The football version of No Child Left Behind

[Fleshdancer]

I just received this from a friend and I thought DUers might appreciate it:

The football version of No Child Left Behind

All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the
championship. If a team does not win the championship,
they will be on probation until they are the champions,
and the coaches will be held accountable. If after two
years they have not won the championship their footballs
and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the
championship.

All kids will be expected to have the same football skills
at the same time even if they do not have the same
conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO
exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football,
a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or
disabilities of themselves or their parents.

ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

Talented players will be asked to work out on their own
without instruction. This is because the coaches will be
using all their instructional time with the athletes who
aren't interested in football, have limited athletic
ability or whose parents don't like football.

Games will be played year round, but statistics will only
be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game.

It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is
expected to have the same level of talent and all teams
will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead,
then no child gets left behind.

If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged
to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can
screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children
from having to go to school with bad football players.

[snacker]

1. I am sending this to every teacher I know...

thank you.

[snacker]

2. Keeping this kicked. n/t

[PVnRT]

3. I got that a week ago, it's brilliant

And a very apt analogy of the situation. I particularly like taking away equipment until a team starts winning again.