When a baby is destined to die

[XemaSab]

Jeanne Deibert knew as soon as she saw the ultrasound.

It didn’t matter that the doctor told her that what looked on the screen like pockets in her son’s brain would likely disappear as he got closer to birth. That things were probably fine. That she shouldn’t worry too much about her baby.

She was his mother. And she felt certain that something was wrong.

As her pregnancy progressed throughout the winter of 2005, other tests raised more red flags until finally the phone rang one afternoon as she stood in the yard of her Seattle home. On the other end was a geneticist, confirming the results of her amniocentesis: the baby had Trisomy 18.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23682263/

[lightningandsnow]

1. Sad.

Takes a lot of courage to do what that family did. (Not that having an abortion is any worse, or easier).

I know of a child with a similar condition who is now 6 years old. But cases like that are extremely rare.

[MrsMatt]

2. I have a close friend who went through a similar ordeal.

Her second child was diagnosed with Meckel-Gruber, and he only lived a little over two hours after birth.

While she felt that she and her family had made the right decision to continue the pregnancy, she also said she didn't feel that she could ever go through it again. As it turned out, she and her husband were in the process of adopting when she fell pregnant.

Fortunately, her daughter was born healthy!

[tluvstigr]

3. I couldn't imagine

how hard that must have been for the family. I don't think that I'm strong enough to go through that.

[hifalutin]

4. Me either,

it takes a special kind of person.
Hearbreaking.

[Th1onein]

7. When it happens to you, you have no choice.

I watched my beautiful son die. It was not something I wanted to do. But you do it because you want to be there for them. It will haunt me forever, but I would do it again and again and again.

[tluvstigr]

15. You are a very strong woman!

I commend you for your strength. I hope I can be that strong someday if put in the situation.

[avenger64]

5. Jesus Christ that's awful ...

.. but that life wasn't meant to be. This is where religious orthodoxy just breaks down in the face of compassion and reason. It makes no sense to bring a child like that into the world just to die, or live horribly incomplete.

[SharonAnn]

8. It is up to the family, not outsiders. If they want to participate, it's up to them.

Perhaps the child could not live but that didn't mean that the parents can't participate in supporting the child through it's death. There is no more humane thing a person can do than support another in the process of dying.

[Th1onein]

9. Bullshit. We all have the right to life. And we never leave it alive.

All of the rest, in between, IS our life. However short.

Ask someone who is born to live a short life if they would rather have not lived. Most of the time, they value life much more than those of us who have "normal" lives.

To end someone's life simply because it would be too painful for YOU to endure their death is the ultimate selfish act.

[avenger64]

11. I'll leave this alone. I don't agree, but don't want to offend.

I've seen something happen like this with people close to me. But this can't be resolved by reason.

[Contrary1]

6. I read this story earlier...

We knew a few hours ahead of time that our daughter's twin baby girls were not going to survive.
It is so very hard to hold a little one in your arms, knowing that the time you have with them is too short. One of our angels died seconds after birth. The other clung to life for two hours.

My heart broke that day. I can honestly say this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life...and almost three years later; I am still not dealing very well at all.

[zazen]

10. what effect did widespread infant mortality have on earlier periods?

It's almost like it's because it's so rare now that we allow ourselves to grieve the most heartbreaking, poignant loss, but centuries ago (one century ago) in the West, we steeled ourselves to it. Actually, it was only in the 19th century that sentimentality toward deceased children was really allowed. What did that mean for child-rearing, if as a mother you thought whom you loved might not make it past 5? And what would a child pick up on? I do think that a greater tolerance toward human cruelty in medieval times that we couldn't countenance today came from experiencing the first few years of your life being raised by parents who were profoundly emotionally distanced from you.

[SKKY]

12. As the father of a child born with Trisomy21 (Down Syndrome)...

...I feel I have a unique insight into this. I read the article 5 times, and honestly can't find one thing about it I would have done differently.

[bicentennial_baby]

13. Blessed little Sergio...He is a treasure

:hug:

[SKKY]

16. Awww you!

There you go again. Gettin' me all gooey!

[knitter4democracy]

14. It's completely up to the mother.

It's more dangerous for a mother to deliver a dead baby than to have an abortion (infection rates are higher with a stillborn labor), so if a mom decides not to take that chance, that the baby might die before birth, I think she has that right.

The reality is, I just couldn't tell anyone in that position what to do. It's a terrible spot to be in, and losing a baby is really hard. I've had one early miscarriage that we know of, and it still tweaks at my heart some days. I couldn't tell anyone who's further along what is best--the mother would know best in her heart what to do.

[Ilsa]

17. Life is hard for famlies of kids with special needs. And not just the parents.

This isn't the life we would have chosen for ourselves or our other child. It's expensive and hard. My suspicion is that the system for caring for him as an adult will fail by the time we are too old to care for him. It's damn scary.

[pnwmom]

18. What a moving story. Thank you. n/t

[fortyfeetunder]

19. A very tough read.

I cannot imagine the overwhelming emotions for those families for what they are going through. But thankful there are services available to help parents in this tough situation.