. He likes big butts, and he cannot lie, but OBAMA can. You other brothers can't deny.)

You may think you are flying under the radar, Mr. Obama (if that IS your real name), but I'm on to you. I'll not stop until I expose your filthy, sexist tripe for EVERYONE to see.

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5140803

On a thread by mod mom:

      HOMERUN!!!!! What a wonderful, inspiring speech!

response #7 by GhostofSandpiperAllexxisF1:

      WOW
WHAT A SPEECH!

THE MAN HIT IT OUT OF THE FUCKING PARK.

BEAUTIFUL JUST BEAUTIFUL!

response #66 by jgraz:

      Waitaminute -- there's a FUCKING PARK?
How come nobody tells me these things?

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5136563

On a thread by Catherina:

      Feminist Icon Chooses Obama: "I Won�t Vote With My Vagina"
"'First of all, I'm not gonna vote with my vagina. That's first of all,' Marianne Williamson tells Retirement Living TV about why she is supporting Sen. Barack Obama..."

response #1 by Withywindle:

      I'm sure her vagina would be more reliable than a Diebold machine.
But I prefer punchcards.

response #6 by tandem5:

      People do that? See that's why I'm an absentee voter...
so much more sanitary than voting in a public booth!

response #27 by LittleClarkie:

      First of all, pulling the lever would be a bitch.
Plus I'm not sure I could hold the marker.

Not to mention reaching the machine to feed my ballot in.

And then who'd want to recount the thing.

"Don't touch that one. I saw her vote with her vagina."

...

:yoiks:

response #33 by alarimer:

      If she's using her vagina, she's been doing it wrong.
Personally, I use my finger.

response #42 by WillyT:

      Wow... Now We Know What Happened In Florida...
Talk about you butter-fly ballot!!!

:hide:

response #57 by ronnykmarshall:

      Well good for her.
Didn't vote with my dick, so I guess we're even.

response #58 by Lucky 13:

      I tried to vote with my vagina...
...but the election workers got all huffy about it.

response #60 by kwassa:

      I've actually met Marianne Williamson. Can I vote with her vagina?
Or is it one vagina, one vote? Does it have to be a declared Democratic vagina, or can it be an independent vagina?

and can I ask if these vagina primaries are open or closed?

These democratic processes are so hard to understand sometimes.

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5146803

On a thread by writes3000:

      CNN: Anyone Else Watching Bay Buchanan Compliment Obama?

unnumbered response by chascarrillo:

      Which horseman of the apocalypse is that?
Good gravy.

response #34 by stillcool47:

      Damn...at least it wasn't
her brother! I'd be flying out the door on my way to the shrink convinced that I'd lost my mind.

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5148637

On a thread by ProgressiveEconomist:

How can we be SURE Hannity is lying about "20 yrs" of steady Wright extremism? SIMPLE:

response #6 by calimary:

I was going to say - "because his lips are moving."
Ordinarily, that's how you know he's lying. That's how you know that all those hate-mongers like him are lying.

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5139226

On a thread by grantcart:

The Pelosi Number ----Today the Pelosi number is 223
"House Speaker Nancy Pelosi says it would be damaging to the Democratic party for its leaders to buck the will of national convention delegates picked in primaries and caucuses, a declaration that gives a boost to Sen. Barack Obama..."

response #1 by stellanoir:

If she could only find that damned table.

GDP, March 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5131883

OP by Bornaginhooligan:

      Obama's connections to Jay-Z will prove his undoing.
It clearly demonstrates his pattern of associating with anti-white christian muslim young black elderly white grandmothers who hate white people and are afraid of black men.

Combine this with his use of Che Guevara in his campaign litritshur, and it's easy to see why Hillary Clinton has her winning streak in Rhode Island, Ohio, and kinda sorta Texas if you don't look too closely.

It's all over now.

response #2 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Now he has 99 problems.
But a speech ain't one.

response #10 by Alenne:

      not another black person in his closet
Who's next? Flavor Flav?

response #16 by NOLALady:

      OH Noes! Not Jay-Z!
Who's Jay-Z???

GDP, March 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5161023

OP by stahbrett:

      Obama played basketball in high-school. McCain did not...
But that's only because basketball hadn't yet been invented when McCain was in high-school.

:D

Sorry to waste time with a dumb joke, but the repetitiveness of the majority of the other posts here prompted me to add some levity!

response #1 by Guy Whitey Corngood:

      It was invented already by the Aztecs just a few years before McCain was born. n/t

response #3 by americanstranger:

      Acually, McCain was 6 when the Aztecs invented it.
:D

response #4 by Guy Whitey Corngood:

      I stand corrected. n/t

response #2 by tekisui:

      A reporter asked McCain the question: "Boxers or Briefs?"
His reply:

"Depends."

:P

response #6 by sniffa:

      No need to lie. Basketball was invented before he was in HS
However, McCain's high school did not have a ladder to retrieve the ball from the peach basket.

GDP, March 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5161968

OP by Yael:

zomg! So I am home sick from work today
and I catch Tweety's 5pm. When it reruns at 7, I switched over to Faux News for a little pick-me-up entertainment.

They opened their 7 pm show with the excited report, BREAKING NEWS!!11!!1! Today, Bin Laden released a new audio tape talking about the Mohammed Cartoons in 2005

2005? What?

I only wish I were making this shit up.

There is this ET-looking guy anchoring with all shades of "series" concern underscoring the "Breaking News" by noting that "no Bin Laden released tape has ever been proven false" followed by some chick with strange eyebrows noting that the "experts" are concerned about "one line referring to motherhood".

WHO is their audience? :wtf: I mean in 2008 -- you have to be a really special kind of stupid...

response #1 by skooooo:

he's a slow reader..
(we don't talk about that)

GD, March 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3034612

OP by CitizenRob:

If Gravel isn't the nominee over Obama and Hillary it's OVER.
That's right. If Hillary and Obama don't give up now it's over.

There is no way that we can win unless Gravel is our nominee.

Gravel should offer them both co-VP.

response #2 by goldcanyonaz:

Who?

GDP, March 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5163805

On a thread by XemaSab:

      Fuck Hannity
And fuck Rush too.

response #1 by Iris:

      I doubt you'll have any volunteers for that job.

response #6 by TomClash:

      You'd kill yourself if you had to do that! nt

response #8 by DainBramaged:

      Not with my dick
:rofl:

response #10 by loveangelc:

      Hal Turner. Hal Turner. Hal Turner. Hal Turner. Hal Turner. Hal Turner.

response #14 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Worst. Dare. Ever.

GDP, March 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5164923

OP by walldude:

Get your very own HRC supporter Crystal Ball!
You too can own this fabulous, flawless, future, political predictor. There's no need for facts or even for truth! With the HRC supporter Crystal Ball you can peek into the political future, you can actually see the downfall of Barack Obama and report on it on your favorite political website! You can get those crazy Obamatons in line with your dire predictions of a GOP victory. You can report on speeches, commercials, and political events that haven't even happened yet! You can rescue America from the racist Obama campaign just by posting your predictions of the future.

Quantities are limited so act now just send $699.99 to:
P.O. Box 802798
Chicago, IL 60680

If you order within the next 10 days we'll include a John McCain "experience" bobblehead, just in case that sneaky Obama actually gets the nomination, you'll have your experienced bobblehead to help fight off change and hope!

GDP, March 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5160479

OP title by thecatburgler:

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of Glenn Beck.

GDP, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5173611

OP by FLDem5:

      Good news, Obama supporters!
after the few morning shows, I have been watching CNN and MSNBC pretty much nonstop for the past couple hours after getting my eyes dialated, and...

- stingray kills woman in Florida

- How to negotiate with your lender if your payment is too much for you with an ARM

- huge kiddie porn ring arrest in Polk County, FL (of course, that place is scary!)

- Floods in the south

- McCain pissed at Obama's speech where he called him a doddering old fool not to be trusted with the country

- No revote in Michigan

- How to protect yourself in a troubled economy

- How to prepare for alzheimers

- Iraq - 5th snniversary

- Cheney is still a Dick

What is missing? Hmm....

you tell me!

response #14 by wienerdoggie:

      Egads! We used to say, Wow, stingrays! Cool! We were not too afraid
of them, but then we moved to the land-locked corn and wheat fields of Nebraska before the Irwin incident. Now I'd be a chickenshit, going to the beach today.

response #20 by SoCalDem:

      CNN blondette was gaga and asked the fish & game guy if there would be an investigation
surrrrre lady, we're gonna interview all his family & friends.. and they will say..

"Ray?...he was a quiet guy,..,kept to himself"..

GDP, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5173816

On a thread by demdog78:

      Give Me One Reason To Vote For...
Okay, this should be fun.

Give me one reason to vote for your candidate. Only the two we have left running are eligible. (don't tell me Edwards, Gore, Kucinich...)

Can be an issue stance, a characteristic, or a personal reason.

Rules:

1. Don't slam the other candidate OR their supporters.
2. Each answer can only be used once
3. Name your candidate and give reason

response #12 by Juche:

      Hillary
Hillary

http://www.ontheissues.org/Senate/Hillary_Clinton.htm

Rated 80% by the CTJ, indicating support of progressive taxation. (Dec 2006)
Rated 100% by the ARA, indicating a pro-senior voting record.
Rated 100% by the AU, indicating support of church-state separation
Rated 85% by the AFL-CIO, indicating a pro-union voting record.
Rated 100% by SANE, indicating a pro-peace voting record.
Rated 100% by APHA, indicating a pro-public health record.
Rated 17% by CATO, indicating a pro-fair trade voting record.
Rated 0% by the Christian Coalition: an anti-family voting record.
Rated 89% by the LCV, indicating pro-environment votes
Rated 100% by the CAF, indicating support for energy independence.
Rated 82% by the NEA, indicating pro-public education votes
Rated 89% by the HRC, indicating a pro-gay-rights stance
Rated 60% by the ACLU, indicating a mixed civil rights voting record.
Rated 0% by the NRLC, indicating a pro-choice stance.

The SANE record is confusing due to the Iraq war vote of 2002. Her record is good.

response #15 by demdog78:

      Hey... I said ONE reason.
You broke the rules.
:spank:

response #16 by Juche:

      I write my own rules
I drive when I see a red light, and I pay for groceries in euros. I live by my own rules.

response #19 by NEDem:

      Just like your candidate

response #23 by ronnykmarshall:

      No, I've seen Hillary at the grocery store
and she pays in pesos.

Smarty!

Feel stupid now, I bet?

And speaking of "bet".

MIDLER 08!!!!

response #13 by ronnykmarshall:

      Midler!
She'll put wind beneath our wings!

response #21 by SaveAmerica:

      Just as long as she doesn't 'break wind beneath your wings' PU, PU, OH God, PU

GDP, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5178578

OP by RGBolen:

      Screw gold, after what I've read on DU for the last few months I've invested in
milk.

I don't drink milk, but everyone has been talking about the increase in milk prices. Today Kroger had milk for $6 for two gallons. I bought 500 gallons, I'm hoping the price will continue to rise and in 5 or

6 months turn a nice profit.

response #2 by Kutjara:

      I'm with you. I've also heard rumors that...
...fresh food prices will skyrocket in the next couple of years, so I've filled my garage with tons of fresh vegetables. Let's see who's laughing when I'm a veggie millionaire.

response #3 by chimpsrsmarter:

      lol.
:rofl:

same here with eggs, i'm going to stockpile them and leave them in a nice hot place in my garage.

response #6 by havocmom:

      seeds, stockpile seeds
an aquifer wouldn't be a bad investment either.

response #9 by Kutjara:

      But, you see, I have a garage, but I don't have a garden.
So nice, fresh, ripe vegetables (and fruit, too, I'm not stupid) are a much better investment. In two or three years, my lovely, succulent tomatoes and delicious squash will be worth a king's ransom. A king's ransom, I tell you!

Fie on your seeds!

response #12 by havocmom:

      If you have a sunny window...
and water is gonna be huge!

response #15 by Kutjara:

      I'm with you on the water!
I've already got the bathtub full and have started storing gallon jugs of the stuff at the office. My wife's a bit miffed at not being able to bathe or shower any more, but I tell her it's for the greater good.

Haven't got a sunny window, unfortunately. A big tree shades that side of the apartment all day. But wait a minute, if I chop it down, I'll have firewood! Excellent! I'm halfway to self-sufficiency already.

response #5 by Indenturedebtor:

      LOL
Personally I'm going to buy McCain stock based on the advice I've heard around here lately. :P

response #16 by BerryBush:

      Hope your investment doesn't go sour. n/t

response #24 by lumberjack_jeff:

      I tried that. The long term returns were lackluster.
I think that the family was slowly stealing our nest egg from the fridge. When I confronted them about it, they justified their behavior by rationalizations. Rationalizations like "it'll spoil!" and "are you an idiot?".

I don't think they were entirely down with the concept of "investing".

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3035809

OP excerpt by lost-in-nj:

Stephen King..... Duma Key
I have less than 100 pages left till the end and I keep closing it after reading a page or 2 because I DO NO WANT IT TO END!!!!!!

anyone else have a book they just DID NOT WANT TO END????
I have had a few.....

and NO My Pet Goat DOES NOT COUNT!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

The Lounge, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7586231

OP by Lobster Martini:

      Borders book stores may be sold
Most of the small but cool bookshops nearby have closed their doors permanently, the used bookshops are gone and the two-story Barnes and Noble has closed. Please, god, don�t take away my Borders too. I need

books!

�Course I could go to the public library, but it�s so lonely in there... this is from AP.

"Borders, the nation's second-largest bookseller, said Thursday it may put itself up for sale and has lined up $42.5 million in financing to help the chain continue operations.

Borders has lost market share both to online companies and to Wal-Mart Stores Inc...

Borders group a year ago announced a restructuring that included a fresh face for its U.S. superstores and a jump back into online bookselling. Borders opened the first of its new concept stores last month near its headquarters, and has said its new Borders.com Web site was to make its debut shortly..."

What exactly is a "concept store"? They sell books. Conceptual books? I am going to have to call Yoko Ono.

response #1 by marmar:

      Who buys books at Wal-Mart?
:shrug:

response #2 by Giant Robot:

      People who missed the latest
installment in the Left Behind series.

response #3 by gilpo:

      Apparently, there are a lot of books on subjects like self-dentistry and tractor repair... n/t

GD, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3036359

OP by The Backlash Cometh:

One good thing about this Wright situation.
Republicans are finally listening to a decent church sermon.

GDP, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5181171

On a thread by VolcanoJen:

      Geraldine Ferraro comments on Obama's Tuesday speech; gives 2nd interview to The Daily Breeze.
"'To equate what I said with what this racist bigot has said from the pulpit is unbelievable,' Ferraro said today. 'He gave a very good speech on race relations, but he did not address the fact that this man is up there spewing hatred...

'What this man is doing is he is spewing that stuff out to young people, and to younger people than Obama, and putting it in their heads that it's OK to say "Goddamn America" and it's OK to beat up on white people,' she said. 'You don't preach that from the pulpit.'

Ferraro also said she could not understand why Obama had called out his own white grandmother for using racial stereotypes that had made him cringe.

'I could not believe that,' she said. 'That's my mother's generation.'"

response #1 by Abacus:

      I wish Geraldine Ferraro was a DUer
just so I could put her on ignore.

response #59 by dmsRoar:

      crikey, I once voted for that woman. me and three other people.

GDP, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5172332

On a thread by swag:

Hagee, in 'NYT' This Sunday, Says McCain Sought His Endorsement
"Interviewed by Deborah Solomon, Hagee refused to discuss his statement that Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment for a gay rights parade in New Orleans, calling it 'so far off-base.' He claims, 'Our church is not hard against the gay people...'"

response #2 by Justitia:

"Our church is not hard against the gay people." - oh, where to begin? -eom

LBN, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3236313

On a thread by CatWoman:

      Gene Kelly's widow kicks MoDo in the teeth
"Re 'Soft Shoe in Hard Times' (column, March 16):

Surely it must have been a slip for Maureen Dowd to align the artistry of my late husband, Gene Kelly, with the president�s clumsy performances. To suggest that �George Bush has turned into Gene Kelly� represents not only an implausible transformation but a considerable slight. If Gene were in a grave, he would have turned over in it.

When Gene was compared to the grace and agility of Jack Dempsey, Wayne Gretzky and Willie Mays, he was delighted. But to be linked with a clunker � particularly one he would consider inept and demoralizing � would have sent him reeling.

Graduated with a degree in economics from Pitt, Gene was not only a gifted dancer, director and choreographer, he was also a most civilized man. He spoke multiple languages; wrote poetry; studied history; understood the projections of Adam Smith and John Maynard Keynes. He did the Sunday Times crossword in ink. Exceedingly articulate, Gene often conveyed more through movement than others manage with words.

Sadly, President Bush fails to communicate meaningfully with either. For George Bush to become Gene Kelly would require impossible leaps in creativity, erudition and humility.

Patricia Ward Kelly
Los Angeles, March 16, 2008"

response #4 by MrModerate:

      What's Dowd gonna do with . . .
Her brand-new, extra asshole?

response #17 by progressoid:

      It'll come in handy.
The other asshole is plugged with her head.

response #23 by IDemo:

      Zingin' in the rain!
:toast:

GD, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3038703

On a thread by maddezmom:

Developing: State Department officials reportedly fired after Barack Obama's passport file breached

response #158 by DFW:

I heard that the Clinton campaign was absolutely furious over this
They were demanding to know why Hillary's passport information wasn't being illegally
investigated, too, and protested that Obama was getting preferential treatment.

LBN, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3236414

Poll question by Bread and Circus:

Ok, let's have a Michigan and Florida Re-vote! :) But only if you are a DU'er from MI or FLA!
Yep. This is the end-all, be-all solution to Hillary's problem. The one and only "Special Michigan and Florida Combined DU Primary". I care so much I am willing to sacrifice one of my three daily GDP posts

in order to settle this matter and have the Michigan and Florida Delegates seated.

Rules:

1.) You may only vote once. I've got special election monitors to prevent cheating.
2.) You may only vote if you live in Michigan or Florida, because they are the only two states that matter (please refer to the "States that Matter" section of the Mark Penn "Free and Fair Elections Field Manual" published by Potemkin Press, for details)
3.) In order to prove your residency in Michigan or Florida, please post a reply stating "I live in Michigan or Florida as far as I know" or something to that effect. We will take your word for it because you are likeable enough.
4.) If you have recently moved to Michigan or Florida from another big state that matters, like New York or California, you may not vote twice but please mention where you come from so we can assign an extra super-delegate in your honor.
5.) If you have just moved to Michigan or Florida from a rinky-dink caucus state, you may still vote in our special primary but I have to ask "why do you hate America?"
6.) If you are wearing a flag pin on your lapel while you vote, you will get special access to gonvernment keycodes that will allow you to spy on all of your fellow DU'ers to see if they "really are Freepers."
7.) If you hold your hand over your heart while voting, angels will come down and clear off all the US government installed TIA spyware of your computer.
8.) You may not vote for John Edwards or Dennis Kucinich even though we know you want to. We get it. Really.
9.) Al Gore is NOT running, so get over it.
10.) universal health insurance, mandated or not, is NOT Single Payer Universal Health Care, so don't even think it. :)

And now please cast your votes!

:bluebox: I live in Michigan or Florida, I am not a Freeper and I cast my vote for Hillary (R) Clinton

:bluebox: I live in Michigan or Florida, I am not a Freeper and I cast my vote for Barry Dunham, I mean Barack Obama

At press time, "I live in Michigan or Florida, I am not a Freeper and I cast my vote for Barry Dunham, I mean Barack Obama" was winning with 75% of the votes.

GDP, March 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5186251

On a thread by cboy4:

Howard Dean's Gay Headache
"As if dealing with a protracted Democratic presidential primary fight and the Michigan and Florida delegate debacles weren't enough, Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean had to spend two days

this month getting deposed in a nasty lawsuit that has roiled the DNC and the gay community..."

response #1 by BOSSHOG:

If gays can't marry how come christians can divorce? Sanctity of Marriage My Ass!

GD, March 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3043006

Bonus nyuks: one thread of non-DU quips & another that I just can't pick & choose from.

Thread by marmar:

Bush�s legacy: �a great, great, great story.�

GD, March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3014932

Thread by The Backlash Cometh:

OMIGOD! How do I get a picture on the net?

The Lounge (moved from GD), March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7573724

OP by laststeamtrain:

      Screen capture from New Zealand TV

GD, March 14, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3011298

On a thread by A-Schwarzenegger:

      Well, it's all over now.

response #34 by Horse with no Name

GDP, March 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5089334

OP by maddiejoan:

      This Thing With Wright Won't Fly!

GDP, March 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5110303

On a thread by XemaSab:

      I think all the trolls on DU should be ostracized.

response #2 by LeftyMom

response #8 by better tomorrow

response #28 by Rhiannon12866

GDP, March 16, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5105265

OP by Winebrat:

      Bush on Economy: "Administration is on top of the situation"

GD, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3025077

On a thread by FLDem5:

      Thank You, Kos!

responses #93, #95, #97, #100 & #102 by Swamp Rat

GDP, March 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5124520

OP by KansDem:

      How do you like my new "No McCain for President" symbol?

GD, March 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3033492

OP by yurbud:

      from THE TWILIGHT ZONE: to serve Hillary (PHOTOSHOP)

response #11 by yurbud

GDP, March 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5160335

On a thread by swag:

      A nice photo of Vice President Dick Cheney

response #3 by Squatch

response #4 by trof

response #5 by Ghost in the Machine

response #17 by warren pease

GD, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3038926

On a thread by RGBolen:

      Screw gold, after what I've read on DU for the last few months I've invested in

response #25 by dicksteele

GD, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3035809

On a thread by BerryBush:

      KOEB SECOND LIVE MEETING 3/20/08 No Pass on the Passport! Edition

response #2 by Botany

Countdown/Keith Olbermann Group, March 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=315x113273